So, today was CheerfulTM. So, the thing is, I have a somewhat severe bipolar ii and borderline personality disorder, so it’s always fun to work in customer service when my mental illnesses act up. Especially since virtually no one than my family knows about those. Well, today my bipolar was acting up. It was actually acting for the past three days. I get cheerful and energetic one minute and then irritated another. And I consciously know it’s my bipolar causing these emotions but I can’t do anything about it. Just wait for it to settle down and for me to go into a depressive episode
So, today was particularly bad. I was energetic and overall chatty with customers even though a part of me was really irritated and wants to be left alone and that contrast left me stressed and close to tears but I kept telling myself, to just wait until my lunch and then I can eat and break down.
Well, anyway, someone came to take over for me while I was busy checking out two guys. Their total came up to 120 and some change. Well, they gave me 105 dollars. I told them they’re short 15 dollars and change and they gave that change. Anyway, while I was putting in their money, I thought they gave me an extra five and I was about to hand it to them until I remembered that the extra five was actually a necessary one. My coworker joked that I was distracted and I told her I’m just hungry. Well, anyway, one of the guys said something to the other one in Spanish and they began laughing. My coworker told me that they called me garbage and an idiot and tbh, that was the last straw. I hurriedly put the money in the drawer, signed off and went off to cry in the bathroom.
I must have been there for about 15 minutes sobbing without clocking out. After I gathered myself enough, I clocked out and went to eat my lunch. It took me another half an hour to calm down in which I seriously contemplated suicide. Thankfully I snapped out of it and I told myself if I wasn’t safe in another hour, I’ll clock off and go home and maybe go to a hospital if it persisted. Thankfully, I calmed down after a while and it did help that I interacted with nice customers.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. I just wanted to say fuck you to those guys for making to contemplate suicide and to every customer that is rude to cashiers. They don’t know what people are going thro so don’t be rude.
Can we normalize the idea that, just like everyone has certain levels of physical labor they can’t perform, everyone also has certain levels of emotional labor they can’t perform? Like, yeah, when you work retail you should be considerate and friendly to all customers, but not everyone can have an energetic mood for 8 hours in a row. That guy that works at the register who’s always got an ear-to-ear smile and has long conversations with every customer about any topic under the sun is not the standard by which all employees’ friendliness should be compared, he’s the equivalent of the guy that works out every day that moves huge items like they’re nothing. Yeah, Joe the unloader can lift 50-pound boxes onto pallets for 8 hours straight, but I can’t. Yeah, Dan the cashier can smile and laugh and be energetic for 8 hours straight, but I can’t. Just like the former doesn’t mean I’m lazy, the latter doesn’t mean I’m rude.