Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will learn what inspires you. You will cultivate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity. And when you do meet the right person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it because you are sure of yourself.
—  Bianca Sparacino
How to Cope with not being Liked

1. Expect some people to reject you. It’s a fact of life that we won’t like everyone – and there will be people who don’t like us. It often has to do with different personalities rather than something being wrong with you.

2. Learn how to brush off rejections and put downs – at the end what matters is how you handle it. If you still act as if you are comfortable with “you” then others will respect you for your healthy self-esteem.

3. It’s often about them and not about you so try not to take rejection personally. Perhaps they are jealous or envious of you; or perhaps they’re just taking their feelings out on you.

4. People rarely see us in absolute terms. There are some things they will like and others they’ll dislike. It may be they hate one particular trait – but we’re a mix of many things - so don’t worry about that.

5. Don’t over-think what other people think or say. Distract yourself, and think of something else instead. They’re not worth the effort or the wasted energy. Just get on with your life and enjoy being you.

anonymous asked:

I think I'm aromantic but I'm really scared of never being happy. In my very limited experience I love the idea of romance and most romantic things right up until it actually happens to/with me and then I feel awkward and stressed. But the ideal of romance is still so amazing sounding?

Hi Anon!

TBH I identify with you a lot!

Have you heard the word “Autochorisexual”? - it means being interested in and attracted to sexual acts - but only when they happen to other people. An autochorisexual person might even be sexually stimulated by pornography or thinking about fictional characters having sex, but they are turned off by the idea of themself being involved.

HERE is a quick 101 about it.

I’ve only seen a couple of other people discussing it, but I believe that autochoris- is a prefix that can be used for romance too - autochorisromantic!

Perhaps that might be something that applies to you? I’ve been wondering about it as a concept that might be relevant to myself sometimes.

As for being happy - well I don’t think it matters whether you find a partner, regardless of whether you’re aromantic!!! I’ve known many people who are very happy being single, of all kinds of orientations. And I’ve known married people to be very unhappy.

The most important thing for happiness is that any relationship you enter into is something that you do for the right reasons - with someone who wants the same things from the relationship that you do. If you meet someone that you sort of like spending time with, and you decide to date them because you love the idea of having a partner… well, that might not end in a happy relationship - because ultimately you’re committing to love a person when you don’t have those feelings for them.

But if you decide relationships are not for you and you’re definitely aromantic, you might get to be 45 and meet someone that you just connect with. You could find yourself totally in love with them and think “wow this is a person I want to be with all the time” - and that might not be what you expected to happen, but it’s making you happy because it’s what you want in your heart.

In general, my advice is always, when it comes to relationships - focus on the person. Is this a person you want to be with? And that’s a question you can only answer when a person comes. Until then, there are so many other things that will make you happy - a relationship that you’re not truly invested in romantically is probably not one of them.

- The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer