rengethoughts

I will not apologize for who I am

Yesterday someone very dear to me broke my heart. She attacked my character, morals & mission.

Today, I spent quite some time in front of my Gohonzon trying to understand why someone I love would tear me down so brutally. I could think of nothing but I decided to turn her venom into vitamins.

I will not apologize for putting my visions, time and heart into urban farming. Yes, I do truly love farming in North Philadelphia. I do so much more than growing vegetables - my impact is substantial, recognized, award-winning & appreciated. Far larger a concept then she can conceptualize (combating social injustice, food deserts, providing opportunities for commUNITY, inclusivity, safe spaces, business models, partnerships, reintegration programs, several secured paid contracts - etcetera). No, I will not apologize for skipping the “turn up” to finish my final edits to my grant proposals.

No, I will not apologize for preferring small, intimate gatherings to parties and endless drinking & smoking. I am an introvert. I recharge by having time alone, meditating & chanting, reading, jotting down ideas, cleansing & struggling with my music. I’m not hiding a secret party life - I do not desire the scene, the hype, the company or the lack of good-intentioned energies. I am content with my dinners with my team & celebrating significant victories.

I will not apologize for being Black & lesbian or Black & Buddhist. For some reason you think my Blackness limits me from expanding my knowledge, image & understandings. As if my Blackness prevents me from reaching enlightenment, enjoying reading or being a delightful individual. Fuck your couch. I live & love in each of my identities & idiosyncrasies flawlessly. Completely independent Black educated lesbian Buddhist, hippie, healer, urban farmer that enjoys nature, organic/clean eating, has OCPD and makes far too big of a deal about details and perfectionism. I am multifaceted & your perceptions of me can never keep up or come close to my continuously evolving being.

I have had people call me hurtful things… But to attack my character, attack who I am, trying to say I’m not genuine - that truly hurts. Not quite sure why I allow people to treat/speak to me other than I deserve but I believe I’ve finally had enough.
As others have attacked my spirit & character this past year, I’ve become more in harmony with who I am and who I aspire to be. I know I’m on the right path - where there are positive causes being made, it’s only natural for others’ fundamental darkness to surface to try to discourage or distract me. As always, I’ll remain undefeated.

I’ll leave that nasty energy behind with this post to take advantage, appreciate & enjoy the victories I had today. (Abroad locations confirmed, settled in my new spot & Nick Cannon just threw $10,000 to my org [can you say pay raise?!]) Yeah adversity, you provide me the best opportunities ;)

💛

Proposals, Grant Apps...

Conference presentations, pitching my accessible learning materials, networking, assignments, organizing my organization, take home 30 page finals, Gosho presentations, apiary mentor applications, shakabukus, toso shifts, work etc

Have I eaten all week? What is sleep?
I’m burnt out!!!

Thank goodness for Thanksgiving.
Even if tonight & tomorrow are the only days I’m granted the opportunity to relax - I’m so happy to have it!

Cheers to the holiday, rest, delicious food & spending it with my chosen family. Eternally thankful, glad to find a day that everyone else is on the same gratitude wave.

Excitement!!!!

Send Me Positive Vibes...

I’ll certainly need backup for this victory –

I’ve fought so hard and I’ve given everything that I have. Every Daimoku, every toso, each Shakabuku, each advancement towards my mission for kosen-rufu has prepared me for this breakthrough. It is mine, victory belongs to me.

Tonight I reentered some of my darkest of days & most detrimental of thoughts just so I can be free of them…I placed them back where they originated – my father’s heart. He now has an opportunity to make a cause of great benefit…

…we’ve been in such harmony, I know he won’t fall victim to his devilish functions.

I end tonight with another toso, knowing that I will never be defeated by any obstacles thrown my way & I will continue fighting to complete my mission & my human revolution. 

All of the great bonds I’ve fostered, you know I never ask for anything, but tonight I ask for positive chi, healing vibes & Daimoku. 

I’ll update you with my first experience in faith…

Peace,

Golden

Urban Farm meeting with my loves – munching on our sugar pea sprouts 😊 as we assign roles for winter break.

I finally presented the team with my horticulture therapy & accessible garden plans … anddd they loved it :D!

Let’s get this proposal knocked out & backed up with my research of this marvelous evidence based practice for some funding – uh uh get money *jigs*

Did I mention everyone killed their sprouts?
Yum yum yum

(Hey, look there’s Rachy P!)

Ahaa

[ you guys should share your day with me too – I’m sure it was a delightful one ;)]

My Sunshine

I love doing Gongyo with my sis…tonight I feel like our Daimoku had such conviction, and it was as if we were touching our determinations – completely in harmony with them.

You know, that Daimoku that almost has you in tears, because you’re so appreciative to know you have the wisdom and the power to create any & everything your heart desires.

Every night we are dreamers and by the morning we are do-ers. It's exhilarating. 

“For the benefit of others, for the sake of the law, adorn your life, with victories in your youth”

“When you live your entire life, with great hope, victory comes, it is the path to glory”

“The talented young girl, rushes to fulfill, her noble mission to lead others to happiness, may all the Buddhas protect her”

cc: @NipsndNaps