I happen to be very involved in my school’s drama program. It’s a lot of fun, and I get along with everyone involved. Except for one guy. Let’s call him Moron. Not only is he an idiot, but he’s also a homophobe, racist, and a sexist f*cktard. (He’s one of those guys who says he’s not racist because he has one black friend, and believes that everyone should be able to use the N word.)
This past year, we happened to have the amazing opportunity to put on the play The Laramie Project. It’s an awesome play detailing the real life story of a young gay man who was beaten to death in Laramie, Wyoming. A large part of the play is dealing with the church’s reaction to the beating.
I happened to run into Moron on vacation. He told me that he was trying out to be an assistant director for The Laramie Project, and he was the only one who knew about the open position so he was sure to get it. He was the only one to send in his request letter. Then he started going on and on about all the things he’s gonna do when he’s assistant director. He happened to mention that he wanted to cut out some parts that made the church “look bad” and “only show one biased opinion”. Basically, he wanted to censor the show. I smiled and nodded along to his bull, all the while planning my revenge.
I texted my friend who I knew had an interest in directing and told her all about the open position. She sent in her letter, and wouldn’t you know it, she got the position.
Here’s where it gets good.
Moron finds out that my friend got the position, and started talking sh*t about her to anyone who would listen. Yeah, he’s that childish. The director finds out about it and calls him in to talk in private, where she proceeds to berate his stupid a** for a solid hour. But what was my favorite part? He came to me to complain about the entire situation.
Moron: I can’t believe [the director] chose her over me!
Me: Bummer. It might have had something to do with the fact that you wanted to censor the show with your religious, homophobic agenda.
Me: I told her about the open position. Have fun watching the show!
We put on the show, it was great, and Moron spent his days bitterly trying to defend his “religious” homophobic beliefs. He wasn’t very successful. After all, no one likes listening to an idiot.