Really interrupted sleep last night. Went to bed just before midnight woke up at 2, 2:38, 3:27 (stayed up for 20 minutes), 5, 5:30, and at 6:05 I gave up. High anxiety and some strong emotional memories from the hospital around the first half of the night. I don’t know if that was Lilac’s influence or not. 

Generally I view my experiences in wards in a positive light, they have almost always helped in some way or another. It’s just the gripping fear the first few nights, feeling so alone like you’ll never see anyone you know again, feeling on guard from everyone, achingly depressed/suicidal, the lack of control or privacy–those are always so strong. Just thinking about it gets me shaky. I don’t think we’ve ever processed those feelings. Maybe I should bring it up in therapy. 

Checking my fitbit the last couple of nights I haven’t been getting nearly enough REM sleep. Actually less than half of what I normally do. My general heart rate at work has also gone up. 

Usually I’m at 70-90bpm with an occasional 112bpm if I’m really bustling around. The past few days I’ve been at 103–116bpm for the majority of my shift. My resting heart rate is still around 60bpm it’s just very high at work even when I remember it being slow. I wonder if it’s the meds?

Well today marks day four, bottoms up! *knocks back meds*  :/ 

kaosstar  asked:

❝ I’m married. ❞

The drunk Rodian was amusing at first. Then a bit annoying. 

Then a LOT annoying. Eugene, damn him, thought it was hilarious, and Corso was busy fending off advances on his own. If Rem was still single, he might have felt flattered. But the Rodian was trying too hard, and her twin sister tried to be as obvious as possible, as she draped herself on Corso’s shoulders.

“Better dial down the jets a bit, Honey,” Rem said gently. “You’re about to fall over.”

“Long’s it’s on you, Hotshot,” the Rodian slurred.

“Had a bit to drink there.”

“So’ve you.”

“Don’t want you to hurt that snout of yours.”

“Wanna try it out? I’ll make it worth your time.”

“Sorry, hon, I’m married…”

“Y’just sayin’ that.”

“…to a Jedi.”

The Rodian suddenly perked up, her dark eyes growing large. “Y’kiddin’ me.”

“Nope. She ain’t just got one lightsaber, she got two. Ask the big guy over there. That’s her Padawan, her student there. He’ll back me up.”

Eugene took a gulp of his drink. “Yeah, and my Master don’t take it kindly to women who try to make moves on her man. I’ve seen her cut up a Sith who just batted her eyelashes at him. No joke.”

“I thought Jedi aren’t s’posed to be married.”

“Most aren’t, but she is. To him. And I bet she’s gonna walk in through that door in a minute and see y’draped over her husband.”

The Rodian jumped as if burned. “Ah…maybe I’ve had a bit much to drink…”

“Yeah, why don’t y’sleep it off, Y’feel better in the mornin;.”

As the Rodian and her sister fled, Rem smiled at Eugene. “Thanks, Eugene.”

“Anytime.” The Jedi chuckled and finished his drink. “The Rodian was kinda cute.”

“Not my type. I already got someone who’s my type.”

53 Followers + thank you for your support!

Guys!! It’s been less than 2 months since I started writing this blog (and almost 1 year since my Tumblr account exists) and 53 people are following! I mean, I knew this might happen, but geez not so fast! Not to mention how much nice comments this blog receives! And it keeps this blog going because of your support - thank you for that very much! It’s very important for me and this blog. When this blog reached 20 followers OST CD 1 tracks were released as a little gift. When 50 followers were almost reached ‘‘Try not to ‘kawaii’ challenge’‘ , a project dedicated to Rem, was done and I decided to release it before the time has come. So check those out if you haven’t already! Btw Rem-sama and Urie-sama also feel very pleased by your support. (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

So I wanted to make like,,,

a character analysis about Higuchi. I usually don’t do that publicly but I felt like doing it this morning XD. I always do that in my mind the moment I look at a character.

So, I’m gonna start by my general opinion. 

Nobody is ever born evil, and this is why my favourite characters always are the villains or anti-heroes. They always have a motive behind their evil acts, and most probably have chosen the wrong way because they don’t know how else to cope with some situations. Notice it, no villain ever acted as such if it wasn’t because they’ve been treated bad first. It’s always to take revenge upon life or on the people that have succeeded where they have failed. I am not saying it is correct, but just explaining my point of view.

Next, Kyosuke Higuchi. 

Higuchi is an arrogant, greedy character that only wants to be the center of attention, seeking to have everyone around him envious of him and his possessions. In situations like this, I just go like : why would someone behave as such? why would they believe that they are correct? if they know that this is wrong, why would they still do it ?

My own analysis (only based on his character, not his appearance.)

I believe that Higuchi, as any other kid, was innocent. He was not born evil, not born greedy, not born arrogant, Society turns people into what they are.

The first people to blame on his behaviour and character are his parents. Of course, the first people a child meets are his parents. They are the ones supposed to raise him and teach him, tell him what is wrong and what is right, transmit their beliefs and information to him, and then give him enough love and affection so he’d be a healthy kid both mentally and physically. 

I believe that Higuchi had bad parents. A child always identifies himself to his parents, and if it’s a boy, he’ll take his father as a role model. I also believe the relationship between his mom and dad wasn’t healthy. Why would he look for fame, money and success if he didn’t believe as a kid that this was every man’s dream and goal? His father didn’t teach him what it was to be a real man, to respect and love women as they should. And his mom probably also didn’t give  him the attention he needed, and as you know, a kid needs it. (Here we can either think that his mom divorced his father and left, or she died when Higuchi was just a kid. Because if his mom was a bad person, He wouldn’t be running after women and would hate them.) If he hasn’t found the affection he should receive from his mother at home, he’s gonna look for it in every single girl that he’ll find. And obviously he’ll never be satisfied. So Higuchi would have followed his father’s example until he was able to live on his own.

His father is into business, so obviously he’d follow the same path as his father who was the only person he had stayed with.

Before I continue, i also believe that he was a very troublesome kid at school. He’d make fun of people, make stupid jokes, have bad grades (until a certain age, around 15 and 16 because he needs to become independent and start working soon to make money.) , fight with other boys, run after the girls…all of that only because he needs attention. He’s looking for it no matter what he uses as a way to receive it. (notice why he accepted the Death note and doesn’t feel guilt for killing people. He had set goals to himself, become the most successful man and gain money, be envied by everybody, even if it means eliminating the people whom he’s in competition with. Yes money causes big trouble.)  And the reason why he continues to do it even when he’s an adult is because he had never been happy. He’d then run after money, he’d run after beautiful women, after getting the newest version of the most expensive stuff….  because he thinks this is what draws people’s attention, that this is what will make him happy. It’s really a proof of low self-esteem, and by being arrogant, he’s boosting his ego because it is so down below. 

So basically, just like any other villain, the only thing he needs is to be loved. If his mother abandoned him with his father, this is why he believes relationships are temporary and he wouldn’t trust anybody. He only needs a good friend, just someone who could show him that he is running after fake promises, after something that doesn’t bring true happiness but temporary pleasure and satisfaction. Money comes and goes, the beauty in a woman fades away…but love is eternal and is immeasurable. This is what he needs to be taught. But most people will only look at him and say, “ Ew, he’s a disgusting human being, I won’t get closer to him.” This is the image he’s giving to everyone, but nobody knows who is the real him, who’s the him that he couldn’t develop, the him that’s still a child. 

I may be going a little too far but honestly this is what I believe. He’s a cool character. He wants to be cool, to show he’s the best. But this is all a facade. Who’s the real him? What kind of person could he have been if only he had had good parents and brothers or sisters? If he just had someone to tell him what real love and happiness were when he was a child, he wouldn’t be running after the money (the image of happiness he has in his mind) and being a womanizer. (the image of love that he has in his mind.)


Central Radio & TV Tower 01, Beijing, China by zwzzjim
Via Flickr:
The Central Radio & TV Tower (simplified Chinese: 中央广播电视塔) is a 405-metre-tall (1,329 ft) telecommunications- and observation tower in Beijing, China. It is the tallest structure in the city, the ninth-tallest tower in the world, and has its observation deck at 238 m (781 ft). The tower provides panoramic views over the city from its revolving restaurant and observation deck. It is a member of the World Federation of Great Towers. The tower was completed in 1992, designed by Paulus Snoeren in the late 1980s and contains broadcasting equipment for China Central Television. It is located in Beijing’s Haidian District, near to the Gongzhufen metro station and Yuyuantan Park. The CCTV Headquarters is now based in Chaoyang District, designed by Rem Koolhaas in late 2009. A race to the top of the tower is held annually with two laps of the base followed by a climb of the 1,484 steps leading up to the observation deck. from Wikipedia

Chez En Marche! les adhérents frondeurs sont en route

Au moment où la main de fer de leur chef de groupe, Richard Ferrand, commence à irriter certains parlementaires REM, qui en ont assez de n'être considérés que comme des bêtes à voter “oui”, des adhérents d'En Marche ! contestent, de moins en moins discrètement, le processus de réforme du mouvement. 

“Prendre le contrôle du mouvement”

Enclenché début juin par un appel à participation en ligne, il doit s'achever, après une semaine de vote sur ses nouveaux statuts (qui commence ce lundi et s'achèvera le 30 juillet), par la proclamation, deux jours plus tard, d'un résultat qui ne faire guère de doute. 

Notamment emmené par des comités parisiens qui, explique l'un de ses membres, se sentent “floués par cette manoeuvre qui, au coeur de l'été et sans débat, tend à prendre le contrôle du mouvement”, cette fronde pourrait déboucher sur la création d'une coordination ad hoc, La Démocratie en Marche. 

Lire aussi >> Delevoye: “Aucun député REM n'a l'esprit frondeur” 

Que reprochent-ils aux instances de leur parti en formation? Entre autres le mode de désignation des futurs candidats, noyauté par la hiérarchie et qui laisse peu de place aux adhérents eux-mêmes. Aux antipodes de l'esprit participatif prôné pendant la campagne d'Emmanuel Macron. 

Première initiative? Un référé, examiné ce mardi, pour obtenir l'annulation de la convocation au scrutin interne, qui, disent-ils, ne respecterait pas les règles.  

Retrouver cet article sur L'

Chez En Marche! les adhérents frondeurs sont en route

Baisse de popularité: Emmanuel Macron perd 10 points en un mois

Sénatoriales: LREM dévoile les noms de ses seize premiers candidats

La garde des Sceaux veut une réforme de la procédure pénale

I remember once after a particularly long night of creepypasta binging and the like that I got about five hours of sleep, which can of course disrupt the REM cycle and make it impossible to finish a dream. So just remember that.

It all started at my aunt’s house. It’s a single-floor house but it’s fairly big, enough for the three people that live there. Well, the largest couch they have is slanted against the back, so there’s a space between there and the wall where I used to hide a lot whenever my cousin and I would play hide-and-seek. When I fell asleep, there I was, curled up and almost shaking. I had no idea why but something was telling me ‘it’s out there, it’s coming to find me’ and before I had the chance to ask myself what was happening I heard like, laughing. But really glitchy, distorted laughing, that sounded like a mixture of a child and Smaug. There were heavy footsteps coming from the hall that led to the bedrooms, and I knew I couldn’t stay there or I’d be found, so I phased through the couch (it was actually a hologram) and ran outside. When I got there, everything was water. Seawater, although through the windows it looked like a normal backyard. But when I turned around, I heard the thing behind me, and jumped. Suddenly I had wings, but they were made of pictures of my OTP at the time, and glued together with wax like Icarus. Carry On My Wayward Son started playing out of nowhere, and I fell into the water, only it wasn’t water anymore but the Winchesters’ Impala. Castiel was in the middle of telling me about how I was a ‘secret angel operative’ and my objective was to find and kill Doctor Who. I don’t know what the heck happened. Something about a pet dog drawing coming to life at the carnival/ But I found myself going through a sequence of darkness with occasional flashes of blurry movement, I think I might have turned into a weeping angel, and slowly things changed as I hunted down David Tennant. My vision turned red, my skin turned black, and by the time I caught up to him I was Lil Hal, but instead with the brain of HAL 9000. And the Doctor had turned into me. As I stared into my own fearful eyes I could see both perspectives, and then

I woke up. My dad shook me awake to go to school. I never did find out what happened in that crazy dream but the details stuck with me and to this day I can’t read anything scary before bed.

Toxic’s response: 


I have had dreams where they’re so fucking real that I have to actually sit there when I wake up and decipher if it was real or not. But, I can only remember them vaguely because it’s been so long so I’ll just tell you about the dream I had about the Illuminati.

Okay so were all on a trip to Toronto and the teacher brings in newspapers and I read the headline. Headline reads: Illuminati holds back attack on the world. I go up to my teacher and talk to her about. “Thank god they decided to hold back on it” I agree with her and go back to my seat next to my friend Angel. “I’m happy the illuminati is holding off on taking over. I don’t want to die yet” Angel turns to me and replies “That’s what you think” Before gripping my throat and I wake up in horror.

It was weirdly intense.

I leveled up 5 times in MS in 2 hours

This angers me so much

Like a year or two ago, I could barely even level up once a week

This pisses me off

It’s like how I feel towards PaD nowadays

I like how it’s easier to get good things and rank/level up now

But it just hurts me knowing I wasted so much effort way back when

This may potentially post like three times in a row

Mobil dan rem

Bagi saya amal sholih dengan ilmu layaknya mobil dengan rem. Loh ko gitu?

Baik, rem yang kita tau mungkin untuk memperlambat laju mobil. Lalu bagaimana jika saya katakan bahwa rem untuk mempercepat laju mobil?
Semewah dan semahal apapun mobil jika tanpa rem, adakah yang mau membelinya? Atau adakah yang mau memakainya?
Bukankah seseorang yang mengendarai mobil dengan ngebut, dia yakin bahwa ada rem? Seperti itulah perumpamaannya amal sholih dengan ilmu.

Amal sholih bagai mobil yang melaju dari satu amalan ke amalan lainnya, dan ilmu bagai rem yang membuat yakin untuk terus melaju melaksanakan amal sholih.

Karna ilmu yang sesuai Al-Qur'an dan As-Sunnah akan menumbuhkan keyakinan yang mantap akan janji-janji Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala yang ada pada setiap amal sholih. Seseorang pasti akan giat melakukan amal sholih jika ia sudah berilmu, bahkan akan merasa rugi jika meninggalkan satu amalan saja.

Jadi, masihkah percaya rem itu memperlambat laju mobil?

Haha, hanya gurau.

Semoga bermanfaat.

Just finished the rough sketches/layouts for chapter 6 of REM! It’s going to have 19 pages, plus the chapter cover. This is so surreal because I finally got to sketch the final member of the cast who hasn’t been introduced yet, even though I’ve had them planned for years. They actually first appear on page 100, so that’s really cool too!

After this I just have to do chapter 7, which might be long enough to split into two chapters, and then a very short epilogue. I’m so close! Here’s to hoping I can finish everything in time for the 2-year anniversary of the comic this December!

His Queen to Protect

Chapter 15

Hana curled up on the bed, her stomach growling.
The door opened.
Jek smirked at her.
Hana sat up, brushing herself off and wishing her skirt wasn’t so short.
“Lord Nesta wants to see you.”
She stood up. “Well, then.”

Lord Nesta’s throne room couldn’t have looked more evil if someone had put up a large neon sign that said “Evil Vampire King’s Throne room”. A stone throne room, cold and grey, with a large throne. Chained around the throne were several women in white dresses. Was that to be her fate if Rem lost?
She shuddered.
Jek bowed.
Lord Nesta sat on the throne, an old man with a white beard.
He leered at her in the most disgusting way.
Hana forced herself to stand tall and look him straight in the eye.
He leaned forward and stared at her for a moment.
She made eye contact back.
He leaned back. “What charm did you use on the devil prince? What makes you so remarkable?”
Hana said nothing.
“You’re an ordinary human in every sense of the word.”
Hana forced her hands to stop trembling. “True enough. That I am.”
“What do you have to do with his search for the Grimoire?”
“My grandfather was a contemporary of a Professor Tachibana. They were supposed to have stolen the Grimoire from Vienna. Rem came to me and tried to get my help to find it. He thought my family had it. We didn’t.”
Lord Nesta raised a hand.
He frowned and looked confused for a moment.
Jek straightened slightly and gave her a strange look.
Hana turned her attention to Jek. “That was supposed to do something, wasn’t it?”
Jek smacked the back of her head.
“Ow!” Hana took a step back. Stars flashed in front of her eyes.
“I’m done with her.”
Jek grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the throne room.  "I’ll deal with you when I’m not so busy.“
Hana twisted in Jek’s grip.
Ritsuka stood behind them. She wore her school uniform and looked as if she’d just had a bath.
Jek’s grip tightened on her arm. Hana winced.
“What are you doing here?” Ritsuka frowned.
“I… I told you I wasn’t on Rem’s side.” Hana forced herself to smile. “I thought the vampires were a better side.”
“Why don’t you go get Ritsuka ready for tonight.” Jek practically shoved her at the guards escorting Ritsuka.