Disposable pt 17
Being friends with benefits with Min Yoongi can be complicated (at best) by itself. But when you accidentally tell your family (and his boss) that the two of you are dating, things get messy. It only complicates things more when you blackmail Yoongi into pretending to date you, and neither of you can quite keep your feelings separate, no matter how much you try.
Angst, fluff, slight smut at times.
Yoongi x Reader
The chatter of the crowded cafe surrounded you, but at the small table you found in the far corner, it all seemed to fade away. You had no idea how Yoongi had actually talked you into coming, no idea why you weren’t running away–that was all you really wanted to do. There were a million reasons you could think of for Yoongi to be there, and not one of them good.
It didn’t help that every time you looked at him you were reminded of just how much you cared about him, and just how much you had hurt each other. There was no recovering after what had happened, but Yoongi’s uncharacteristically shy smile gave you butterflies and a hope that you knew was stupid.
You weren’t sure how long the two of you had been sitting there, avoiding the other persons eyes and busying yourselves looking at the table or the floor, but your large coffee was nearly empty and Yoongi had pushed his aside a while ago.
Part of you wanted to keep the silence. It was nice (even if painful) to be around him again, and as long as neither of you said anything, you could pretend that everything was fine, and this wasn’t the last time you would probably ever see him. Even though you knew that the longer it went on, the worse it would be when he was gone, you wanted to live in the moment a little longer.
But the rational part of you knew better. You needed to get this over with, to rip it off like a bandaid. Maybe today would give you some closure, there was at least a small chance. But either way, the sooner you were out of this cafe and back at your desk, the sooner you could go back to pretending that everything was fine.
“So how have you been?” You asked finally, and Yoongi’s eyes snapped to yours so fast you nearly jumped.
“Really good, actually.” He said, and you tried to smile. You genuinely were happy to hear this, but it made your heart sink none the less. It was selfish, you knew, but you would be lying if you said you weren’t hoping to hear that he had missed you. “I started playing the piano again, even called my parents last week.”
“That’s great.” You said, broadening your smile. You wondered briefly if you would ever have the chance to hear him play again, but knew that it was unlikely. Even so, the fact that he was doing something he loved again made you more than happy for him.
“What about you?” There was a hesitant concern in Yoongi’s eyes, and you did your best to brush it off. You didn’t know quite how to answer his question, knowing that telling him the whole truth would be pointless.
“I’ve been staying out of trouble.” You said with a smile, wanting away from the subject as soon as possible. “Your new job’s been okay?”
“Yeah.” Yoongi nodded. “I’ll be honest, my boss isn’t as cool as Namjoon, but it’s been going really well.”
“I’m happy for you.” You said, unsure of what else to say, but you meant it. At least one of you had moved on and was happy.
“Thanks.” It was a simple phrase, but there was something genuine about Yoongi’s smile that made your heart skip a beat. “Look, about what happened…” Yoongi started, and you shook your head. You knew this was going to happen, and you didn’t really want to hear whatever it was Yoongi had to say. It was just going to make all those emotions resurface, and you didn’t know how you were going to deal with it all again.
“Yoongi…” You started, but he cut in.
“You said you’d hear me out.” He said, his eyes determined. “And I’m afraid if I don’t hurry up and say this, I never will. So I need you to just listen for a bit.”
You nodded reluctantly, eyes flicking to him before settling on his hands. His nails were bitten down to the quick, and you wondered if it was from nerves at the thought of seeing you. You immediately scolded yourself, there was no reason for you to believe that.
“I never wanted to care about you.” Yoongi began, and already you were wishing he hadn’t. “Not that it was just you, I kept my distance from everyone for years–I had about a million reasons that I used to rationalize it. I thought I could keep feelings out of it, but you’re just so…” His voice trailed off, and you could have sworn his cheeks had a hint of pink. You could tell he wasn’t having an easy time saying any of this, but you didn’t want to interrupt. “You scare me.” He said after a second, and you couldn’t help a laugh.
“Thanks.” You snorted, playing with a bracelet on your wrist. Yoongi shook his head, giving you a half-smile.
“I said that wrong.” He muttered. “I meant, the way I feel about you scares me.”
You looked up at him slowly to find that his eyes were locked on yours. “What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, that same flicker of hope leaping into your throat.
“That I care about you more than I was willing to admit, even to myself. And I treated you like crap for it. I guess I thought maybe if you hated me, I could get over you or some shit.” Yoongi’s eyes dropped, and you opened your mouth to say something. No sound came out however, and you shut it again.
Could Yoongi be serious? You almost thought that maybe it was some kind of cruel joke, but you were fairly sure even Yoongi wasn’t that good of an actor. You went over his words in your head, biting your lip.
“I treated you like shit for so long that by the time I finally realized what an idiot I was being, it was too late. So I left.”
“Yoongi–” You tried again, but he interrupted.
“But I shouldn’t have.” He said firmly. “You didn’t deserve to suffer because I couldn’t be an adult about my feelings. Not a day has gone by since then that I haven’t wanted to tell you, I just couldn’t figure out how. And I can’t tell you how sorry I am for it–for everything.”
You hated that his words were causing your eyes to pool with tears, and you sniffed while trying to blink them away. What were you supposed to say to all that?
“I guess that’s all I wanted to say.” Yoongi said with a somewhat nervous laugh. “I don’t expect you to give me a second chance or anything, I could never ask for that, I just thought you should know. I should probably go now.” He said as he began to stand. “I just–I didn’t want you to think that it was something you did, or–”
“Don’t go.” You snapped. “You can’t just say all that shit and leave, fucking asshole.” Yoongi sank back down in his chair, looking completely bewildered