restarting my life

tonights mood is dropping the fuck out of college, packing up all my shit buying my car back from my parents and moving to a small town in the pacific northwest to restart my life as the owner of a small farm and a day job as a pastry chef

Maybe its time for me to reboot my system?

Try again under another name… Restart my entire life and pretend like this all never happened…

But…


Too many memories… Too many emotions…
It would break my heart…

The question is… Would it break my heart more if I stay?…

If I had another restart on my life, I dare say that I would find you sooner. I dare say that I would not be as late as I was.
—  Lukas W. // Restart
3

I’ve read quite a few horror tales in my time, and I’ve got a certain fondness for Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Lewis Stevenson. 

There’s something about man seeking to become his best self, only to unleash his inner demons and desires, that truly fascinates me.

I also like to think that Jekyll is not so innocent. He uses the identity of Hyde as an excuse for his immoral behaviours so not to feel any consequential guilt.

“If it wasn’t me in control, it’s not my fault.”

Jekyll is a truly evil character, and his potion is just a ploy to satiate his needs for violence and chaos.

i feel so frustrated. 

I have this unbelievably strong desire to just leave. To book a flight & go. Meet new people, make new friends, have no plans, take a new path & just restart. I love my life & I love my friends, but I feel like some serious change. 

I’ve realised I feel really lonely & I’ve taken a lot of action to try to work through that with little return. It’s hard when you know yourself really well & know what you like & what fulfils you in life because then when you feel lonely there’s not much more you can do about it. I’ve always been patient, understanding & not super bothered by not having someone, but I’m reaching a point where I just want to find someone to settle down with & share my life with. 

Frustrated is definitely the right word for my underlying energy of late. 

In saying all that it’s been such an awesome last few months. I’ve met a number of new people & made some great new connections. I’ve had some awesome job experiences & opportunities & can’t wait to see where they take me. I’m in love with creating content, having fun behind the camera & doing something that allows me to completely give in to my creativity & express my thoughts.  

Also, still incredibly annoyed by people’s (lack of) communication in this day & age. If you haven’t got the decency or respect to f*kn tell me your busy or don’t wanna talk then don’t think I’m gonna go wasting my time on you or holding up my plans for you honey. Oh & don’t you dare think ignoring messages is simply making me want you more, it’s only making me want to drop kick you off a bridge.