rejected by a hamster

I Wish I Could Draw a Cartoon Hamster

The blossoms above me were yellow and crumpled.
I labored beneath them, anemic and humbled.
My belly contracted, collapsed as though wrenching
All emptiness out.  With my everything clenching,
I balled in the fist of slow motion implosion.
Then eigengrau blackened from breathing’s erosion…
Perception saw pitting.
Some data went missing.
The squeeze of starvation evicted my life force.
No freak dispensation inflicted my strife source,
That bully, with guilt as he shuttered the kibble.
The reason he bashed me with famine is simple.
I chewed on his flabby five-eighths of a spider,
Replied when it charged at a ready incisor.
My biting-reprisal component was potent;
Surprise, to a rodent, implies an opponent.
This lump of cold hamster rejected his master!
That bastard compelled me to live as a faster,
To fade so much faster than normal.  I cursed him,
Then slept in a montage of ways I could hurt him.
Distending his gingival pockets with feces.
Pretending his eyeball must mate with my species–

A voice hit my being as faculties faltered.
“A boy should be altared.  A beast should be altered.
That twelve-year-old gob of meringue and inertia
Will face immolation, it’s happening circa
Today.  I command you to rise from that trash can!
No sponge cake, no humanoid pile of trash can
Defeat you.  I’m Hate God, a thing you constructed.
A thoughtform whose program includes ‘Life Destructed.’
I’m reified danger.
I’m deified rancor.
No neophyte anger
Could bring in my favor.”
Accepting his aid with a deep inhalation,
I pleaded for Hate God’s divine augmentation.
My skin felt a shift in the jerkoff detritus
That buried me.  Somehow, I cultured a nisus,
It raised up my trinkety, throwaway body
And cast off the wads–levitation is godly!
The hovering took me through doorways, through hallways
With family photos.  A “willing to maul” phase
And “killing them all” craze informed my objective;
I prayed for an upgrade to make me effective
At violence.  "You’ll get one.” said Hate God.  "Keep floating.
Some atoms and magic will settle, promoting
Perfection in weaponry, extra to live for.
The tulpa you fashioned is going to give your
Fanatical ardor mechanical armor.
No Syrian mystery’s ever been harder.”
I sat in a hamster ball, lodged in the chest of
A seven-foot robot.  Ignoring the best of
My enemies’ effort seemed easy if vengeance
Could channel its power through mystical engines.
I’ll honor the name by enacting oppression,
Reclassify “pain” as a classy profession…

“This mech suit extends you, defends you from humans.
Photonic machetes cut lumens with lumens.
The rune-set adorning this finish can parry
Ethereal offense–the fey won’t be scary.
And lastly, a nanobot garrison aura
Secludes you from artifact, fauna, and flora.”
To demonstrate hardware, my brain sent a message,
Like, “push down the house.”  A metallic appendage
Responded by squishing a handful of mantel.
That brick was a nougat, a joy to mishandle!
“We’ll wait in the living room, make it ironic.
You’ll crumble your captors unless they’re…bionic?”
The blur of a person conversant with wrecking
An alien armor was neatly dissecting
My benison-metal.  The suit’s imitation
Of venison meddled with pre-celebration
Brutality.  Panels and wires went flying
As whirring dismantled.  All options were dying.
A piece gone.
A piece gone.
A piece gone.
My peace.  Gone.
Appease God.
Appease God.
Appease God.
Oh please, God…
Uncovered, a hamster ball dropped on the carpet.
My head bounced on impact, my vision was starlit.
No deity answered the frantic petition,
The scratches on plastic were missing a listen.
I froze when familiar panting and wheezing
Reminded that chips can be heard in one’s breathing. 
“You fell to the Rich Kid Celerity Force’s
Maneuver!  A mech should be awesome, but yours is
Pathetic.  I planned this.  My Hate God invented
Your Hate God to bolster belief, which ascended
Enough to establish a damaging plummet.
I built you a summit, then banished you from it.”
(That twelve-year-old’s rage for the vermin who nipped him
Birthed father-son numina, fully equipped him
With Shiva-like power.  An origin story
Involving the villain’s pet hamster is glory
Epitomized.)  Slumber came back to the struggle,
Was cooing without an adrenaline muzzle
And spreading its lullaby-echo through head bones;
The “Why-Fight?” transmission encountered few dead zones…
Reactions were leaden.
I waited for Heaven.
A corpulent pseudo-arachnid attacked me,
The Giant Depriver’s attachment had snatched me,
Repeating a prior infraction.  That fucker,
That Mercury sponge cake, was keeping some supper
On hand.  So I chomped him again–all the vigor
Remaining inside me got heaved at the rigor
Of dining on despot.  I ripped off a morsel,
Observed restoration that marked an immortal.
“…My butthole is getting your pelt.  Then a blender
Is getting the rest of you.  Look at your ender–”
The sound waves and breath-heat were meaningless blowing.
My cell interactions continued their slowing.
A torpor took over then stayed; it was doubtful
I’d swallow again, but to leave with my mouth full
Would give me a victory.  Nothing could hamper
That bargain, that closure on life as a hamster.
I’d burrow and bumble.
Lift wood shapes, then fumble.
I’d make-believe forage
To pile my storage…

The signs as shit aph Russia has done
  • Aries: Attacked America with his scarf
  • Taurus: Put food in his pipe to eat later
  • Gemini: Saved Prussia then immediately strangled him
  • Cancer: Didn't talk to anyone after being rejected by a hamster
  • Leo: Lifted a manhole cover with his head
  • Virgo: Calmly put his heart back in his chest after it fell out
  • Libra: Broke into China's house and ate his food
  • Scorpio: Sent America a box of extra small condoms as a gift
  • Sagittarius: Showed up in a party hat to scare England
  • Capricorn: Made all the phones in Finland's house ring so they could hang out
  • Aquarius: Jumped out of a flying plane because the snow would cushion him
  • Pisces: Cried after getting a chain letter from Poland
Hetalia and animals
  • England: Mythological animals like unicorns are great
  • Me: ikr
  • Canada: Polar bears like kumawhatshisface are super cute
  • Me: ikr
  • Germany: Dogs are so loyal and funloving
  • Me: ikr
  • Greece + Japan: Cats are so cool
  • Me: ikr
  • Thailand + India: Elephants like toto are awesome
  • Me: ikr
  • Spain + Ecuador: Tortugas are so adorable
  • Me: ikr
  • Iceland: Puffins are so colorful
  • Me: ikr
  • China: Pandas are so kawaii
  • Me: ikr
  • America: Whales are super important
  • Me: ikr
  • Netherlands: Bunnies deserve more love and care
  • Me: ikr
  • France: Birds like Pierre are wonderful animals
  • Me: ikr
  • Russia: i was rejected by a hamster once
  • Me: what