remember when we got in the wrong car

fuck i just remembered one of the pivotal gay points from my childhood

at christmas one year my stepsister came to visit and we played The Game of Life with my stepdad and my mum and when my stepsister (who i now know is bi) got to the ‘get married’ spot she put a female peg in the car with her peg and my stepdad was like ‘you picked the wrong colour - you have two girls in your car’ and she looked at him and said ‘i know. i’m gay married’

and keep in mind this was like 2006 so it was right after canada legalized gay marriage so my stepdad was angry but he couldn’t say anythig meanwhile i was sat there thinking like ‘two girls…. you can…. get married…. to a girl if you’re a girl…. ‘gay’? girls???? girls……’

My Empty Self

I first knew something was wrong when i believe it was freshman or sophomore year and my brother had picked me up from babysitting one night. I saw his car, walked down the street and opened the door. I mumbled a hello as i got into the car exhausted from my usual long day at school. He muttered a hi back and then we sat in silence as we drove in the dark back to my house. I remember just being so tired and thinking to myself, hoping that we would get in a car crash and have nothing bad happen to him, just me. I didn’t want anyone around me to feel the pain of losing me but at the same time i didn’t want to suffer any longer in a mix of both sadness and emptiness…which i always wonder how both can exist at the same time.