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Local Cat Worried She Might be a Cliché

A local cat named Nala is terrified that she might be a cliché, according to friends. The cat reportedly can’t resist sitting in boxed, has twice scratched up a new couch, goes “bonkers” when she hears the can opener, and sleeps at least ninety percent of the day.

“She’s really concerned that she’s become rather unoriginal and boring,” said Astrid Kasongo, a close friend and confidant. “I think she’s fighting her own nature, though. She legit can’t stop herself from sitting in an open box.”

The cat worries that her rather banal behavior might hurt her lifelong aspiration to become a successful Broadway actress. 

“Stage producers are looking for a certain spark of originality that Nala knows is within her,” said Kasongo. “She’s just really worried they won’t be able to see if she shows up to an audition and immediately begins playing with her costars’ shoelaces and chasing laser pointer lights.”

Via nala_cat.

Dog Rescues Tennis Ball from Crevasse

Oliver, a Golden Retriever from the Boston, MA area, has rescued a family of five tennis balls that had fallen into a crevasse that opened up near his house. 

“The snow has been so bad here this winter that we’re starting to see a massive ice sheet form in the backyard,” said Oliver’s roommate James McCalla. “It’s dangerous out there – you never know where the ice might split open. It’s three feet deep in most places. Sometimes even three and a half.”

According to McCalla, Oliver noticed that tennis balls at the bottom of one crevasse while out on “walkies.”

“He didn’t even hesitate,” said McCalla. “He just dove right in and rescued the balls. He’s a hero, if you ask me. They’d have been out there until spring if not for Ollie.”

Local media is reporting that the tennis balls are now resting comfortably in Oliver’s doggy bed.

Via cturn3r.

Scientists Discover Happiest Puppy

Twice in the past editors at The Fluffington Post have thought they had discovered the happiest dog on earth: once a year ago and then again four months ago. Not so, say scientists at Sapienza University of Rome, who point to Ellie, whose happiness levels are off the charts.

“Ellie may literally be the happiest dog alive right now,” said researcher Salvatore Magliocco. “Ellie’s showing extremely elevated levels of serotonin and an increased number of endorphins. She’s just really happy, all the time.”

Off the charts happy, according to Magliocco, who says that Ellie’s general mood is unprecedented. When compared to other dogs on record, Ellie is nearly twice as happy by most metrics.

“She never seems sad,” he said. “We’d expect this amount of happiness to come with some manic tendencies, but she’s all peaks, no valleys. This is just one happy dog!”

Via eduardo-suave

Cat Roomies Save Space With Bunk Beds

It may seem a little juvenile, but bunk beds are all the rage for young professionals with a high cost of living. Chester and Conrad share a one-bedroom apartment on New York City’s Lower East Side, but they maximize their space with stackable mattresses.

“There’s no way they could afford a two-bedroom on cat salaries,” says Shelly Tegan, a resident in the same building. “Not in this neighborhood anyway.”

Via Solid_Wife.

Cat Appointed Head Ranger at National Park

After three years toiling as an assistant ranger at Virginia’s Shenandoah National Park, a cat named Buckles has finally ascended the ranks.

“He knew the trails better than the bosses,” says Steven Collier, a fellow assistant. “Not to mention that time he saved a family of campers from a bear.”

The Parks Service formally recognized Buckles in a ceremony Wednesday, where they anointed him Head Ranger. He now oversees a majority of the parkland and manages a team of 50 rangers, scouts and interns.

“This park isn’t what it use to be,” says Colleen Marcher, an administrator at Shenandoah. “I think [Buckles] could really turn this place around.”

Via CarelessKrow.

Trendy Cafe Serves Kitties With Every Cup

A new coffee shop in Sydney, Australia has a signature gimmick that cat lovers will enjoy. Every purchase comes with a purring kitty to keep you company while you sip.

“Cats are proven to calm nerves and create a restful atmosphere,” says Ralphie Hazelip, co-owner of The Purrfect Cup. “That’s exactly the mood we want to create. So far, customers love it.”

Via Brian Costelloe.

Cat Can’t Decide Which Laundry Detergent to Buy

An unidentified cat was spotted in a New York City bodega late Wednesday evening experiencing what the store clerk described as a “panic attack” over laundry detergent.

“He came in and asked where the detergent was,” says Jesus Martinez, who was working behind the counter at the time. “I told him it was on the back wall. Paced back and forth for about an hour, like he couldn’t decide. Next thing I know, he’s curled up in a ball in the aisle. He just couldn’t handle the pressure of choice.”

Via Thegoddamnpatman.

Local Dog Tests Positive for Cute

A local Corgi pup named Smalls has tested positive for cute. Friends suspected something was up with the puppy when he started to get extremely adorable late last week.

“We were really worried,” recounts Susan Wu. “We were sure it was something serious.”

Doctors say that while cute sounds scary, it’s nothing to fear.

“Smalls’ case of cute is most likely chronic,” said family veterinarian Dr. Angus Doubleday. “It’s distracting, but harmless. I think everyone should just enjoy it.”

Via sindy.

Cat Snatches Table Scraps Disguised as Paper Bag

A cat’s clever disguise has paid off in treats. Every Wednesday evening, Lucy dons the guise of a mild-mannered paper bag and waits patiently on the kitchen table. Sure enough, the errant scraps fall within reach. That’s where her patent-pending porthole comes in handy.

“She’ll pop out real quick before anyone notices and just snatch up the tasty morsels,” says a witness who asked to remain anonymous, so as to protect Lucy’s secret. “If she keeps it up, she’s going to outgrow that bag costume.”

Via lickery, by way of Catasters.