remembance day

being open about your fandoms is so worth it.

i used to be super guarded when it came to being a fander, solely because of the often negative connotation surrounding fandoms. but the moment i started to open up about it, i realized that there are only a few types of people you’ll come across when the topic is brought up. and believe it or not, not one of them is world-shattering.

there are the people who don’t know anything. like at all. my grandma asked me about thomas a while ago because she knew i met him. she didn’t know what a youtuber was, she didn’t know what a fandom was, she didn’t understand how people can make a living making videos. but the mere fact that she actually asked, and wanted to know about this passion of mine made me so happy and i had no problem explaining it all to her. i think there’s a benefit to encountering one of these people, and that’s the fact that you can present everything the way you want to. they have no preconceived ideas or biases. so i was able to talk about writing fanfiction without the “YOU WRITE SMUT” question, and so on, because that isn’t something that she’s been conditioned to think. because she just doesn’t know anything about any of this. (she does now!! i’m happy to say i’m 90% sure i explained everything in a way she understood.)

then there are those who do have preconceived ideas or biases. usually where the “YOU WRITE SMUT” question comes in. when i told a friend of mine that thomas sanders told me he appreciated me, he said “he’s a youtuber, he has to say that. he only appreciates you because you make him money.” (i love him and i know he wasn’t trying to be mean. he even said it with a laugh, like he was just teasing. he’s a good pal, dont worry.) i do make him money, that’s true. but i know that this community is different, and he is different, and so i dropped it because he didn’t get it, and wasn’t completely willing to sit and chat about “that vine guy” for an hour. the same friend saw me writing on my phone and asked what it is and i said fanfiction. and i was immediately accused of writing smut, even though it was completely sfw. again, i dropped it, we never talked about it again, and it was fine. he didn’t get it, and that’s okay, because there are gonna be people who don’t get it. but he wasn’t mean, because it’s not a big deal.

then there are the people who are in the fandom too! and you never really realized it until you started to become more open, but the boy down the street from you? he’s a clique member! the person in your science class who doesn’t really talk much? a fander! you thought those doodles looked an awful lot like jake peralta and amy santiago? you were right! and then you’ve found your people, and you get to bond and geek out and have the best conversations like OMG did you see phil lester’s new video i LOVE HIM

and… that’s about it. for me at least, i’ve only ever encountered variations of these three people. and literally

literally

nobody gives a shit.

even if they’re an asshole about it, like,

they’re probably fans of something! everybody’s a fan of something! so we’re all on the same page, and it really doesn’t matter!!!

embrace it. make your lockscreen some cool clique art, or set your ringtone as the glee theme song, or tell all your friends to subscribe to dodie clark on youtube. get rid of every item of clothing you own and replace it with harry potter merch. attend every ed sheeran concert possible. put up pictures of the sanders sides all around your room.

when people ask what you’re writing, TELL THE TRUTH. TELL THEM YOU’RE WRITING FANFICTION. TELL THEM THE PLOT IF THEY WANT TO KNOW. TELL THEM YOU’RE EXCITED FOR THIS ONE OR THAT IT’S THE FIC YOU’RE WRITING BECAUSE YOU HIT 200 FOLLOWERS ON YOUR BLOG. TELL THEM THAT YOU SHIP PRINXIETY OR TRONNOR OR LARRY OR PHAN, AND THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE DRAWING, AND THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE EDITING, AND THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE READING, BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

be LOUD and PROUD and SHARE YOUR PASSIONS WITH THE WORLD.

i promise. it’s worth it.

anonymous asked:

I noticed in RtC, at least in first fics, when Loki apologises to Steve, he says it was childish of him being angry and upset. Is it something Odin put into his head? Or does he think he "outgrew" expressing what he really feels? Or what? Tell me, if you don't mind

oh man I love it when people notice things like this, it’s one of my favorite things. because yeah, this is definitely a pattern, and it’s a blend of a lot of things. 

there is, first of all, the fact that Loki has a tendency to question or downright invalidate his own responses to things - which is partly his own insecurity but also a part of what I’ve written about in the context of Loki’s relationships and the way that he experienced things differently from, for instance, Thor. 

things that bothered Loki weren’t necessarily perceived as problems by other people, and I think there was a pattern of Loki bringing up some issue he was having and getting the response of “what are you talking about? that wasn’t a big deal/I didn’t mean it/why are you so upset”, and so over time Loki learned that his emotional responses were excessive, unreasonable, and unwarranted - in a word, childish. 

so Loki learned to downplay and repress his anger or upset because not doing so just made things worse and didn’t get him anywhere, and he’s carried that into adulthood, and into his relationship with Steve. even though Steve doesn’t have that same reaction, when they argue there’s always a part of Loki that ruminates on the argument and comes to the conclusion that it happened because he was somehow acting out in an inappropriate way. (which, like, sometimes he does, but that’s more about the behavior than the emotion, which…Loki is sometimes bad at drawing that distinction.) 

then there is also the fact that I think Loki does believe he outgrew, or needs to outgrow, the kind of strong emotions he feels. strong emotion is dangerous, gets in the way of careful thought, makes people reckless - in order to be in control (and Loki always, of course, needs to be that), he needs to not feel things, or at least not feel them so strongly. so he tries, very hard, to shut down that “sentimental” part of him, and it’s upsetting when he fails. to him, it feels like regressing. 

lastly, I think there was a certain amount of pressure as both Thor and Loki grew older to gain an air of proper decorum and gravitas as princes - and that means being more disciplined in terms of emotional expression, the ability to stay calm even in moments of high stress and tension. and Odin being Odin and not great at communicating with Loki, this got read (by Loki) as “feeling things is childish and you need to not be upset by anything” rather than “in public settings it’s important to curtail your visible responses for the sake of appearances.” 

but a lot of it does come from that urge to downplay or invalidate his feelings in a specific way - rather than apologizing for his behavior, Loki’s apologizing for how he felt. the apology for the former is warranted; the latter isn’t, but Loki doesn’t recognize that, and tends to feel it’s safer to cover his bases.

I was feeling so good this afternoon - it was very warm and sunny, and I was just sitting outside in the sun with my feet touching the water in the pool, reading and just listening to the birds sing and the water spalshing around when I moved - there was absolutely no one else around, no other sound. I was feeling absolutely no stress, no sadness, no anxiety, at all. I swear this afternoon alone added about 15 years to my life.

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Even tho I still can’t manage holding my tablet’s pen, my mechanical pencil is slim and light enough to let me draw! Which is why I spent the last few days sketching traditionally - maybe this blog has been inactive long enough to allow me to post shitty pics of shitty pencil doodles too haha