religious paraphernalia

Erecting a spirit altar.

To begin you will need:
*At least one spirit you wish to work with.
*Something of the spirit or something bound to it (pictures, belongings, dolls).
*One large white and unscented candle. *One black altar cloth.
*One bowl of rice or loaf of bread.
*One incense holder.
*A wine glass or chalice.
*Coins or gold.
*Wine or fruit juice.
*And optionally an instrument like the drum or flute.
1. Lay down the altar cloth and place the candle in the center.
2. place the item bound to the spirit[s] you wish to work with. Place it on the wall or elevated behind the candle so you may see it easily.
3. Dip your finger in oil and smear it on your lips, proceed to kiss the item. Let the oil dry and do not wipe it off until you are done.
4. To one side of the altar, place the rice or bread. If working with various spirits leave one for each.
5. Opposite of the food, place the cup (cups if working with more than one spirit). Fill the cup half way and place the bottle of the drink behind it.
6. Place your wand to the side of your energy sending hand.
7. Place the coins or gold beneath/infront of the bound item.

The rest is completely customisable. You may add things if you wish.

Incense holders are vital, so you don’t get your altar dirty with ash.
Ensure you clean your altar on a daily basis.

Ensure there is no religious paraphernalia of any sort. No crosses. No god/goddess statues. No pentagrams. No bibles or other religious texts.
We are necromancers, we must keep necromancy and religion separated out of respect for the spirits we work with. Pray to the gods away from the altar, keep the altar dedicated to the spirits and the spirits alone.

A blacksmith, ọkpụ ụzụ, and his nwa ụzụ, an apprentice blacksmith. The first job given to a young Igbo blacksmith was to attend to the eko, bellows (pictured) and to do menial tasks like fetching fuel, all while watching and learning from the master blacksmith, the nna ụzụ at work. The nna ụzụ was truly like an nna (father) to the boy whose well-being he was responsible for, including ensuring the upkeep of the boys spiritual care and making prayers and sacrifices to the boys chi when taking trips. Parents kept a watchful eye on the treatment of their apprentice child and could withdraw or transfer their child at any time if there were any concerns over their treatment (or mistreatment).

After they gain some experience, the first work an apprentice got with working with metal was making small chains from brass and other scrap metal; the experienced blacksmiths of the past smithed and produced igwe aga, pig-iron, from iron ore, nne igwe, obtained locally. In Alaigbo (Igbo land), the best known smithing centres were at Awka, Nkwere, and Abiriba; Awka dominated blacksmithing in north-central Alaigbo and Akwa smiths were said to have spent most of their time abroad for work which included areas far outside of Alaigbo [as J. S. Boston (1964) noted, Awka blacksmiths dominated smithing at Igala land, for instance], their work and trading times were scheduled by seasons.

Awka people were generally skilled artisans and long-distance traders (especially of ivory, they had many ivory hunting groups) hence their name, Ọ́ká, meaning artisan or skilled one; they were also well known for being dibia as well as for crafting amulets and making other religious paraphernalia, sometimes even erecting shrines. Awka dominated in wood carving, particularly of wooden screens and the mgbo ezi, the wooden gate once used as the main entrance to a family compound in old times found in museums around the world today, and other items like titled mens stools. The Agulu village-group of Awka, in order to get a competitive edge, had developed the ivu aba private language used by Awka smiths which flipped Igbo words and developed new terms all together. In Awka, nwa ụzụ were usually Awka boys in their early teens who were strong enough for the tasking work at hand; the boys were related to the ọkpụ ụzụ, rarely were non-Awka boys taken under apprenticeship, since the late 20th century, however, this has changed and non-Awka can now enter smithing guilds. Awka blacksmiths were often part of an otu ụzụ, a blacksmithing guild headed by an nna ụzụ (in Awka it is said that the master blacksmith may actually be referred to as nnẹ ụzụ) who led and managed the smiths in workshops, acting as a counsellor who settled tensions and disputes. A workshop was usually a section of a guild and they were small, including less than a dozen workers. Blacksmiths could also travel to work for themselves to supplement their income.

By the 1950s interest in apprenticeships in blacksmithing started to decline, today blacksmithing at Awka is underfunded and under the threat of disappearing, older blacksmiths say that the trade in no longer attractive to young people since it has become less of an economically viable trade.

Photo: “A blacksmith at work” by G. T. Basden, early 20th century, coloured by Ụ́kpụ́rụ́ 2017.

no one tagged me, i was just bored lol

five things you’ll find in my bag

  • earphones
  • pepper spray
  • sunglasses
  • cinnamon gum
  • big knife

five things you’ll find in my bedroom

  • cigarette butts on the windowsill and in 3 ashtrays (one being the box my ex’s ring was in, just for spite)
  • all manner of musical equipment
  • trashy gossip/fashion mags
  • many antique hardcover editions of books and bibles
  • roadkill animal bones

five things i’ve always wanted to do:

  • be in a touring band
  • see the ocean for the 1st time w/ a Special Someone
  • have real cajun food in new orleans
  • listen to people play the blues in new orleans
  • visit cemeteries in new orleans

five things that make me happy:

  • playing my guitar
  • knowing the people i care about are doing well
  • and seeing them succeed at what they want to do
  • making people laugh
  • uh. Playing my guitar

five things i’m currently into:

  • religious paraphernalia
  • sleeping, apparently
  • all black outfits w/ filthy white high top converse
  • horses
  • olive oil (but i always love olive oil)

five things on my to-do list:

  • cash the check i got from pawning my ex-fiance’s ring
  • big huge tattoo on the 26th!
  • apply to more jobs
  • college
  • try to find apartment

i tag @littlecreatures @bruiseandleavebehind @brixabargeld @brianeno @blwr @deathtobluejeans @sassyandpunk @officialdollypartonfanclub @smallsteak and whoever else would like to do it, please go on and say i tagged ya xx

Knight of Rage

Exploits rage, or exploits through rage.

Knights are the active half of the Exploitation class, with their counterpart being the passive Pages. They turn their aspect into a weapon or tool in order to accomplish their goals. Knights tend to have low self-esteem, and all Knights have a false personality that they present to the world. Though they have tremendous attack power, any session with a Knight in it is tragically lacking in that Knight’s element.

Rage is the aspect of negative emotions, unpredictability, limited choices, and conviction. Its counterpart is Hope. Rage has associations with religion, which is odd in that the aspect of faith, Hope, is its opposite. In spite of its reputation as ‘bad’ or ‘evil’, Rage is just as necessary as any other aspect and just as likely to be good.

The Knight of Rage would have the ability to weaponize negative emotion and unpredictability for their own advantage and the advantage of their teammates. They can utilize the conviction of enemies and allies alike in order to achieve their goals. Though their attack power is formidable, their presence means that their session will have a lack of Rage. While this may sound like a good thing, an overabundance of possibilities and a lack of conviction or determination are decidedly problematic. 

The role of a Knight of Rage in a typical Sburb session is an active one; taking out imps, helping the Space player to breed the Genesis Frog, and fighting the Derse royalty.

Prior to God-tiering, the Knight of Rage might be the very definition of a Stepford Smiler. Their teammates might be surprised that someone who’s so seemingly sweet-tempered and cheerful could be a Rage-player. There’s nothing wrong with the Knight’s grumpy, irritable interior, so they (and others) must learn to accept their true nature. Should no one else object or be nominated, it would not be unlikely for a Knight to be made a de facto leader of their group of friends, though such a role would be unlikely to be maintained after the game started. In-game, they would be more likely to receive orders than to issue them, because of their status as an active class with powerful fighting skills.

Ascension would be reasonably straightforward for a Knight of Rage, but it would have a possibility of failing due to fear. Their role as a front-line fighter means that they would need and want the power boost and lower mortality rate associated with godhood, but negative emotion might keep them from accepting death. Limited choice might just as easily force them to ascend, though.

It should be noted that - though the process of reaching Godhood for the Knight of Rage personally is about average - the odds of their teammates ascending is greatly limited due to them having a large number of possibilities and limited conviction to help them through the one that involves dying.

Post God-tiering, the Knight of Rage would be an extremely powerful ally. With all the negative emotion of every living thing in the medium at their disposal (and in a game like Sburb, there’s a lot of misery to go around), the Derse royalty won’t know what hit them, and the Genesis Frog will be bred in no time. 

Expect a well-developed Knight of Rage to be similar to a Berserker; utilizing a state of total, complete anger to boost their attack power and absolutely decimate opponents. 

The inversion of a Knight of Rage is a Rogue of Hope; one who passively redistributes positive emotion, harmony, and faith.

The potential land of a Knight of Rage might be LOMAA, or the Land of Moats and Anger. The irate toad-like consorts of this marshy planet will pick a fight with anything they see - unless they’re too busy preparing to fight something else. The Knight of Rage must use the consorts’ fury to solve puzzles, fight imps, and traverse the swampy landscape. It’d be tricky, but amassing a consort army might help the Knight to fight their denizen, if that’s what they choose.

Knights tend to use what they perceive as classic or cliched weapons for their strife deck, while Rage players prefer religious paraphernalia. Plain old swordkind, lancekind, axekind, or riflekind might work, but some kind of mystical holy weapon would be best. 

Their greatest strength is their attack power, versatility, and determination, but their greatest weakness is their low self esteem and inability to accept themselves.

The special power of a Knight of Rage is the Ultimate Jump-scare Technique. Surprise friends and foes alike with this new and interesting way to make people wet themselves from fear! 

Creating Strict Religions

I would first like to state that a strict religion is not synonymous with a cruel religion, neither is it synonymous with an unaccepting one.

In most cases, in order to be considered a strict religion, if must be strict on one or more of the following ways:

Moral codes
>This includes things like not being selfish or boastful, and any other morals taught by the religion
Behavior codes
>This includes things like donating, tithing, not working on holy days, and other such things
Dress codes
>This includes things such as religious paraphernalia, fabric type, garment type, and other such things
>This includes things such as not eating certain foods (usually ones considered unclean), not eating at certain times, or only eating animal products that were made from animals sacrificed in the name of the religion

The strictness can come in the form of requirements or restrictions
>Requirements: things followers must do (followers must pray, must donate, must wear prayer beads, etc)
>Restrictions: things followers are not allowed to do (followers must not break the rules, followers must not work on certain days, followers must not wear certain types of clothing, etc)

The concept of the chosen people
This concept usually appeals to ego (“only the worthy will receive salvation/paradise/etc”)

Is it conditional?
>What are the conditions?
>>Do you have to be birthed in, no exceptions? If they are born of two converts, does it still count, or does it have to be from a long line of followers?
>>Do you have to be birthed in or converted?
>>Do you just have to follow the required behaviors (and nothing else)?
>>Do you just have to believe in the religious teachings (even if you don’t follow the rules)?
>>Do you have to be born in, follow the behaviors, and believe?
>>Do you have to complete a spiritual quest/religious rite?
>>Do you have to convert others and spread the word?

What is the treatment of converts compared to the treatment of those born in the religion?
>Are converts given further rules and restrictions?
>Are converts considered better due to their conscious decision to follow the religion?

What is believed to happen to those who are not chosen?
>>Is this the same thing they believe happens to those who do not follow the rules?
>>>After one has broken a rule, what happens?
>>>>Is it believed they will receive punishment after death, or are they required to repent in life?
>>>>>Is it believed that repenting will completely absolve them, or that iit will only lessen their punishment after death?
>>>>If they cannot be absolved completely, how do they convince a person not to break any further rules?
>>>>>Threats? (Ex. "If you don’t behave it’ll be even worse.”)
>>>>>Bribes? (Ex. “If you behave perfectly from now on, there’s a chance your punishment will be lessened.”)
>Do they not get an afterlife?
>Do they receive eternal damnation and suffering?
>>Are there different levels of punishment?
>Is there just a longer waiting period before they are accepted into the afterlife?
>>Is this done in a limbo-like place, or in the same place as sinners?
The more severe the religion, the more severe the punishments will be for not following the requirements and restrictions.

This is a continuation of Creating Cults and Raising Religions.

helandgarmr  asked:

I went to the farmers market today and a lady approached me and asked, "Do you accept Jesus Christ as your savior," and I just awkwardly laughed and said, "No thank you." The problem with that is that I feel like I got stereotyped. I have teal hair, dark blue lipstick and tattoos. I didn't see her approach anyone else. I have no problem with religion. I support everyone no matter their views. But it just irks me that someone would do this to me because of my looks. I might be a punk, but I -c-

-c- don’t need someone creeping me out with it. She’s a total stranger, and I have no indication to approach me. Sorry, but it just made me uncomfortable and I needed to vent.

I’m so sorry I took so long to respond!

This is super annoying, and incredibly insulting. I used to get a lot of chick tracks (is that what they’re called?i think that’s what they’re called…. those little pamphlet things about all the ways you’re a sinner who’s going to hell?) passed my way, and it is so infuriating.

Especially when you’re in a situation where you can’t respond.

…However i just had a tiny Sterek thought? That might make you feel a little better?

Werewolves are known AU, and Derek is constantly getting anti-were people handing him religious paraphernalia, trying to save his soul or whatever. People who think he’s possessed or just needs to repent, bullshitty things that make him ache a little.

But, he just sort of politely smiles and walks away, tries not to growl at them when they get nasty. Doesn’t want to give them any satisfaction by “proving them right” about the violent tendencies and danger of weres.

But Stiles. Stiles sees all the condescending church ladies accosting Derek in the grocery store, at the farmers market, when he’s walking in the park. He sees the stern looking men in their bad suits with ostentatious crosses and severe noses they look down at him from who moves away from him and then quote the bible at him, offering him salvation if he just repents and joins their church.

Maybe they do it while Derek is at work, or maybe Stiles works at the store where one day a particularly obnoxious woman starts in on Derek, who looks both embarrassed at the attention and hurt and angered by the attack on his character, but. The point is Stiles takes it upon himself to stand up for Derek.

Maybe they’re already friends, and Stiles’ passionate defense of Derek, which includes a veritable treatise on the glory of Derek Hale’s existence, which makes Derek turn bright red and makes his heart beat faster because :Does Stiles really feel this way about me? Oh my gods, could he love me back”, is the thing that brings them together.

Or maybe they’ve only admired each other from afar, but Stiles has officially had enough this time, because the beautiful man that he sees around town is constantly doing nice things for people. He pets puppies and holds open doors; he’s paid for other peoples groceries and meals at restaurants multiple times; he volunteers at a shelter and reads to kids at the hospital (he’s seen him when he visits Melissa), and so he tells this nasty proselytizer all of this, asks her when the last time she did something half as “godly” as this man she thinks so little of. 

And Derek is stunned, and touched. And a little confused that the deputy he’s seen around town (and tried to muster the nerve to talk to) has noticed him. A lot, apparently. 

Either way, after the woman stammers an apology and scampers off, Stiles looks at Derek and is halfway to an apology because Derek looks confused and stunned, but Derek cuts him off with a blush and a quiet thank you. Asks if he meant it with a hopeful but uncertain glint in his eye, and Stiles breathes out a soft “Every word”, and there’s a quick, chaste kiss (on the cheek if they’re not friends already) and they both say “Do you wanna maybe get dinner” at the same time, and Derek says “Only id it’s a date” and Stiles says “Oh, it’s definitely a date, big guy.” and they live happily ever after.


Author’s Note: Okay… this is my first attempt at real person fanfiction.If this stuff freaks you out please don’t read it!! (Because I was a little weirded out writing it!!) Also, this piece also has Priest Kinksin it. If you are religious (in which I am not), then you may not want to read this!

Features: French Revolution Priest!Lee Pace/OC

Okay…. Here we go… *nervous sweat*


Boom! The bomb blew the townhouse apart. Screaming, she tore through the streets the blast pounding in her ears as the hard cobblestone of the street stung her feet through her heels. A cloud of dark soot and smoke engulfed her choking and filling her lungs with ash. Blackened, she pushed through the ash and smoke, she spied the warm lights of the church a few blocks away. She rushed to the door.

Bang! Bang! Bang! The sound of the door, made the young priest look up from the lighting of the candles. Bang! Bang! Bang! Another urgent knock came. Outside, the screams echoed through the dark night as the priest made his way to the locked doors. The city of Paris burns with Hellfire tonight, he thought solemnly as he cautiously opened the door. A pair of desperate, dark eyes met his own.

Keep reading

school stories #3

I think it’s high time for another one of these and saying as it is indeed that time of year again here is


So I have this friend named Alex. He’s like, a little bit of an asshole, but he’s self-aware so we keep him around. Last year, he went through this sort of Nietzsche phase that he hasn’t really grown out of come to think of it. That’s also called the Banksy phase, the mansplaining phase, and this one:

Yeah. Suffice to say that there were a lot more people who hated Alex than liked him.

But my squad liked him, so we decided to get him presents for his birthday. 

But like, we don’t like him enough to give him real presents or anything. 

And we’re absolutely legendary at being sarcastic assholes.

So we start recruiting a week in advance. We talk to anyone who likes Alex, anyone who hates him (the great thing about gag gifts is that it goes both ways). We want an absurd participation rate in this stunt. We want him overloaded with frustratingly useless gifts.

And someone has the brilliant idea to theme all of these shitty gifts. And what does Alex hate the most?



Our eyes glitter with evil malice. This is going down in history, folks.

So it’s the day of the event. Everyone’s backpack is a bit heavy and our hearts are a bit light. Heavy with what, you ask? 


Dozens and dozens of bibles.

Everyone has brought in some sort of religious paraphernalia. We’ve got rosary rings, prayer books,  We’ve got children’s bibles, bibles stolen from hotels, bibles with golden trim. Hell, someone even brought in a framed picture of Jesus. Go big or go home.

And we all slowly start arriving to school.

As we do, we say, “Happy Birthday, Alex,” and hand him a Bible. He’s completely flummoxed. He didn’t actually expect half of these people to know his name, let alone give him a gift, let alone a Bible. And the people don’t stop coming.

The final count:

  • 11 Bibles
  • 1 Torah
  • Three rosaries
  • Two prayer books
  • A bracelet with saints on it
  • And a framed picture of Jesus.

He had to get one of those gigantic paper bags from Macy’s or something to carry it all. They all ended up at his girlfriend’s house, except the framed picture of Jesus, which remains on his shelf.

“But wait.” I hear you ask. “You promised vegetables! Where are the vegetables?”

We’re getting there, my sweet summer child. We’re getting there.

Fast forward to this year. We all know we have to out-do last year’s prank, but it’s trickier. He’s expecting it now. We’ve lost the element of absurd surprise. He’s even started to guess the theme of the gift. And besides, he’s not such a militant and obnoxious atheist any more. What on earth could we give him?

Well, Alex is a lanky teenage boy. He’s allowed to eat like shit. He’s fundamentally against healthy healthy foods.

I bring in a wicker basket.

And a stalk of celery.

Walking into school, I meet @mangoeymango. She plops a potato in my basket and snickers.

“Happy Birthday, Alex.” 

He glowers at me and adds a beet that he’s already received into the basket.

By the time the first bell rings, he’s carrying a wicker basket with celery, a potato, a beet, a green bell pepper, broccoli, and an apple. He looks like a gay vegan Little Red Riding Hood.

At third period, a girl he doesn’t know hands him an avocado.

What the fuck is this.” he asks.

He’s never seen an avocado before.


Final count:

  • a stalk of celery
  • a small red potato
  • a yam
  • a green bell pepper
  • a head of broccoli
  • a beet
  • an apple
  • a bunch of big, dirty carrots
  • a handful of asparagus
  • an avocado
  • some grapes
  • a pumpkin squash
  • a small boily squash I scarfed from the cafeteria’s fall decorations
  • a gluten-free cookie


Alec & Simon

blue-boring-ers said:

I found Simon’s evaluation of Alec in CoHF very contradictory; he considers him to be the “most conservative of the Lightwoods”, and the one that looks down upon Downworlders the most. Throughout the entire series, at least in comparison to Jace, Isabelle, and his parents, he has seemed the most accepting of Downworlders in general. The Bane Chronicles also cemented this part of Alec’s character, in my opinion. Is this just a case of Simon not knowing Alec well and making false judgements?

Hello! CoHF spoilers under cut.

Keep reading

Okay kiddies, gather round.  Mama Ktdemise is gonna tell you a story about Goodbye Agony and Black Veil Brides.  Mainly because she has no life outside of college.

In the very beginning of the video, we see a jar.  We zoom to said jar, which contains a very icky monstrosity most people call spiders.

Look closely at the label.  It says “Golgatha”, right?  Why would this jar have a weird name like that.  Is the spider’s name Golgatha?  Maybe, Eve might just like to keep spiders as pets.

Or, the spider came from a location that Eve calls Golgatha.  See, I had to google the word, because I’m an Athiest and don’t get most religious paraphernalia.  Golgatha is a reference to an area located outside of Jerusalem’s walls, more specifically the location where Jesus was crucified and died for everyone’s sins.  That’s when the disciples buried him in a cave where he came back to life two days later.

Sound familiar?

That’s right.  In the video, Eve and David (that cute kid from the Knives and Pens video, to jog your memory) head down a hole created by the beast that is on BVB4’s album cover, and head down a cave where they find a coffin containing a certain frontman, who opens his eyes in the last five seconds of the video.

This might actually tie into the lore behind the Story of the Wild Ones, but since we don’t know much about that world since Andy hasn’t come outright and given us a straightforward story, we don’t quite know.  It also doesn’t explain his appearance in the Legion of the Black movie as The Prophet, because if all these videos happen chronologically, then The Prophet shouldn’t exist because he’s, well, dead.

Now, that’s enough speculation and conspiracy for one night.  Hopefully, Black Veil Brides will release more videos, telling us the story of the Wild Ones and how they’ve actually come to be.  Otherwise I’m going to continue blindly into my NaNoWriMo story and look like a complete idiot if I present it to Andy and the other members of my second favorite band.

"I Felt Set Up": Why More Women Seeking Abortions Are Ending Up at Anti-Abortion Pregnancy Centers
"Medical" pregnancy centers are starting to look more like abortion clinics, and some women feel misled.

“Last year I attended Heartbeat International’s annual conference in Charleston, South Carolina, where roughly 1,000 crisis pregnancy center staff and anti-abortion leaders gathered for training and networking. There, I heard movement leaders directly instruct pregnancy center workers to “compete with the abortion industry” by concealing their religiously motivated anti-contraception and anti-abortion mandates. Suggested tactics included operating multiple websites with different messaging, choosing pro-choice seeming names like “pregnancy options,” removing religious paraphernalia from waiting rooms, and advertising free medical services and counseling.

The day Alison came in for her appointment, knowing already that she wanted an abortion, Pregnancy Decision staff treated her very differently than when she’d arrived excited to be pregnant. A counselor, nurse, and ultrasound technician read Alison Bible passages, as she cried, and urged her to carry the pregnancy to term. She remembers the women saying, “Being a single mom is the toughest thing you can do, and you already did it. God won’t give you anything you can’t handle.”

“It was almost like bullying,” Alison says. “I felt set up. The name is Pregnancy Decision. I didn’t know they were against abortion. It was intimidating. They tried to make me feel extremely wrong, like I was sinning.”

Interfering with a woman’s right to to choice and her own bodily autonomy shouldn’t be such a widespread and manipulative problem. Learn to respect my reproductive rights, no matter your religious beliefs; they’re yours, not mine.

system-null  asked:

Hi! Any advice on how to write an Asian-influenced (mostly Japan, but some other Asian countries as well) culture for a fantasy novel and not insult the real cultures? Thanks!

Be respectful. Don’t use religious icons or paraphernalia unless you are as versed as you can possibly be in the meaning, use, and beliefs surrounding them.

Don’t make them a caricature of the real world cultures. You know what I mean. Don’t just think about them and paint them in terms of stereotypes. Go deeper than that. Find customs and beliefs that aren’t thought of immediately when the culture is called to mind. Find other things that make them who they are.

Understand their history. Culture and especially customs and artwork styles all are influenced by what’s happened to them as a people. You don’t want to use a detail or event that too closely follows a historical event that’s unspeakable for the culture, or in a way that reflects poorly on the culture.

Remember that these are people. All of them: the people you’re using for inspiration and the people you’re creating. You’re not going to avoid offending everyone, but you can certainly try your best to understand and respect them. If you can build your culture is themes of the Asian influence but not replicas of the cultures, or if you can build it so that it only vaguely recalls them, that would be even better. Especially if you can do it by using styles, themes, beliefs, and customs that aren’t in the stereotypes at all.

Also be sure to check up on cultural appropriation!

(Thanks for the question. I wish you luck! -Pear)

Title: “Rokubu”  Albumen print, 1867-68, Japan, by photographer Felice Beato.  The rokubu was an itinerant priest of the Buddhist sect of Ko-sodate-jizo. He was summoned to restore barren women to fertility and carried on his back a portable altar equipped with his religious paraphernalia 


So many aspects of religion…are actually pagan superstitions…and primitive  reasoning…


Wearing the murder weapon: to ward off evil, by reminding god that you are on his team…and by not letting him forget you know the tool that humans used, when they succeeded in killing him…

Pretending to eat the human body of god…and drink his blood: reasoning, that if you pretend to consume his human flesh and blood…weekly…god’s just got to look out for you…

Saying “gesundheit” or “(god) bless you” after a loved one sneezes: to ward off plagues and illnesses…and demons bearing the same…that may use the sneeze as a sneaky access portal into the body…

Knocking on wood: to ward off evil, by reminding god (yet again) that you know what the tool was made of…that humans used, when they succeeded in killing him…

Saying “god willing” after outlining your plans: to appease god, lest he smite you and your loved ones…for being so haughty, that you might “boast” about your intended plans…without appearing to seek his approval and blessing…

Printing “in god we trust” on currency: to impress god…that he might bless you with overflowing bounty…as you make your poorly considered transaction of greed and debauchery…

Praying/Asking god for a parking space: reasoning, that like a little child incessantly pestering their father for a particular treat…you are more likely to get what you want…if you keep telling the all-knowing…what he apparently already knows… In any event… you’re competing for attention with billions of people asking for boring things…like food and water…so get your frivolous requests in…loud and early…!

Saying “thank god”: reasoning, that if you go through the motions of pretending to be thankful, even if you’re not happy with what you’ve got…then maybe god will give you what you really want…next time

Saying “god (richly) bless you” to a needy person, or promising to pray for them: reasoning, that if you go through the motions of pretending to be “helpful” to someone in need…then god will ensure that you never suffer like that poor loser you are just pretending to care about…

Saying grace: reasoning, that if you go through the motions of pretending to be thankful, even if you’re not happy with what food you’ve got…then god will at least not give you poison…!

Going to a church: reasoning, that even if god is everywhere, if you go to the trouble of dressing up and going to a building set aside for this superstition…then maybe god will give you an even better quality of life…

Giving money to a church: reasoning, that even if god has everything he needs, if you go to the expense of giving money to a religious institution set aside for this superstition…then maybe god will give you an even better quality of life…

Praising god: reasoning, that if you go through the motions of praising god…even if you’re suffering…then your constant pandering will encourage god to give you a better life…

Carrying around the bible…and having one in the home: even if you don’t read it…if god sees that you’ve got lots of bibles around…god will see you are on his team…so god better get off his recliner, and protect you

Displaying religious paintings and ornaments at home: reminding god that you are on his team…if god sees that you’ve got lots of religious paraphernalia… it will ward off any evil befalling you

Chopping off your son’s foreskin: to ward off evil, by letting god see your son is on his team (because god checks wieners)…so god better get off his recliner, and protect your son…or if not…let him into heaven, at least….!  So what about your daughter?  God didn’t care about the little girls…


i just had a fairly bizarre experience. my aunt and i went to go get pastries at this bavarian restaurant/bakery for my grandpa’s b day. the store looks like it hasnt been patronized by other human beings since 1979. some things i saw:

  • completely empty restaurant despite being 5:30 pm. 0 patrons. checkered plastic tableclothes and plastic vines adorned the walls. the restaurant side is extremely badly lit.
  • entire place had a foul smell not unlike the smell of every grandma ever pushed together into close proximity. i think i accidentally discovered the source of this; more on that next
  • left image: an extremely odd, eclectic sort of thrift/gift shop which sold chocolates you can purchase at literally any store in america (lindt, toblerone), several dozen cheaply made wicker baskets, porcelain religious paraphernalia, several bottles of alcohol that had labels that looked suspiciously similar to the bottles in my parents house that lived through the cold war, an enormous bucket full of 1 dollar greeting cards that looked like they were from 1958 and, the thing that finally drove me out of the aisles, two large jars of rank mushrooms suspended in some kind of oil. made my stomach turn and when i went outside i was grateful for the smoke filled air and sweet scent of a nearby apartment fire
  • middle image: most of the shelves were empty. the top two shelves of the counter had pastries spread out very thin to give the illusion of being well stocked. the bottom shelf is empty except for some scattered pretzels (3), some large loaves of bread that looked like that had been shotput into the case if their haphazard arrangement was any indication, and store bought cookies still in the box
  • 2 dollars for a cookie the size of a half dollar
  • right image: i have no idea what the fuck this is. theyre the only things in the entire case

well, thats my adventure