In another universe,
we bumped into each other
at the coffee shop off campus,
we are both 18 or maybe 19
and there is not an age difference
that causes you to keep me hidden.
Post coffee shop meet-cute,
we would fall in love
just as quickly as we did here,
because that is the consistency of us-
we fall and fall and fall
until we can’t see ourselves
or where we started.
But in this other world,
you would meet my friends and family,
my dad would make weird jokes about me to you
and my little sister would threaten your life
if you hurt me (I wish she had done that here)
and the catch is:
you won’t be worried
because you won’t be doing anything wrong.
In this alternative reality
that I am not sure exists,
you are loving, just loving
and that is it. Sure,
you are funny and smart
and whatever other positive characteristics
you think you have but you don't
6 years older
than my teenage heart,
you should have known better
but I’ve got a dozen scars that say
you didn’t give a shit about what you did.
That’s the beauty of alternate universes though,
somewhere we are happy and I am whole
and somewhere else, I kicked your ass
for what you did and you
know you were wrong.
It’s 1AM and my heart yearns to be close to the one who’s picked my pieces up off the ground time after time. The tears on my cheek burn to be wiped by the calloused fingers with the most delicate touch. I want your arms to surround me and your heavy breaths in my ear and your finger twitches as you fall into a deeper sleep. I want to feel you pull me closer when I shift and kiss my forehead when I whimper in fear from the images of my subconscious. My voice sings for the day I say I do. My heart beats for the morning I get to wake up in your shirt and see your messy hair hung over your eyes as you scramble eggs in a pan. My eyes crinkle and lips tug at a smile for the day you hold her little hand instead of mine. I loved you the moment our eyes met and you timidly looked down at your hands. I loved in tears and I loved you at a distance. I love you today and I’ll love you tomorrow. What a crazy feeling; to know who you want to spend the rest of your life with. What a crazy thought; to know that God made us separately knowing we’d be better together. What a crazy boy; to relentlessly stay with the girl with many fractures. It’s a darn good thing it’s a crazy world; the one in space, the one I see in your eyes, and the one that belongs to me that is you. My world, my pulse, and my absolute best friend. xx
Maybe all we need
Is someone who sees our worth
Tries to meet us and succeeds
In putting effort giving birth
To a relationship of understanding
What inspires the other to grow
Finding each other in expanding
To cherish an endless caring flow
I think my carpet is killing me - And if I write it, it makes it more true. So I had to think twice before writing it. But writing it out is dealing with it. Fuck knows. I’m crazy. Fuck knows, maybe it is killing me. My slipper socks shed like a yak. God help this drug addled giant, and find me a matching pair of socks. I know you’re not thinking about unblocking me. Your head is probably tipsy with razor-blades doing the famdango and it’s usual cloak of groan - tapered just for Monday Mornings. That cloak stole a man’s placid temperament you see. There are five-gazillion specks of fuzz on this carpet and you are not here to help pick them away with me.
When there are more tears than smiles, leave. When there are more fights than jokes, leave. When it hurts more than it feels good, leave. They don’t have the right to destroy you just because you love them. And loving them doesn’t mean you have to stay.