Malec Fic: It’s His Turn
Summary: (Post 2x20) While working through the paperwork at the office, Alec finds a list that causes him to reflect on those who died in the war against Valentine. One particular name forces Alec to realize that Magnus may need him more than he’s letting on. Magnus was always there for the people he loved, wasn’t it his turn for support?
It has been a week since Valentine died. Alec was going through the papers on his desk; annoyed that war caused so much paperwork. He would much rather be with Magnus. They were finally back together. Alec was never going watch Magnus walk out of his life again. Distracted by thoughts of his beautiful, glittery boyfriend, he caused papers to fall to the ground.
“Damn it.” Alec cursed under his breath.
While picking up pieces in no particular order, he saw a document title that caught his eye.
“DOWNWORLDER CASUALTIES OF WAR”
He pulled the paper from the stack and glanced at the names. He knew the Clave kept a record of the dead, but the name near the top of the list caused him to pause.
RAGNOR FELL - FORMER HIGH WARLOCK OF LONDON
He slowly set the list on his desk. Alec knew how close Magnus was to Ragnor. Why didn’t he mention his death? Alec vaguely remembered on the day of his wedding that the warlock helping out Clary had died. The whole day was such a blur he didn’t even pay attention to the fact the man could mean something to Magnus.
Alec sat there thinking back to that day, trying to remember if Magnus mentioned it to him. Did he give any subtle hints about his grief? No, Magnus was more concerned about how Alec was handing coming out to the entire Institute than how the death of his friend made him feel. A lightbulb went off in his head; what if Magnus said they could slow down so he wouldn’t lose anyone else. Magnus didn’t want to come on too strong and push Alec away. Slowing down was as much for Magnus as it was for him. He needed to see Magnus. Alec jumped out his chair and ran towards the door as Izzy walked in.
“Whoa! Big brother, where’s the fire?”
“Ragnor Fell died.”, Alec answered as if it should be obvious.
“Alec, Ragnor died weeks ago. Why the urgency now? You didn’t even know him.”
He paused, “But Magnus did. He was the High Warlock of London, Izzy. Ragnor was Magnus’ friend. When Jace went missing, I yelled at him because for some reason I perceived he wasn’t doing enough. He was grieving one of his best friends, and I didn’t even notice.”
“Alec, you didn’t know…” Izzy tried to comfort him.
Alec frustrated with himself snapped back, “BUT I SHOULD HAVE.”
The room fell silent. Izzy gave him a concerned look.
“Izzy, maybe not at that moment but he talked about Ragnor on a few of our dates. He referred to him in the past tense. All the signs were there that he missed his friend and I didn’t see them.”
“Well, Alec, you have two options. Sit here and feel sorry for yourself that you didn’t notice or go home and comfort your boyfriend. And we both know there is only one acceptable option. I’ll cover for you. ”
Alec gave Izzy a small smile, “Thank you; you’re the best. I’m lucky to have you as a sister.”
“And don’t you forget it, Big Brother. Now go, make your boyfriend happy. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
A blush crept across Alec’s cheeks as he nervously laughed. He decided it was best just to ignore that comment. He grabbed his jacket and headed towards Magnus’ apartment.
When Alec made it to the loft, he paused before knocking on the door. His knuckles finally made contact with the dark wood, and the sound seemed out of place. The last time he was here, knocking on this very door, he was fighting with Magnus. The door swung open revealing his boyfriend who looked stunning, as always. Magnus still managed to take his breath away.
“Alexander, I wasn’t expecting you. It’s only midday. Is everyone alright? You seem distressed, is someone hurt? Has someone died?”
Magnus reached for his hand and pulled Alec in closing the door behind them. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus, squeezing until Magnus was fully against his chest. He kissed the top of Magnus’ head.
“Alexander, not that I’m complaining about this burst of affection, but you have to tell me what’s wrong” he pulled back enough to look up at Alec and wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck. "Who died, sweetheart?“, Magnus asked, giving Alec’s lips a quick peck before resting his head against Alec’s chest.
"Ragnor Fell, your friend, died and none of us took the time to ask if you were okay. You brought in his belongings to find the Book of the White, and it didn’t click to me then how upset you must have been.”
He said it so fast that he wasn’t sure if Magnus understood him. The fact he stilled in Alec’s arms and held on tighter told him otherwise.
“I’m sorry, Magnus. You were there for me when Jace was missing. You are always there for me. I know it has been weeks since he passed but let me here for you.”
Magnus didn’t say anything. He stood frozen in time. When Magnus finally let out a labored breath, Alec knew something had cracked. The walls Magnus threw up were crumbling inside his head. The silence only amplified Magnus’ attempt to muffle his cries. Alec hated knowing Magnus was upset; the warlock never allowed himself to be comforted. It was a struggle to get him to open up about how being trapped in Valentine’s body affected him. Alec could feel tears land on his neck while Magnus buried his face into it.
Growing up, Alec was never good at dealing with other’s emotions, but this was the person he loved more than himself. Magnus was worth stepping out of his comfort zone. He closed his eyes and followed instinct; he placed his hands under Magnus’ backside and pulled up. The motion caused Magnus to come off the ground. He guided Magnus’ legs around his waist to which the other man linked his feet together behind Alec’s back.
“I got you, Magnus. Hold tight, baby. I’m going to move us somewhere more comfortable.”
Alec kept his arms under Magnus’ butt to stabilize the position and walked towards the living room. Once Alec reached his destination, he put one of his hands down to touch the couch. As Alec slowly dropped down towards to cushions, Magnus resituated himself to straddle Alec’s lap. He kept his face hidden in the crock of Alec’s neck. He wasn’t sure how but Magnus’ grip tightened as he started to cry harder.
“Baby, let it all out. I’m sorry you had to be strong for everyone. You are always putting others before your happiness. I was oblivious then, but I’m here now.”
Alec sat there keeping his arms around Magnus like a shield. Letting one hand rub circles on Magnus’ lower back. He didn’t care how long he needed to stay here; Alec was creating a safe space for Magnus to express his grief. All the people who walked through those doors and not a single one of them paid enough attention. Magnus became a tool for the Clave; they monopolized on the relationship he had with Alec.
The times that Magnus helped the Shadowhunters with no payment requested in return. It was a Shadowhunter mission that killed Ragnor, did they even send an apology? No, they just put Ragnor Fell’s name on a list of the dead and shoved it into a pile of useless paperwork. A list not many other than Alec would see. That didn’t sit well with him. The Shadowhunters wouldn’t remember the Downworlders who died in the war against Valentine the way they’d remember their own.
He was almost too lost in thought to hear that Magnus had stopped crying, but he heard Magnus’ breath steady as he leaned back on Alec’s lap causing the couple to be face to face. While Alec made sure he was steady, Magnus spoke for the first since Ragnor’s name was mentioned.
“I didn’t expect to hear his name. When you said it, it was like a ton of bricks fell on me. I tried so desperately to heal him, you know. He reached up to touch my face when he died. I’m sure Ragnor knew my attempt to save him was in vain. Clary and Jace were talking near me, but I didn’t hear a word. Someone who knew me better than anyone for centuries was lifeless under my hand. I didn’t want to hear Clary apologize. Or listen to Jace argue with her. I wanted my friend back. I created a portal for them, and no one spoke of his death again. When I was bringing Jocelyn out of the spell, I remember for a split second being angry. Here I was giving Clary her mother back, but there was nothing I could do to bring Ragnor back to me. He died for Jocelyn’s cause, and at that moment I hated her. I’m not sure how long I sat on Ragnor’s floor brushing his cheek with my thumb.”
As Magnus spoke his last sentence, Alec did what Magnus described, using his thumb to wipe away stray tears. The action caused Magnus to smile.
“Thank you, Alexander. I didn’t realize how much the weight of his death was still hurting me. No one knows this, not even Catarina or Raphael but before I crashed your wedding, he appeared to me. I’m not sure if it was his ghost or a hallucination produced by my grief, but he helped me choose to continue the fight for you.”
“I suppose Lydia wasn’t our only hero that day” Alec smiled.
Magnus suddenly made a face of discomfort, sitting the way he was must be putting a strain on Magnus’ knees; Alec used his leverage to reposition them. Alec moved himself to lie flat on the couch, keeping Magnus’ on top of him by holding him tightly so he wouldn’t fall. The new position allowed Magnus’ legs to stretch out. Alec loved to cuddle with Magnus this way.
One of his hands ran through Magnus’ hair. He knew this meant Magnus was still out of it. Normally, he’d only let Alec do this at night. Alec took advantage of the moment. Feeling how soft the hair was and how he loved the smell of Magnus’ shampoo. Times like this is what he missed the most when they were fighting. These little moments where the rest of the world disappeared.
There was a crack in Magnus’ voice when he said, “I miss him, Alexander. I always teased him about how he was a prickly loner, but he was my friend. I wish he was still hiding in that country house of his. Getting him to do anything was a chore, he never stopped complaining. I grew to like that about him. He was kind to me. I never thought I’d have to say goodbye to him.”
“Magnus, I have an idea I want to run by you if that is alright? ” Alec paused, looking down at Magnus, waiting for him to answer.
“Lay it on me, sweetheart. What does that beautiful mind have going on up there?”
Alec laughed, “I was wondering if you think making a memorial for the fallen Downworlders in the Institute would be a good idea. The names could be on plagues, and we could have a wall dedicated to them. I don’t want the Shadowhunters to forget who else fought in the war. I saw the list of the dead; it is what sent me to you. Ragnor was on the list. I don’t want anyone to forget his sacrifice. Any of the Downworlders’ sacrifice. Do you think it is a good idea?”
He felt Magnus pull away from him; it was so he could look down at brilliant Shadowhunter, but Alec began to panic internally. Maybe it was a terrible idea. Why did he always have to ruin the moment? Before Alec could continue to berate himself silently, Magnus kissed him. Alec wasn’t expecting this, but he let Magnus deepen the kiss. As Magnus pulled away again, Alec noticed a smile and what looked like pride in Magnus’ eyes.
“Alexander Lightwood, I don’t think I could love you more than I do right now. I’m so proud that you are mine.”
“So you think the other Downworlders will approve of my idea?” A shocked Alec questioned.
“Darling, all we’ve ever wanted was for the Shadowhunters to stop treating us like second-hand citizens of the Shadow World. Putting our dead up next to your own will be a big deal to the Downworld. If you can pull it off, it will be a step in the right direction. I’m so proud that it was your idea.”
Alec blushed, still not used to so much affection. He loved it, but it caused his cheeks to redden nonetheless.
“Now how about we eat something? Is there anywhere you want to go, Alexander?” Magnus asked while he attempted to stand up. When Alec’s arms didn’t give, and it was evident they weren’t going to be moving, he looked down at Alec giving him a confused look.
Alec shrugged, “I’m not ready to let go of you yet.”
“Alexander, I’ve been in your arms for the past 30 minutes.”
“I’m still not ready. Humor me. The moment we leave this place, people will need us for one thing or another. I just want to hold you. I am making up for lost time.”
Magnus laughed not a giggle or sarcastic laugh but a real belly laugh. Alec loved that sound. After everything they had suffered through over the past few weeks; he wanted to make Magnus laugh like this every day. Magnus deserved it.
“You are too adorable, Alexander. We have two options. We can stay like this for another 30 minutes, or we can leave now to get dinner at the place of my choice, and when we get home, I’ll do that thing you like so much.” Magnus teased kissing the sensitive spot under Alec’s deflect rune.
Alec let his hands wander south of their previous placement on Magnus’ mid-back.
“Magnus, you’ll have to be more specific, to which thing are you referring?” Alec tried to play coy, but when Magnus sucked harder on his neck, he moaned.
Magnus brought his hands to Alec’s chest, using it to push him up. He was straddling Alec again, but this time, Magnus had all the leverage. He took one of his fingers to tap Alec on the nose before saying,
“You know exactly which thing I’m referring to, Alexander. Make your decision; I won’t ask again.”
Alec took no time to blurt out, “Dinner…. let’s get dinner.”
Magnus leaned in to kiss Alec but ghosted his lips instead, the whine he heard from Alec caused him to smirk, “Now, Darling was that question so hard to answer?”
Magnus placed one foot on the floor and lifted himself off of Alec and the couch in one motion. He was so fluid in his movements; Alec was always amazed by what Magnus could do.
“Alexander, let’s get ready. I’m going to take you to my favorite place in London. Oh, my prickly cabbage. Ragnor would hate that I’m going to take you down memory lane. I have a few pictures the little bugger hated; I can’t wait to show you.”
As Magnus continued to talk about Ragnor, Alec sat up on the couch. Watching how animated Magnus’ face got just mentioning his memories with Ragnor. The rebellious sparkle in his eye at the mention of pictures. Alec was enjoying every minute of it.
It caused a sad thought to pop in Alec’s mind; He remembered that in 100 years from now Magnus would only have pictures of him as a token of their relationship. Alec wouldn’t always be around to hold him through the tears. He didn’t like that thought. Not one bit. Alec made up his mind; he was going to let Magnus take as many photos as he wanted, so after Alec was gone, Magnus could talk to someone about him the way he was talking about Ragnor.
“So, does that sound good, Alexander? Dinner in London?” Magnus asked, bringing Alec out of his thoughts.
“It sounds perfect, Magnus. Anything I do with you is perfect.”
“Oh, you are going to make me blush. Let me go freshen up my face. Make myself beautiful again, and we will be on our way.”
Magnus was halfway between the couch and the hallway when Alec made his way towards him. He tapped Magnus’ shoulder playfully, not ready to have the warlock out of sight. As Magnus whipped around, Alec felt like he was seeing Magnus for the first time, all over again. In front of him stood a man who had suffered through so much pain. And through that pain, he didn’t allow himself to become bitter. It was his turn for some happiness.
“What is it, Alexander? Is there something on my face? You just keep staring.”
Alec reached up to brush a piece of Magnus’ hair away from his eye, “No, you look beautiful. I just wanted to remember this moment. I never want to forget how happy you make me.”
“Oh, Alexander, stop it, I’m going to start crying again. Twice in one day. The High Warlock of Brooklyn does not cry twice in the same day.”
Alec chuckled at how adorable his boyfriend was. He deserved the world and Alec was going to find a way to give it to him. One small gesture at a time.
“Why don’t we see if there is a photo booth in London, like the one you dragged me into on our date in Tokyo.”
Magnus stared up at Alec in shock, “It took 15 minutes of pouting to get you to agree to that. What changed?”
“I know, but when we were fighting. All I had was that strip of photos to remember you by, well… and the sweater you left in my room that I kept telling you I couldn’t find.”
“I knew I left it there,” Magnus said triumphantly. “Isabelle told me she couldn’t find it either.”
Alec put his hands up in defense, “I’m sorry, it just smelled like you. She may have caught me holding it in my sleep. I begged her not tell you. I couldn’t sleep without you, and the scent calmed me down. It doesn’t smell like you anymore; you can have it back now.”
Magnus couldn’t help but tease, “How generous of you, giving me back my clothes.”
“Hey, don’t think I didn’t see my hoodie in the bedroom the night after the party. I’m not the only clothes thief in this relationship, But back to the point of this conversation. I want to have more than just memories of you. I want more photos of us. I could put one on my desk at work or even right on the wall in my office. That way when Clave representatives come to speak to me, it will be the first thing they see.”
“I love your devious side.” Magnus giggled while kissing Alec on the cheek, “Go, sit back on the couch, I’ll get ready faster without you distracting me.”
“Okay, but if you take more than 45 minutes, I’m coming in after you.”
Magnus smiled at Alec before continuing his way to the bathroom. From where Alec was standing, he was the luckiest man on Earth. Alec had the best siblings, the job he always wanted, and the boyfriend Alec thought he could never have. He wondered if Ragnor was a ghost, appearing to Magnus when he needed him. Alec wanted to believe that Magnus’ friend was still looking out for him. He saw one of the photo’s Magnus spoke of, staring at the horned man standing with Mangus and Camille. He began talking to photo as if Rangor were right there.
“Ragnor, if you can hear me, I’m going to take care him. I’m going to love him like no one ever has. Until the day I die, I will do right by him. He may be the High Warlock of Brooklyn, but I will protect him with everything I have. I won’t let you down.”
“You say it like I don’t already know,” a voice he didn’t recognize stated.
Alec glanced around the room to find the location of the person the voice belonged to; he stopped when the man from the photos appeared to be sitting in the blue chair across from the couch.
Alec stuttered, “How… wait… you’re… what?”
“Dead, I know, it’s such a headache.”
“I don’t understand how this is possible.”
“Regrettably, neither do I but instead of spouting nonsense. Let’s get to the point.”
Alec nodded in agreement as Ragnor’s ghost continued,
“I cared for few people as I cared for Magnus. I’ve disapproved of many of his actions in our time together. I mostly went along with him because he was my friend. That doesn’t mean I didn’t complain the whole time. When I told him to open his heart, I didn’t expect for it to be for a Shadowhunter. I guess I should be glad he took my advice for once. I’ve silently disapproved, but since I see you aren’t just toying with him, I’ll only judge you when you do something stupid.”
Alec looked confused, “So, you’ll just show up to yell at me if I mess up?”
“No, you brought me here. I have better ways to spend death than this. In fact, are we finished? I’d like to be alone.”
“Do I have to say goodbye, and you disappear? What is the procedure?”
“Shadowhunters,” Ragnor grumbled. “One last thing, don’t let him wallow in the grief of death and please, have that horrid photo destroyed.”
Alec looked down at the picture, and when he glanced up, Ragnor was gone. He just stood there staring at the piece of paper. For a man whose profession it was to slay demons, he couldn’t explain what just happened.
“Ragnor detested that photo.”
Alec glanced over to see Magnus standing in the middle of the room showing off his outfit. He was wearing a pair of pants that Alec loved seeing on him and a shirt that exposed just enough of his chest to drive Alec wild as the necklaces he wore around his neck made sure that was where Alec’s eyes would focus. Alec’s expression must have been enough to please Magnus because he reached his hand out towards him.
“Now, let’s go before you drool all over yourself.”
“I was not drooling,” Alec objected but his heart skipped a beat when Magnus raised his eyebrow, and his lips wore a beautiful smirk. He knew he was wrong, “Okay, maybe a little but have you seen yourself?”
Once again Magnus’ laughter filled the room, “Flattery will get you everywhere with me, my love.” Happiness was radiating off of him. Magnus’ eyes lit up. Alec didn’t know he could feel so much for one person. Yeah, it was Magnus’ turn to be happy, Alec would make sure of it.