I will not apologize for who I am
Yesterday someone very dear to me broke my heart. She attacked my character, morals & mission.
Today, I spent quite some time in front of my Gohonzon trying to understand why someone I love would tear me down so brutally. I could think of nothing but I decided to turn her venom into vitamins.
I will not apologize for putting my visions, time and heart into urban farming. Yes, I do truly love farming in North Philadelphia. I do so much more than growing vegetables - my impact is substantial, recognized, award-winning & appreciated. Far larger a concept then she can conceptualize (combating social injustice, food deserts, providing opportunities for commUNITY, inclusivity, safe spaces, business models, partnerships, reintegration programs, several secured paid contracts - etcetera). No, I will not apologize for skipping the “turn up” to finish my final edits to my grant proposals.
No, I will not apologize for preferring small, intimate gatherings to parties and endless drinking & smoking. I am an introvert. I recharge by having time alone, meditating & chanting, reading, jotting down ideas, cleansing & struggling with my music. I’m not hiding a secret party life - I do not desire the scene, the hype, the company or the lack of good-intentioned energies. I am content with my dinners with my team & celebrating significant victories.
I will not apologize for being Black & lesbian or Black & Buddhist. For some reason you think my Blackness limits me from expanding my knowledge, image & understandings. As if my Blackness prevents me from reaching enlightenment, enjoying reading or being a delightful individual. Fuck your couch. I live & love in each of my identities & idiosyncrasies flawlessly. Completely independent Black educated lesbian Buddhist, hippie, healer, urban farmer that enjoys nature, organic/clean eating, has OCPD and makes far too big of a deal about details and perfectionism. I am multifaceted & your perceptions of me can never keep up or come close to my continuously evolving being.
I have had people call me hurtful things… But to attack my character, attack who I am, trying to say I’m not genuine - that truly hurts. Not quite sure why I allow people to treat/speak to me other than I deserve but I believe I’ve finally had enough.
As others have attacked my spirit & character this past year, I’ve become more in harmony with who I am and who I aspire to be. I know I’m on the right path - where there are positive causes being made, it’s only natural for others’ fundamental darkness to surface to try to discourage or distract me. As always, I’ll remain undefeated.
I’ll leave that nasty energy behind with this post to take advantage, appreciate & enjoy the victories I had today. (Abroad locations confirmed, settled in my new spot & Nick Cannon just threw $10,000 to my org [can you say pay raise?!]) Yeah adversity, you provide me the best opportunities ;)