repost because i'm a nerd

zodiac signs as jake english buffoonery

Aries: CHEESE AND STUPID CRACKERS I AM A MAN NOT A PIECE OF MEAT!!!

Taurus: if you believe in stuff with enough gusto i dare say it imbues that stuff with a pinch more chutzpah. Even the fake stuff!

Gemini: Sorry you know how things can slip my mind. The gourd on my shoulders isnt the steel trap it used to be. Nothing like the well oiled puzzlebuster you’ve got up there.

Cancer: Okay. Thank you for promising to keep my trousers tidy.

Leo: I am still totally cockeyed and catawampus about it all i dont even know what to think.

Virgo: That is sure a neat sounding science fiction utopia. Wait duh i mean science reality. 

Libra: Nothing is escaping that lovely ladys whistlemaker! Its shut tight as a drum!!

Scorpio: Fuck this witch i have lots of guns and reckless bravado and i want to stop her. Ill pick up where my grandma left off!

Sagittarius: Aaaaargh oh god oh god you sensed my stupid sexy thoughts i KNEW it. God DAMN you bogus brain strider!

Capricorn: I had a clown give me a nice present once too. I would never have met my good friend mr erisol without the kindness of that clown.

Aquarius: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

Pieces: Ive been feeling way out of sorts since i got sprung from the big house and dragged along to this here frog stage to suddenly bump gums with WAY too many people…