reptoid

anonymous asked:

Headcanons for a Naga courting/ encouraging a chubby s/o plz

Snakes, despite popular belief, are perfectly capable of being chubby/fat themselves, so you don’t have to worry about creepy “oh you’re so soft and DIFFERENT from other humans!”

They honestly just remind you that, despite being bigger, you’re still capable of squeezing/biting your enemies to death, and that’s REALLY all that matters.

They most likely use you as a pillow regardless, though. This isn’t changed, depending on your size, though they are more likely to flop on you.

Snakes don’t have a concept of breasts/boobs/moobs. Should you develop such things- female or not, they will ask you about them, and you MAY be subjected to a very rude poke or two. Smacking is allowed.

521: Flatwoods Monster

“Of all the eerie saucer stories, this was the weirdest… when the time came to admit that the saucers were real, the slightest official hint of possible menace would be quickly remembered. From that angle the sutton story was dangerous, with it’s picture of a fearsome creature intelligent enough to build and control space ships.”

Major Donald E. Keyhoe

Some Kicking Ambience

Liberator (Rogue Archetype)

Return of the Archetypes with the same name!

Using a more general-use of the term “liberator” this archetype is all about freeing slaves, often infiltrating the houses and holdings of slavers and slave-owners alike to undermine their operations and free their slaves.

As such, this archetype is well used by various emancipating organizations both in and out of the Golarion setting, namely the Bellflower Network.

Regardless, these clandestine emancipators are quite adept at their task, whether they perform daring raids or long-term infiltration.

Shackles and bonds are no obstacle for these rogues, for they are masters of escape artistry, and have learned all the tricks for picking locks and sabotaging mechanisms.

Additionally, they instruct their charges with the techniques for staying hidden, both in terms of stealth, but also keeping their identity hidden with disguise.

Even while deprived of their conventional weapons in deep cover, these sneaks know that a hefty tool or other handy item can be just as lethal in the right hands.

Speed and stealth are paramount for these rogues, so their talents often focus on performing various tasks with practiced speed, delivering quick knockout blows to foes, and procuring equipment on-site rather than bringing it with them, even from the hands of a guard.

As you might imagine, infiltrating any location that holds slaves, or prisoners for that matter, is a dangerous prospect, particularly if you are posing as one of those held their against their will, as being found out as a would-be emancipator or jailbreaker can lead to certain doom. Thankfully, unless the slaveowner knows all of their property by name and face, you’ll only have to do moderately well on disguise checks, but it still is a stressful and frustrating experience, playing along with the status quo until the time comes to strike.

 

Due to their strong bodies and hearty constitution, lizardfolk make for excellent slaves. However, the proud reptiles have more than just might and steel to resist slavery. There are whispers of a secret subrace of lizardfolk with shapeshifting powers and command over the minds of the weak, working in secret to undermine the slavers.

Ever since they arrived at the Lord’s manor, the party has been getting strange looks from the goblin staff. Suspicious players might suspect that they plan some evil, but in truth, the majordomo is secretly an infiltrating emancipator, and he is sizing up the party for what role they might have in his plans.

The party learns that an important person in their lives has been sold into slavery! However, the slavers in question were denizens of Leng with a mercane leader, and the buyer was a Nephlei, a reclusive being dwelling in the Elemental Plane of Air. Rescuing them will mean consulting an expert in liberation in the strange realm of air.

I totally get that wacky conspiracy theories are fun to joke about - but if you’re going to joke about lizard people, you should probably be aware that “reptilians” is a code-phrase for “crypto-Jews”.

When conspiracy nuts talk about politicians and celebrities secretly being lizard people, what they’re really implying is that they’re secretly Jewish. The whole “Reptoid conspiracy” thing is just a verbal smoke-screen - a veneer of plausible deniability.

Sure, you probably didn’t mean it that way when you joked about it. You probably weren’t aware of the double meaning at all. This stuff is pretty good at flying under the radar; indeed, that’s the whole point.

But, well, now you know.

ficklerecluse  asked:

Fluffy headcanons for dragonmorph and their human s/o cooking together? Maybe the kitchen is a little too small for then both to fit but they don't wanna be apart from one another?

You get knocked over a LOT from their wings, tail, and generally, everything else. You’ve had to pad the corners of counters and tables as a result.

They also have a tendency to smoke at the mouth, when they’re not paying attention. Being in such a small place, this didn’t fare well for you.

That being said, whenever you need to flambe some food, or heat something up quickly, they’re your go-to helper. Even if it ends up a little burnt.

It’s also hard to get them to stop eating all the DAMN FOOD. Don’t eat the cookie dough! It’s bad for you- put it down!

Iron Priest (Cleric Archetype)

The concept of visitors from beyond the stars being worshipped as gods is nothing new, but it adds a special twist when these beings also bring with them their superior technology as well, including robots!

In the Golarion setting, Iron Priests are typically worshippers of what are collectively known as Iron Gods: Artificial intelligences that, through a combination of the ignorant awe of less advanced mortals, the raw magic of that region of the universe, and so on, have acquired some small level of divine power in a local region and the ability to grant spells to their devotees. However, despite this, Iron Gods are still products of the material plane, and can be destroyed much easier than even the weakest demigods.

Regardless, the unifying factor across all settings is that Iron Priests worship advanced technology, or at least, the powerful beings the come bearing it from other worlds, which grants them a slightly different set of abilities to suit their focus. They often take the role of go-between among their people and whatever they worship, working with the machines of the star travelers to either use them or quell their fury.

The healing or harming power of an iron priest’s channeled energy not only affects the living, but also constructs, repairing them or tearing them apart even as they do the same to the living. However, their power never affects the undead.

Additionally, when converting spell energy into curatives or inflictions, these mystics can also use them to spontaneously cast various construct healing spells, regardless of whether they focus on healing or harming.

With that in mind, these priests are naturals for games in which one is planning on facing constructs (particularly robots) or on having robotic allies and servants. Regardless, a few domain choices that add construct-focused options to their abilities could not hurt, particularly electricity spells, on account of the robotic vulnerability to such things. Crafting feats and Technologist is also recommended.

The sort of entities that iron priests worship may vary. In Golarion, its almost universally an Iron God AI, or perhaps a general worship of the mysterious civilization that the ship belonged to. Others may worship aliens directly, or perhaps just the machines around them.

 

Recently, strange priests have begun evangelizing in the streets, promising eternal life to those that offer themselves, body and soul, to the Queen of Metal. Though clearly not sane, their promises do pique the interests of a few, which has in turn brought the attention of a morrigna psychopomp named Yanshada.

Rumors of shapeshifting reptiles infiltrating society are nothing new, but a few theorists have taken to worshipping these supposed visitors as messengers of the gods. Whether the true reptoid agenda actually involves this cult is yet to be seen, but they might be dangerous if they get ahold of the strange tech the reptoids brought with them.

Taking an intact chaingun ripped from a destroyed annihilator robot as her prize, the centaur priestess Mura carries the weapon and extra ammunition into battle, alongside other machines that her people have taken from the Ruins of Man. More dangerous still is her ability to repair her robotic servitors as well.