Healing - Part 7

Summery: umm drama.

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 1800+ (Coz I’m a wordy bitch)

A/N: Sorry this is a day late. Results day was this week and I was really stressed. I haven’t proof read it properly so if there’s anything wrong feel free to contact me. @helllaellla @bovaria @marvel-ash @marvelfanfichq @givebuckyhisplums2k16 @starstar1012 @fairy-frills @jasmins3 @emilypkuzu @annadier @buckystories @shamvictoria11 @feelmyroarrrr @totheendofthelinepal @sorryidontspeakgrounder-world @thelazyorange

“Healing” Masterlist


Originally posted by clutterbucky

You didn’t say anything, just showed it to her. She took a deep breath and rubbed her face with her hands.

‘So it’s either your fiancé of this other guy? Are you going to te-’

‘I’m sorry, I have to leave’ She left the room in a hurry, messily picking up her bag and coat in the process. You followed her but by the time you got to the waiting room she had already gone. You felt a hand on your arm that tugged you into a nearby store cupboard.

‘What the fuck did you do? That girl was so composed when she came in here and she just left crying!’

‘That girl is a woman. The other woman in fact. Who is fucking pregnant.’ You kept your voice low even though it was still every stern.

‘What.’ Her body retreated.

‘Yeah. And that is not my fault.’ You looked over at her. It was difficult to see her expression in the dimly lit room but you could make out one emotion. Distress. ‘What?! What is it?’

‘Henry - her fiancé - he can’t have kids’ the last 4 words made the entire world crumble around you. But you didn’t care. You could only focus on what she said next. ‘So Ben has to be the father.’ You tried to inhale but the pain blocked it. You choked on the empty hole that replaced your heart and felt your legs malfunction.

Celia caught you and made you stand up right. After you were stable she put her hand on your shoulder to say ‘I’m really sorry’.

‘SORRY!’ You grabbed her hand off you shoulder and harshly threw it away. ‘YOU’RE SORRY, SORRY DOESN’T CUT IT, CELIA.’ You carelessly flung your words at her, not caring about who could hear you outside. ‘Because this’ you gestured toward your wedding ring. ‘This has nothing on what they have now. God damnit. They’re gonna have a child together. If you had just told me earlier thi-’

‘She might get an abortion.’ Her calmness didn’t surprise you. As doctors you were used to people getting hysterical and having to remain calm. ‘She looked very distressed when she left. And she has a fiancé and he has you-’

‘Had. He had me’ there was anger in your voice, dry anger. Not wet anger like you had before.

‘So you’re leaving him?’

‘Well yeah. He’s got another girl pregnant after fucking her for 2 years.’

‘But there’s something else. You’ve already made up your mind. Oh, my god. There’s someone else.’ You looked down sheepishly, a complete juxtaposition to the anger filled rant you had a few minutes before. ‘Do I know him? Did you meet him with your new job? Is he an avenger? Have you slept with him?’

‘Wooh wooh. In order. No. Kinda. I think. And yes.’

‘You’ve slept with him!?’

‘Well I’ve known him for months but only slept with him the night I found out about Ben and Veronica.’

‘Your anniversary’ you nodded. ‘And he’s an avenger? Which one?’ You turned to face the door. She pulled you back once more. ‘I have a right to know’

‘You have a right to know nothing, why do you have a right to know? I had a right to know about Ben but you kept that, so I’m not telling you anything’ the truth in your words slapped her in face.

You walked you of the hospital not caring for you job anymore. The only thing you cared about was the mission as Natasha had put it. Well, you had to do some field work at some point.

You drove around for a while. You passed all the places of significance for yours and Ben’s relationship.

The college you went to together. The park where you first kissed. The restaurant where you had most of your dates. The tree where you made up after your first fight.

With every object, building and place the meant so much to your relationship your anger grew. Till you finally knew where you wanted to be. Bucky’s.

‘Hey, are you alright?’ Bucky’s voice always cheered you up, and let’s face it, you weren’t having the best day.

‘I’m going to do it today!’ You pushed past him to talk to the rest of the group. ‘Make sure you’re ready’

‘But what about the plan?’ Steve was always one for plans. Then he noticed your tear streaked, red face.

‘Well, he’s gone and done something stupid’. You didn’t sit down, even though you need to rest your aching body.

‘Even more stupid then sleeping with someone else for 2 years’, Natasha laughed to try to keep it light hearted.

‘He got her pregnant, so yeah.’ Any attempt to comfort you was forgotten because you began to walk away. ‘So, don’t be late! I’ll text you any details’.

You got into the car, again, and used the rear screen mirror to fix your makeup. You hadn’t noticed (or cared really) about the black lines of mascara and tears on your face. But now you had to compose yourself to complete your mission. You picked up your phone to organise what you were planing.

‘Henry? Hi! How are you?..Yeah, yeah, I’m good. What are you doing tonight?.. Yeah, well I need to talk to Veronica. Can Ben and I come over?’

You drove home as fast as you could. You instinctively wanted to dress up, to try and show your husband that you could be better than her. But realised that you wanted show her you were better than her.

You put on that dress, the one that he loved. The one you had put on once for Bucky, you hadn’t realised it then but now you looked back Bucky was the one you wanted to impress. You touched up your makeup and put a little more lipstick on than normal.

Ben was sitting at the table drinking his afternoon coffee and reading the newspaper.

‘Benny, get ready for dinner. We’re going for dinner!’ You voices was cheerful, and judging by the way he put his coffee down he had noticed your dress.


‘A friends. You don’t know them very well’. You laughed internally.

He had got ready and picked out a bottle of wine from your collection to take as a gift. You were in the car when he began to ask you something but a traffic report interrupted him. Throughout the rest of the journey you had kept the radio on and kept him quiet. When you neared the house you saw his worried expression from the corner of your eye. But when you pulled into their drive the look on his face was priceless. Pale, all the blood drained from his face. You pretended not to notice so walked up to the door, swaying your hips a little more, and rung the doorbell.

‘Y/N! So lovely of you to come!’ Henry was way to nice for Veronica.

‘So lovely of you to have us. You remember Ben’ gesturing to your husband.

‘Of course. Great of you too come’, he ushered to two of you inside and you heard a quiet “thanks” from Ben. ‘Ronnie! People are here, come down’

Veronica walked down the stairs in a cheesy prom type style, but she wasn’t wearing a ball gown and her hair wasn’t perfect. Honestly, she looked like a mess and you were secretly happy that she did. You might be a bitch toward her but could you blame yourself.

There was a look exchanged between the two cheaters before Ben was pulled away by henry to talk about some wine. Leaving you and Veronica. Perfect.

‘What are you doing here?!’ Her voice was low and her eyes darted around, as if the walls could hear her.

‘Well, Henry and I had talked about organising dinner and after what happened today, we need to talk. Doctor to patient. Plus Henry’s part Italian so he doesn’t mind it.’

‘Fine. Let’s talk about it. Then you can leave.’

‘Leave?’ Henry’s voice startled the both of you. ‘The just got here, hon. Plus I cooked extra dinner’. She walked out of the room and Henry hosted you till the dinner table was laid and the food was out.

‘Oh my goodness! This is amazing!’ You weren’t lying. You like Henry. Maybe it was his kind nature of the fact that he was in the same position as you be you found yourself drawn to him.

‘Thank you. I’ll give you the recipe, if you want’

‘That would be amazing.’

‘You said you wanted to talk to Ronnie.’

‘I did but I don’t know if Veronica would want me to say it at the dinner table’ you looked over at her. She wasn’t eating her food, she just pushed it around her plate.

‘We are getting married, no secrets remember’ if it only worked like that. Your eyes were still on her. She gave her fiancé a pained look then looked at you and signalled you to proceed. She was being very brave considering she was sleeping with two people in the room.

‘Okay?’ You had to admit that the advice you had given many times before was generic. This time, however, it gave you butterflies. ‘Well, there are a few routes you could take. There’s keeping the child, adoption or abortion. In my professional opinion you should talk to the father first.’ Henry was staring at you in confusion, obvious he knew of his condition. ‘Or I could?’

‘How do you know who it is?’ This was the first thing she had said during dinner.

‘Because, I know when my husband is lying’ at this point in the conversation all eyes were on you and you felt powerful. You turned to face the man sitting next to you, your husband. ‘Congratulations! You are going to be father. And after, what was it, 2 years of trying.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Henry Murmured, his words filled with confusion and loss. Hoping for an explanation. So you gave it to him, short and not-so-sweet.

‘Your fiancée is fucking my husband’

‘BITCH!’ She stood up and pushed her chair back. The outburst had caught you by surprise but you kept calm.

‘Yeah, but can you blame me?’ You got up to leave the house. But before you could she slapped your head, hard. All your instincts told you to punch her back. Put your training into good use. But you didn’t. You simply took your coat off of the rack and walked out to meet Bucky and the others, who were waiting for you in the car.

3 years and 363 days ago, i got into my university even though i didn’t get the right grades. i was really disappointed and i didn’t check online if i had got in, so there was an awkward twenty minutes when i was congratulating everyone else at my admittedly pretentious and smart school while feeling terrible that I didn’t get my first choice.

fast forward to today, and i don’t even speak to the same people i congratulated. i smashed my dissertation, got a decent result, and now I’m about to start studying a masters at the same university. i helped raise £70,000 for charity, helped kick off a UK-wide network of university record labels, had a friend die for the first time and lived independently for the first time.

good luck to everyone for tomorrow

you all did fantastic regardless of how your a-level exams went

Results Tomorrow! Good Luck!

What Results show:

  • That you are statistically below/above/average in your year group and that the answers to the questions were suited to how you think and what you revised.
  • You’re suited to classroom learning and exam thinking
  • ?????
  • ???

What Trying/Revision shows:

  • You’re patient 
  • You’re hardworking
  • You pay attention to others and what they are saying
  • You can listen and use advice given to you 
  • You don’t give up easily (Keep going!)
  • You care about your future and about others because your trying to make them happy by not disappointing them. 
  • You’re a sensible, rational person that knows what they have to do
  • You’re not cocky or arrogant because you understand that you can’t just rely on how great you are you have to work at it.
  • You’re prepared to pause what you want to do because other things are more important.
  • You’re confident enough to know you can do it, so don’t stop at hurdle #1
  • You have what it takes to really succeed in the world because you know you have to work towards a goal in order to achieve your dreams instead of just dreaming and waiting.
  • Unlike people who got good grades without revising YOU have the skill set to continue to do better.
  • Maybe you know that exams don’t matter that much but that they are important to unis/family remember so still kept going.

No Matter What’s In That Envelope It Can’t Change Who You Are Or What You Are Capable Of!

Originally posted by creepydarling

How to be kind to yourself this results day ❤

So I have left it a bit late to write this but it being A level (and GCSE and AS level) results day tomorrow in the UK I thought I would make a post about dealing with the nerves and the aftermath of receiving results. I know it is something I and many of my friends struggled with this time 4 years ago (wow I feel old…!), and I definitely could’ve done with some help because I had a difficult couple of days ahead of me. So here are a collection of tips/advice for tomorrow. Some you may find helpful, others not, we are all different! But hopefully you can take something away from this.

  • You can’t change anything now. Your exams are done, and whatever it is going to say on that piece of paper tomorrow is already there. The best thing you can do right now is try to help yourself get through the day and process the results so that you can move on in a productive way.
  • This may feel important, and it is, but it is not the end of the world if it doesn’t go your way this time. You can go to your insurance choice. You can take a gap year and reapply to university next year. You might have to take a different path to achieve your goals, but it is important to remember that there are other paths! And at the end of the day, you can never know what your life would’ve been like - it might be that another path is actually the best path for you! I am not a superstitious person so I am not going to say everything happens for a reason, but sometimes things are beyond your control. Let life take you the way it wants to take you; sometimes it’s easier that way.
  • You are more than your results. You are beautiful and worthy and valid and loved! Think of all of the things in your life apart from your education: family, friends, sports, hobbies etc. All of these things are valuable and good. Yes education is important but it is not all there is to life! Try to be thankful of all of the other things that you have. Make a list if you think it will help you!
  • Your results are not the sum total of the past year. Think about everything you’ve learned and achieved, both academic and personal, over the last 12 months. You are a different person to the one you were at the beginning of this, and that is a good thing! You have grown into a better version of yourself. Be proud of that. Be proud of all of the hours you put in. Even if you feel you could have (or should have) done better, recognise that you were trying your best at the time (even procrastination is a legitimate struggle!). Try to find some love for the version of yourself that made those mistakes. They deserve it!
  • Try to see your results in a balanced way. Maybe you didn’t get that A in Spanish that you were hoping for, but you surpassed your expectation in Chemistry! Whatever your results, I guarantee you there are positives to be taken from them.
  • Failure is valuable and necessary. When I found out that I hadn’t made my offer, I thought I would fall apart. Of course I was devastated. But if I hadn’t failed, I would never have learned how to better myself. Failure helped me to understand how the fear of failure itself was holding me back, and how I could overcome that fear. I would not be the person I am today if I had made my offer, and the struggle and the fight it took to get me back to where I wanted to be showed me how strong I actually was, and how failure was not something I needed to fear anymore. It sounds counter intuitive, but failure helped me to believe in myself, because I know now that I can bounce back.
  • Give yourself time to celebrate/process. Whatever happens tomorrow, please take some time off to be kind to yourself/do something you love! Even if you do have work to do now, it is SO important to deal with any negative emotions you are feeling, and to look after yourself, so that when you do start work again you are in a good frame of mind to do so.

Good luck to everyone! And if anyone needs to vent, my inbox is always open. I am sending so much love your way right now, I hope you can feel it! x x x