One maladaptive coping mechanism that turns very toxic when you’re
not defending against abuse is to read any uncomfortable situation as a
deliberate personal attack, and sometimes extrapolate one incident into a
whole pattern of malicious intent.
“Hey, I have a headache, could you please lower your voice a little?” - “FINE I guess I just won’t say anything at all!”
“Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?” - “Sorry for asking! I guess I’m just too needy for you!”
(Someone forgets to call you back.) - “Yeah I don’t think we’re friends anymore, she acts like she hates me.”
“Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?” - “Right, I’m just a piece of shit who should never talk at all I guess!”
"I don’t really feel like sex tonight.” - “Sorry I’m so repulsive to you!”
“You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?” - ”Go ahead and just break up with me, I know you’ve been wanting to.”
This kind of response escalates an interaction from a two-way conversation about a specific problem into a fight about your own self-worth. Instead of reponding to what’s actually happening or interrogating whether an attack was intended, this response immediately changes the conversation into a defensive argument where the only relevant question is if you’re an okay person that people care about.
Like I get feeling this
kind of reaction, I get having a knee-jerk response of fear and shame
and self-loathing. Sometimes when you’re feeling vulnerable it is very,
very difficult not to read super far into anything negative. Sometimes
it just reflects off all your internal fears and amplifies inside of you
until a polite “no” feels like everyone you’ve ever liked is telling
you they hate you.
But it is possible, with some work, to
separate your feelings from your actual knowledge of the situation. It’s
possible to feel one thing in your heart and still recognize with your
mind that the reality is different. You can learn to notice the
difference between someone actually attacking you and something just
feeling like an attack because you’re extra vulnerable.
can also learn not to react based solely on your feelings. You can learn
to take another person’s actual words and actions into account and
respond based on what you think - not just feel - their intent actually was. That work is
as necessary as it is difficult.
People need to be able to tell
you things that aren’t overwhelmingly positive without you making them
feel guilty for saying anything and treating their concerns as an
Otherwise, you wind up in a position where they can’t be honest with you. They can’t say no to you, can’t tell you when something you do hurts or scares them, can’t point out worrying things as
friends do to take care of each other, can’t bring up their own needs without the conversation devolving into comforting you again.
This habit interacts especially badly with
the way many other trauma survivors are terrified of upsetting anyone –
when your reaction to them bringing up problems or saying no is consistently disproportionate, they may
find it easier to just do what you want even against their own will.
It is possible to deal with those awful feelings and get the comfort you need without resorting to lashing out when you feel bad. It’s okay to be honest about the fact your emotions don’t always line up with reality so people know what you’re going through. It’s okay to just ask for the emotional support you need or for confirmation that they mean what they say.
You may even find that when you make a continuous effort not to treat these uncomfortable experiences as crises, they deescalate and you wind up feeling more secure each time.
Look, this coping mechanism, like many forms of manipulation, is a useful survival tool in the context of an abusive relationship where you really are being attacked insidiously, and where you can’t just ask for comfort and expect to get it. But if you are no longer in that kind of situation, it’s time to reevaluate the usefulness/danger ratio and figure out what other strategies might be better for you and the people you love.
This may just be me, but I feel the only person who should be able to correct someone on my pronouns is me.
If I find no ill-intent with how someone refers to me, then I find no real reason to correct them.
I don’t like the idea of people correcting or getting angry about something on my behalf. That’s up to me to decide, not anyone else. And by doing things like that it often feels like those people are “speaking for me”, which I don’t approve of.
I have to do this all the time, and then I end up apologizing to the person who was corrected, as they meant nothing negative when speaking that way. Often the person correcting pronouns will be aggressive and immediately take offense -for me-. Please, do NOT take offense for me. It is up to me to decide if I am offended by the way someone addresses me or not. And it ends up making me look and feel horrible.
Nine times out of ten, when someone uses “incorrect pronouns” they mean no harm and often feel bad about. Not to mention, almost everyone who tends to correct pronouns for me does not know me personally, but their actions reflect negatively on me. Which isn’t fair to anyone involved.
This is NEW to many people and allowing ME to go at my own speed and deal with things as I see fit helps with the transition BETTER.
I do appreciate how considerate and kind most people are being towards me, but remember to be kind towards EVERYONE as well. Assuming the worst of someone or a situation will only hurt everyone involved.
So, in conclusion, the only ones who should be able to correct anyone about how I should be addressed are myself or my partner Val.
This spell bottle is to help reconcile with an old friend or lover after you get back in touch, especially when a bad fight or hurt feelings were the reason you parted ways.
Ingredients and supplies:
White and Black candles
Two small pieces of paper and pencil
A cauldron, or other safe vessel to burn things in
A small bottle or jar, with a lid
A cleansing method of your choice. I used my bundle of sage and lavender.
Optional: Fire-safe tongs, if you’re uncomfortable holding onto something that is burning
Optional: Crystals relating to your intent. I used rose quartz for love, amethyst for healing, and lapis lazuli for protection.
Optional: Incense relating to your intent, a cleansing incense like sandlewood, or a meditative or calming incense,
Optional: Moon Water
*Ideally, all of your herbs should be dried, as these are less likely to cause mold when stored long-term in a sealed container.
I started off by lighting both of my candles and my incense and reflecting on the negative feelings I was having surrounding the person in question. I then took one of my pieces of paper and wrote down the person’s name in the center, followed by all of the negative emotions literally surrounding the name on the paper. Write them as many times as you need to to feel like they are all laid down bare before you, and you have them all out.
Once I finished, I folded this page up until the feelings were minimized in a tiny bundle, then lit it on fire with the black candle (for banishment) and dropped it in my cauldron to burn before blowing out the candle. As it burned, I repeated the words, “With this fire, I purge the negativity in my life surrounding (name).” Once the paper had burned to ashes, I brought the ashes outside and threw them to the wind to make what was left of my negativity disappear.
Next, to ensure there were no traces of the negative energy in my work-space, I cleansed the area and all of my materials with my sage and lavender bundle. I wiped out my cauldron, making sure to get every last bit of ash out, as well as wiped it clean with a bit of moon water. Once this was done, I placed my crystals into the jars containing my ingredients for an added energy boost. The lapis lazuli with my egg shells, the rose quartz with my rosemary, and the amethyst with my lavender.
As these sat and absorbed energy from the crystals, I took my second piece of paper, again, writing the name of the person in the center. Surrounding this, I wrote all of my intentions. You could also create a sigil for this, if you’re so inclined. Some of the things I wrote were, “ I am free from hurt.” “I forgive you.” “I forgive myself.” “I am free from negativity.” “I am free from guilt.” “I am full of love.” Once I felt like everything was out there and there was nothing left to say, I folded the paper just once and lit it with my white candle (for cleansing, action, and energy) and dropped it into my cauldron. As it burned, I repeated the words, “With this fire, I charge the written words so that they may be brought forth to action.”
After the paper burned, I placed those ashes in my jar, reciting, “May the ashes of my words provide the foundation for which this spell may act.” Next, the sage: “May this sage cleanse my spirit of negativity and allow my heart the freedom it deserves.” Next, the rosemary: “May this rosemary provide remembrance of the happy memories we once shared, in hopes that love may blossom once more.” Next, the juniper berries: “May this juniper banish the ugliness of the past.” Next, egg shells: “May these egg shells protect me from future negativity and hurt.” And finally, the lavender: “May this lavender bring forth healing, and peace, so that hurt may never fill my heart again.
I left the jar half full, signifying an open heart that always has room for more love, and ample room for more happy memories to soon fill the space. Finally, I sealed the jar with white wax.
I’m jumping on the Humans-Interact-With-Aliens bandwagon! Okay, so, general behaviors varying wildly between humans and aliens??. And humans are just really perceptive at recognizing emotions (it comes with being social by nature) and good at consoling their crew-mates. (This totally sucks. This is me doing a draft. I’m going to have an actual short story that uses some of this up in a bit. Sorry for the odd/cruddy names, I have never written or really read sci-fy XD )
“Is everything alright, Wixi’nan?” a Human approaches Wixi’nan, arms splayed out wide and movements slow. Their voice is lower and softer than usual, which causes the thick brow on Wixi’nan’s gray skin to furrow and xir’s appendages to crack and elongate in frustration. “I am fine.” xir’s tone is clipped, xe regards the dark eyes of the Human designated “Asper” with caution. “Why ix-ith- you’re language ix quite complicated- it that you ask? I am performing my dutieth in a perfunctory and timely manner; if what you fear that my efficienxy has declined thince laxt we were met, then conthern yourself no longer.” Most Xota’ilianths would end the conversation there, as that would be their only concern until work was over. However, the Humans operated differently. The Human nodded their head decisively, short hair bobbing with their movements. “Right, you’re sad. Follow me.”
Wixi’nan was loathe to admit, but Asper was right. It was just that Xe was supposed to be working, and complaints were rude and seen as a negative reflection on xir’s leader, so xi has stayed silent. Xe shadowed the Human’s soft steps with snaps and hisses that came from xe’s movements. A door slid open with a chirping whir, and the Human pointed at a lump of stuffed cotton, “Sit.” Gentle sounds started emitting from the ship’s speakers, and xir’s antennae shot up and twitched wildly, face flushing to a dark color in preparation for fight. The sounds of waterfalls and what Humans called “piano” and “bass” soon soothed xir’s frayed nerves, however. It might be the “music” that the Humans talked of, but it sounded different. Xota’ilianths much preferred chanting and more structured sounds- patterns relaxed them. Xe sat, noting that the pile of stuffed cotton- called “pillows” by the Humans- was surprisingly comfortable. A mug of- *something*- was shoved into xir’s hands; xe briefly noted that the Human was so SMALL in comparison to xem. “Do you want to talk about it?” the Human sipped at her own- *something*- as they inquired as to xir’s problems.
“No. Now, what ix thix odd drink?” It was good, xe admitted. As a semi-cold-blooded specie, warmth was to be appreciated.
Xe would not have been surprised if xir’s abrupt topic change offended Asper. It would, certainly, offend many of xir’s own kind. Xe was startled when Asper simply went, “Okay. And hot-chocolate.” Before delving into stories: history and historical differences between their cultures (”Humanth have more than one culture?!” “Oh, yes. We’re all quite spread out, you see, and so we developed according to different conditions and out cultures grew around our environments!” “Fascinating.”), interesting things that had happened to them (What is a Gern?” “Believe be, A’pen, you do not wish to know.”). After conversation tired, Aspen offered Wixi’nan a book, and in silence they enjoyed the comfort of being close to another.
It was at the beginning of the next half-rotation of the nearest planet that the duo would awaken, in what Aspen referred to as a “pillow-fort”.
“Thank you, A’pen.” Xir’s large hand engulfed xir’s new “friend” ‘s. “Your name might mean ‘rough’ and ‘harsh’, but it clearly is no reflection of you
“Any time, Wixi’nan.” Aspen flashed a grin, before her facial emotions completed disappeared, startling Wixi’nan, “But you doubt the Human race and their ability to destroy and surprise; specifically. *my* ability to be totally wicked!” Another grin, and Aspen was off. The Human was off to investigate the “dangerous” beast, she scoffed. She had seen videos of it, it was TOTALLY an oversized puppy with a forked tongue, wings, claws, and what looked like armored fish-scales. Why did aliens not realize that a friend comes in many shapes?
I quickly put his together bc a sudden rush of inspiration™ hit me.
Due to limited time, I opted for a simpler and more symbolic drawing: The tape recorder in its current state. I find it interesting that it was turned into a morp after, well, the consequences of Lapis and Peridot’s rocky start in the episode “Barn Mates”.
According to Peridot herself, “Wow, thanks” expresses the struggles of their communication and how they’re bonded now, represented by the blue ribbon - the same that she used to wrap the gift box by then.
I find it very interesting that at some point she stopped to analyse their interactions and made a meep morp out of a broken thing that hints back to their conflict. Peridot made the recorder into something new and even if it still reminded her of these prior happenings, she’s happy to have given it a new meaning, as she mentions in “Beta”.
I think that it somehow reflects the beginning of their relationship. Lapis still had many negative feelings towardsPeridot, but she tried to earn herself a new meaning for Lapis, to show that she changed through the entirety of “Barn Mates” and in the end, even though Peridot still reminded Lapis of the bad things that happened to her, she allowed herself to give it all a new meaning, to restart over by accepting to live with peridot in the barn.
Oh and do I even have to mention how things turned out afterwards?
Just look how much they grew close to eachother between Barn Mates and Beta. That’s character development, beautiful, pure and healthy character development.
I just LOVE the tiny hints this show gives…
Hello back to harass you again but like, do you ever think Sock's homicidal tendencies ever reflect negatively on how he sees himself? Like, he's such a nice bean and he is always portrayed as being so out going. What I mean is, is it or could it ever be a source of conflict in his character? I remember in the original comic it said his personaliy was never an act. Sorry to send you so many messages omg but you're amazing and so approachable and I really admire you and your stuff!
Hey there! So this is kind of a complex question, and I remember early on kind of struggling with it because Sock is by no means meant to be a realistic portrayal of someone entertaining homicide…haha. I was worried people wouldn’t buy the character because he is kind of impossible, you know? He’s these two extreme personalities in one character, and each of them is supposed to feel equally genuine… his happy-go-lucky nature isn’t a front for his depravity, they just co-exist. Maybe that’s even more messed up when you really think about it. He was always conceived as this ridiculous little guy, from the inside out, and maybe that would be okay ‘cause he’s a cartoon, and maybe people could still care about him if his internal conflict felt real enough, and if it felt like he cared about something.
I would say Sock understands that killing people is wrong, or at least socially unacceptable/illegal, which is why he refrained from it. Something I tried to communicate in the comic (and that I still think is applicable), is that he wouldn’t feel bad about the act of murder. He’s still capable of caring about people (though he struggles with getting close to anyone), and he’d never want to kill someone he cared about, but only because he would miss them, not necessarily because he’d feel guilty. He cared about his parents, and he would’ve never intentionally hurt them, so when Mephistopheles is questioning him and he sounds casually regretful about killing them, it’s coming more from a place of feeling like he was clumsy, or he made a mistake (killing someone he cared about), rather than actually regretting the act of murder.
I think as he gets closer and more invested in Jonathan, his conflict will become a little more nuanced, and I don’t think it’s impossible for that to include him viewing himself more negatively… (actually Sock’s VA had this idea that whatever mental issue Sock might’ve had while alive, he would be free from in death, which means this would be the first time he’s really dealing with the weight of these emotions… I’m not confirming or denying that, but I do think it’s an interesting idea!). Having Sock deal with guilt over his homicidal tendencies would definitely be interesting, but the main source of his conflict for the time being is just that he’s simultaneously been presented with both the opportunity to be rewarded for these urges he wasn’t able to indulge in while alive, and the opportunity to finally get close to someone.
I know this is kind of rambly, but Sock’s got a lot goin’ on, haha. I think that’s an interesting idea and there’s definitely potential for it! Hope that helps answer your question.
getting excited about bts members collaborating with worldwide artists
supporting these collabs when they are announced and or released
praising the foreign artist for their participation in the collab (which should most definitely be done – make sure you do not overshadow their contribution to the song in place of solely showing support to the bts member who also participated!!!)
letting collabs occur naturally between the artists and the boys in order for them to develop a comfortable connection with one another first as barriers such as language can put up particular strains on both ends
things that are not so cool to do and reflect negatively on the boys and army:
constantly spamming worldwide artists to collaborate with bts members
trying to force an artist into submitting to the idea of a collab with one of the bts members when they may not feel comfortable doing so via rude and or aggressive messages
genuinely thinking you have a right to enforce collaborations and potentially causing emotional stress to the foreign artists and bts themselves by possibly making them believe that the only way the barrage will let up is if they yield and do the collab
getting aggravated at foreign artists (especially female) and or fans supporting the collaborations because you do not wish for them to collab with the boys because you think bts is your’s and your’s only
forgetting that both the artists and bts are living and breathing humans that currently have very busy schedules and lifestyles and they cannot just put everything on hold for a moment to create a collab in order to satisfy the needs of some fans
get hyped about bts possibly collaborating with artists from around the world because the wale / namjoon collab was a perfect showcase of how incredible it can be when it occurs
but don’t be a dick about it and, to be frank, harass foreign artists on their social media accounts to participate in a collab because it would most likely have them feeling uncomfortable and under pressure to do so (a classic case of: how would you feel if that was you in their shoes)
For this protection spell all you need is a white candle and some olive oil. Anoint the candle with the oil, light it, and visualize yourself in a mirrored egg of protection. The mirror reflects any negativity sent your way. When your mental image is strong, say:
mirrored orb of strength and might, block all negativity deflect darkness, let in light of any harm i am free
“I enjoyed Colin’s performance” or “You can tell Colin enjoyed it.” is a world of difference from “It was a good and valid writing choice.” Or “This was a meaningful moment for the character.” Or even “Killian was necessary and impactful in the Wish!Realm.”
Colin is talented enough that he could monologue to a tomato for an hour and it would still be compelling television, doesn’t mean the material is stellar or that it would reflect well on Killian or contribute to the story in any way.
Study astrology, learn how to interpret your natal chart (and others) on your own. Analyze & get to know yourself; cultivate self-awareness so you can see astrology within. Synthesize your placements so that you can look at your chart as a cohesive illustration of who you are. Reflect on the positive and negative expressions of your chart, and how you’re handling the challenges; simply assess your current state and present level of development. Identify the negative manifestations and the problems they are causing; pinpoint your issues. Move forward by taking action to solve those issues – cultivate self-discipline, self-acceptance, maturity, a constructive inner voice, strength, motivation, whatever you need to make personal progress.
It starts with astrology, sure, but it isn’t about astrology. It’s about you, and the conscious choice & commitment to self-development. So learn, create the consciousness, but then you have to choose and commit, which you can’t do by looking at the stars – you have to look at & within yourself.
So, as a continuation of my new little chain of posts on black magick, I’m going to be talking about the substance known as black salt. This is a common element of many curses and charms, but is also protective and can be used for white magickal purposes with ease.
What is Black Salt?
Black salt is, well, salt with things that are black added. It is not the same as culinary black salt which is rock salt with activated charcoal added to it: in witchcraft, black salt usually has black pepper, crushed charcoal and sometimes dyes or other black things added. Crushed shells or rocks are also pretty popular.
My own black salt uses a mixture of crushed charcoal and pepper, but the wood I get the charcoal from varies depending on the usage. Just for general usages, however, I tend to use oak or eucalyptus because it makes good charcoal for small-scale production.
If you want your salt to be especially good for curses and black magick, add a few crushed chili seeds or a little sulphur.
If you want your salt to be especially good for protection and white magick, add some iron scrapings or a little cinnamon.
Witchy Uses for Black Salt
Black salt is protective. It’s not just black magick that can benefit from the inclusion of black salt! It’s a powerful protective charm that absorbs negative energies and curses into itself and will rid you of their harmful influence. Sprinkle it around the doors and windows of your house, and no negative powers will be able to get inside. Replace it often, every fortnight or so. Carry a phial of it around with you to protect you on the go, and rub some into your skin if you are under the influence of black magick.
Black salt is reflective. If you wish to not simply nullify or absorb negative energy but to actively reflect it back upon those who cast it, rub the salt into your door and window frames and on the four point of your bed, whilst reciting a spell that energy shall return upon those who sent it. Make the spell up yourself for the greatest power!
Black salt is potent. Black salt can of course be used for cursing, and in doing so it add an element of darkness to any spell. It is also good for increasing the potency of curses, especially curses involved in repulsion, repelling, or driving people out of places. Sprinkle it over somewhere that they regularly visit or live in to make them want to leave that place, or use it in any spell designed to banish a person or thing from your life or to keep a thing or person away from you. It also makes a good addition to hot foot powder, and often forms a basic ingredient of goofer dust from hoodoo.
Black salt is symbolic. It symbolises dark or new moons, eclipses, and waning moons. It also symbolises the Crone of Wicca, and the Morrígna of Celtic lore. It is used to represent many things, including war, strife and conflict, and Order turning to Chaos (which is not, in and of itself, necessarily a bad or “evil” thing).
Black salt is spiritual. It can be used to greatly increase the strength of trances, and is also a very useful method preventing those same trances from summoning negative spirits that may harm your absent body. It can also be sprinkled over ground that you wish to purify before you perform rituals or sabbat work, especially when they are related to Samhain, Mabon, Yule or Imbolc (the “dark” sabbats because they form the Winter and Autumn set).
Black salt is excellent to use in conjunction with sage smoke-cleansing, as the sage will purify and drive away negativity and the black salt will absorb what is left.
For a super simple protection spell, all you need is a white candle and some olive oil. Anoint the candle with the oil, light it, and visualize yourself in a mirrored egg of protection. The mirror reflects any negativity sent your way. When your mental image is strong say: