retrace the steps

papers

a/n: chapter 3 of Waterwheels

Summary: If she retraced her steps, maybe she’d find where she’d dropped herself. 

Characters: Zelda, Ganondorf, Link, Ashei

Rating: PG13ish?

She hears her mother’s voice, sometimes.

Your great-great-great-great (four greats–she remembers counting them every single time, just to make sure she got it right) grandfather built this empire from the foundation up, and a tower to go with it.

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10

#GAME4HAM

Ahh, here is a project that snowballed out of control. I only wanted to draw Hamilton on the mario super star (he’s non-stop, geddit? geddit?), but then decided to turn the whole show into a SNES video game cause I’m crazy like that. There’s four parts to this and I’ll post one a day (I’m still tweaking the ends). 


Part 1 of 4: Please click on the pics for descriptions/mission for each game.

edit: if the captions are not working (thanks tumblr), here they are:

  • Start Page
  • Eye of the Hurricane: Help Hamilton escape the hurricane but make sure he collects his books along the way!
  • Cut Scene: New York bound
  • BATTLE! Farmer Refuted: Oh my god, tear that dude apart. Help Hamilton call for a revolution in this screaming match against Samuel Seabury!
  • Cut Scene: Rise up!
  • Here Comes the General: Thirty-two thousand troops are in New York harbour! Fight your way across as George Washington. Watch out for the incoming BOOM!!!
  • Yo Let’s Steal their Cannons: Race against time with Hamilton and Hercules Mulligan (interchangeable leads) and steal all the British cannons before dawn!
  • Winter Ball of 1780, Level 1: Grind to the rhythm as Eliza Schuyler. Follow the steps correctly to help her dance her way across the hall to meet the handsome Mr. Hamilton!
  • Rewind!!! Winter Ball of 1780, Level 2: Uh-oh! Do you remember that night? Retrace all your steps and dance again as Angelica Schuyler.
  • Save page

Full series: || Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 …And Peggy! || 

@linmanuel #yayhamlet!

10 Writing Tips From Margaret Atwood

1. Take a pencil to write with on aeroplanes. Pens leak. But if the pencil breaks, you can’t sharpen it on the plane, because you can’t take knives with you. Therefore: take two pencils.

2. If both pencils break, you can do a rough sharpening job with a nail file of the metal or glass type.

3. Take something to write on. Paper is good. In a pinch, pieces of wood or your arm will do.

4. If you’re using a computer, always safeguard new text with a ­memory stick.

5. Do back exercises. Pain is distracting.

6. Hold the reader’s attention. (This is likely to work better if you can hold your own.) But you don’t know who the reader is, so it’s like shooting fish with a slingshot in the dark. What ­fascinates A will bore the pants off B.

7. You most likely need a thesaurus, a rudimentary grammar book, and a grip on reality. This latter means: there’s no free lunch. Writing is work. It’s also gambling. You don’t get a pension plan. Other people can help you a bit, but ­essentially you’re on your own. ­Nobody is making you do this: you chose it, so don’t whine.

8. You can never read your own book with the innocent anticipation that comes with that first delicious page of a new book, because you wrote the thing. You’ve been backstage. You’ve seen how the rabbits were smuggled into the hat. Therefore ask a reading friend or two to look at it before you give it to anyone in the publishing business. This friend should not be someone with whom you have a ­romantic relationship, unless you want to break up.

9. Don’t sit down in the middle of the woods. If you’re lost in the plot or blocked, retrace your steps to where you went wrong. Then take the other road. And/or change the person. Change the tense. Change the opening page.

10. Prayer might work. Or reading ­something else. Or a constant visual­isation of the holy grail that is the finished, published version of your resplendent book.

(source)

  • what ppl think adhd is like: even though i get a little over-excited sometimes, life is full of energy and creativity! :)
  • what adhd is really like: it just took me 20 minutes to get milk. to pour milk into a cup. i forgot what i was doing 4 times and had to retrace my steps every time. when i finally poured it i drank the milk walking to my room, set down the cup and thought "oh i forgot to get milk"
But I, while vineyards ring with the cicadas’ scream
Retrace your steps, alone, beneath the burning sun.
—  Virgil, Eclogue II.
10

Jean Valjean left the town as though he were fleeing from it. He set out at a very hasty pace through the fields, taking whatever roads and paths presented themselves to him, without perceiving that he was incessantly retracing his steps. He wandered thus the whole morning, without having eaten anything and without feeling hungry. He was the prey of a throng of novel sensations. He was conscious of a sort of rage; he did not know against whom it was directed. He could not have told whether he was touched or humiliated. There came over him at moments a strange emotion which he resisted and to which he opposed the hardness acquired during the last twenty years of his life. This state of mind fatigued him. He perceived with dismay that the sort of frightful calm which the injustice of his misfortune had conferred upon him was giving way within him. He asked himself what would replace this. 

The Swap [Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader]

[write-a-thon tag]

Summary: when the unimaginable happens and you see yourself trapped inside your best friend’s body, magic doesn’t seem like child’s play anymore. (Teen!Lin)

Word Count: 4,719

Warnings: A lot of cursing and a lot of dick jokes, lol

A/N: WRITE-A-THON DAY #1 Y’ALL!!!! (and no, you’re not lost, I decided to post this earlier because I’ve been getting a crazy amount of love today and to me this is the best way I can think of to repay you guys) This might be the funniest piece I’ve written in my life. It was so fun to picture the whole situation and to brainstorn with @down4usnavy because she’s THE BEST and thanks to my hamwriters girls for proofreading this mess and @tempfixeliza for reading this also and giving me that ol’ confidence boost. Hope you like it!

Tagging: @aham-threw-his-shot-away - @oooimaghost - @hartbg - @a-dott-ham - @ruth-hamilton-delrio - @mofoing-democraftic-republican - @backitup-humperdinck - @always-blame-jefferson - @picklessfights

askbox | masterlist


You didn’t believe in magic. At least not anytime after you turned nine years old. But then… You woke up that morning.

You started by noticing you weren’t in your bedroom, was it… Lin’s bedroom? Movie posters, comic books and many, many cassettes, yeah, that was definitely Lin’s bedroom. But you didn’t sleep with him last night, you remembered clearly the moment he dropped you home like he always did and went back to his place.

As your hand moved to your face trying to wake yourself up when you felt… Was that facial hair? Since when did you have a stubble? All the drowsiness that you could possibly have just vanished when you got up from the small bed and ran to the the mirror. You couldn’t blame the dim light coming through the curtains for that.

You were Lin-Manuel.

Worse, you were yourself trapped in Lin-Manuel’s body.

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TEH rewatch

ie bloody hell in hindsight it’s obvious what we’re seeing in this episode isn’t real

I’m rewatching TEH after S4, with the mindset that S3 and S4 are Sherlock’s coma dream after he jumped for real from Bart’s rooftop

And. Holy shit! It makes so much sense!

1) The weird “coffee cup to John’s eyes” transition. We knew that this was taken from @ivyblossom‘s “The Progress of Sherlock Holmes”. We failed to notice that the fanfic opens on Sherlock dreaming that John has cups for eyes.

2) In the same scene with Lestrade and Anderson, the way the reporters who tell us Sherlock’s name has been cleared are filmed is… fucky, to say the least. Glitchy. That’s weird

3) The “how sherlock survived theories” parodies. In all of them, Sherlock is awfully OOC. Why? Because Mofftiss were pointing out that Sherlock surviving the fall and not telling John is, in itself, OOC, because that would break John’s heart (which Sherlock knows since ASIB). Sherlock didn’t fake his death. SHERLOCK REALLY, ACTUALLY JUMPED, AND IS NOW IN A COMA BECAUSE OF HIS INJURIES.

4) Mycroft as one of Sherlock’s brain hemisphered gives… interesting insights into Sherlck’s psyche.

5) Sherlock just can’t stop thinking about John touching people’s genitals all day as a doctor – aka he’s jealous af of the women John had intimate contact with.

6) Sherlock never says why he didn’t tell John he was alive. Hint: that’s because he’s dreaming, and everyone who’s seen Inception knows that one way to tell whether you are dreaming or not is retracing your steps as to how you got where you are. If you can’t, that means you are either amnesiac, or dreaming.

7) The last restaurant Mary, John and Sherlock visit on the night of Sherlock’s return is suspicious: the lighting is blue. And there’s a useless blue screen on the far wall. Kinda reminds me of the glowing blue skull painting in s4.

8) Sherlock finds “How I did it”, a fake book allegedly written by Jack the Ripper. Hm. The episode itself keeps trying to explain how Sherlock did “it” (ie faked his death). The answer is right fucking there: he didn’t. He really jumped. He’s dreaming, and his subconscious is trying to get him to realise that.

9) LESTRADE: “Please, insult away!”. aka Lestrade taking as a compliment something that ought to be taken as an insult. That’s so reminiscent of his characterisation in TAB, in which we know Sherlock is dreaming/hallucinating, I’m crying laughing. We were so blind.

10) Dreamspeak.

11) The off-switch thing. That’s just plain unbelievable, because that means anyone could deactivate the bomb. It’s in the terrorists interest that only they can deactivate it. Hence, rather than a switch, a code would be more credible.

12) Sherlock’s mind-palace is blown out of proportion. Literally. Sherlock recreates a whole train station in his mind. That’s way different from the last time we saw him using it (THOB), where there was just text and images and sounds superposed to Sherlock’s hand movements in the real world. And every time the mind palace is used after that, it’s the same. Sherlock’s MP takes over Sherlock’s reality. So it should follow that the reality Sherlock is in, is his own mind.

13) Mary is dressed in red. And wearing earrings. Mary is a red herring (because she doesn’t exist and is the dream representation of one of Sherlock’s worst fears: John Watson marrying someone other than him – that’s literally her name: Mary Watson… Marry Watson.)

14) How come the little girl (again!) knows John is in the bonfire before it’s lit, but the crowd around her doesn’t. I mean… John can’t talk, or scream, or anything, so…. Is she a psychic? or something? (Eurus foreshadowing)

15) Sherlock’s parents. His dad doesn’t want to get a chain for his glasses…. because it’d be like Larry Grayson’s, a known gay celebrity? And Sherlock says that his parents’ being “ordinary” is a cross he has to bear… Hm. If that doesn’t spell homophobic parents I don’t know what does.

16) “Sometimes a deception is so audacious, you can’t see it even when it’s staring you in the face”. Sherlock says, with his own reflection on his computer screen. Now, that obviously refers to TJLC… but that could also refer to the fact that Mofftiss have been dropping hints that what we are seeing is not real left and right. And that gets even more obvious in the following episodes.

17) Science fiction heart-shaped bomb. No, really. That thing would look more at home on the USS Enterprise than in a more “realistic” show like BBC Sherlock.

18) An abandoned/never actually built train station… with the lights on. And live electricity. I’m skeptical.

19) Sherlock’s explanation of what happened in TRF makes no sense. Sherlock clearly did not know what was going to happen on Bart’s rooftop, and I think that TEH, the whole episode, was his brain trying to find an explanation as to how Sherlock was still alive after jumping, and ultimately deluding itself into thinking Sherlock had planned everything (false memories are an oddly common phenomenon). Which led to Sherlock feeling guilty for breaking John’s heart intentionally (although the guilt could also be a sign of his subconscious feeling guilty for almost dying and still causing John pain)

20) What’s more, in Sherlock’s retelling of TRF, John never figures out that Sherlock is still alive right after he jumps. But this directly contradicts TRF: the fact that the camera “rights itself” and that John gets back up after feeling for Sherlock’s pulse, compounded by the fact that medical personal immediately takes Sherlock inside the hospital, strongly indicates that John knew Sherlock was still alive, because he’d felt his pulse.

21) Sherlock’s parents, part 2 : His dad refuses to buy himself a chain for his glasses because then he’d be imitating a gay celebrity. Mycroft (ie a part of Sherlock’s brain) suffers going through something his parents enjoy but he hates, because he promised them. And Sherlock says there’s nothing he can do to help. “You don’t understand the pain of it, the horror”, Mycroft says through the phone. And Sherlock hangs up on him. Now, of course, this scene is supposed to be funny, because Mycroft is talking about going to a musical (we hear the music through the phone’s speakers) as though it’s torture, but, remember: on BBC Sherlock, the funny moments are always used to hide something. I read this as Sherlock having homophobic parents (you can look like a nice person and still be horribly homophobic). And I think Sherlock’s parents did something terrible that made Sherlock repress his sexuality. This is confirmed by things in the following episodes (TSOT and TFP come to mind, although it’s all shown through metaphors and Redbeard).

22) Sherlock voluntarily puts on his cap before facing the press  at the end of the episode. Exactly like in TLD.

23) The episode ends on Magnussen watching Sherlock save John from the bonfire, in what later turns out to be Magnussen’s MP. 1) Mind palaces do not work that way, you can’t recall something as visually precise as a video and 2) the episode that depicts Sherlock’s return to London ends on a scene that happens entirely in the mind of one character. What’s more, this character is a (creepy) Sherlock mirror.

Tags under the cut:

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Take Your Pain  {Part 1/2}

Steve x Reader
Summary: Soulmate AU in which Steve overestimates the powers of the super soldier serum and comes to a startling realization

Prompt: You can choose to take the pain of your soulmate away (from this post)

Word Count: 2163
Warnings: none

Originally posted by snowbutlannister

Soulmates were a thing of the past. 

Although it had been common throughout the early 1900s to be born with the small cursive words on your wrist, after the second world war more and more children were born without them. Many blamed it on the plethora of chemical and nuclear weapons, others on the traumatizing pain it had caused throughout the war, but nobody knew for sure why they had disappeared.

That’s why it had been such a big deal when you’d been born with a mark. Your grandparents, old enough to have their own, were ecstatic. Your parents, on the other hand, had urged you to keep it hidden away from the public. It was unusual in their day and age and they feared the attention it might bring.

So for much of your childhood you listened intently to your grandfather’s stories of soulmates in his time, eyes wide and a large grin plastered on your face despite having to keep your own mark a secret.

However, the excitement soon disappeared as you grew older.

Grandma explained that during the war the only way to know if your soulmate was alive and well was to feel for their pain. When your soulmate was hurt a numbness would spread across your own body, alerting you and allowing you to choose whether or not to take that pain away. When you failed to feel that numbness even through your teenage years, you knew what it meant. You might have been lucky to be born with a soulmate, but you sure as hell weren’t lucky enough to meet them.

The supersoldier serum pumping through Steve’s veins did many things. He could run faster, think harder, jump higher and most important of all, he could heal quicker. It was a significant advantage he had over the rest of the Avengers. Even with a bullet in his side Steve would push forwards, the pain all but forgotten and his enhanced body already racing to repair itself.

What Steve didn’t realize was that his pain wasn’t just being forgotten – it was being taken away.

On the other side of Manhattan, another person was willingly taking the pain as their own. Every bullet wound, every slash of a knife she felt so he wouldn’t. She wouldn’t let him. He was her soulmate and after believing he was gone for so many years, she would do anything to protect him.

So Steve continued on fighting, completely unaware that the girl he’d thought was left in the past was in fact alive and well only a few kilometers away.

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Regarding Dean

Dean and Sam found you in the midst of packing your duffel – your face contorted with rage. You had spent all night searching for Dean after he ditched you at the bar, and it pissed you off to no end when you didn’t receive one call or even a goddamn text.

“Y/N, no, wait –“

“Sam, if you so much defend your brother right now, I will punch you. Let me guess, you found him hungover as hell at some diner.” You laughed humorlessly, refusing to look at the two brothers that stood by the door. Dean watched you in awe, a silly grin on his face as he watched you.

“If you would just listen for one minute I can explain what happened,” Sam tried again, he was sick of this already – trying to help Dean but he had pissed too many people off in the span of 24 hours. Quickly whirling around, you scowled at the two of them, becoming livid at the cheesy grin on your boyfriend’s face. It took everything in you not to roundhouse kick him. You had worried all night, praying to every higher power that he was okay – but of course, he acted like nothing happened.

“Well hello, gorgeous. And who might you be?” Dean smirked, licking his lips as he took in the sight of you.

“Fuck you, Dean. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore,” You hissed, unshed tears brimming your eyes. Why would he act like this? The two of you had been good…more than good for the past few months now ever since you realized that he hadn’t died from the bomb implanted in him to wipe out the Darkness.

“Whoa, feisty, babe. I’m sure we can work out whatever your problem is,” He merely winked, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his slacks. It took you a moment to process what he had said, eyes wide in disbelief. Turning towards Sam, you waited for an explanation for Dean’s behavior.

“Is he still drunk?” You seethed, raking your fingers through your hair, shoulders tense at the stupidity of the situation.

“No, Y/N. Now shut up and listen. He’s been hexed-“

“What? Sam! What the fuck!”

“It’s his memory. Apparently it’s disappearing, he crashed Baby because he forgot how to put it in reverse. He didn’t even know that he was hexed until we retraced his steps. He’s…forgetting people,” He winced slightly, knowing this would be painful for both you and him if he didn’t kill the damn witch siblings.

“So he doesn’t…Dean?” The eldest Winchester looked at you with a wide boyish grin, eager for your attention as you addressed him. “You don’t know who I am?”

His brows furrowed at you, wondering why you would ask such a question when he was positive he would remember someone like you. He turned to look at his brother, silently asking for help.

“That’s Y/N, Dean. She’s been hunting with us for the past 10 years or so. She’s, um – “

“I’m your girlfriend, Dean.”

Both you and Sam watched Dean process your words, brows furrowed in confusion before a wide boyish grin graced his lips, a smile you hadn’t seen since …god it had been over a decade. It took your breath away, watching how childish and just so carefree Dean was.

“Y/N, is my girlfriend? Oh lord, what did I do to have such a beautiful girl?” He murmured appreciatively, his calloused fingers reaching up and brushing a few strands of hair away from my face. You blushed. Honest-to-Chuck blushed. Sure you and Dean had your moments where the flirting was intense and still held that spark that had yet to die ever since you met him. But this was different. It was as if Dean was falling in love with you all over again and you enjoyed it way more than you should have.

“You’re lucky you have a reason as to what happened last night or else your ass would be out on the side of the road by now,” you playfully scowled at him, only to have him watch you with excitement at the fact that you were talking to him. Taking his hand, you led him over to the bed, sitting down next to him as you waited for Sam to finish his call with Rowena. You could feel Dean’s stare as you watched TV. “Could you not do that?” You grinned, watching as he bashfully looked away from you.

“Sorry it’s just, I can’t believe I can’t remember someone like you. I can – um, I can feel how much I loved, er, love you though and it’s quite frustrating to not have memories with it,” His words sent your heart racing against your chest, dammit Winchester. Even with him losing his memory, he was still just as charming as ever without even realizing it. 

anonymous asked:

I'd love to hear your thoughts on La La Land's ending! If you don't mind.

SO HERE WE GO. I’ve heard a lot of think pieces/complaining about how the movie is about hollywood, or white men saving jazz, or unrealistically fulfilling your dreams all at once, etc., but I don’t see how you can watch that ending and come away with those things. Sure, the movie dabbles in all of that, and you can make commentary on how unrealistic that is, or in the case of John Legend’s role in the movie, how shitty it is—but then, there’s that ending. That glorious, perfect pitched ending.

The last we see of Mia and Sebastian together, they’re making a choice many of us have or will make in our lives; a turning point in a relationship, where you have to choose what you’re willing to sacrifice, or give to keep the love that you have. They make what I would say, as a person who has made this very choice, the right choice, and seperate for the good of their careers. And realistically, painfully so, that is a lasting break—we jump five years, and things have happened that make their separation permanent (Mia is married, she has a child). That’s startling and, because it happens so quickly instead of the slow and quiet way that it occurs in real life, unbelievable. We think, they’re playing a trick on us, this can’t possibly be where this movie of sparkling lights and love songs is going to end. But the longer the scene goes on, and we see Mia in the car with her husband, so comfortable, it starts to set in, and then, even though we know it’s coming, when she sees the sign at his club—the sign she made for him—we feel the way she does. It’s been five years for her, and she has that space that we, as an audience, were not given from the main storyline, so she’s surprised, and suddenly longing, and that’s an emotion we can feel. 

But the ending isn’t about where Mia finds herself, it’s about Sebastian. He plays his song, and the fantasy begins for him and we get to go along with it. Mia may have moved on, but Sebastian is closer to us, he still feels that sting when he sees her, much worse then she felt. The cinematography here is beautiful, and the music carries us through it, and it’s satisfying, just to retrace the steps of where we have already been with these characters, to hear the same cords they sang together. You can’t tell me it didn’t hit you when, in the bar, the music swelled and he walked right up to kiss her. 

Because this is from Sebastian’s point of view, we see the way he wished it had been, how they could have stayed together, and it is so firmly planted in what he could have done differently. Mia still takes the audition, gets the job, goes to Paris, but he never takes that job with the band, he’s there at her show, he goes to Paris with her. His fantasy includes being there for her, in a way that he never really was during their relationship. He puts her, her dreams and ambitions, first, so that in the end, Mia ends up exactly where she is now, where she’s meant to be, but she’s married to him instead. And even while he’s thinking of it, the unreality of that situation bleeds in—through the film set, the Van Gogh-esque swirls of Paris. It could never have been real, because he was a different man then, he would have always made those choices. He had yet to learn his lesson.

In the end, they are able to smile at each other and part again, because this isn’t a love story. This is a story about growing up. It’s a story about how a person can mean so much to you during one point in your life, how they can change you, can take up all of the space in your world completely, and how much you can love them in that moment—and how beautiful that is. It isn’t lasting, it’s not guaranteed, it’s something you may regret and dwell on over and over later, but it is beautiful. Sebastian’s dream looks so unreal because not only did it not happen, it couldn’t have happened; there were a gulf of reasons why the two of them never would have worked out, even if he had gone with her to Paris. 

But they changed each other. They nudged each other towards their futures. They were each other’s turning point, towards success, their dreams, all the things that felt out of reach when they met. So when they said, before they parted, I will always love you, what they really meant was; I will always love what you have given me. 

Missed Connection (Bucky x Reader)

Requested by: @swtltlmrvlgrl
Summary: Can you do a ‘missed connection’ with Bucky? Like you talked to him on a bus or train for an hour but at the end you didn’t get his name or number? (will they meet again or not? I leave it to you haha)

A/N: Thank you for requesting this!! I’m sorry it took so long but this was so much fun to write omg <3 I hope it’s what you were looking for  and enjoy!
(also yes that’s the hogwarts express lmfao)

Word Count: 2945
Warnings: mention of family death / mention of spreading ashes kind of thing… 

Originally posted by whohehellisbucky

Originally posted by not-infires-its-inspires

Disclaimer: I don’t speak Romanian… Sorry if it’s wrong rip



iartă-mă… scuze… scuzati-ma…” 
(Pardon me… Sorry… Excuse me…)

You pushed your way through the crowded train, mumbling your apologies as you gripped your small suitcase tightly by your side.

It was mid summer and, finally having gotten some time off work, you’d flown to Romania for a few weeks.

Your mother had often spoken of her childhood in Bucharest when you were young, and when she’d passed away just over a year ago you’d decided to save up and see the places of her stories for yourself. You were now on the last few days of your trip and so far it had been an absolutely amazing journey. Bucharest was beautiful, the people were kind and as you got to know the country your mother had once called home, you quickly fell in love.

To be honest, you didn’t want to leave, but you didn’t have a choice so there you were.

To wrap up the trip you were spending your last weekend in Romania out in the countryside by a small farm called the “Cabana alb”. It was just outside the city and your mother had spent much of her summers there. It was her favourite place on the planet and where you had decided to spread her ashes.

And by “just outside the city”, you meant a two-hour train ride away.

Honestly, you hadn’t expected it to be that busy, but there you were squeezing through the crowded halls in search of an empty compartment to rest. They were, of course, all full. Until you happened across one at the back of the train.

You wrapped your knuckles softly against the glass before sliding the door open, catching the attention of it’s only occupant.

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Tales of Delicious Revenge from a Recovering Retail Worker

I discovered this sub a while ago and it has breathed new life into my withered soul. Today, it’s time that I return the favor.

These tales of petty revenge all took place over the three long years that I had the misfortune of working retail at a big-box store best known for its red bullseye logo and bitchy middle-class clientele. Enjoy.

ONE: THE TAG SWITCHER
I was working in the fitting room one night when this lady bustles in with 3000 different items of clothing that she wanted to try on. Unfortunately my store had just lifted the item limit for the fitting room, so I begrudgingly had to let her take everything back.

She proceeds to make a HUGE mess in the fitting room (leaving clothes inside-out all over the floor, tags ripped off of items, size stickers peeled off and slapped onto the wall… the whole nine yards).

After she leaves, I report the ripped off tags to Assets Protection (per fitting room policy) and, figuring that would be the extent of my revenge, I resigned to cleaning up the mess she left me.

Then I get a call from the manager. He wants me up at the registers to do back up. I had worked the registers before, but it was exceptionally rare for me to get pulled away from the fitting room to do backup. Still, I don’t protest and I head up to the register.

Guess who my first customer is? Yep, the mess-making bitch from the fitting room. The manager has directed her straight to me, and I can tell from the wide-eyed look of horror on her face that she realizes she has just been lead into a trap.

She slowly begins to plop her items onto the conveyerbelt and tries to make nervous small-talk. At first I assume she’s just feeling awkward about the mess that she left… but when I get a better look at her items, I immediately realize there’s something much fishier going on.

Her purchase consists entirely of women’s clothing, and I recognize most of the items as brand new stuff that has recently come in. Stuff that should cost full price. So when I see nearly every single item’s price tag covered with a bright red 70% off clearance sticker, I realize that something’s up. When I look down at the first item from her pile, my suspicions are confirmed: the item I’m holding in my hands is a woman’s Mossimo Black clothing item, but it has a bright blue Circo tag that belongs on infant boy clothes.

Busted! This bitch was switching tags on clothes to get a lower price! Not only that, but she was so brazen (or stupid) that she used tags from the wrong department!

I don’t make it immediately obvious that I’ve figured out her scheme. Instead, I think fast. From my experience in the fitting room, I know every item of clothing has a little white tag on the inside that has a nine-digit item code. So instead of scanning the items, I proceed to type in each and every item manually, using the ACTUAL numbers inside each garment.

The woman watches this all unfold with a nauseous look on her face, as item after item rings up at full price ($19 - $29, compared to the $2 or $4 price tags she had stuck on each item). As her total grows, so does the look of combined hatred and fear on her face.

Finally she stammers something about “coming back later” and runs off towards the exit. The Assets Protection guy watches her walk out, then comes over to me. He reveals that he had been watching this chick before she even went into the fitting room, but he didn’t have enough on camera to approach her. Since I was the only team member working that night who was familiar with the clothing / tags, the manager put me on the register to check her out.. literally!

TWO: THE PHONE SHOPPER
It’s the week before Christmas and the store is frantic. I’m manning the phones (which are ringing off the hook), and one night I get a call from Bitch Princess, who wants to know if we have any [insert name of whatever animatronic hatching robot dog toy every kid had to have that year].

Now the store’s holiday policy said we could confirm availability over the phone, but we weren’t supposed to put high-demand items (like the barking bird robot thing) on hold for a customer. Regardless, I was still un-jaded enough to like hooking people up (I’m still waiting on that lifetime of good retail karma to kick in…)

I let BP know that this highly-coveted toy has been flying off the shelves for weeks and I’m doubtful that we have any in stock, but I can happily check for her if she’s willing to go on a brief hold. She impatiently agrees to the hold, and I set the phone down.

After being slightly delayed by a customer that ambushed me on the sales floor, I miraculously find ONE of these stupid toys on the shelf. I grab it and head back to my post, excited to tell BP I just saved Christmas, but when I get back I find the phone ringing again. Recognizing the number on the caller ID display, I quickly deduce that Bitch Princess has hung up and is now calling back.

I barely get a chance to recite my scripted greeting before BP cuts me off, yelling that I put her on hold for “30 minutes” (more like 7), that she’s a customer and it’s my job to assist her, some nonsense about her having priority over the customers in the store, blah blah blah. I want to point out that literally NONE of what she’s saying is true, but I keep my lips sealed.

Instead, in a ridiculously pleasant voice, I say: “ma’am, thank you SO MUCH for your patience. I checked the sales floor and couldn’t find [stupid toy], but the computer is telling me that we might have one in the backroom. If you bear with me for another minute here, I can—”

She grumbled that yes, I could check the backroom, but I “better hurry” because she doesn’t have time for this. Smiling gleefully, I put the phone back on hold and proceed to return [stupid toy] to the spot where I found it on the sales floor. I then spend a nice chunk of time helping out ACTUAL customers in the store.

Eventually I remember that BP is still waiting on hold and I return to the phone. “Ma’am, good news… we do have ONE in stock,” I say. BP immediately barks at me to put it on hold, and a devious Grinch-like smile spreads across my face. “I’m so sorry ma’am, but we’re actually unable to put high-demand items on hold at this time. All I can do is confirm that it’s currently available on the sales floor…”

BP unleashes the wrath of a thousand fiery infernos and demands to speak to a manager. I oblige, transferring her to the closing manager (who confirmed the store policy, before promptly being hung up on).

I was pretty pleased with the turn of events, but the cherry on top came a short time later when BP actually shows up at the store, only to discover that the toy had already been purchased by another guest.

THREE: THE SHOE SNATCHER
It was nearly closing time, and I was tasked with “zoning” (or straightening up) the shoe department for the night. It was nearly impossible for me to get anything done, though, because this obnoxious woman kept making me drop everything to help her shop for shoes for her toddler.

The worst part was that the woman didn’t put anything back where she found it. Instead, she just leaves the shoe boxes strewn throughout the aisle (wtf). She finally leaves, and I drag myself over to the massive mess that she’s left behind.

As I’m returning all of the discarded shoe boxes to their rightful locations, I’m popping them open to make sure the correct shoes are inside. When I open one of the boxes, I discover a very sweet sight indeed: a dirty pair of toddler sneakers.

It’s a scam I’ve seen far too many times: someone swaps out a pair of new shoes with their old dirty shoes. Only this time, instead of getting away, I had caught the crook red-handed (or red-footed?)

I tucked the shoebox under my arm and quickly retraced the woman’s steps. Sure enough, I was able to find her in the grocery section. And sure enough, her toddler was sitting in the cart wearing a pair of brand new cartoon character sneakers.

I approached the mom with a giant shit-eating grin on my face and said: “I’m so glad I caught you! You almost left without these!” I held open the box with the dirty sneakers.

The woman had the nerve to pin the blame on her child, playing it off as if her kid had swapped the sneakers. Smh.  

BONUS: HERE’S ONE THAT’S SHORT & SWEET FOR THE ASS CLOWN IN THE COMMENTS WHO COMPLAINED ABOUT THIS BEING TL;DR  

Holiday shit always gets marked down to clearance the day after a holiday and people tend to get a little worked up about it. One time, this guy calls the store the day after Easter and asks how much the white chocolate Cadbury mini eggs had been discounted. I told him they were marked down 30% (the standard first mark down) and he’s not satisfied with that and hangs up. He proceeds to call back EVERY DAMN DAY to ask for the price, and every time he’s rude and weird about it. When they finally get marked down to 50%, I think he’ll bite… but nope. Still not cheap enough.

Finally at 90% he’s interested and asks me, over the phone, to take every single bag off the sales floor and put them on hold for him. I tell him no (goes against store policy to hold clearance), but since the candy is about to be defected (taken out of inventory), the manager tells me to just do it. So I wheel a cart over to the clearance aisle, and that’s when I hatch a plan.

There are two kinds of candy leftover in clearance: white chocolate Cadbury mini eggs, and white chocolate m&ms. For whatever reason, we have about 50 bags of each. Feeling a spirit of pettiness overtake me, I fill the cart with the m&ms and push it to the front with a 24 hour hold ticket. I wasn’t there when the guy showed up the next morning, but I’d imagine he was pretty livid to discover the wrong candy on hold, and then to realize that the actual candy he wanted had been defected out.

THE VOLTRON OFFICE AU NO ONE ASKED FOR

Obviously, heavily inspired by The Office thank you very much.

Oh boy here we go,,,

•Lance and Keith pull pranks on each other literally 24/7

“God dammit Lance where the quiznack is my desk”

“Huh, that is so weird. When was the last time you saw it?”

“This is not funny.”

“Well you’re the one who lost your desk”

“I did not lose my desk”

“Okay calm dow-”

“Where is my desk!“

“I think you should retrace your steps”

“I’m going to tell Shiro”

• “Voltron Legendary Defender this is Pidge”

•Shiro is the manager who is suffering and just wants to rest

“Well I’m going through a little bit of a rough patch”

“…the whole year, actually”

•Keith keeps weapons all over the office
“I keep multiple weapons all over the office-” pulls nunchucks from behind a water cooler, “I’ve saved Lance’s life with the knife that’s velcroed under my desk-” pulls out a knife from inside a random filing cabinet, “People say it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace-” pulls an actual sword from the ceiling, “Well I say-” pulls another knife out from inside the back of a toilet, “It’s better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally-” pulls ANOTHER knife from his desk drawer, “than a by a stranger-” pulls out dart gun from behind a plant, “on purpose.
Cue Lance and Pidge staring into the camera

•Hunk and Allura are the ultimate party planning duo

Literally every party turns out amazing because of them

Hunk makes all the food and Allura decorates, there’s no need to buy anything because they always manage somehow

Where does Allura get all the supplies????

How does Hunk make all this food in such a short amount of time???

•Okay but what exactly does Coran do?

“Hey guys, is somebody making soup?”

“When Pidge gets Shiro’s old chair, I get their old chair, then I’ll have TWO chairs. Only one to go.”

“So there I am, minding my own business, and Lance offers me three bucks to take Keith’s chair. Lance’s a chump. I would’ve done it for free.”

•"Hey Keith did you get your tickets?”

“To what Lance?”

“The gun show”

“Ohmygod Lance did you just flex”

“YES PIDGE I DID”

“Stop flirting with Keith and get back to work”

“SHIRO I’M NOT FLIRTING”

“Okay bud whatever you say”

“HUNK!”

And Keith is just a blushing mess


•Pidge: throws watermelon off the roof onto a trampoline

Lance: BINGO

It then hits Keith’s car and the alarm goes on

“HOLY SHI-”

“LANCE”

“IT WASN’T ME I SWEAR”


•Slav: is just there for some reason

Shiro: “this is an environment of welcoming
aaand you should just get the hell out of here.”

Pidge: mouthing to the camera, “he’s like six”

•Shiro: “Last week Pidge and I gave a fire safety talk and nobody paid any attention. People learn in many ways, and experience is the best teacher.”

Pidge: IS STARTING A FIRE

Shiro: “Oh my goodness, there’s a fire, what’s the procedure?”

Hunk: “OHMYGOD okay it’s happening. EVERYBODY STAY CALM. STAY CALM”

Allura: IS PULLING MICE OUT OF A CABINET DRAWER

Lance: Is trying to get out through the ceiling

Shiro: “Let’s remember those procedures everyone!”

Hunk and Keith: RAMMING THE COPIER INTO THE DOOR

Pidge: “ ATTENTION EMPLOYEES. THIS IS NOT A REAL FIRE. IT IS ONLY A SIMULATION.”

Shiro: “That you failed.”

Lance: falls out of the ceiling


•Keith finds something that he thinks is marijuana and decides to interrogate everyone

Lance: “I’m just saying you can’t be sure that it wasn’t you”

Keith: “That’s ridiculous, of course it wasn’t me.”

Lance: “Marijuana, is a memory loss drug so maybe you just don’t remember.”

Keith: “I would remember.”

Lance: “Well how could you if it just erased your memory?”

Keith: “That’s not how it works”
Lance: “Oh really? How do you know how it works?”

Keith: “Knock it off! Now I’m interviewing you.”

Lance: “No! You said that’s I’d be conducting the interview when I walked in here now exactly how much pot did you smoke!”

Keith: “Ohmygod”

•Hunk: “Hey Pidge, where are Lance and Keith?”

Pidge: “They insisted that they’ve been trying to get a certain client to seal some deal?“

Hunk: “They’re making out in the supply closet aren’t they.”

Pidge: “Most likely.”

•Pidge: “Lance is that a hickey?”

Lance: “WHAT NO KEITH PUNCHED ME IN THE NECK”

Pidge: “Ohmygod you guys are so gross just save it for when you’re NOT at work please.”

Keith: “YOU KNOW?”

Shiro: “C’mon Keith, you two can’t keep a secret, you walk out of the bathroom at the same time with bedroom hair we aren’t idiots.”

Lance: “ohmygod”

Pidge: Looks into the camera

•Pidge: “Good morning Shir- OHMYGOD WHY IS THAT TREE SO BIG”

Shiro: “Christmas spirit Pidge. Christmas Spirit.”

Pidge: “IT’S NOVEMBER 23RD”

Shiro: “Pidge it’s snowing and as your boss I’m telling you it’s Christmas.”

Pidge: “You’re like si-”

Shiro: “I’M MENTALLY OLDER”

Lance: “DID YOU SAY SNOW”

Keith: “What a loser who gets excited over snow.“

Hunk: “You do realize you’re dating him right.”

Lance: comes back in and hits Keith with a snowball

Keith: “GOD DAMMIT LANCE YOU CANNOT THROW SNOWBALLS IN THE OFFICE”

Lance: “And there’s a sign for that where?”

they end up making out in the supply closet again


UMMM WELL THIS IS ALL I HAVE TO OFFER. THIS IS PROBABLY REALLY BAD AND MIXED UP AND I TOOK ALMOST EVERYTHING FROM THE OFFICE OHMYGOD. But um ENJOY I GUESS.

dandysanmiguel  asked:

I had to put my little dog down yesterday. He was a miniature dachshund with intervertebral disk disease. I'm coping ok, but I'm a little worried about dog2. He keeps retracing Snicklefritz's steps, looking for him. Have you ever had to deal with this? What did you do?

I am so sorry for your loss. 

When my dog, Ferris, died, our other dog, Riley, spent a long time looking for her. She slept with Ferris’ toys, and she could tell that Anne and I were grieving, so she frequently brought Ferris’ toys to us, along with all of her toys.

Animals grieve, and when a pack loses one of its own, it’s really normal for the surviving members of the pack to be sad. 

We let Riley know that we missed Ferris too, and that we were going to still be pack leaders, so Riley didn’t feel like she needed to fill a role she’d never filled before.

It took time, but she got used to the change in the house, and so did we. I think if you just love your dog, snuggle him and remind him that you’re still there and you’re still taking care of the pack, he’ll be okay.

12.11 coda

fan fiction gap. also phone calls.

Wet leaves sop underfoot as the brothers trek through the woods, retracing Dean’s invisible steps. Sam is keeping both eyes out for anything that could give away the story of what happened last night, fully aware that his brother is practically useless right now.

“So, like,” Dean begins. Sam takes an exasperated breath in prep for the question. “Just how many things do we kill?”

Sam sighs. “A lot.”

“Yeah but, like. More examples,” Dean says, kicking some leaves. The flashlight wiggles in his grip and points too far to left, so Sam gingerly guides his hand back up. Dean smiles at him. “Please tell me I’ve met a mermaid.”

Sam scoffs. “Siren, actually.”

Dean’s eyes go bright and wide. “No way,” he breathes. “I was kidding. Ariel is real?”

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5

Raphael x Reader

Requested by Anon


“Well hello there sweetheart.” Raphael hummed smugly.

You gave no other response than a growl, followed by a hiss when he stepped even closer, eyeing him like a wild beast.

“Ah, careful Amor, now then let me see.” He looked at you closely, confusing you enough to let him wave his hands hypnotically in front of you.

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