relationship with ed

Boundary Myths

Myth: If I set Boundaries, I’m being selfish.
Fact: Appropriate boundaries actually increase our ability to care about others.

Myth: Boundaries are a sign of disobedience.
Fact: A lack of boundaries is often a signal of disobedience. People who have shaky limits are often compliant on the outside, but rebellious and resentful on the inside.

Myth: If I begin setting boundaries, I will be hurt by others.
Fact: Boundaries are a litmus test for the quality of our relationships. Those people in our lives who can respect our boundaries will love our wills, our opinions, our separateness.

Myth: If I set boundaries, I will hurt others.
Fact: Boundaries are not an offensive weapon; boundaries are a defensive tool. Appropriate boundaries don’t control, attack, or hurt anyone. They simply prevent injury.

Myth: Boundaries mean that I am angry.
Fact: Anger tells us that a boundary has been violated. This is generally not new anger, it’s old anger. It’s often years of no’s that were never voiced, never respected, and never listened to.

Myth: When others set boundaries, it injures me.
Fact:  An inability to accept other’s boundaries can indicate a problem in taking responsibility.
Fact: Past, inappropriate boundaries set on us as children can injure us.

Myth: Boundaries cause feelings of guilt.
Fact: We need to distinguish between those who give to get and those who truly give.
Fact: Just because we have received something doesn’t mean we owe something.

Myth: Boundaries are permanent, and I’m afraid of burning my bridges.
Fact: You own your boundaries. They don’t own you.
Fact: If you set limits with someone, and they respond in a mature and loving way, you can negotiate the boundary.

Could & Townsend, 1992, ps. 103-120

Try to find someone with a sense of humor. That’s an important thing to have because when you get into an argument, one of the best ways to diffuse it is to be funny. You don’t want to hide away from a point, because some points are serious, but you’d rather have a discussion that was a discussion, rather than an argument.
All I Want in this life, is for someone to love, cherish, and speak about me the way Ed Sheeran sings about women. And the way John Green writes about a young teenage boy’s love for a beautiful girl.
—  Kayla Ross