aber ich spreche die Sprache der Fische nicht

den großen grauen Vogel habe ich gesehen mit den nassen Augen eines Fischs der unter Wasser jeden Artgenossen kennt aber das Leben an der Oberfläche verschwimmt ihm

der Reiher hat die Farben von Flüssen von durchquerten Brücken von aus den Bergen getragenen Steinen von einem Kiesbett voll Schmelzwasser vom Schotter späterer Meere

jedoch zur Unsichtbarkeit fehlt dem Vogel die gelbe Biegsamkeit der Weiden am Ufer dieser eine Flügelschlag hat ihn verraten deshalb will ich den Wassertieren eine Warnung sagen
Samantha Bee’s ‘Not the WHCD’ Should Be An Annual Tradition If Trump Continues to Boycott the Real One
Hours before “nerd prom” kicked off at the White House Correspondents Dinner in D.C. — minus the president — Samantha Bee and her “Full Frontal” cohorts took the…
By Andrea Reiher

Andrea Reiher at Variety:

Hours before “nerd prom” kicked off at the White House Correspondents Dinner in D.C. — minus the president — Samantha Bee and her “Full Frontal” cohorts took the stage at DAR Constitution Hall for TBS’ “Not the White House Correspondents’ Dinner.” The alt-TV special was more than twice the length of a regular “Full Frontal” episode, letting Bee’s typical ruthless comedy and satire loose with both barrels.

If viewers tuned in hoping for an hour of bashing President Trump, they were in for some disappointment. Not that there weren’t some excellent barbs made at POTUS’ expense, but the night was more about celebrating the often-maligned journalists who continue to try to do their jobs in the face of adversity.

“You (journalists) basically get paid to stand in a cage while a geriatric orangutan and his pet mob scream at you. It’s like a reverse zoo. But you carry on. You dig up misdeeds and frauds by the powerful, you expose injustice against the weak and you continue to fact-check the president as if he might someday get embarrassed,” said Bee, to big laughs.

And that was the right approach for this special, taped Saturday afternoon in D.C. and broadcast hours later (10 p.m. ET/PT) on TBS. A full-on roast of Trump would have been enjoyable for a while, but it would have gotten tired. The “Full Frontal” gang is not a one-trick pony, and they put that on a brilliant display, from video segments of Bee performing at imagined past Correspondents’ Dinners (and also an imagined 2018 WHCD for President Pence), to a cold open featuring “West Wing” alum Allison Janney giving a press conference in her snappy CJ Cregg way, to Will Ferrell popping by to reprise his George W. Bush impression from “Saturday Night Live.”

It made for a lively mix of comedy that never felt bogged down or like it was beating a dead horse by repeating itself.

It was also nice to see Bee not pull any punches in regards to the press (not that viewers expected any less). Not only did the special land some pointed commentary at outlets like Breitbart and the way Fox News dealt with its sexual harassment issues, it also did a segment about how much CNN is wasting its cadre of talented journalists in favor of whatever it is CNN puts on the air most of the time. Bee put the blame squarely on CNN president Jeff Zucker’s shoulders.

“Zucker’s greatest success since ‘The Apprentice’ — which, by the way, thanks for that — is filling the airtime between car crashes with a reality show loosely based on the news where loyal partisan hacks make us measurably dumber by spewing mendacious nonsense while a hologram of Anderson Cooper stands by counting the seconds to the commercials for all the pharmaceuticals he probably wishes he could gulp down before to sedate himself before Kayleigh opens her f—ing mouth again,” said Bee, to the appreciative crowd that did include some CNN representatives.

My only quibble with the special is that there were so many pre-recorded video segments it didn’t leave much room for Bee live on stage firing off astute observations and sharp one-liners. She’s an incredibly talented comedian, often delivering three more zingers as the audience gets around to laughing at the first one, so it would have been fun to see Bee more in what is undoubtedly her element. But I understand the desire to want the special to keep changing gears — plus, Bee’s “Man in the High Castle” parody that closed the show was nothing short of genius.

Featuring the man, the myth, the legend George Takei handing the host a film called “The Bee Lies Heavy,” the segment imagined a world where Hillary Clinton won the election, “the Patriots lost the Super Bowl, “Lemonade” won Album of the Year and every print of “La La Land” spontaneously combusted,” and featured Bee’s imagined opening monologue for Clinton’s first WHCD.

There were plenty of zingers leveled at President Clinton (and first gentleman Bill), but Bee ended the jokes with a message that she reportedly couldn’t deliver at dress rehearsal without getting a little choked up. While she held it together here for the actual show, it was still a very heartfelt (and a little sad) way to close out the show.

“In conclusion, Madam President, I want to say thank you,” said Bee. “You may have your faults, but because of you, I can tell my daughters that they can do anything and that sexism won’t hold them back. The world will not magnify their faults and ignore their virtues because of their gender. That time has truly passed. No hard feelings, men. If there’s one message that echoes through this dinner, let it be that men’s rights are human rights and human rights are men’s rights.”

If the trend continues of Trump boycotting the White House Correspondents’ Dinner for however long he’s in the White House, it wouldn’t be the worst thing if Bee made this alternative event an annual tradition.

Influencers Who Loved Pitch and Their Twitter Handles

Entertainment Journalists & Television Critics

Media Figures/Personalities

Sports Figures/Personalities

It might be worth mentioning them or reaching out to them during Friday’s tweetstorm organized by @pitchstreetteam. Let me know of any I missed and I’ll add them–these are all people who have tweeted positively about the show, and many (most) tweeted disappointment at it’s cancellation. Maybe they’ll help #PickUpPitch!

Orange Is the New Black Reveals Piscatella's Shocking Backstory

In Orange Is the New Black season five, episode 10, titled “The Reverse Midas Touch,” we finally solve the mystery of Piscatella (Brad William Henke), Wes Driscoll (Charlie Barnett), and the inmate Piscatella had killed while working in a maximum security prison - and it’s not exactly what we were picturing.

Warning: spoilers ahead if you haven’t gotten that far in the season yet.

Early on in season five, when Red (Kate Mulgrew) and Flores (Laura Gomez) find Driscoll’s ID badge and read the report on Piscatella from max, it sounds like Driscoll is the person he had killed, but there is more to it. It turns out Driscoll was a maximum security inmate with whom Piscatella was romantically involved. They bonded over their love of crossword puzzles, and a relationship formed. Before long, they were sneaking forbidden kisses in the prison kitchen.

But some fellow kitchen workers suspected something was up and they brutally assaulted Driscoll in the prison barbershop. It isn’t clear specifically what was done to him, but it looks like he was cut up with a homemade knife and also sexually assaulted. Piscatella came upon the scene and made quick work of the perpetrators, calling for backup and trying to assure Driscoll that he was going to be OK while still trying to maintain his cover as simply a guard (and not Driscoll’s lover).

Orange Is the New Black: Linda Ferguson’s Backstory Is Ice Cold

We don’t find out what happened to Driscoll - his injuries didn’t look life-threatening, but then why does Piscatella have his ID badge? Whether or not he died remains a mystery, but the same cannot be said for the leader of the little gang. Piscatella tied him up in the prison shower and turned the hot water on full blast as the man screamed and screamed. Remember that Red found out the inmate Piscatella killed was found unresponsive in the shower with burns over 80 percent of his body, so that explains that.

It’s nice to have that particular plot thread resolved with a few answers, but it does also feel a bit like too little, too late if the purpose of Piscatella’s backstory is to elicit some kind of sympathy for him. What happened to Driscoll is horrific and tragic, but we don’t think it gives Piscatella the right or an excuse to behave the way he’s been behaving.

'Orange Is the New Black' finale recap: 'Storm-y Weather'

The season 5 finale is an hourlong demonstration of what Orange Is the New Black is as a series. It revolves around a serious subject and therefore contains some seriously powerful moments, but it’s still peppered with scenes of levity (most of which land). It also manages to send the inmates down a new path and while also putting them right back where they started, which is a tricky needle to thread but a necessary one in a show set in prison, where real change is hard to come by.

While it would have been nice to see Taystee and the other inmates prevail in their quest to improve the situation at Litchfield, that also would have been a bit unrealistic, considering the way prison riots generally go down. Then again, the negotiations unfolded in such an organic way that it felt out of character for Taystee to blow it at the last minute. Even she admits in the finale that she failed Poussey by being so narrowly focused. That, to me, feels like a conclusion Taystee would have gotten to earlier, in that scene with Caputo and Figueroa.

But that is neither here nor there now, because now, SWAT is storming the prison and it’s a total s—storm.

To OITNB’s credit, I expected this to be a lot more brutal than it was. With so many supporting characters that viewers know and love, it would have been easy to make the securing of the prison more dramatic by offing some supporting characters. It came as a nice surprise that that isn’t what happened.

Instead, we were treated to the various ways different inmates reacted to the raid. Some were caught early on and had no choice but to be forcibly removed; others peacefully surrendered. Leanne and Angie, who are still the worst, decided to get high and then burn the inmates’ files (more on that later).

Easily the most fun aspect of the episode was Team Latte — Ouija and Pidge joining forces with Sankey, Brandy, and Skinhead Helen to make an Ernest Goes to Camp-style stand in one of the dormitories. That’s the kind of levity that works on this show — it feels realistic, it’s goofy without being absurd or annoying, and it doesn’t really pay off in any significant way. It’s just a lot of fun.

But the high drama for the episode (prior to the last 10 minutes) comes in the form of some of the strongest female friendships on the show: Nicky/Lorna and Cindy/Taystee/Suzanne.

Nicky continues to show Lorna just how much she loves her by calming her down and instructing her on how to get out safely. She also sweetly omits the part she played in getting Vinnie to come around. Lorna needs to feel like Vinnie got there all on his own, and hopefully he has the common sense not to ever spill the beans on that one.

Taystee and Cindy, meanwhile, are in a panic about Suzanne being passed out on lithium and in possible respiratory distress. Nicky says she has a place they can hide, and she takes them to Frieda’s bunker: a convenient and logical way to get most of the main characters into one place.

Cindy and Taystee’s concern for Suzanne is beautiful, as is their little come-to-Jesus moment about the riot. Cindy is right to call out Taystee for the monumentally selfish decision she made during negotiations, but she doesn’t beat her up about it, because Taystee is doing quite enough beating up of herself as it is.
(Recap continues on page 2)

An EpiPen gets Suzanne back to her old self — which is awfully convenient — and the girls get to see Frieda’s real bunker, complete with Piscatella tied up inside. Danielle Brooks once again gets to be the season MVP when she rails on him for being the cause of Poussey’s death (Piscatella is the most culpable — along with MCC for hiring the guards). And it’s a good thing Brooks is a strong enough actress to carry the encounter, because Piscatella’s “You don’t want to be like me” speech is a bit much.

Yes, yes, we all know what he’s talking about because of his flashback episode, but having Piscatella be the one to ultimately talk her down is kind of gross at this point. Are we supposed to think he’s all changed now? That somehow he’s seen the error of his ways, or that now he has a shred of his humanity back? Gag me. Piscatella was never fleshed out enough as a character for any of this to play, so let’s all just revel in the fact that he is killed by his own sword — oh yes — a scene later and go back to praising Danielle Brooks and how awesome she was all season.

Speaking of awesome, that final scene was powerful. All season, various prison factions have been coming together, even if very briefly, and it’s been a lot of fun to watch. The final scene takes that to a grander, more heartfelt level, and I’ll be darned if I didn’t start openly crying when they all joined hands to stare down whatever fate is about to come through the doors.

Still, before that final scene, the rest of Litchfield got loaded up onto buses to be shipped off to God-knows-where, which is kind of a brilliant reset for season 6. This could be way off base, but it feels like the women are going to be temporarily split apart because Litchfield is a huge mess right now. They aren’t going to be sent to max, but they are going to have to be dispersed because no one facility is large enough to take them all.

Which means we’ll hopefully get to bounce around next season from prison to prison, checking in on our favorite Litchfieldians as they encounter new prison problems and possibly form new groups out of the only familiar faces available to them. Then won’t it be interesting when Litchfield reopens and everyone comes back together? Will they fall back into their old groups and habits?

The potential for great storytelling is huge here, so it’s an outstanding way to end things. This season was a bit uneven, but overall, OITNB pulled off this experiment pretty well. After season 2, this might be the show’s second strongest season yet.

Odds & Ends

  • I can’t wait to see what the fallout is from Angie and Leanne burning the files. Obviously there have to be inmate files somewhere in digital form, but why include that little scene if there wouldn’t be some consequence for it in season 6?
  • “Normally I’d be respectful of the dead, but dude, you were a real son of a bitch when you were alive. Karma, you know what I’m saying?” — Black Cindy
  • “Joe… your heart bleeds in a way only a vagina should.” — Figueroa
  • Did anyone notice that when SWAT did a count, they were 10 short, yet there were actually 12 prisoners missing? There were the 10 in the bunker (Frieda, Red, Piper, Alex, Flores, Nicky, Cindy, Taystee, Suzanne, and Gloria) but Chang and Pennsatucky slipped out through the fence. Was that just a mistake on the part of the writers?
  • Speaking of Pennsatucky, her whole deal at Coates’ cabin is where this story line lost me. I was never comfortable with her cozying up to her rapist, but as I said in a previous recap, there are a lot of points of view here. The show never wrote it as something to be praised or glorified — it was always made to feel weird and icky. But Pennsatucky is a broken character and so is Coates, so their story line never felt unrealistic. However, Penn playing house with him at the cabin feels like a bridge too far. This story line is too disturbing to be mined for humor.
  • On a happier note, MCC Linda is now apparently a ward of the state of New York. She claims she won’t have paperwork at the new prison, so maybe that’s where the burning files come into play? Though she wouldn’t have digital paperwork either, so it seems like a misunderstanding that could be resolved quickly. But it’ll be fun, if she’s around for the first couple of season 6 episodes, to at least show us how Linda is getting on in a real prison situation.
'Twin Peaks': A Comprehensive Guide to Every New Character in the Revival

When Twin Peaks revealed its cast list for The Return, the number of actors totaled over 200. While several dozen are returning cast members from the original series, most of the ensemble is made up of new faces.

The Twin Peaks newbies range from veteran actors Jim Belushi, Laura Dern and Robert Forster to relative unknowns like Chrysta Bell and Pierce Gagnon, with a few famous musicians thrown in for good measure, like Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor and Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder.

If you’re having trouble keeping track of everyone who’s new to the Twin Peaks universe, ET is here to help with a handy guide to all the newcomers as they make their debuts.

RELATED: ‘Twin Peaks’ Revival Delves Deeper Into 'Fire Walk With Me’ – and It’s Absolutely Insane


Jane Adams as Constance Talbot

Talbot is the medical examiner in Buckhorn, South Dakota, who is helping the police investigate Ruth Davenport’s (Mary Stofle) murder. Adams is a veteran of Fraiser and Hung.


Michael Bisping as Guard

This mixed martial artist certainly filled out his guard’s uniform as the man in charge with keep-ing watch over the mysterious New York City glass box experiment.


Brent Briscoe as Det. Dave Macklay

Macklay is one of the investigators on the Davenport murder, which Briscoe is no stranger to. The quintessential “hey, it’s that guy!” has played a law enforcement official in nearly a dozen projects, including Lynch’s 2001 film Mulholland Drive. Television fans might know him best, however, as the owner of J.J.’s diner on Parks and Recreation.


Bailey Chase as Det. Don Harrison

Macklay’s partner, Harrison is also investigating the Davenport murder, so he’s sure to keep pop-ping up throughout the beginning of The Return. Fans know him as a lawman on Longmire and a member of season four’s The Initiative on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.


Neil Dickson as George Bautzer

George is the man Phyllis Hastings (Cornelia Guest) is having an affair with, though he might also be acting as her husband Bill’s (Matthew Lillard) attorney. Awkward. Of course, that’s assuming George stays out of prison himself. Evil Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) used George’s gun to shoot Phyllis in the head in the premiere episode. If Lynch fans recognize him, it’s because Dickson had a role in the 2006 film Inland Empire.

RELATED: 'Twin Peaks’ Returns as Confusing and Terrifying as Ever – Here’s What Happened!


Patrick Fishler as Duncan Todd

Duncan is seen briefly in the premiere telling his assistant Roger (Joe Adler) to inform an unseen woman that she got the job. The assistant then asks Duncan, “Why do you let him make you do these things?” to which Duncan replies, “Roger, you better hope that you never get involved with someone like him, never have someone like him in your life.” Who is this mysterious “him”? We don’t know yet. But this Lost and Mad Men alum owes a lot to Lynch; his breakout role was in Mulholland Drive.


Cornelia Guest as Phyllis Hastings

Good ol’ Phyllis is somehow wrapped up in the plot to frame her husband Bill for murdering Ruth Davenport. She knew he was having at least one affair (though to be fair, so is she) and she recognizes Evil Cooper when he shows up at her house. But Evil Cooper quickly dispenses of Phyllis by shooting her in the head as she tries to run away. RIP, Phyllis. You seemed like the worst.


Ashley Judd as Beverly Paige

We’ve only gotten a brief introduction to Benjamin Horne’s (Richard Beymer) new Gal Friday, Beverly, though we did learn that she’s married. It’s Ben’s primary reason for not trying to sleep with her.


Nicole LaLiberte as Darya

Darya is part of the plot to frame Hastings for Ruth’s murder, and after Ray Monroe gets himself locked up, she’s the target of Evil Cooper’s wrath after he learns they were planning to kill him. He shoots her in a hotel room after learning everything he can from Darya.


Jennifer Jason Leigh as Chantal Hutchens

We don’t know much about Chantal yet, except for the fact that she’s sleeping with Evil Cooper and he asks her to clean up the mess left behind after he shoots Darya. Evil Cooper also asked Chantal to meet up with him (and bring her husband) in a few days, but that was before his car accident and subsequent incarceration.


Matthew Lillard as Bill Hastings

Poor Bill. He’s a high school principal in Buckhorn, accused of murdering local librarian Ruth Davenport. It appears to be an obvious frame job, though he’s not completely innocent. He may have been having an affair with either or both Davenport and his secretary, Betty. But still, that doesn’t mean he should go to jail for a murder he didn’t commit.

RELATED: The Unexpected, Groundbreaking, Cult Phenomenon of 'Twin Peaks’


Ben Rosenfield as Sam Colby

Sam kicks off the action on Twin Peaks: The Return as the subject of an experiment in New York City wherein he sits in a basement warehouse-type room on a couch and watches a glass box for hours on end while some cameras roll. He’s not sure what he’s looking for, but he definitely knows when he sees it… right before it brutally murders him. The glass box is somehow connect-ed to the Black Lodge, because it’s where Cooper briefly ends up after he is expelled. But exactly what emerged from the box after Cooper left it and slaughtered Sam and his booty call, Tracey (Madeline Zima), is not yet known.


Jessica Szohr as Renee

The Gossip Girl alum was seen in the premiere episode drinking with Shelly (Madchen Amick) and two other gal pals at the Bang Bang Bar in Twin Peaks. Shelly comments that she thinks James Hurley (James Marshall) is interested in Renee, but we aren’t so sure it wasn’t Shelly who had caught James’ eye.


Jake Wardle as Freddie Sykes

This is the young man who was having a beer with James in the Bang Bang Bar in the premiere episodes. He’s noteworthy because he looks quite a bit younger than James, so we’re wondering if he’s possibly James’ son.


Madeline Zima as Tracey

If this young woman looks familiar to you, it’s because she played Grace Sheffield on The Nanny for six years in the 1990s. She also recurred on Heroes and Californication. Unfortunately, Tracey was brutally murdered before we got to know much about her. But she did get naked first, something Lynch couldn’t do when the show was on ABC.


Chrysta Bell as Agent Tammy Preston

Preston is a 30-year-old FBI agent, so she’s not fresh out of the academy, but she definitely hasn’t been around as long as Gordon Cole (Lynch) and Albert Rosenfield (Miguel Ferrer). She seems sharp, but is also very pretty – something that could prove problematic for Gordon, according to FBI Chief of Staff Denise Bryson (David Duchovny). In real life, Bell is quite the musician and has worked with Lynch in a songwriting/recording capacity since 1999. They’ve released two albums together and she also appeared in the short film, Bird of Flames, for which she and Lynch co-wrote the music.

RELATED: Revisit the 1990 Set of 'Twin Peaks’


Michael Cera as Wally Brando Brennan

The son of Lucy (Kimmy Robertson) and Andy (Harry Goaz) is responsible for one of the funniest scenes so far when he shows up at the sheriff’s station to pay his respects to Sheriff Frank Truman over his brother Harry’s illness. He was born on Marlon Brando’s birthday and has taken that to heart, dressing as Brando from the 1953 film, The Wild One, and spouting lines like “my dharma is the road.” It’s hard to believe, but this is the first thing Cera has done for Lynch.


Robert Forster as Sheriff Frank Truman

Frank is Sheriff Harry Truman’s (Michael Ontkean) older brother. In The Secret History of Twin Peaks, the book creator Mark Frost wrote in conjunction with the revival, it is revealed that Frank held the position of town sheriff before Harry took over the job. Frank subsequently left Twin Peaks and is presumably back because his brother is sick. He went to high school with Big Ed Hurley (Everett McGill), Hawk (Michael Horse), Hank Jennings (Chris Mulkey) and Jerry Horne (David Patrick Kelly) before serving as a Green Beret in Vietnam. On the original series, Forster was Lynch’s first choice to play Harry, but he had to turn the part down due to a commitment to another TV project. He also appeared in Mulholland Drive.


Pierce Gagnon as Sonny Jim Jones

This precocious child actor (who played Halle Berry’s son on Extant) plays the son of Dougie and Janey-E (Naomi Watts). He seems to get a kick out of his father’s weird behavior, which he doesn’t know is post-Black Lodge Cooper still trying to figure out basic things about the world around him.


Naomi Watts as Janey-E Jones

Somehow, Evil Cooper managed to make his Dougie doppelganger a smooth enough guy to snag Janey as his wife. She seems nice enough, but Janey is definitely mixed up in whatever business has some thugs targeting Dougie for the money he owes them. Watts is a familiar Lynch face, having starred in her breakout role as the lead in Mulholland Drive, but also appearing in his short drama, Rabbits, and Inland Empire.


Tammie Baird as Lorraine

Lorraine is the person giving orders to the two hitmen out to get Dougie (Kyle MacLachlan), though she obviously is not the highest person in this particular chain of command. However, she does send a mysterious message – “Argent 169/2” – to a black box that viewers later find out is located in a basement in Buenos Aires. After Evil Cooper (MacLachlan) calls the black box to say “The cow jumped over the moon,” it then suddenly shrinks down into what looks like a small rock. Oh, and Buenos Aires is the place FBI Agent Phillip Jeffries (David Bowie) was last seen in 1987 before he disappeared for two years.


Jim Belushi and Robert Knepper as Bradley and Rodney Mitchum

The Mitchum brothers appear to be Las Vegas mafia bosses. They come into their casino after hearing about Cooper’s $400,000+ winnings at the slot machines, convinced that casino supervisor Burns (Brett Gelman) was in on it. After giving Burns a sound pounding and threatening his life, they take their leave. It’s unclear if we’ll see them again, or if they’re connected to Las Vegas businessman Duncan Todd (Patrick Fishler), who was seen in the premiere telling his assistant, “You better hope that you never get involved with someone like him, never have someone like him in your life.” Was Duncan referring to Bradley or Rodney? Perhaps.


Eamon Farren as Richard Horne

In his Twin Peaks debut, we find out two important things about this fellow before we even know his name – he’s definitely an a**hole (and possibly psychotic and violent), and he’s giving bribes to the local police. But what is even more noteworthy is that when the episode five credits rolled, his name was revealed to be Richard Horne. That’s right, he’s a Horne – which means his passing resemblance to Sherilyn Fenn cannot be a coincidence. Is this Audrey’s son?


Ernie Hudson as Colonel Davis

In what is perhaps the most interesting conversation of episode five, Col. Davis tells his subordinate, Lt. Cynthia Knox (Adele Rene), that she is to fly to Buckhorn, South Dakota, because the fingerprints of Major Garland Briggs (Don S. Davis) have turned up… again. Apparently this is the 16th time in 25 years that Briggs’ fingerprints have been found somewhere. If it turns out to really be him this time, they have to alert the FBI. This revelation has caused many fans to conclude that the headless body found with Ruth Davenport (Mary Stofle) is Briggs, who supposedly died in a fire sometime after the events of the original series.


Caleb Landry Jones and Amanda Seyfried as Steven and Becky Burnett

Fans of the original Twin Peaks were in for a treat in episode five when they got to meet Shelly’s (Madchen Amick) daughter, Becky, who was briefly mentioned in the premiere episode. Unfortunately, it looks like Becky has fallen in with a sketchy guy – like mother, like daughter? – named Steven, who can’t keep a job and likes to do cocaine. Becky is also a willing coke participant, so lets hope she’s not going the way of Laura Palmer. Another thing to keep in mind – Deputy Briggs (Dana Ashbrook) is investigating drugs in Twin Peaks, so will he cross paths with his old flame’s offspring? Or is she actually his daughter too? The show hasn’t yet revealed who Becky’s father is.


Jane Levy as Elizabeth

Levy plays a friend of Charlotte’s, who steps in to tell Richard Horne to back off when he starts harassing the girl at the Bang Bang Bar. You may recognize Levy from Shameless and Suburgatory – and she’s great, so hopefully this is not the last we’ve seen of her.


John Pirruccello as Deputy Chad Broxford

We first met Deputy Chad at the Twin Peaks Sheriff’s Department, where he immediately fell out of everyone’s good graces by deigning to question the message from Margaret the Log Lady (Catherine E. Coulson). How dare you, sir. How dare you. But it turns out there are even more nefarious things at play with Chad. He’s the man seen in the Bang Bang Bar taking a cigarette package full of hundred dollar bills from Richard Horne. Now just what do you suppose that’s all about? Is Audrey Horne up to no good and her son is part of the scheme? Or is she a productive member of the Twin Peaks society and her son is the one committing crimes with the help of a dirty cop? We can’t wait to find out.


Adele Rene as Lt. Cynthia Knox

We don’t know much about Knox so far, other than the fact that she works at the Pentagon under Col. Davis and she is being sent to Buckhorn, South Dakota, to investigate Major Briggs’ fingerprints. But seeing as how this murder has become a big part of the narrative – we definitely need to check back in with Bill Hastings (Matthew Lillard) – we don’t think this is the last we’ve seen of Lt. Knox.


Laura Dern as Diane

The mystery of Dern’s Twin Peaks character has been solved! In the sixth episode, Dern pops up in a Philadelphia bar after Albert Rosenfield (Miguel Ferrer) approaches a woman with a slick blonde bob enjoying a martini. “Diane,” Albert says, prompting the woman to turn around and reveal herself to be Dern. Diane, if you’ll remember, is Agent Dale Cooper’s longtime secretary, who – up until this point – hasn’t been seen ever. Hopefully, this means we’ll see Dern more and more in subsequent episodes, as we have a feeling her character is just getting started.

Twin Peaks: The Return airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET/PT on Showtime.

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The Only Reason Orange Is the New Black's CO Stratman Looks Familiar

If the prison guards have kind of blurred together for you while watching Orange Is the New Black, don’t feel bad. Over two dozen people have played a guard at one time or another - and that number doesn’t include other Litchfield support staff - but one guard may have caught your eye during the recently released season five. CO Stratman, played by Evan Hall, first appears in season four’s fifth episode, “We’ll Always Have Baltimore.” He’s part of the new set of veterans brought in by MCC to be prison guards because the company gets a tax break for employing veterans.

If you’re wondering where this strapping young Stratman has been all your life, the answer is … not many places. Orange Is the New Black is Hall’s first big acting gig. He has previously been seen in guest-starring roles on The Mysteries of Laura, The Following, and Elementary, but all of those roles were one-offs.

As the events of season five unfold, it’s unclear how much more we will see of this new batch of guards. The number one demand on the inmates’ list is to “replace all current guards with properly trained ones,” which doesn’t bode well for any of the newbies - not that they should keep their jobs after the way they’ve been treating the inmates.

However, we should all take a minute to appreciate Stratman’s talent in the guard talent show. Hall’s commitment to the striptease is … impressive.

It may be time for a new crop of boys and girls in blue at Litchfield, but we’ll all have to wait to see how season five plays out to know for sure.

Blut der Regenmaid wie Wein...

Blut der Regenmaid wie Wein,
schläfere die Erlen ein.
Wind der Welt im Sternenkleid,
bring der Dunkelheit Bescheid.

Silberried und Silberrohr,
stellt euch durch das Rosentor,
holt den Tau fürs Augenlid,
Silberrohr und Silberried.

Still aus jeder hohlen Hand,
Reiher, taucht der Purpurstrand.
Stiehl dir Pracht und raub dir Tag
und die Perlenbrücke schlag.

(“Zauberspruch” von Paul Celan)