Language of Flowers

*click through to read it on ao3

written by: S | @kinetic-elaboration

prompt: ‘Flower shop AU Prompt: Person A owns a flower shop and person B comes storming in one day, slaps 20 bucks on the counter and says ‘How do I passive-aggressively say fuck you in flower?’ for @treehousesandpoohbears

word count: 1783

Bellamy Blake, small town florist, is used to sharing in the big moments of his customers’ lives. He’s seen them through everything from first date jitters to the stages of grief. But this–Clarke Griffin storming into his shop, furious, asking for a hate bouquet–is still something of a surprise.


Two weeks ago, at the Bi-Monthly Downtown Arkadia Small Business Association meeting, Luna, from the nature store on the corner, looked at him very seriously, took his hands in hers, and told him that he had been a warrior in another life. “A brave warrior-king,” she said. 

Yeah, okay. Maybe in another life.  

In this life, Bellamy’s just a guy who knows a ton about flowers. 

*

Because he knows flowers, and because Arkadia is the sort of small hamlet where people greet each other by name on the street, Bellamy also knows everyone’s business. He knows about every engagement, wedding, baby shower, and funeral. He knows which high school kids are going to prom together. He keeps records on his more forgetful customers’ anniversaries. And when someone screws up and actually feels bad about it, Bellamy knows about that, too, because nothing says I’m sorry like a purple hyacinth bouquet. 

The people who come into his little shop are sometimes ecstatic, sometimes despondent, often nervous. They’re not usually angry, though. Even less often are they absolutely furious. So when Clarke Griffin stomps in, shoving the door open so roughly that even the friendly tinkle of the welcome bell sounds agitated, slams a twenty down on the countertop, and asks, “How I do passively-aggressively say fuck you in flower?” it’s a bit of a surprise. 

He stares at her for a long moment, and pauses in arranging the daisies in Harper McIntyre’s get-well-soon bouquet. “It sounds to me like you want to aggressively say 'fuck you’ in flower." 

Keep reading

Great Moments in Revenge:

Freaks

Sleeping Beauty

The Princess Bride

Pulp Fiction

The Crow

The Mask of Zorro

Titus

Audition

Irreversible

Oldboy

Kill Bill

The Prestige

The Skin I Live In

Inglourious Basterds

Tarantino gets 3 movies in the list, Banderas gets 2, both could have more.

And although it’s not a theatrical release, this belongs in every revenge list:

How I made $2000 off a meth dealer.

A few years ago I was married to a degenerate tweeker (she wasn’t originally like that, but y'know, meth does what meth does).

I kept interfering with her tweeker lifestyle trying to get her treatment etc and she rewarded my efforts with a restraining order (lied, said I beat her and other overly dramatic stuff).

So, I get kicked out of my place and end up in a studio apartment with nothing but my toothbrush and the clothes I was wearing.

One of her great plans was to get a front for a ton of dope using EVERYTHING OF VALUE WE OWN as collateral.

Drug dealer literally takes everything and puts it in a storage unit somewhere in town. Wife plans to stomp on the dope, sell it and by the weekend be a millionaire (tweeker logic).

Of course, she fucks off the plan and ends up just doing the dope so now all our expensive stuff is in the wind.

I try to work out something with POS drug dealer but he wanted an absurd amount of payback, plus I made some threatening comments he didn’t appreciate so negotiations stalled.

Eventually, I catch wind that he got locked up and that some friends took all HIS property and put it in storage for safekeeping until he got out.

I hit every storage place in town with my story and his picture hoping to catch some kind of break.

Eventually, I find the place. Owner tells me that the unit is going up for auction the next weekend for non-payment. He tells me if I just pay the 3 months back rent that he’d write it up as I won the auction and I can have the unit.

$320 gets slapped on the counter and we go drill the lock.

All my stuff is there! And, whaddaya know, now I own all his stuff free and clear.

And, cuz I’m a nice guy, I dug out all the personal irreplaceable stuff (old photos, important documents, etc), boxed them up and gave them to his mom (found her on Facebook).

Actually made quite a bit of money off the deal selling his shit on Craigslist (came out about $2000 in the black on the deal).

Divorced now, have all my stuff and am happy….

I’m vegetarian and my ex-boyfriend was always against it so when we broke up he’d always send me pictures of animals dying and being slaughtered.In revenge I used his email address to sign up to lots of vegan newsletters now he gets 23 weekly newsletters that he can’t stop because he can’t log in and cancel them. Also I created a Facebook and used his mobile number. With the account I followed loads of vegan pages and turned on notifications so that  he gets a text every time somebody posts on the page. Don’t mess with me