relationships tw

idlingteen asked:

hi sea family! i'm really confused about the way i feel romantic attraction. like, i always WANT to be in a romantic relationship, but once i'm in one i suddenly get really bored for no reason at all and absolutely hate it. it's like i enjoyed the challenge of getting someone to like me more than actually being with them. is there a word for that?? (sorry if this doesn't make much sense...)

Lithroromantic/akoiromantic:

“A romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum which describes an individual who feels romantic attraction towards others, but who does not desire reciprocation of that attraction or does not wish to enter a romantic relationship.” 

I think maybe you’ll click with that label. It does make sense, no worries (:

Sara Xx

anonymous asked:

I am a cisgender female who is dating a genderfluid female. I've never dated anyone who is genderfluid before and when I'm scared that I may mess up by saying something wrong or using the same pronoun a lot. I've stuck mainly with she/her pronouns and they/them pronouns sometimes, but since we've been together they haven't had male identifying days that I know of. They dress more masculine so I'm worried that they might be feeling male that day and I could be calling them she/her?

Communication is key! I think you should express your concerns to them. Tell them you don’t want to misgender them and that you are wondering if there is any way you know which pronouns to use and when. Remember, appearance doesn’t always match gender identity, so I’d be careful to guide myself from clothing unless they state otherwise

Sara Xx

as teen wolf continues...

You know who I want to find out about Stiles?

Liam.

Liam Dunbar. 

Liam Dunbar, who wants to hang out with Stiles and Scott so badly, who eavesdrops on conversations that they try to keep him out of, who follows Stiles to his car and asks more questions, who believes Stiles (or at least is willing to follow Stiles into the woods to snoop on some kid he’s never met and has no reason to be suspicious of, ignoring his own best friend to do so) and wants to keep him safe.

Liam Dunbar, who steps in front of Stiles when Theo catches them, who looks honestly terrified as Stiles loses it when the Jeep is broken, whose every look of the season seems to be centered around concern and protect and, look guys, consider it:

Liam Dunbar is the one who first finds out about Stiles. 

Imagine.

Liam doesn’t know when he made a habit of eavesdropping on the senior when they tell him to stop worrying and go have fun with his friends, but he does and it’s a few days before he puts his finger on it but eventually he realizes that something is off about their conversations.

Stiles isn’t talking.

Well, he is, but not nearly enough. The seniors’ conversation is usually dominated by Stiles and Lydia bouncing ideas off each other, Kira asking helpful questions to lead them in the right direction, Malia inserting her suggestions, and Scott taking all the available information and turning it into a workable plan. But lately… Stiles is sometimes there but there are gaps where he should be, but he’s not, as if he is just leaning back and letting the conversation flow around him instead of contributing and that’s not-

There’s so much going on and maybe the other’s assume it’s because Scott has ignored Stiles’ frequent protestations against Theo and so maybe they don’t hear the difference, but not Liam. Liam spends entire lunches ignoring Mason (and then having to apologize over and over) and class periods turning the idea over in his mind and-

Liam notices.

It itches at him until he can’t ignore it and so he investigates. He wasn’t great at dissecting Theo’s scent for Stiles but Stiles and Scott have been there for him every full moon for months and Stiles is the one who drives him everywhere and so he knows the ins and outs of Stiles’ scent. At least, he does when he knows to focus on it. 

He confirms that something is wrong but he just doesn’t know what.

And then Liam is taking a strategic bathroom break from History class (because honestly how much can one girl glare daggers at a guy before he needs a break?) and that’s when he hears it. The shuddering, broken gasps of a panic attack. Of Stiles.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Is it possible to be friends with an ex? My ex boyfriend and I were really good friends before we dated and we broke up 6 months ago. We've been on pretty good terms and I want to try to start a friendship again, but my friends all say that it can't possibly work.

Hello, petal!

I literally just came back from a coffee date with my ex, he has a girlfriend now and honestly I had the greatest time! Listen to your gut and your surroundings, if you think it could be problematic to start a friendship just yet, wait a little bit until you give it shot. It’s very posible to be very good friends with an ex! Don’t let stereotypes define your relationships, make your own path with the information you have (:

Love, 

Sara the Starfish Xx

The thing about having strict parents is that you also have a high chance of not learning how to interact with other people, especially romantically or sexually. You might not know how to speak up for yourself, because you’re so afraid of failing, since your parents constantly put you on the edge. You become a confused, anxious person.

And while the #GrowingUpWithStrictParents thing may help people see that they aren’t alone, it’s really important to not brush these things off as jokes. Abuse has terrible consequences that can affect victims for the rest of their lives.

anonymous asked:

I have a friend who has turned into someone really gross since I've met him. At first he was a bit awkward but funny and chill, but since then he broke up with his girlfriend and changed. He says misogynistic and hurtful things. He hits on practically all of my friends and now no one wants to hang out with me if he's there. He blames his bad reputation solely on me because I told people some things he said to me. I don't want to be his friend anymore but he doesn't have many. What do I do?

If you find your relationship with him toxic, then you should probably give it up. I’d recommend to have a good talk with him where you said what bothers you, etc. you could give it a shot! If it doesn’t work, I’d just distance myself from him gradually and explain to your friends how what he does is in no way your fault, because it isn’t! 

Sara Xx

PSA to anyone in an emotionally abusive relationship

• ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
• You didn’t do anything wrong
• You are loved by those around you
• Except your partner, love isn’t abusive
• Stonewalling and purposefully ignoring you to hurt you IS abuse
• Your feelings are valid
• You aren’t the abusive partner, for those of you whose abuser plays the victim
• There are no excuses for their behavior
• Your abuser does not have to yell or hit you to be abusive
• You’re beautiful
• I care about you
• You aren’t alone

I’ve been through this and I’m here if you need to talk

I usually am pretty good at ignoring stuff but as someone who has been in an abusive relationship I feel like I need to discuss the Astrid is abusive argument and clarify what abuse really is. 

I don’t think I am going to get through to the trolls or the people who have their mind set that she is, but I might make the shippers who are bothered by seeing this argument feel better. 

I am going to start with a definition of an abusive relationship:

According to the Centre for Relationship Abuse Awareness:

Relationship abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern of control.

When I was with my ex, I was afraid. I lived every day in fear. Fear that I would be hurt or that my friends and family would be turned against me and that I’d have no one. He used my fear as a way to control me, to keep me from the people and doing the things I loved. It got worse over time, until I realized that I feared for my life and got out.

I believe my experience was typical.

I don’t think Astrid abuses Hiccup because I see no evidence of fear and attempts at isolating or controlling him.


Let’s looks at Hiccup and Astrid post HTTYD 1 when they are in a relationship. Friendship counts as a relationship. Pre and for most of HTTYD, I don’t think they were in a relationship so I am not going to talk about that yet.

Is Astrid rough? Does she tease? Does she punch as a form of communication? Yes

Is she abusive? No.

As a teacher, I see good friends rough housing and teasing each other all the time. Sometimes they even hurt each other and think it is funny.  I also see bullying.

How do I differentiate between the two? By the way the “victim” reacts.

If the victim seems the least bit alarmed, afraid, angry, or uncomfortable, I consider it bullying, I intervene, talk to them about it and work with them about whether and how they feel the bullying needs to be addressed.

If everyone seems jovial, I deal with the behaviour if it is inappropriate but I don’t treat it as bullying. Often, if it is just harmless teasing and razzing, I walk away because my friends and I roughhouse, razz and tease each other all of the time. If there are no hurt feelings. There is no problem.

Hiccup seems fine and in good cheer most of the time.  I do not get the sense that Hiccup is hurt, afraid, angry, or feels controlled at all. When it comes to sass and teasing, he gives as good as he gets.

Astrid is a little rough, and could use her words more but she does not attempt to control, intimidate or isolate Hiccup. Her friendly punches are more of an expression of her desire for physical contact. According to the book HTTYD, a punch in the arm is a Viking equivalent to a hug. Therefore, I see no reason to call her behaviour abusive.


Now let’s look back at HTTYD 1 and the two scenes that bother people the most:

The Fall During Dragon Training and The Cove

In both cases was Astrid rough? Was she violent and mean? Yes. Did she assault Hiccup? Yes.

But did she abuse him? No.

Because for the most part her behaviour was reactionary and typical of a battle ready culture that prized violence and toughness and not demonstrative of a pattern of behaviour where she uses fear to control.

I am not excusing her behaviour. Stepping on Hiccup’s face and driving her axe handle into his guts were both uncalled for but there is nothing in canonverse that suggests to me that these types of behaviours continue once they become friends and later lovers so they can not be used as evidence that their relationship is abusive.


In conclusion, Astrid is not abusive because her actions do not demonstrate an escalating pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over Hiccup. Hiccup is not afraid of her, hurt by her or minds the fact that she can be a little rough.  Therefore it is not an abusive relationship.

it really scares me how many people romanticize tate and violet’s relationship from american horror story and talk about how they want a boyfriend who will treat them the way tate treats violet. i can’t even begin to tell you how unhealthy that relationship was. tate literally raped her mom and killed like a dozen people. but besides that, he encouraged violet to hurt herself and even fueled her suicidal tendencies, knowing exactly what he was doing. that’s not love. that’s being an enabler in the worst way. there is nothing beautiful or desirable in their relationship. and i am very disturbed by how many girls my age don’t see that. 

largest little spoon hawke and tiny big spoon fen.
okay but if that wasnt gay enough 4 ya consider this
fens like drifting off to sleep but hawke sleep talks a fucking pun and he like lies wide awake 4 hours thinking abt how he could possibly date an egg this fucking ridiculous.

anonymous asked:

To that 16-year-old anon wanting to date an 18 yr old, I'd say wait. the age gap between 16 and 18 isn't "tiny," even though it is smaller--it's still an adult dating an under age person. Maybe in a few years you can aptly judge your desires and the 18-year-old's, but for now you are still very susceptible to manipulation and everything that an age gap can bring. I'm 16, and I know personally how hard it is to love someone older than you. Please just stay safe and judge honestly~

Here is another point of view for you, anon!

I have some sweet news for once.
So I’ve mentioned before that my boyfriend is learning about the LGBTA and has become so much more understanding and far less transphobic, to the point where he’s hardly offensive at all anymore. Well there was this one day about a week and a half ago where I was on Facebook and a “friend” was posting horrible transphobic shit and anti-genderfluid stuff under the guise of being scientific. I’ve been doing pretty bad mentally lately so this really got me down. My fella came upstairs and wanted to know why I was feeling shit, and I explained, and then fell silent as I knew I’d have to explain why it was affecting me so badly.
He sat down on our bed, very concerned as I was getting tearful and I said to him it was so hard to say what I had to say. I’ve never once come out face-to-face before and I was honestly terrified he would leave me in disgust.
Crying, barely able to get the words out; I told him.
He hugged me tight, kissed me and told me he loved me anyway, regardless of who or what I am. He asked me about my pronouns, if I had another name, he gave me mens tshirts and boxers for my “David Days” as he calls them.
Honestly, I was shocked and so emotional, I never realised how much of a block it had been not being completely honest with him. Our relationship, despite being perfectly fine, has gotten so much better, I love that silly fool so much. I’m so relieved to be accepted and loved by him, I honestly adore him

Okay, so I’ve been searching through the freshman tips tag and a lot of them say something along the lines of “stay away from 17/18/19 year olds who show interest in you”. I saw that too when I was a freshman, but I blew it off because he was different. So, I’m going to share my story so that you can understand a bit better why it’s safer that you stay away from them.

I was fourteen and a freshman, obviously. I was pretty nervous because I don’t make friends very well at all, but I did end up talking to this senior. We became friends and he confided in me with his girl problems. I helped him and gave him advice about how to flirt with his crushes. He had a lot of crushes. I couldn’t give you a specific number, but it was a lot more than the average person would have had within the first month of school. After talking to him for a while, I developed a crush on him. 

Eventually, he told me that he liked me and we started dating. A few of our friends asked about it because he was 18, soon to be 19, and I was only 14. We told them that age didn’t matter. We were pretty happy together. Eventually, he confided in me that he was demisexual (a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond) and I was totally okay and accepting about it. This is when I really thought that the relationship was real because he definitely didn’t want me for sex. 

Later on, he became very controlling and possessive. He always wanted to know where I was and who I was with and what I was doing. He accused me of cheating on him multiple times and said that he had friends around the school that were watching out for me. When I confronted him on this, he always turned it around so that I was at fault. 

At the time, I had no idea that this was an abusive relationship, so I just let it keep happening. Eventually, he got tired of me and decided that he never really got over his ex-girlfriend from his freshman year. Later, the truth came out that he never really loved me and I was only there to boost his ego. He only went after me because I was young and ignorant to what a healthy relationship was. 

So, yes, maybe that cute boy doesn’t want you for sex, but he definitely wants something and it most likely isn’t a healthy relationship. Look out for signs of an abusive relationship and terminate the relationship as soon as you notice them. Watch out for yourself.