Bisexual problem
  • Literally every tv show:so we have that character and so far we've seen them dating both girls and boys...
  • Me:so... Does that mean what I think it means...
  • Tv show:yes... They are gay!
  • Me:...
  • Tv show:or maybe they were just experimenting and they are straight!
  • Me:...
  • TV show:I mean there are only two sexualities so...
  • Me:!!!

When Julius Caesar was kidnapped by pirates, he laughed in their faces, raised the ransom, and sent his men to collect enough silver to pay it. While he waited, he won them over (despite treating them as minions) and gained so much trust that they didn’t believe it when he said he’d come back to kill them all. He later captured them, got his silver back, cut their throats, and had them crucified. Source

Lying to impress a girl is pathetic, but involving my friend is unacceptable.

A couple of years ago I was in the gym and I overheard this guy (we’ll call him “LT” for Lying Tool) “warning” a girl. He said something to the effect of:

“Hey, sorry to bother you. But I just overheard that guy in the red shirt (pointing at my friend who was across the gym) saying some extremely crass stuff about you in the locker room. It was really sexual and graphic, basically talking about ripping off your purple spandex and violating you in front of everyone. I couldn’t just listen and not tell you because you deserve to know what certain people are really like.”

Listing to this I was furious. This guy had obviously seen my friend and the girl talking in the gym (she approachedhim) and gotten jealous because he wanted to get with her. So he made up this lie to throw him under the bus. I know it was a lie because 1) I was just in the locker room and nothing of the sort was said and 2) the dude he was lying about was actually a really nice, respectful guy.

So he finished up his tall tale and before the girl could respond I scoffed really loud and said:

“She knows you’re lying just to try to get in her pants. That guy would never say those kinds of things about her because she’s his sister, you moron.”

The look on LT’s face was priceless. He went pale and stammered something about how he must have gotten the guy mixed up. But the girl (who had caught on and was playing along) pointed out how he had been very clear about pointing her “brother” out. So LT shifted his story again and said he must have gotten the girl he was talking about mixed up. So I pointed out that she was the only girl wearing purple spandex.

He actually looked like he was about to cry, and I never saw him in the gym again after that.

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