remember where it all began

I Still Love Him | e.d

Originally posted by rosesdolan

A/n: written to the quote at the end of Lana Del Rey’s song “National Anthem

And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me


I was sitting alone in a small coffee shop gripping my mug for warmth while scrolling through my phone when he walked in. The bell at the top of the door rang, the winter wind sweeping him inside. I watched him closely as he walked up to the counter ordering; studying his features. He looked around, instantly locking eyes with mine. I sent him a small smile before taking another sip of my coffee.

“I’m Ethan Dolan” he introduced himself.


We both knew it, right away


The summer breeze combed through my hair as Ethan drove. His hand resting on my thigh the other clutching the steering wheel. I watched him, laughing as he belted out the words to our favorite song. The sun hitting his features just right, almost as if he was glowing. Our laughter filling the air; he was mesmerizing. Our bodies soaking in the summer sun as we laid on the beach together that afternoon. He would scoop me up and carry me unwillingly into the icy water. My screams of laughter annoying everyone around us. It was as if the only people on the planet were him and I, he was the only thing I cared about.

“I love you” he confessed to me as we watched the sunset.


And as the years went on, things got more difficult, we were faced with more challenges


The nights always ended in arguments. I became insecure about myself, and would accuse him of cheating. Rumors floated around about him and a girl constantly hanging out. At first it was just hearsay, and then the pictures started to surface. She was beautiful, way more than I expected. He insisted that they were just friends, but my jealously always showed. He never lost faith in me, even with my accusations. He came home one night his eyes filled with sorrow.

“She kissed me” he cried.

I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as he repeated those words to me over and over again. Tears streaming down his face as he begged for my forgiveness.


I begged him to stay


Things started to get harder. Ethan was always busy trying to come up with new content for their channel. When the opportunity knocked on their door for another tour, they couldn’t miss the chance to accept. That night we sat down and talked; laid everything out on the table. He told me he thought it was best to go our separate ways. With him being so far away, and our relationship being so fragile he didn’t think it was going to last. I watched him as he talked; not saying a word. Studying his features for the last time. The way his lips creased in a frown, the way his eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to find the right words to say, and the way he played with his fingers and avoided my gaze. I longed for him to look at me, to reassure me that I’ll be fine on my own. I didn’t want him to leave, after all I loved him.

“Please don’t go” I cried.


Try to remember what we had at the beginning


It was strange when we met again. I remember sitting in that same coffee shop where it all began. He looked happy, almost angelic. When he caught my eye, he had to do a double take. Then he gave me that smile, that same small smile that awoke the butterflies in my stomach. It was almost a year since our last conversation, but for me it felt like yesterday. We talked for hours catching up on each others latest adventures. He was just as how I remembered him, throwing jokes left and right. I didn’t remember the last time I smiled or laughed like I did that day with him.

“I missed you” he admitted. It warmed my heart to hear him say those words. 


He was charismatic, magnetic, electric and everybody knew it

The twins were invited to an award show since they were nominated for best comedians. My arm wrapped through his, I smiled as we walked down the carpet while photographers took our pictures. I listened as he got interviewed; the way he talked sent chills down my spine. Just by the sound of his voice filled my body with a desire. I watched him laugh with Grayson the paparazzi calling there names to get there attention. He looked at me on the sidelines, calling me over.

“They deserve to see how beautiful you look tonight” he whispered in my ear.


When he walked in every woman’s head turned, everyone stood up to talk to him


Ethan insisted on taking me out to a really nice restaurant. We were both never ones to be materialistic, but he said for this occasion it was a must. We were celebrating the Twins’ accomplishment of working with MTV on bringing back TRL. To be on tv was their dream since they were little. Ethan dressed in his best clothes, and I put on my nicest dress. When we walked into the restaurant, hand in hand, everyone began asking him questions on their success. When the waitress arrived to take our orders she couldn’t take her eyes off him. I couldn’t lie, Ethan was extremely captivating just from the way he presented himself. When Ethan caught me starring at the girl, and her staring at him he let out a small chuckle.

“You’re the only person I need” he said, kissing me.


He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn’t contain himself


One of the things I loved about Ethan was that he was always so carefree. We went on a road trip to visit the place he knew I always wanted to see. He had so much energy and excitement filled in him it was a sight to behold. He was always so at peace when we went on trips like this. It was as if he could leave all his problems behind. I knew things were hard on him; he struggles so much to make people happy, and sometimes he forgot about himself along the way. We camped out in a deserted spot watching as the stars slowly appeared. I cuddled next to Ethan on the blanket we shared as we stared up admiring the night sky. Talking about the simple things, and reminiscing. I grew tired and wanted to head back to the truck to sleep, but Ethan held me tighter.

“Let’s just stay like this, for a little while longer” he pleaded.


I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him


For him the nights grew long. He hardly slept because he stayed up with Grayson while they came up with new video ideas. He constantly stressed about wanting everything to be perfect for his fans. That’s what he though they deserved, something perfect. He would wake up in the middle of the night, tossing and turning. Trying to relieve himself of his worries.

“I want to give them the best.” He told me; talking about his fans.


And in that way I understood him


It was the best moment of my life, the one I could never forget. The doors opening to reveal the room full of people as they stood up. Down the long aisle way there he stood, our eyes meeting. His smile was from ear to ear as he watched my father walk me down the aisle. He held my hand helping me up the steps. His hazel eyes pouring into mine as he read his vows out loud to me.

“I promise to love you until the rest of my days” he spoke. My heart beating and taking in every word he said.

“I promise to be there with you through all your hard times” I spoke back to him.

It was the happiest day of my life; the day I married Ethan Grant Dolan.


And I loved him

I remember we walked hand in hand down the streets of Los Angeles. He had the biggest smile etched on his face, and I can’t even remember what our conversation was about. I could still see the color drain from his skin as his eyes stared straight ahead. Once Ethan pushed me behind him It all happened so fast before I realized what was going on. I can still hear the screams of everyone around us running. I peeked from behind Ethan to see a man pointing a gun straight at him.


I loved him, I loved him, I loved him, and I still love him


He tried pushing me away getting me to run, but I didn’t want to leave him. Before I knew it I heard the sound, the sound that I was dreading. Ethan collapsed on the floor in agony; the man disappearing into an ally. My screams for help where the only thing that could be heard on that empty street. I rested his head on my legs; one hand on his wound, the other on his head.

“Stay with me” I sobbed.

His eye stared up at me. What shocked me the most was that he wasn’t frowning, but he had that same small smile on his face. His brows furrowed together when he tried to move. He lifted his hand up to my check rubbing it softly. I looked down at the wound on his stomach, and all I could see was red.

“You know I love you right?” He breathed out.

I held his hand on my cheek letting out a small chuckle through my sobs, nodding vigorously. I heard the sirens in the distance.

“Don’t leave me, okay.” I begged.

His eyes slowly shut as he let out his last breath. The sirens growing louder and louder as I sat there crying into his lifeless body.


I love him

When selection is life

For real though; thank you @partylikeawordstar. You’ve changed my life with this series and I’ll be forever grateful. Now, when I’m eighty years old, I’ll be able to look down at this and remember where it all began.

anonymous asked:

Not sure if this has been requested yet, but perhaps a little prompt where you and Danny just had a little fight about something small and now you’re mad at him, but he tries to make it up to you with cuddles and neck kisses? I feel like everybody deserves neck kisses from Danny (*´▽`*)

A/N: This has not been requested (or anything similar), so I’m happy to fill the prompt for you ! This is such a cute prompt; everyone definitely deserves neck kisses and cuddles from Danny. The idea alone makes my heart all fluttery. ♡ I hope you like the fill as much as I had fun writing it; heart you !


With a final slam of the bedroom door, you stood alone in the bedroom, red in the cheeks out of both embarrassment and anger. How could the two of you gotten heated over something as silly as dirty dishes, dishes both of you could’ve done together if anything? If you were being honest with yourself - as you walked to the closed door, and held your breath for a moment, listening until you heard a gentle sigh on the other side - you couldn’t even remember if that’s what started it. The argument had gotten so out-of-hand that you don’t remember where it began or what exactly ended it. All there was now was a shut door and Dan on the wrong side of it.
Giving a sigh of your own, you set your forehead against the door for a moment, closing your eyes. It wasn’t often you and him fought, and it was never anything worth leaving over, but it hurt every single time. You didn’t like raising your voice, or the look Dan wore whenever he had to try and defend himself, and whenever you shut yourself off like this, all you wanted to do was run right back into his arms. But it always got heated, always left you with tears pressing against your eyes and slightly-shaking hands, so you needed the space. The closed door was almost a comfort.
Finally pulling away, you went to the bed and scooted onto it, falling onto Dan’s side and movement alone kicking up his natural scent. It made you hurt inside - not a lot, he wasn’t gone after all, just on the other side of the door - but you stayed there, pulling his pillow close to your chest. Your mind couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to want to sleep on the couch tonight, how long the repercussions of the fight would last. Normally they didn’t last long, but there was always time for trying new things.

After what felt like a lifetime of silence, there was a gentle knock at the door. You blinked, but made no move to turn around, get off the bed, and go answer it. If it was Dan, he would know that the door was unlocked, because you never locked doors in the apartment, and he could come in if he really felt the need to. Surely, a moment later, the door clicked open, and a gentle, “Hey,” floated through the air to you. Still not moving, you kept the pillow close to your chest. At least this way, you couldn’t go clinging to him like you were a koala off its branch. “I just uh - Just wanted to come in and ask if you were doing okay.” The alone time had helped ease the tightness in your chest, and the shaking was gone now, but you still felt off. You honestly weren’t a hundred percent okay, but you were getting there.
There were footsteps, and then a shift on the bed. “Love, I’m -” He stopped, seemingly at a loss for words. Another beat of silence, and he scooted closer. “I just wanted to say I was sorry.” That made for a good start, you supposed. You need to apologize too, your mind chided, and you squeezed your eyes shut, trying to banish the thought. You were going to do it, of course, he deserved all of the apologies you had in you, but it would take a few more minutes. “I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. I feel like, I don’t know, that caused a lot of the problems that lead to, y’know…” Your heart ached again. It wasn’t all his fault; you should’ve reacted better. Like an adult. With a little sigh into the pillow, you almost turned to look at him, tell him you were sorry too. When you loved someone, arguing about things seemed so silly. Bills, laundry, dirty dishes, it all seemed so small and meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Love was supposed to conquer all, overcome even the most difficult of obstacles. And yet here the two of you were, like a couple of high school kids, upset over something small. There was another shift, and a familiar hand found your shoulder. “Babe, please. You know I’m not good with silence.” It must’ve been killing him as much as it was hurting you. 

He took away his hand, leaving your shoulder feeling particularly cold, and then came his voice, gentle and warm, close enough to you to feel the heat of his breath on your skin. “Sweetheart…” Your anger was melting, Dan always knowing just the tone of voice to use to get you to warm back up to him. “I want to make things better. Please. But I can’t do that unless you’re here with me.” His mouth found skin and gently pressed a kiss to the base your shoulder. Closing your eyes, you let him, taking it in, realizing how much you seemed to miss it in such a short amount of time. Another kiss, then another, gentle and warm, moving from the base of your shoulder up, the stubble of his unshaven face making you smile into the pillow.
Deciding to settle there, he found a spot to work at and went to it, mouth gentle, almost sorrowful against the base of your neck, lips catching your pulse with each peck. He was apologizing again, in a much different way, and this way was actually getting through to you. “You know I love you, right?” he murmured into your skin. “I’d do anything to make you happy again.” It was true, just as you’d do anything to see him smile. “I’ll tell you I’m sorry every day, if I have to.” That shifted your feelings, guilt chewing at your stomach. “No…” The word was muffled by the pillow. “Don’t… Don’t do that.” He paused then, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry,” you told him, voice the same volume as his. “I shouldn’t have lashed out. It was a stupid thing to get upset over.” Letting go of the pillow, you tossed back to where it needed to be, and his arms came around you without even a moment’s pause. “I don’t even know why I did it. I just… I’m sorry.” You sighed again, feeling more at peace now that he was close to you. “I’m sorry too.”
There was no need to exchange I forgive yous. All you had to do was turn to face him and hug him back, setting your cheek on his shoulder, and that was enough.

anonymous asked:

86, logicality?

86. Why are you walking around naked?

Oh, you guys like testing me, don’t you? I hate nudity. Ah, fine. I’ll do it. I knew what I was doing reblogging that thing.

Morality held the towel close to himself, looking around. All he was wearing was his glasses and the towel.

Logic turned the corner and stopped abruptly when he saw Morality walking around the science building halls in nothing but a towel.

“Patton?” Logic asked.

Morality turned around.

“Oh, hi Logan! How are you this morning?” He cried, waving and forgetting that was the hand he was holding his towel with.

Logan sighed. He wasn’t particularly embarrassed. They all had the same body. If anything, this was trippy because Morality looked the exact same way he did fresh out of the shower.

“Morality, why are you walking around naked? In my mind space?”

“Well,” Morality said, picking up the towel and replacing it, “I lost my cardigan and I thought it might be over here,”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. “And you didn’t put the rest of your clothes on why?”

“Oh, didn’t think of that,” Patton said, his face falling.

“And you could have imagined another cardigan,”

“Ah, didn’t think of that either,”

“Just dress yourself,” Logic said.

Morality teleported away. Logan noted that he left the towel behind. He began to remember where all the teleporting without clothes jokes came from.

Just a Prank

Title: Just a Prank

 Prompt: “With this face I can get away with anything.” A prompt by @one-shots-supernatural for the #SPN Hiatus Writing Challenge.

 Summary: Dean has been pulling pranks on you, without realizing how it was making you feel. It isn’t until you finally break down that Dean realizes his mistake.

 Warnings: Pranks that don’t end well.  Mentions of past bullying.  

 Tags:  @grace-for-sale , @lucifer-in-leather , @thewicked-end , @chelsea072498 , @nerdwholikesword , @chaos-and-the-calm67 , @percywinchester27 , @pizzarollpatrol , @savingapplepie-eatingthings , @cici0507 , @wayward-mirage , @charliebradbury1104 , @melonberri , @bellastellaluna , @pinolief2001 , @feelmyroarrrr , @carry-on-my-wayward-girl , @girl-next-door-writes , @twoboys-and-afallenangel , @fangirl-faye , @the-assbutt-impala , @impalapossible @idreamofhazel

Let me know if you want to be tagged in my stories! :D  

Masterlist of FanFiction

Originally posted by zest-wincest

“You are playing with fire.”  Sam warned Dean as he watched his brother set up his little trap.


“Calm down, Sam.  It is just a little joke.  It’ll be fine.”  Dean checked the string again, making sure it was pulled tight so when he yanked on it from outside the door, it would pull the bucket over, then…poof!

“Dean, seriously.  You have been pulling a lot of pranks on her lately.  I think you should stop.”  Sam chastised again. He knew that all these ‘jokes’ Dean had been playing on you were starting to get to you.  He could see it in your face.  But, Dean never seemed to catch it, he was too busy laughing his ass of.  

First was the whoopy cushion, which didn’t seem to faze you.  But then it was the salt shaker trick, the rubber band around the sink sprayer.  One by one they added up until your fuse was getting short.  Sam could see it.  He wasn’t sure why these little pranks bothered you so much, but they did.  

“There we go!  Perfect!” Dean quickly hopped off the stool and then ran the string outside and laid it against the trim, effectively hiding it.  

Keep reading


GAMING MEME: [9/10] games 

➟Fallout 3

“Here we are. Where it all began. You remember your mother’s favorite passage? Revelation 21:6. I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the water of life, freely. Don’t you see? This is what it all means. The water, the purifier. THIS is the water of life. Your mother’s dream. No point in wasting time. Let’s get to work. There’s much to be done.“

Don’t Leave Me Here

Originally posted by joshwahington

AU set during high school where reader and Josh share a strict friends with benefits deal. But emotion ensue and suddenly that arrangement doesn’t work for everyone. (Josh/Reader)

[Credit to gif creator]

Fandom- Until Dawn

Characters- Josh Washington plus others

Persona- Female.

Song Credit - Hello My Old Heart by The Oh Hellos

Warnings- Language, sexual content, abuse

Hello my old heart

How have you been?

Are you still there inside my chest?

I’ve been so worried

You’ve been so still

Barely beating at all

A rhythm beating in your ears makes it easy to forget where you are in the world. Suddenly you see the skies stretch before you, and there’s then moon in the distance and you think, if you could just stretch your hand out a little further, you might reach it. But you can’t. The moon stays were it is and so do you. You thought that’s what love felt like. Love. It’s monosyllabic and heavy on the tongue like treacle dripping from your lips. It’s not like how you read about it in books or watched in movies. It certainly feels a lot fucking worse. The thrum of music, the rain water beating on the window pane. You curled up deep beneath your blankets, staring at your reflection in the mirror like it was someone else. You rubbed at the bruises on your wrist absent minded, black bands like wrist watches. It would be nothing at all to throw your mug at the mirror and shatter that strangers face. Nothing at all.

You remember where it started, where it all began. It was the time when you decided to spend a great deal of your time around Josh Washington and his friends. When you began a habit of wearing your shirts cut low and your hair down long, and when you tilted your head to expose the whiteness of your neck, it was often peppered with purple bruises. It wasn’t long before Josh’s gaze fell upon them, and a shorter time before he invited you to his party.


You balanced a beer in one hand, swinging back its contents like it was going out of style and shuffling to the beat blaring from the speakers the best you could in heels. You had been keeping an eye on Josh most of the night as he stumbled with a drunken fervour, half the time throwing arms comradely around your group of friends and the other half lurching with cups in hand. He and Chris had been drinking enough to put down a horse. Chris had already fallen victim to what you liked to call ‘Sailors Slumber’, slumped against the kitchen table, comatose. Josh had grinned drunkenly towards you from time to time and you had returned them. He moved through the crowd towards you and flung his arm around your shoulders pulling you close and pressing his face close to your ear, you teetered back on your heels a little.

“Hey (-), have I told you how good you look tonight?” Josh whispered, slightly slurred. You had dressed in tight jeans that hugged you close and a shirt that was cut a little looser than usual.

“Once or twice.”

“I mean wow, it’s just so…tight.” Josh leered appreciatively. “So when you gonna let me take you to the Bone Zone? I could show you the best time.” He teased. You felt your face flush,Josh was a rather notorious flirt. But you bared a shit eating grin anyway.

“Promises, promises.” You smiled.

“Fuck, you want to hook up?” Josh said dumbfounded. You swayed in your heels as Josh hung onto you, trying to focus through the haze. You grinned, pulling him close and crushing your lips against his, Josh was caught off guard but quickly balanced and gripped you hard by the hips. Hauling you flush together.

“Looks like someone’s getting some!” Jessica jeered. Josh threw a middle finger up behind his back, and the group laughed and whooped.

“Lets move.” You said between kisses and Josh nodded, pulling you by the arm.

Seconds that felt like hours passed as you kissed. Josh had braced his hands either side of your head, his breath reeking of alcohol but you had kissed him all the same. His kisses were always noisy, as if he never breathed through his nose. Panted gasps. Josh was rougher when he drank, palming at your pert breasts through your cotton shirt, rutting against your leg like a dog to his master. It was clumsy and heated. You tried your best to please him, to want him to come back for more. Josh’s quick fingers were playing at the front of your jeans, foreheads pressed together as he scrabbled with your zip. Your lips and teeth bumped together clumsily, your hands fisting into the front of Josh’s shirt. He sucked on your bottom lip, and his hands finally found their way into your jeans. His fingers rubbed against the front of your underwear. You had groaned at the soft ministrations,and he had taken you be the hand and led you to his room in the dark.

From there on, your trysts became a regular occurrence.Sometimes, when you shared a quiet moment, usually when you were both sated and Josh hasn’t the effort to pull on his clothes and scarper, you would talk. Sex loosened Josh’s tongue. You would listen, listen with the rapt attention as your head rose and fell with his breaths. He would talk about his family, his interests, stuff that mattered to him the most. It felt real. It felt normal, as if you could hold him close and live in this moment.But you knew what he wanted, you knew it then when he held your close and kissed your face with those rough hands manhandling your chin. The quiet was over.  

When you were done Josh pulled on his clothes and picked up his bag. He wavered by the door to look at you, and you weren’t surprised by the look of uncertainty,even as he smiled. It was an arrangement, of course. He gets something, I get something, you thought. Josh had someone to fuck regularly without the hang ups of a relationship, without the clawing monster pulling back at his sleeve (please, please don’t walk away) and you, well you got to be close to Josh even if only when with his lips on your jugular and his cock inside you. It wasn’t love, but it was something.

“Well, I guess Ill see ya.” He said, and closed the door on the both of you.

 Oh, don’t leave me here alone

Don’t tell me that we’ve grown

For having loved a little while

Oh, I don’t want to be alone

I want to find a home

And I want to share it with you

Safe (Seungcheol/S.Coups)

type: angst
pairing: you x seungcheol
synopsis: long distance relationships are already hard, now add a boyfriend who’s ignoring you, a trip to see him and a car crash and see how things start to get even worse :)
words: 1482
a/n: i really like how this turned out !!!


It was safe to say you were a little more than upset. Having an idol as a boyfriend, having to share him with the rest of the world and barely seeing him in person can make such feelings churn within a person. It was safe to say you were a little more than angry. Having someone like him who promised to stay in touch, to call everyday, to visit as often as he could only to find zero recent messages and zero missed and recent calls, could really get on person’s nerve. It was safe to say you were a little more than hurt. Having a boyfriend who couldn’t make the time to even send you a simple hi, but having all the time in the world to meet people like him. People like him, people who were famous, people who were rich, people who had connections. People, not like you. It was people like him, that caused people like you the pain and sadness in their hearts.

Once upon a time, he was once a person like you, but it was safe to say fame got a little over his head and now he can’t even remember the ones who were there where it all began.

And you knew this was gonna happen, you knew it. You knew that him leaving wouldn’t be a good idea, you knew that him being hours away from you wasn’t going to end well, you knew it. But Seungcheol had a way with his words that really made you believe that you two could get through it together. He made you believe that he’d make time for you even when it seemed impossible to do so, he made you believe that you were a priority in his life, he made you believe that he loved you, and you were a fool to believe him. After a mere few weeks, the calls ceased, the texts disappeared and it was like you never even knew him in the first place. To be honest, he left you confused, you had no idea what to do, it wasn’t like he broke up with you, he didn’t say anything about that, yet by the way he was acting, it wasn’t like he loved you the way he did before. What you really needed, was some closure, some reassurance, and that was what you were gonna get.

You had planned on visiting Seungcheol for a while now, but constantly battled against yourself whether it was a good idea or not. Perhaps there was a reason why he had been avoiding you, perhaps it was because Pledis wouldn’t allow him to… Or perhaps it was because he was embarrassed to be dating a normal, plain person like you. Either way, you needed to see him to confirm any thoughts you had in your brain about the relationship you have or once had.

Once you had entered your car and you had embarked on the three hour drive to him, you decided to give him a heads up on your arrival. The phone ringed for a few seconds and on the 5th ring, his voice answered for the first time in a long time.

“Hello? ________?” His voice said, a hint of confusion lacing in with his words. A pang of mixed emotions washed over you as the sweet sound of his voice reached you. You were happy he finally answered, but at the same time you were mad and upset that after these many, many months, he responded, but with confusion as if he was wondering why you, his significant other , was calling.

“Seungcheol? Hi, I’ve missed you.” You whispered over the phone, keeping your eyes focused on the road in front,“I know it’s been a while, but I just had to see you… I’m coming over to yo-”

“No.” What he said sent daggers to your heart, making you swerve to the right a little causing you to realign yourself to the road before an accident occurred.

“W-what? I don’t… I don’t understand, it’s been months.”

“I can’t… I don’t want you to come over.” And those words were like a trigger, right after he had said the last syllable, it was like a dam had broken. The tears being the water, all the pain and all the loneliness you had felt over the many months you’ve been away from him just suddenly came back to you. You had begun to cry, and by the looks of it, there was no way you were stopping any time soon.

Tears clouded your vision, and only then when it was too late had you realised how dangerous the situation you were in was. Only then, when it was too late did you realise that your life was at risk. Only then, when the massive truck hit the front of your car, did you realise it was too late to process anything that was going on, and as your car flipped over and your hearing and vision faded, the only thing you could hear was the anxious calling of your boyfriend on the cellphone.


“Hello? Hello? __________? ________, what’s going on?” With every passing second of silence, more and more panic rose up inside of Seungcheol. His excessive shouting caught the attention of the other members as they all rushed away from their work to see why their level headed, calm leader and their eldest hyung, was having a panic attack right at that moment. He ignored all the questions from the members and stayed focused on listening for your voice on the other line. He listened for over 20 minutes, and just as he was about to hang up, the sound of sirens came to his attention. The shuffling around, the voices of medics filled his ears, suddenly, a mans voice came and spoke to him through your phone.

“Who’s this?” The medics voice said.
“Choi Seungcheol, I-I’m _________’s boyfriend.”
“Seems like they got into a really bad accident, they’re on the ambulance as we speak, we’ll meet you in the hospital.”

Seungcheol needn’t say another word as he hung up, grabbed his jacket and sprinted out the Pledis building; ignoring the questions his dongsaengs were throwing at him. He needed to get to you… now.


The second his eyes landed on your unconscious body, he burst into tears. How long has it been since he last cried like this? Far too long. But he couldn’t help himself this time, seeing you lay there; your skin a pale sickly complexion, with blotches of red, purple and blue scattered around, killed him. Plus the fact that he was the cause of this crash hurt him to the max. Cautiously, as if he was afraid he might break your fragile body even more, he took your hand in his, a sob coming out as it felt limp and cold against him. It was quiet for a while, the only sound being heard, the monitor that determined your hearts activity. It was quiet until Seungcheol decided to speak up.

“God, ________, what have I done to you?” He whispered, his fingers tracing over the side of your bruised face, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. This was all my fault, all I wanted was to keep you safe, that was my intention all along. It must’ve seemed like I was neglecting you, but in reality I wasn’t, I was just trying to keep you safe from the world. I love you, ______, I can’t live without you. Despite all the doubts you must’ve had in your brain, I truly, really, love you… And miss you too. Everyday, I miss you. I miss the way you snore softly in the morning, the way you laugh when I kiss you awake and the way your nose crinkles when you smell my morning breath.” The last few words caused a small, sad smile to appear on his lips as he began to reminisce the memories. But he soon came to realise how much it hurt for you when he was ignoring you and he was back to feeling guilty all over again.

“Please wake up, ______. I-I need to tell you all this in real life, I need to tell you how all I wanted was to keep you away from the hate, from the world of popularity as much as I could so that you wouldn’t get hurt, so that you would be safe. But by the looks of things, you’re less safe when your away from me and I’m so sorry it took me that long to realise. I’m never leaving your side again, ______, but I need you to wake up for me, please.”

Seungcheol knew what he was saying was absolute nonsense and his eyes filled with tears once more.


A relieved smile came to his face. You were safe now, with him.



Wildcard #17

The Captive Prince Trilogy by C.S. Pacat

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

I’ll be honest with you, I was not expecting to be blown away by this trilogy. In fact, I wasn’t really that eager about starting it. I’d heard some fantastic things about it from my Goodreads friends, but at the same time it was adapted from a web series, was a romance and I’ve read my fair share of long romantic fanfiction. Let me get something straight: this is not one of them. The trilogy was well-written, engaging and definitely a novel – I mean I finished the whole thing in four days, which is why the review is not separated by book (it’s pretty hard to remember where one finished and the next began!)

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To soar above the clouds.
To dissect memories piece by piece
and put them back together over and over
like a giant puzzle.
To collapse under the blanket
of the morning fog
with the future shining brightly
ahead of us.
What I’m trying to say is
I want to add your flaws to my flaws
and multiply it with our love
to get years of getting to know each other
because I want to keep learning
and trying
and finding the edges of your shape
What I’m trying to say is
happiness echoes from every step
we take along this journey,
and I wonder where I’m going to put it all
when my heart is brimming
with it and more.
What I’m trying to say is
I’m enamored with the stars,
and I want to keep the flame burning.
To forget about preconceived notions
of what this is supposed to look like.
To rewrite the definition
and make it our own.
To entangle my quirks and yours,
along with the way we sigh
each other’s names.
To cradle all the summers of beginnings.
To choose this again and again.
To remember how it all began,
the roads taken,
and where this is going.
What I’m trying to say is
I’m picturing soft joy in the silent moments
when our eyes meet.
What I’m trying to say is
I’m in love.
What I’m trying to say is
it’s with you.
—  (NJ.) // gentle caresses and whispers of us