retine

after long, unnecessary, and tedious discussions with NHS staff i am now finally heading to the hospital for a retinal detachment check and i won’t be able to see properly for a while afterwards and a girl i met like once volunteered to accompany me?? she’s so nice like wtf i was like “no it’s enough if you walk me from the taxi to my room when i come back” but she insisted on accompanying me there, waiting for me and going back like i’m shook what a kind soul?? 

Did we *ask you*??

Caitlin: (comes out of nowhere and dares to address the Queen Boss Lady) Must be nice having Barry back … 

Me: OK, since when are you and the Queen girlfriends? Why are you asking about her man? Why did you miss the morning meeting? Was it because of one of your new gang banger friends? Did you fill out the paperwork to get renewed security clearance like I asked you? Why did you fail the retinal scan, like, three times, bitch? Your outfit confuses me. Go back to whatever hole you just up and appeared from, OK?   

what we want 2030 to be like: green energy; responsible farming; peace on earth 

what 2030 will actually be: hello ma’am it’s amazon. can i get a quick retinal scan for your fiji water delivery 

4

Nirvware ‘Cyberdesk’ Headwear & Wrist Computer - Lisa Krohn (1993)

“Lisa Krohn has really embraced the — probably revolting — idea of the computer as an extension of the body.“ This concept incorporates video camera and sound amplification technology, telecommunications and micro-processing within a single system operated by a mouse worn on the chest, and viewed via retinal scanning. The idea is to "extend” the wearer’s powers of sight, hearing and voice, allowing him or her to make telephone or video calls and providing access to various databases. Composed of a network of electronic parts connected by a fiber-optic grid and set in elastomeric polyurethane mucus, the system would run on nickel metal hydride cells charged by body heat and ambient light via photovoltaic cells. Jurors concurred that technology for such a product may well be feasible in the near future.” 

From I.D. Magazine (1993)

beauty products people should stop sleeping on

shimmer body lotion- this deadass will make you feel so good about yourself. Turns you into an instant goddess.

Hydrogen peroxide- take advantage of its bleaching properties!! If you have hair that you want less visible but don’t want the upkeep of shaving (like arms, tum, upper lip, tush, etc.), use this to lighten the hair. Also can be used on blackheads (but be cautious not to bleach any hair near your face). If you do this, gently exfoliate the area first and then use a cotton pad to apply this. Rinse it off after 20 ish minutes. Mix with baking soda and brush it on your teeth to whitten them. this can be done pretty often but be gentle and have limits please. Also gets blood out of anything.

Honey- honey is literally a miracle product I love it so much. Has anti bacterial and antimicrobial properties bc of its low pH and it basically has no water in it. use it as a face mask as often as you want. Mix with things like turmeric for extra results but be careful bc turmeric in particular stains your skin yellow for some time. Use in or as a hair mask to soften hair and prevent hair loss. Use in your tea, oatmeal, smoothies for health benefits but be careful not to microwave it bc that kills all of the good stuff. Also honey is best when its raw and it will say that on the label.

Sunscreen- do I even need to say anything about this. Do your best to get a natural one that does not have retinal palmitate bc that actually is really bad for you when its exposed to sunlight??? Capitalism is amazing. No rules

Face peel- these will usually be fruit based and you only have to use them for less than 10 mins usually. More gentle and even than physical exfoliators. Makes your skin nice and soft but don’t over exfoliate by using another exfoliating product afterwards and avoid the sun for a little bit afterwards.

Cuticle oil and hand lotion- basically just treat your hands kindly. Wear sunscreen on the back of your hands. Give yourself a hand massage when you can. The hands are the windows to your soul and they age like raisins if youre not careful

Dry brush- !!! ill probably do another post about this but basically you get a natural brush and brush your skin before you shower or you use the brush and an oil of your choice after you shower. Brush towards the heart. This will improve the appearance of cellulite, improve your circulation, help the lymph nodes thus detoxifying you, less dead skin, better digestion, etc. doesn’t take very long either!!!

Can’t Afford the Vet?

You have probably heard the phrase “if you can’t afford the vet, you can’t afford the pet” and it is true to a degree. Pet ownership doesn’t stop after the purchase of the animal and it is my personal opinion that getting a pet when you know you cannot afford vet care is selfish.

There are of course many people who fully intend on taking their pet to the vet but life happens: they lose their job, family members get sick, the pet gets hit by a car, etc. What do these people do? The absolute best thing to do is be prepared as much as possible. Get pet insurance! For something like $25 a month you can get your pet insured and it will cover most illnesses and accidents. Get a savings account. Put money away every month, as much as you can afford and use it only for vet visits. If your dog gets hit by a car or needs emergency surgery it can easily cost $5,000.00 so try to have that much in savings ready to go.

Go see the vet at least yearly. I cannot stress enough how much preventative care does exactly that: prevents illnesses. I have caught heart disease, cancer, retinal disease and more just doing annual exams. The owners had no idea their pet was ill. By taking care of these things before they got worse these owners saved thousands of dollars. Vaccines are important too, especially for puppies and kittens. A parvo vaccine may be $20, treating parvo can cost into the thousands.

Understand that you don’t have to do everything your vet recommends, but also understand the repercussions of declining. For me personally, I cannot sleep at night knowing I didn’t offer every single pet owner the very best care. Who am I to judge what people can afford? On a more selfish level, if I didn’t offer the best care and a pet died or became ill and the owner filed a board complaint, I could be fined or even lose my license.  This is true for all vets. So please understand we must offer the best care and at least give you the chance to understand what you are declining. If you do decline testing or medication, understand that this limits what we can do for you. I had an owner decline testing a lump on his cat but he became very angry when I couldn’t tell him what the lump was. We offer tests for a reason. Also understand that sometimes if you decline care your only option is euthanasia. People do not like it when vets suggest euthanasia but sometimes this truly is the only other option. It isn’t right to send an animal home to die a slow and painful death simply because the owner cannot afford treatment but refuses to do the right thing and euthanize.

Also understand that wasting time on Google and pet care forums wastes precious time and money. I can cite numerous cases where an owner spent months or more researching and trying things on their own and it was something a vet could have fixed in a single visit. By the time the pet comes to us it is too late. By all means get care advice from other trustworthy sources but if an animal is ill, the internet is not your friend.

I know that there are those out there that will say they cannot put anything in savings, they cannot afford pet insurance, and they cannot even afford basic vaccines. To you I say, don’t get a pet. It just isn’t right to take a living thing into your home knowing you cannot provide it the care it needs. If you want that connection with an animal go volunteer at a shelter and walk dogs, babysit friends pets, there are lots of other ways to have animals in your life without owning one.

Hey guys, don’t look at the motherfucking eclipse without them fancy proper eclipse glasses, even if you’re hundreds of miles outside the path of totality.

No, regular sunglasses are not safe to use.

And don’t try to be a slick motherfucker and look at it really fast. Retinal damage doesn’t hurt and any resulting blindness won’t be evident until roughly 12 hours later.

SO DON’T LOOK AT IT 

FAQ: all about closed comedones

Closed comedones, or what many people describe as “little raised bumps on my face” have many causes and are often easily treated by a few small adjustments or an addition into your skincare routine. A Comedone is basically a clogged pore, caused by sebum buildup which cannot exit the pore because of a blockage. The blockage may also occur because your skin doesnt shed cells effectively.

Most frequent causes, and what you should do:
- Dehydration, youre not drinking enough water. This will show up on your skin as closed comedones in between your eyebrows. You should start drinking 2L water each day and the CC’s will fade away.
- Dehydrated skin, this coresponds with general dehydration. In this case the CC’s will show up all around your forehead. You should add a good hydrating layer into your routine, like hempseed oil or safflower oil. Skin can also get dehydrated due to a compromised moisture barrier, often (almost always) caused by overexfoliation.
- Dirty pillows, or sleeping on your face. You will see this as CC’s on the sides of your face (that you sleep on). I advise everyone to change their pillow cases at least once a week, but twice would do a better job. And to completely eliminate this issue stop sleeping on your face.
- Comedogenic (pore clogging) skincare. Most common culprit is coconut oil, you can look up comedogenicy levels of the ingredients in your skincare products. You should eliminate products with highly comedogenic ingredients high up on the ingredient list.
- Heat, and sweat. Your pores will get clogged from sweating a lot and the skin producing too much sebum. Theres little you can do to combat the outside temperature, try to keep yourself cooled and fans are your best friend.
- Hormonal imbalance can cause faster sebum production. In this case you should contact a derm or a doctor and theres little you can do, it is often also caused by medicine. There are mesures you can take that you should talk about with your doctor such as Birth control, Spironolactone, evening primrose oil supplements.
-Poor hygiene, not taking your makeup off fully, sleeping with makeup on, touching your face with your hands or your face with dirty stuff…. i dont need to explain why this is bad.
- Stress and no sleep, just like with acne vulgaris. Theres no hard evidence on this, but only anecdotal evidence, which I believe.

Treatments:
- As I’ve mentioned already, your skin could be overexfoliated (oily but dry, feels tight after washing) and dehydrated. A non comedogenic oil like hempseed or safflower oil could be your saviour.
- 2.5% benzoyl peroxide: doenst cause purging is effective against acne vulgaris and closed comedones
- AHA exfoliants: I would sugges glycolic acid as those penetrate deeper into the skin than other AHA’s. This will cause your skin to purge initially to get the impurities out.
- BHA exfoliants: you can look up the difference between those two but they both effectively combat CC’s
- Stirdex pads, or other chemical exfoliating pads.
- Retinol, or Retin-A: often prescribed to combad adult acne and a great anti-ageing agent. Will also make you purge and you will suffer from dry skin for about a month or two. Its a bigger measure than the other ones Ive mentioned.
- Oil cleansing method, look it up!
- Clay masks: Suck oil out of your pores to prevent sebum build up.

Youre working with acids here, you MUST read about the product before you decide to put it on your face. You must know how much your skin can handle. If youre keen to start using an exfoliating acid, start off with not more than once a week, then build up from there. And dont forget to wear sunscreen.

sadinasaphrite  asked:

I understand you have a long list of these questions, but figured I'd get in line. I want to adopt a retired greyhound racer. What health problems do you see with them? I've also heard they are especially sensitive to anesthesia due to their low body fat. Do you have a protocol you find is particularly safe for them? The rescues have too many conflicting answers. One even claims they never should be put under anesthesia ever, even for dentals, because they "just die!" Which is ridiculous.

Anonymous said: Is it ok to request another breed? If so, greyhounds? Possibly rescue racing hounds if that specification has any problems that pet raised greyhounds dont

and

Anonymous said: Hello! I was wondering if you could (or have already done) a post about greyhounds? Specifically racing-quality ones? I read something earlier that claimed they were a lot healthier than most dogs and I’m wondering if that’s true. Thanks!

and

Anonymous said: Hey there! I noticed you said recently you’d like to see more ex-racing greyhounds as pets - I’m seriously considering adopting one in the future and I was wondering what health issues you see in them? I’ve heard that they can get painful corns on their feet and that you need to be careful about their temperature, but is there anything else you see that a future adopter should be watching for? Question tax: came for the the vet stories, stayed for the refreshingly sensible advice :)

Oh vetlings, I have a lot to say about Greyhounds.

I adore these dogs, and am glad to work with them, but don’t specifically condone organised greyhound racing. Most of these dogs like to run, I would have no problem with them running around a track casually for fun, but once prize-money is involved it becomes too tempting to push limits, to cheat, to cut corners, to overbreed, and this leads to poor welfare outcomes for too many dogs.

Please note the disclaimer that these posts are about the breed from a veterinary viewpoint as seen in clinical practice, i.e. the problems we are faced with. It’s not the be-all and end-all of the breed and is not to make a judgement about whether the breed is right for you. If you are asking for an opinion about these animals in a veterinary setting, that is what you will get. It’s not going to be all sunshine and cupcakes, and is not intended as a personal insult against your favorite breed. This is general advice for what is common, often with a scientific consensus but sometimes based on personal experiences, and is not a guarantee of what your dog is going to encounter in their life.

Also please note that this will be a Long Post.

Originally posted by thegypsycob

General conditions of Greyhounds

Whatever their history all greyhounds have a few things in common. Most of them struggle to sit, they tend to either stand or lie down. Their pain tolerance is interesting, walking in with a broken bone but screaming at a tiny needle prick. They like to feel someone touching their head. There are also a few conditions common to them, regardless of their lifestyle or upbringing. They are one of the very few breeds that I think it’s not an exaggeration to say you benefit from seeing a vet with experience in this breed. We have a lot to get through, so I’ll try to keep the basics fairly short.

Bloat, (Gastric Dilatation Volvulus) is more common in the big males, but can occur in any greyhound due to their deep chest. Delicate, picky eaters seem less at risk.

Greyhounds are generally very athletic, but they can and do develop Dilated Cardiomyopathy. While they have generally reached a reasonable age before developing this condition,

Pannus can affect any greyhound, and this chronic eye condition is generally made worse by UV light exposure. Once diagnosed it’s not too hard to control with medication but it is a long term condition. This is the most likely reason you would see a greyhound wearing doggy sunglasses or ‘Doggles’.

Greyhounds can also get Progressive Retinal Atrophy, which may manifest as ‘night blindness’ first, though this seems to be less common lately.

Greyhounds, perhaps surprisingly for all the raw food they seem to get when racing, have generally poor Dental Health. Despite being big dogs that are generally pretty tolerant, most of them don’t like to chew. They’re delicate chewers and won’t necessarily gnaw a bone.

Speaking of bones, these dogs get Osteosarcoma (Bone cancer) fairly readily. This cancer has a biphasic age pattern. Basically it usually occurs in dogs around 2 years of age, and dogs around 8-10 years of age. It’s all kinds of bad, every time and there’s not much else to say about it, other than the life expectancy is short. I’ve talked about it previously.

Of purely cosmetic concern, greyhounds also commonly develop pattern baldness. Typically the affected areas are the thighs and ventral neck, and there are a few possible reasons for this. It might be genetic, it might be nutritional or stress related, or it might be due to blood vessel compression under due to large muscle groups underneath the skin. This generally bothers the owners more than the dog.

Greyhounds often have thin skin, and while this doesn’t necessarily bother the dogs most of the time it certainly bothers me as the surgeon! Some of these poor dogs will seem to tear themselves open with any little scrape, so be careful of the suture materials you choose. They are prone to pressure sores with poor bandage care too.

And associated with their thin skin, some of these dogs develop “Happy Tail,” which is basically a chronic injury on the tail tip which wont heal because the blessed dog insists on wagging it against solid objects all the time, despite the pain and injury. They can’t help it. They’re too happy, hence the name of the wound. This takes creative bandaging or the occasional partial amputation to fix.

Originally posted by emiliotheexplorer

Conditions associated with Racing

Most greyhounds are reared for the race track and it’s not until later that they’re identified as being 'unsuitable’ for the track. Some greyhounds will be 'retired’ early, before they ever get to run, but many will be retired either with injuries or because they just don’t win. Greyhounds that have been retired due to injury are not necessarily lame, they may have healed well enough to do normal dog activities, just not enough to win races.

Track leg is probably the most common 'racetrack injury’ we see. It’s basically a swelling on the inside of the tibia below the knee, caused by the greyhound continually hitting its hind leg with a front leg as it runs around the track in the same direction all the time. They’re usually not painful, and generally go away when the greyhound is not restricted to always running in a very large circle.

Corns are hard thickenings in the bottom on a footpad, either secondary to trauma, foreign objects (grit) or papilomas. They start out small but grow with time, and are painful. It’s like having a stone in your shoe all the time and many greyhounds will become footsore because of it. Affected greyhounds are often reluctant to walk on harder surfaces, and anti-inflammatories doesn’t seem to make much difference. We treat them by paring them out and waiting patiently.

Grit in foot pads can cause corns, and can cause similar lameness to corns, but will show up on Xrays if you use high enough detail. These are fragments of sand or other foreign objects that have become embedded in the foot pads while running. Greyhounds are particularly lame with this injury and often don’t respond fully to anti-inflammatories. They need surgery to remove these pieces of grit, and the surgery can result in corns.

A Fractured hock, carpus or metacarpal/metatarsal might be a racing career ending injury, but not necessarily a life ending one. Depending on the extent of the fracture the greyhound may have no lameness with a walk or light run, or may end up with a completely fused joint. Generally these dogs are only retired to pet homes if they can still get themselves around pain free.

A Split Webbing is an injury to the web of skin between toes. When this skin tears it’s nearly impossible to get it to heal if both layers are torn, so the recommended technique is to split it all the way to the base of the toes and remove the webbing. This doesn’t seem to bother the dogs at all, and prevents it from re-tearing over and over again as it heals.

Maxillary Fractures are a rare injury of long-nosed dogs who are also klutzes and trip over, slamming their nose into a fence or the ground. This upwards force can fracture the upper jaw, just in front of the canine teeth. These fractures may be non displaced, causing little more than a blood nose and needing pain relief and soft food for a few weeks, or they may be loose and need wiring. They are fairly uncommon overall, but it seems to be greyhounds that get them most.

Associated with racing greyhound husbandry, Neospora infection from raw, infected beef consumption (and similar Toxoplasma from kangaroo or sheep) is more common in greyhounds due to their high prevalence of raw meat being fed. It may present as anything from back pain to blindness, and you can lose whole litters to these parasites.

There are a number of odd Assorted Sports therapy things that greyhounds might be subjected to, from particular lineaments being used, ultrasound therapy, chiropractic treatment or 'seeing the muscle men’, some of the 'treatments’ racing greyhounds are exposed to seem more like hope and witchcraft than medicine. These dogs may also have been supplemented with all sorts of things during their racing days, including iron and B12 as the most common supplements. You don’t necessarily know what a dog has or hasn’t been given in its racing days, but most will be little consequence, if any, after a few months.

Racing greyhounds are also known for a few particular metabolic weirdnesses. Exercise associated heart conditions, exercise associated epilepsy, water diabetes (like a temporary diabetes insipidus), rhabdomyolysis and acidosis are the most well known.

Anaesthesia

Now, this is an interesting difference. Greyhounds are a bit different when it comes to anaesthetics. Most vet students will easily recall that barbituate anaesthetics aren’t recommended in sighthounds due to their proportionally low body fat (and very young or very fat dogs for the same reasons), but greyhounds also seem to have a different liver metabolism that makes handling this class of drugs more difficult. Fortunately there are many other options these days.

The whole 'they die under anaesthesia’ thing is…sort of true. If you put them under anaesthetic when they’re under 24 hours off the race track then they tend to…well… die. But when these dog’s have been at rest for at least 24 hours there doesn’t seem to be a particular increase risk of death specifically.

These dogs are prone to both hypothermia and hyperthermia under anaesthetic, and in life in general.

They are prone to rapid wake ups from anaesthesia, which is not fun when you have a 30kg dog thrashing about and freaking out. For this reason higher premed doses seem to help if you’re using an alfaxalone protocol, medetomedine/butorphanol works well for sedation and we usually use xylazine/ketamine/atropine for orthopaedics. I will not be posting dose rates on this blog, but rest assured greyhounds are perfectly able to have an anaesthetic. They’ve got to get their dental disease treated somehow!

Compared to other breeds

Generally greyhounds are considered pretty healthy. They’re not free of problems, but their common problems are different to common problems in other breeds. Greyhounds have one of the lowest incidences of hip dysplasia in purebred dogs,  and rarely develop the same common structural issues we see in other breeds.

Their blood results are often a little different. A greyhound in racing condition will have a higher PCV, and a pet greyhound may keep this in their retired life. They often have a lower platelet count,  by around 20-25% or so, and may have a relatively low T4. A low T4 can be normal for a greyhound, and hypothyroidism shouldn’t be diagnosed without a TSH level.

They are, in general a little more prone to being clingy or developing separation anxiety. This is generally because most of these dogs are raised in big groups in a kennel situation, and may not get to be truly 'alone’ until they’re in a pet home. Some dogs just need a few weeks of being spoiled with TLC to adjust, some dogs need some pharmaceutical assistance for a while. Some dogs only really relax if they have a companion, but it depends on the individual.

So that is the greyhound breed from a veterinary viewpoint in a nutshell. Some of these points are brief because I only want to give you an overview, but I do recommend vet students spend some time in a greyhound practice, even if you don’t want to work with them or the racing industry, because the musculoskeletal exam of a greyhound is so much more thorough and I understood hocks and carpi much better in greyhounds than I ever did in horses.

Phew, that took a while to write. If you would like to support Dr Ferox’s writing time you can via Patreon for as little as $1 a month!

We never see the world as our retina sees it. In fact, it would be a pretty horrible sight: a highly distorted set of light and dark pixels, blown up toward the center of the retina, masked by blood vessels, with a massive hole at the location of the “blind spot” where cables leave for the brain; the image would constantly blur and change as our gaze moved around. What we see, instead, is a three-dimensional scene, corrected for retinal defects, mended at the blind spot, stabilized for our eye and head movements, and massively reinterpreted based on our previous experience of similar visual scenes. All these operations unfold unconsciously—although many of them are so complicated that they resist computer modeling. For instance, our visual system detects the presence of shadows in the image and removes them. At a glance, our brain unconsciously infers the sources of lights and deduces the shape, opacity, reflectance, and luminance of the objects.
—  Stanislas Dehaene, Consciousness and the Brain: Deciphering How the Brain Codes Our Thoughts

So I wasn’t going to write about this yet, but I’m too pissed off & I need to get it out.

So as many of you know, I’m legally blind. I have retinitis pigmentosa, this means I have tunnel vision, night blindness, a bunch of other symptoms, & will one day probably be blind.
This is incurable

I have been receiving disability living allowance for around 15 years, our government decided this system needed changing and we are currently in the process of switching everyone over to the new Personal Independence Payment.

To receive this, people with all manners of disabilities are being first asked to complete huge forms (mine was 46 pages) and then face an assessment from a barely trained, private healthcare professional.

This assessment has for many people been an incredibly upsetting experience, with stories of people being asked “why haven’t you killed yourself” or “do you have any friends” or in my case “did you go to a normal school” and being met with surprise that I went to university.

So that’s enough set up, my assessment was almost a month ago, so I thought I’d give them a call to find out the progress of my claim.

I have had my benefits stoped because I didn’t get enough points on the assessment. Not only did I not get enough points, I got ZERO points. The same an able bodied person would get. I was livid.

My partner, who is registered as my carer also, then took over the phone call & managed to get a manager to call us back to explain how this was possible.

We had the report the assessor made read to us, and damn is it ridiculous. There are several lies in it, some irrelevant things, & some complete twists of what I actually said.

I told a story of how recently I had been to the supermarket without either my cane or my partner, and I managed to have a major fall over some crates that were out of my eyeline, in the report this comes back as “is able to go to the supermarket alone”

There are so many other things, but I’ve rambled enough.

We’re going to fight this decision, we’re already putting together an appeal, and will go to our MP, and to tribunal if necessary.

That’s the PIP system, disabled people losing their much needed benefits because they are resilient enough to try to live a normal life.

Fuck the Tories, & anyone who voted for them

Thank you for reading this if you did

bronze-sau-luoi  asked:

Hcs about Momo and Vampire Todoroki please TToTT

I just want to start off by saying Todo is already super handsome and when I saw the Vampire costume he wore for the official art I was like rip me...TY FOR THE ASK BRONZE XD

READ PART TWO HERE

VAMPIRE TODOROKI AU (this is a modern vampire au) ENJOY!

-Momo, a renowned neuroscientist, is part of a middle class family in london; hearsay has it that vampires live amongst them but Momo doesn’t believe that. She’s all about science and rationalizing every thought that comes through her head so nope— no way will there EVER be vampires in this world.

-Momo works near Kings Cross and obviously everyone knows about the famous Harry Potter platform thing majig there; she ignores it ‘cas she sees it everyday and its just not anything special to her anymore unlike the first time she saw it being constructed

-But one Friday morning, in the midst of crowds trampling past each other at the station, she saw a man, not much older than her, probably the same age, stand by the Platform 9 ¾, looking super concerned

-She stared at him for so long people probably thought she was a creep. He had on a blue dress shirt and black dress pants, leather loafers with little tassels and his hair was a beautiful split of white and red (momo was immediately intrigued, more so than the research on retinal astrocytes that she was currently working on)

-He’s a tourist, probably, Momo thought, and she found herself walking to him, crossing her arms, studying the way he was examining the structure. Suddenly, he fanned his gaze over to her, the pressure so intense she felt as though she was engulfed in flames. 

-Todo gave her a scan; up and down, eyes hungry. She wondered if he was a perv. 

-The first thing he said to her was “you smell delicious’. His eyes were captivating; two different  colours, like two gems matched together.

-With her heart pounding, she ran off.

-The second time she saw him, he was at her doorstep. She was completely alarmed, hands scrambling to find the pepper spray in her purse and when Todo saw, he took a step back, and introduced himself. He reassured her that he was only here to chat; his eyes didn’t change though, still sincere but almost with a primal need.

-”You don’t need to invite me into your house.” “I wasn’t going to.” He grinned, fangs showing, “You’re an intelligent woman.”

-Momo wanted to scream, were those fangs for God’s sake?! But she didn’t. Within her, somewhere, a strong magnetism is pulling her to him.

-He walked over.“200 years ago, I was told my mate would be there exactly at that spot on Friday, September the 22nd and they weren’t wrong.”

-Her blood smelled like honey and her lips probably tasted just as sweet; Todo sat her down on the asphalt and Momo wasn’t sure what to take of all of this but nothing could describe the way he’s luring her; a polarity so powerful, she could only gulp every time his eyes bore onto hers.

-They meet on and off for the next few weeks.  Momo hiding his identity from others and she falls for him, hard and fast.

-The  first date they had was on Halloween and Momo, for the first time, let him feed on her.

-After dinner, wine and cheese to end, Momo sat on his lap, hair cascading on one side of her shoulders, the nape of her neck exposed, and his fangs dug into her. Momo held onto his arm tight, somehow pleasure mixed with pain so immense she let out a whimper.

-This was in his house, a mansion under a hill, and it was quiet with no crazy dressed-up kids around.

-When he was done, her forehead rested on his and they stayed there for awhile. He was wrong; she tasted even better than honey. She was panting.

-Todo knew it’d hurt, so he wrapped his arms around her waist and cooed. 

-”Now that I’ve finally found you, I’m not letting you go.”

-Todo is scared shitless everytime Momo tries to kiss him after she eats garlic bread; “ITS SCRUMPTIOUS” she tells him and he’s just 5 metres away.

-Momo once took him as a date for her coworker’s wedding, and he’s was sweating like crazy ‘cas it was held in a chapel.

-”All these…stakes and crosses…..” He cringed and Momo finds it funny. 

-Todo’s petrified every time he passes by a bookstore and sees ‘Twilight’; “Momo, have you ever read the book?” “No, why?” “ Just to let you know, we aren’t sparkly like the vampires in there.” “Yes, Shouto, I’ve noticed.” 

anonymous asked:

If you're in the mood to write some smut, I would love to read some dirty talking at a place where dirty talk shouldn't be happening and one gets very flustered and has to go "deal with this" and the other secretly follows them and walks in on them getting themself off and joins in yes please 😈

Maggie’s signed all the paperwork with Pam and she’s been given separate tours from Winn, Vasquez, J’onn, and, of course, from Alex.

She has, now, pretty much free reign to stroll through the DEO as she pleases.

Her own retinal scan and everything.

Usually, she uses it for Space Dad Approved Reasons.

Reasons like bursting in to help the DEO plan a defense against Cadmus, against Daxamites, against the U.S. military.

Reasons like bringing his Earth Daughter lunch because she knows Kara’s busy at CatCo and Alex will forget to eat otherwise.

Reasons like picking up Alex after a sixteen hour shift when she would otherwise forget that it’s well-past time to stop working and go home.

But sometimes?

Sometimes, Maggie uses her all-access pass to the DEO for reasons that make J’onn desperately wish his Earth daughters didn’t think so damn loudly.

Because Maggie steals behind Alex is Alex’s lab, and slips her hands around Alex’s hips.

“Mmmm, you look so damn fuckable like this, Danvers.”

Alex squeaks and jumps, her face immediately reddening, and Maggie studies her face carefully.

“That okay, Alex?”

Alex’s eyes shift around the lab, and her heady grin grows with each passing second of silence, of Maggie’s breath on her neck.

“Yeah,” she whispers, and feels more than sees Maggie grin.

“So what are you working on?” Maggie asks at a typical –  a socially acceptable, no-I’m-most-certainly-not-talking-my-girlfriend-nearly-to-orgasm – volume and tone as another couple of agents walk into the lab and nod at Agent Danvers and her girlfriend.

Alex gulps and tries not to splutter through her explanation.

Maggie mmhmms in all the right places, and nods at all the right times, but the words that slip past her lips next have nothing to do with the molecular structure of Daxamite DNA.

“I wanna go home and grab your glasses and eat you out right here. While you’re wearing nothing but those glasses.”

Alex rapidly transforms her gasp into a cough, her moan into a clearing of her throat.

“Okay?” Maggie confirms, and Alex’s eyes flutter closed over her microscope, and she doesn’t move her body – though god, how she wants to – and she nods.

Maggie leans up on her tip toes and whispers, soft, hot, and low, right into Alex’s ear.

“Are you getting wet for me, Agent Danvers?” 

Alex nods, again almost imperceptibly, and she bites her lip as she changes slides.

“Good. Because I want to slip inside you and stretch you out until you can’t do anything but scream my name.”

Alex bites down on her lip harder to prevent the scream that she needs to let out right. The fuck. Now.

“I’m going to uh… check the progress of those latest blood samples. The ones we need for the… the study,” she announces in a most-certainly-not-thinking-about-my-girlfriend-fucking-me-right-now voice.

She adds, lower, to Maggie, “I have to go deal with this. You… you just… I…” She splutters and she blushes and she stares at Maggie’s lips and she forces her eyes away because she needs to deal with this. Now.

Maggie grins, and Maggie follows.

She loses track of her girlfriend for a moment, as she turns down another long DEO corridor, but she finds her in the first supply closet she finds, head tilted back, eyes fluttered closed, one hand bracing her body against a table, the other in her unzipped black pants.

Maggie’s name is on her parted, panting lips, and it’s one of the hottest, most beautiful things Maggie’s ever seen.

“Alex?” she asks, and her voice is softer, sweeter, than it had been a few minutes ago.

Alex’s eyes snap open and her body freezes before it relaxes – before she relaxes.

“Lock the door,” she rasps, and Maggie obeys, suddenly shy, suddenly wide-eyed. Suddenly in awe of the power of this woman; the raw desire this perfect, gorgeous woman has for… her.

Alex slips her hand out of her pants and steps toward the door; toward her girlfriend.

Her girlfriend who was just deriving a great deal of pleasure from teasing her, from driving her absolutely out of her mind. In her own lab.

And Alex Danvers? Is nothing if not competitive.

And she decides two can play at that game.

Maggie’s back is against the door and Alex’s chest is flush against hers before Maggie can react.

“Color?” Alex husks, pupils dilating dangerously, lovingly, needily, her hands loose – ready to either release or hold harder – on Maggie’s wrists, pinned above her head.

Maggie’s eyes drift up to where Alex has her hands pushed down, and she barely stifles a moan. “Green, Alex,” she whispers, and Alex’s hands tighten, and she brings her lips down to meet Maggie’s – hard and fierce and knowing exactly, exactly, exactly, what she wants.

Maggie grinds her hips forward as they kiss, as Alex keeps her hands immobile above her head. Desperate for pressure from Alex’s thigh, desperate to touch her, desperate, desperate, desperate.

But Alex chuckles into their kiss and she pulls her lower body away from Maggie’s. Her whine almost makes Alex relent – almost – but instead, she bends to nip at Maggie’s neck, to flit her tongue across Maggie’s earlobe, whispering huskily into her ear.

“You were having such a good time teasing me, Sawyer. You shouldn’t deal out what you can’t take, hmmm?”

“Alex,” Maggie whispers, helpless, writhing, desperate for Alex’s pressure between her legs, desperate for… for Alex.

She glances up at Maggie’s wrists, and asks again.

“All good?”

Maggie nods, biting her lip.

“Please, Al,” she begs, and Alex arches an eyebrow.

“Thought you wanted to fuck me in the DEO,” she rasps, and Maggie gasps raggedly as she gets her girlfriend’s meaning.

“Please, Agent Danvers,” she whispers. 

“Please what, Maggie?”

“Please let me touch you,” Maggie whines, and Alex drags her eyes up and down Maggie’s body and smirks as she presses a quick kiss to Maggie’s forehead.

“Is that all you want?” she demands, and Maggie shakes her head. “So tell me.”

“I want you to fuck me.” Alex waits. Maggie gulps. “I want you to fuck me, Agent Danvers.”

Alex grins and groans and takes one of her hands off of Maggie’s wrists, traipsing down her arms, her face, her throat, her chest, her torso, to the buckle of her belt. 

She sets her focus on that damn buckle, and the look of concentration, of raw desire, of pure focus and dedication, lights a very different kind of fire in Maggie’s core than the one already burning.

Before Alex can react, Maggie flips her so it’s Alex with her back against the door, Alex with her hands pinned above her head, Alex panting and whining and writhing for Maggie to press her body closer.

“That okay, Alex?” Maggie asks gently, and Alex nods once, twice, three times, over and over and over, because god, yes, it was alright. More than alright. 

God.

“I’m pretty sure you came in here to um… deal with certain things, Agent Danvers,” Maggie tells her casually, her voice low, her voice dripping, her voice raw.

“I did, yeah,” Alex rasps, her voice gravel, her voice needy, her voice absolutely wrecked.

“And what were those things?”

“You.”

“Me?”

Alex whines and writhes against the wall. “You fucking me.”

“Is that all?” Maggie’s eyes rake down Alex’s body as her hands hold Alex’s wrists steady.

“You going down on me.”

Maggie’s eyes roll to the back of her head for a moment, and she almost gives up the game then and there. But she started this, and dammit, she sees things through.

“Oh yeah?”

Alex nods and Alex squeaks, and it’s one of the most perfect sounds Maggie’s ever heard.

“And how were you going to deal with all that, Agent Danvers?”

Alex writhes and bites her lip and blushes, hard.

“You good, Ally?” Maggie asks, her voice softer, gentler, lighter, as she kisses Alex’s nose.

Alex smiles and nods.

“Please don’t stop.”

Maggie kisses her lips, gently at first, more needy as Alex parts her lips for her tongue eagerly.

“So? I asked you a question. You wanna be a good girl and answer for me?”

“I was… I was gonna touch myself.”

Maggie barely swallows a moan.

“Would you… would you want me to do that for you?”

Alex almost screams. “Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, please. Detective Sawyer. Please.”

“Please what?”

Alex whines in frustration, in excitement, in love.

“Please touch me, Mags. Please.”

“Anything for you, Alex.”

And when she takes one hand off of Alex’s wrists to slip under Alex’s pants, under Alex’s underwear, she moans at how soaked Alex is for her. She shifts so her thigh supports her hand between Alex’s legs, and she pauses, eyes locked on Alex’s face.

“Please,” Alex confirms, and Maggie slips inside her. Alex screams, and Maggie kisses her, one hand holding her hands above her head and the other hand fucking her, swallowing Alex’s screams with her own tongue.

And when Alex cums all over Maggie’s fingers, all over her palm, it’s with Maggie’s name on her lips and Maggie’s breath in her mouth.

“That… that was…” Alex pants as she comes down from her high, as Maggie slips out of her and holds braces her wet hand against the door, leaning into Alex, holding her, stroking her cheek, her hair, with her clean hand.

Their foreheads touch, and they breathe.

Just breathe.

“Yeah. Yeah, it was.”

A quick rap at the door makes them both jump, makes them both adjust their clothes and their hair, makes Maggie casually hold one hand behind her back as Alex tugs the door open.

Vasquez is standing at attention, a shit-eating grin on her face, even as she refuses to quite meet either of their eyes.

“Ma’ams. Director Henshaw requests that if you must – and I quote – ‘behave like hormonal human teenagers at the workplace’, that you at least choose a room that has psychic dampeners so he doesn’t have to – and I quote again – ‘regret everything about his telepathic heritage.’ Ma’ams.”

Vasquez pivots and walks quickly away before she can snort with laughter at just how red badass Agent Alex Danvers’s face can get.

And all for the love of a girl.

Murder

A'IGHT IT’S TIME TO LEARN U A THING

IN ONLY FIVE YES FIVE EASY STEPS YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER LET’S BEGIN SHALL WE FRIENDO???

Step one: Choosing the victim!
You don’t really want to murder your next door neighbor because police investigate and question the neighbors and relatives also friends of the victim. Buuut, also don’t murder a person three states over, because then the police can say “Y/N took a road trip on the day before the murder- and that trip was to an area near the crime!” Boom, suspects list+ prison.

Basically, don’t murder your neighbor, but also don’t murder someone that you need a road trip to get to.

Make sure it’s not
•a friend
•a family
•a datemate

because those are the people that people usually murder.


Step two: Precautions and Preparations

Organized murders are always better.
Buuut always have a plan b

And c

Hopefully d and e.

Buy EVERYTHING at least a month in advance

With cash. Things bought in card are tracked.

And!!! Don’t buy everything at once. You don’t wanna be the guy who is at the checkout counter with rope, pliers, garbage bags, and kitchen knives. Just… Don’t.

Please.

Don’t forget the cleaning supplies! Hydrogen peroxide gets bloodstains out!


Step three: Method of killing

So you already have
•a victim
•a plan
•supplies

Remember that you also don’t need to kill them at home! Homes have security systems quite a lot of the time.

But!!! Don’t make it a too public place! That’s gonna be important in step four.
Here’s some methods.

Strangulation:
Use a thick pillow that belongs to the person, not you… Unless you burn it afterwards. That’s ok. Sometimes, your victim will fake a death. If they suddenly go limp, pinch them really hard and suddenly. If they flinch or tense up at all, keep applying pressure

Stabbing:
Not recommended, as its a messy death that lets them scream unless you gag them. Again, hydrogen peroxide. Use an icicle! It melts afterwards, so there’s no murder weapon!

Injection:
Poisoning is sooo last week. Simply get a hypodermic needle and fill the syringe with air. It mimics a heart attack but can’t be stopped by asprin, so you can even skip step four if you want.

Actually, if you wanna poison, make sure you use a strong poison like ricin. You can coat a needle with it and subtly stab it into someone’s thigh or buttcheek. They’ll never suspect that that person who bumped into them in the crowd was their killer.

Heck, you could just hang them and frame it as suicide.


Step four: Body Disposal

Burying:
Ok, ok, I admit that this one is a bit overused. But oh well, this is my fave one, so you get a tutorial.
Satellites look for holes or patches of turned dirt that are about six feet long because, well, its suspicious!

Drain and portion the body.

Draining: put the body’s head against the side of the tub so that is is raised. Get a plastic chair, like a lawn chair even, and out the body’s feet and shins on it. Basically, you only want the lower back and butt to touch the floor of the tub. Make a couple slits in the butt and lower back, make sure they go deep. Two things to remember here.
•Blood. Is. Not. Nuclear. Waste. Chill. Please.
•dont feel bad friendo its a body it can’t feel any pain. K???
Ok so then proceed to mix the collected fluids with slaked lime but just a bit! and oxygen producing bleach. Then let it drain some more until you’re sure that there’s no more fluids in it, then sprinkle slaked lime and pour in the bleach.

Portioning is literally cutting it in bits. Nothing much to say except cut with a sharp knife at the joints.

Ok, so back to burial. There are a couple choices for location.
You can bury it in the hole where a casket will be buried soon. Just dig maybe three feet deeper and cover the body with a nice thick layer of sand. When the casket is buried, so will your body. Extremely low chance that the body will be found.

You could just bury it in a wooded or simply non inhabitated place by burying it with the rest of that slaked lime vertically 6-10 feet underneath a dead dog. If body sniffing hounds dig up the dog (or other animal) the police will assume that it’s a false positive and go away, phew.

But you could always mix it with some fish parts and go fishing. Chum the water a bit. Only if fishing’s your thing tho. Idk you might catch a marlin or somethin.

AN IMPORTANT NOTE!!!
THERE ARE SOME BODY PARTS THAT NEED TO BE DESTROYED!!!

Body part.
Good method of destroying
Why destroying is needed

Bellybutton.
Knife, sharp shovel, fire
Mix of debris and bacteria is unique

Ears
Knife, fire
Pattern of rings and swirls is like a fingerprint

Eyes
Toothpick (fun fact: eyes are mostly liquid on the inside, just pop it like a 🎈.) Fire, knife, fork
Retinal scans, my dear. Also digital face reconstruction.

Teeth
Hammer, pliers
You want to pulverize teeth and turn them into a powder that you scatter. Dental records.

Fingertips
Knife, fire
Fingerprints and debris.

Hair
Fire, scissors (both is good)
The same reason you don’t want any of your hair at the crime scene, my dear.

Also!!! If you have the time and the tools, it will help if you cut up the pelvis into many many pieces and bury it separately. Pelvis can I’d gender. Basically, you want this body unrecognizable.

By anyone.

I’m serious.

Dead serious.

Sorry. I had to make that pun.


Step five: Last regards and rules of thumb

Don’t get cocky. That’s how serial killers get caught.

Wear clothes and shoes that are too big, and stuff the shoes so it isn’t too obvious that they are a different size. It also helps to sand down the soles so that they leave no unique prints. Burn all clothes and shoes after the murder.

Wear a hoodie or other hat so you don’t leave hair at the scene and so the color can’t be id’d. Use a spray on wash out dye in a natural color just in case.

Avoid the news and papers for at least three weeks after your crime, the police use those as tools to psyche you out and make you want to turn yourself in.

And remember…

Until they find a body, it’s just another dead person.

TL;DR
don’t kill friend
Clean up
Dry up and bury the body
Stay hidden
😃

  • Character A: How's C's security?
  • Character B: The usual, fingerprint scanners, retinal and voice recognition, and weight analysis on the floor.
  • Character A: For the safe?
  • Character B: For the elevator. To take us to the floor of the safe. On the floor there are lasers, automated guns, 24/7 cameras-
  • Character A: We're dead aren't we?
  • Character B: No doubt.
  • Character A: You in?
  • Character B: Obviously.