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Ugh P.7 [Peter Parker] [Soulmate AU]

Originally posted by marvelgifs

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, more angst, mentions of pain etc

A/N: Woop Woop! Angst is my shit asdfg ahh and so are misunderstandings and miscommunications. I’m sorry but I’m also not- and this ones kinda short, kinda not, part 8 is in the works c;

Part 6, Masterlist


Everything ached- his side burned, his throat was raw and all he could taste was blood. The metallic taste stuck to the roof of his dry mouth and made him cringe a little. He was so damn tired of tasting his own blood. With a shaky sigh, he let his eyes flutter open, taking in his surroundings. This wasn’t his room- he was sure of- oh. You. He remembered now- you patched him up, you saved him. Now here you were, on your side, laying next to him as you slept. God- the sight was incredibly painful. It hurt him more than anything because he wanted this. He yearned for this more than he yearned for anything in his life. He wanted this- wanted you. He was only a teen, but he was so unbelievably ready to one day wake up to you. He was ready to fall straight off the deep end for you and all your quirks. He wanted to learn all he could about you- wanted to be the reason you laughed and smiled. He wondered what your laugh sounded like- or how you looked when you laughed. Did you crinkle your nose? Did you hold your stomach and double over? Or did you cover your mouth and snort all sweet like?

He would never know, would he?

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Then Again, P11  Peter Parker x Reader

Author’s note:

(Here I am, 30 minutes early! Wild!)

Hey guys! Thank you so much to everyone who commented in one form or another last night and today. To everyone else: Y’all aren’t allowed to read this chapter, you didn’t earn it 😉 

All jokes aside, those comments really meant a lot even if they might’ve been slightly forced 😅 I finally got back into the writing groove last night and I’m hoping it lasts!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 12

Without further ado, a slightly longer, Peter P.O.V. chapter:

Then Again, Part 11

Words: (1123)

Standing up, I turn and survey the area by default. Cars are gliding down streets, two workers from the hotel are smoking outside, and the bugs from the trees and lampposts are buzzing and flying without purpose.

Everything is calm, normal, and still. It gives me another dose of hope. I can fix this.

I’m going back and making things right. I’m ready to apologize. Maybe I can salvage this trip, the thing she’s been so excited for. Speaking of which, I’ll definitely need to apologize to Ned and MJ too. The whole team, considering.

I pick up my phone, wondering if I should send her a text so I don’t waste another minute of her being upset or worried while I figure out how to sneak back in the building.

My screen is full of ignored messages.

“Ned: did you just leave? seriously?

“I heard the door. was that you or her?

“MJ said if I can’t hear yelling under the door you’re probably not there. so where are you??

“unless you’re there by yourself.

“but i’ve heard you cry and that’s not you.

“I know my messages are going thru. you’re totally ruining whatever chance you’ve got.

“dude this is like the worst peter parker behavior ever. way worse than ditching me and MJ at that party. she’s seriously upset. you should be there.

“may said you’re still being unreasonable. come on bro. this is the last text I’m sending u.”

The last message is from half a minute ago, half an hour after the previous text.

“DUDE.”

Shit.

It’s like ice water has been poured down my back. I’ve never seen Y/N actually cry over anything. Like sad-scene-in-a-movie cry or just-finished-reading-a-really-good-book cry probably a million times, but nothing real. She’s only quiet if something gets at her. I’m the one who can almost never keep my emotions off the radar. If I could, my eyes and throat wouldn’t still be burning and my face might look less red than my suit. (Not that I have it. Aunt May has it on lockdown at home.) Ned’s right: I should be there. I should have been able to stay with her in the first place to talk this out.

As I picture her in that room, crying alone, I feel my gut drop and my throat itch. This is the worst part of tonight.

Ned is definitely right. Or was, half an hour ago when he dubbed this my worst behavior ever. I have to go back immediately.

Get it together, Peter. You’re Spider-Man.

The whole walk back, I think about how I left her alone and probably more confused and hurt than I was when I stormed out. I’m such a shitty friend. This is exactly why I don’t deserve to be more than that to her. Jogging up the stairwell, I imagine how many people are in this hotel, all concentrated in the area I’m about to enter (though they’ll be stacked above and below and on the side of me), and how if each of them knew how horrible I’ve been, they would probably kick me out. I can’t believe I left her crying.

I pause at the top of the stairs. I take a breath and I open the door.

Quietly with the key Ned and MJ left me, I slip into the room. For the split second it takes me to shut the door, light from the hallway falls over a massive blanket cocoon huddled on the left side of the bed. It’s something she does whenever she’s stressed or anxious. Anytime she has an important paper or project or presentation, she ends up like this the night before it’s due. It helps when she gets headaches too, I think.

You did this, dumbass.

My chest is tightening all over again. I take a few steps forward and kneel beside the bed. I’m semi-prepared. I tug a corner of blanket away from her face and lean in near her ear to whisper.

“Y/N? I know you probably don’t want to see me right now. I just want to say I’m so sorry. I… I’m an idiot. A bona fide moron. If you never want to talk to me, I understand. But if you do, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll be your personal slave for a month. I’ll let you wear the suit whenev- like twice a week. I’ll do anything you want. I’m so sorry I freaked out and messed everything up.”

That wasn’t so hard. I exhale.

Y/N doesn’t respond.

She’s not even awake.

The faint glow from the streetlamps outside and the alarm clock on the nightstand is enough to outline her face in pale red. Not a muscle moved. I’ll say it again tomorrow. More. And I’ll say it better. If I practice a better speech in my head a thousand times, maybe she’ll forgive me. Then we can work on never letting this happen again.

God, I’ve been such a moron.

I stand up and head to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Maybe it’s from trying to talk to her after today, but there’s this numb tingle in my arms somewhere between an itch and restlessness. It reminds me of how weird the first week was after the bite. Like the rest of my body is pushing my skin too far.

I look at the mirror. Shit. If Aunt May were here, she’d probably be freaking about a bit. I look rough. I look like shit.

I shake my head and focus on just getting ready to sleep. As inconvenient as it is, the competition is still tomorrow.

On the sink: my toothbrush, toothpaste, and retainers. Good, right where I left them. My bag…. Not where I left it. It was on a floor. Now… it’s not. It’s not in the bathroom at all. There’s a bag, but not mine. I turn off the light and open the door.

I use my phone to look over the room with dim light. Nothing. I open my messages.

“Ned, did you take my bag by accident?”

Whoosh.

Ned might be asleep now; MJ definitely is. If they have my bag, I don’t have my clothes. I planned on sleeping on the floor, but I really don’t want to be just in my trunks when she wakes up and we talk. That’d be weird.

Buzz.

“Ned: not an accident. MJ’s idea. you’ll be the most vulnerable person in the room and self-conscious enough to feel cornered into a bit of honesty. it might help the mission. it might make you think before you speak.”

Life would be easier if my friends weren’t so smart.

Part 12

Next update: Friday, November 10

Tag List:

  • If you’d like to be tagged in upcoming chapters, you can reply to this post or send me a(n) message/ask!

P.S. If you ever want to reblog this fic, I’m cool with it 😉 but if you don’t want to take up space because the chapters are long posts, feel free to reblog my Then Again masterlist, linked in my bio!

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Ugh P.8 [Peter Parker] [Soulmate AU]

Originally posted by yourcoffeeguru


Pairing: Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, more angst, mentions of pain etc

A/N: This still feels a little rushed to me, but also not?? I dunno. If I forgot to tag you, pls shoot me an ask or a msg! I lose track of things, esp my taglist ;-; Also- I swear I love you guys <3

Part 7Masterlist


It took everything in him to be able to say those words to you. He wanted to let you say whatever it was you had to say, even though he was sure he didn’t want to hear it. He wanted to say he was strong enough to just be friends with you- to get to know you and learn you but not be able to love you. It would be a lie, but he didn’t have to tell you that. Still, it should be better this way, shouldn’t it? He could keep you safe from a distance. No one would suspect that you knew he was Queens hero. He also wouldn’t have to know you- so it wouldn’t hurt so much, right? He’d be fine right?

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chiaroscuroverse  asked:

♡ Hello, Reader of the Month! Let's begin our interview! :) 1. Can you tell us about some of your favorite Doctor/Rose fanfics and why you love them so much? 2. Do you read a lot of PWPs? 3. Do you like reading fluff? ♡

Hellloooo! Oh gosh, I feel so fancy and important being interviewed, LOL!

OK, let’s get started!.

1. Can you tell us about some of your favorite Doctor/Rose fanfics and why you love them so much?

Oh my goodness, there’s a bottomless well! There are so many wonderful fics that I love that I could go on forever! I’ll try and cover a few of my favs here, it won’t be all and I’m apologising up front to those that I don’t mention, because I love them! Generally though, I’m drawn to fics with a genuine, believable characterisation of the characters, and especially the Doctor and Rose. I personally favour Nine x Rose or Ten x Rose and the odd bit of Eight x Rose (although Nine x Rose is easily my favourite because Nine is my Doctor forever and ever). I love a well written plot, sure, but really, with good characterisation, they could be examining a lettuce leaf and it would be wonderful. That said, a great plot with awesome characterisation makes me giddy with glee. Here are a few.

These are in no particular order, by the way.

Tangled Up In Blue by @jessalrynn - This Nine x Rose is one of the very first whofics I read and I love it as much now, if not MORE, than when I first read it. It’s fluffy and sexy and funny and quirky and so very, very THEM. The characterisations are on point, the plot adorable, the smut is steamy and I love the ending. Basically, it is fabulous. A masterpiece of Nine x Rose.

An Education- by @anne-hedonia- Another Nine x Rose masterpiece and also one of my first whofics. It’s a Human Nature fic set in Farrington in 1913 and it’s just….there are no words. Sheer brilliance. The writing is gorgeous, the emotions and characterisations real, the tension believable and the smut is just GAH. I have no words.

The Shades of Blue series by @bluedawn0123 - this is EPIC. An absolutely BRILLIANT (if you’ll pardon the word) Doomsday fixit that takes us through several incarnations of the Doctor and how Rose is necessary to each and every one, and resolves their awful and unjust separation (still haven’t forgiven RTD for that yet) in a believable, wonderful way. Honestly, I wish they’d hired her to write the script because I’d take it over JE ANYDAY. It’s fair to its characters, it’s in keeping with the Doctor and Rose, and it sorts out the issues they have between them before going forward. It’s absolutely wonderful.

Leave Us Behind by @goingtothetardis post-GITF fixit. Anyone who knows me knows this is always going to be on my list. This was the first fic I ever commented on, just over a year ago as I moved out of lurkdom and ended up making one of the best friends a girl could ask for. The fact that it drew me from my lurkdom is nothing less than miraculous, and it’s even more special to me because of that. But what first drew me to it (and still does) is that it’s a very beautiful, heartfelt, raw, gritty piece that perfectly captures what Rose and the Doctor would be feeling after that stupid, wretched awful episode (I will NEVER forgive Moffat, NEVER) and resolves it in a believable, well-characterised way. I love it. Really, that’s all I can say. It’s amazing. 

Looking Glass by @chiaroscuroverse and @fleurdeneuf - pheeeewwww! This was just WOWSA! Nine x Rose aphrodisiac fic, (attempted non-con warning, although nothing eventuates in that regard). Oh my goodness, this fic, I just cannot say how much I love it. It’s sexy and intense, yes, but even better, it’s so very, very them. It’s heartfelt and beautiful and makes me wish that RTD had let these ladies have a go at the script because we all know this is what Nine and Rose were all about. They belong together and it’s just gorgeous. I think one of the things I loved most about this fic was how it flowed directly from the canon characters we know and love (totally believable). Just wow. 

A Timely Rescue by @chocolatequeennk- this is an awesome Doomsday fixit, one of the first I ever read. This is still one of my favourites because not only does it fix Doomsday (yep, still mad about that episode), but it addresses Rose’s very real concerns and feelings afterwards, especially about the Doctor being wiling to send her away against her will. This is something that is SO important to me, so I loved this. 

Heirs and Graces by @caedmonfaith @beth51276 and @rishidiams.- OK where do I begin? Human AU, Royalty AU Nine x Rose. . Just…GAH! I have no words. This beautiful, wonderful fic is sexy and sweet and tense and scary and everything all at once and I LOVE it. How could you not? 

The Gift of a Blessing by @caedmonfaith- Nine x Rose, POTW AU. I absolutely LOVED this little advent fic from last year. It’s so beautifully poignant and sweet and I maintain that this absolutely happened in canon. Nine did not regenerate, Nine and Rose are together and they and Jack go to visit Jackie for Christmas and ….*trails off in tears and sobs violently. * Just gorgeous. Go read it.

Antidote by @asthewheelwills- Rose AU. Nine x Rose. OH. MY GOODNESS!!!! I cannot count how many times I’ve read this and it is FABULOUS every time. The writing is absolutely brilliant and it just grabs your heart and oh, THIS. Just read it. I won’t spoil it for you by saying anymore.

Death and Rose by @redthreads- nine x rose, human and…well nine AU. This is a recent addition to my list, as it was only posted a few weeks ago. I won’t spoil it for you, but it is so very well-crafted and poignant and REAL and just absolutely beautiful. Stunning and amazingly in character.

OK, I’m going to shut up now before I go mental posting every fic I love because we’d be here all year!

2. Do you read a lot of PWPs?

Hahahaha why do I suddenly have the urge to blush?

I suppose the answer is it depends. If it’s something that flows from the ‘nineness’ (or ‘tenness’) and ‘Roseness’ of our beloved duo and their love for each other and their oh so intense desire, then yes, absolutely, because even in that you can see how they feel about each other and its just…gah. So lovely. But generally, it tends to be more smut in an actual fic rather than just a straight PWP.

3. Do you like reading fluff? 

Oh yes!!!! Of course! Sometimes, especially after a hard day, it’s just what the Doctor (tee-hee!) ordered. There is a place for all things in fandom and fluff is certainly up there for me. There are some very happy, lovely fluff fics with the most amazing characterisation that just make me warm inside.

Oh gosh this is long! Hope I haven’t bored you :) Thanks for asking!

Ugh P.5.5 [Peter Parker] [Soulmate AU]

Originally posted by tomshollandss

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female!Reader

Warnings: Cursing, more angst, mentions of pain etc

A/N: Sorry this took so long! Also- I’m an evil asshole I know. This bit is a little short and is mostly in Peter’s P.O.V c; Also- I’ve hit 300 followers! What should I do?

Part 5, Start from the beginningMasterlist


Imagine growing up in a world where everyone has a soulmate- everyone is meant to be with someone. Imagine getting to watch everyone around you figure out what their tie is to their soulmate. Tattoos, timers, and red strings were the most popular, but they weren’t the only ones. There were others like, seeing in black and white until you meet your soulmate or seeing only their favorite color- these ones that made it harder to find your soulmate. Imagine having none of these for all of your life. No string, no tattoo, nothing. Then someone mentions the pain tie- the rarest of all the soulmate ties. Imagine hoping to whoever might be up there that you had this tie- that you had something- someone. Imagine trying so hard to look for signs- doing subtle things like hitting your toe somewhere or being risky in hopes the injury you get might cause your soulmate to strike back.

Imagine nothing happening- being told that the only way to know if this tie was yours is if you felt some immense pain you know you didn’t cause. It doesn’t matter how old or young you are- just imagine it. Imagine feeling this alone- imagine seeing the sad numb faces of people around you with no tie to anyone. Now, imagine you thinking that that would be your life. That you’d never have a love like you saw in some couples on the streets or on TV.

For a moment, imagine being Peter.

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Then Again P10  Peter x Reader

Author’s Note:

I have maybe good news, maybe bad news:

I might update again tomorrow! Honestly, this will depend on how much time I’ll have to edit and how motivated I feel. (Feedback from you guys might help here 😉, particularly about the fic as a whole since this chapter is so short) 

So: maybe this weekend will be back to double updates! If you’d like to be tagged, let me know :)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 11, Part 12

Without further ado, the last angsty part (well, kind of, it’s complicated):

Then Again, Part 10

(Words: 730)

I know Peter won’t be back, not after everything. That’s the worst bit. Even after we finally confronted each other, things aren’t fixed - if anything, they’re worse than ever.

I love my friends, all of them, beyond words… yet even though I’m overjoyed to know that I still have Ned and Michelle, my friendship with Peter is undeniably in immediate decay and it’s almost unbearable. I’m half in love with him and he can’t even stand to be in the same room as me. Not to mention, I still don’t know why they were all ignoring me in the first place.

Like a child, I’m sitting on the floor with my back against the bed, the sound of the door slam echoing around in my brain, replaying over and over and over. My thoughts are reaching and clawing at every insecurity I have. Within minutes my head is aching again and I have to wipe the tears leaking from under my eyes. I’ve stopped shaking for the most part at least.

It’s not the end of the world, I tell myself.

I won’t be able to go to May and Peter’s anymore though, I realize. I push that thought away immediately. I can’t - I really can’t - think about that right now.

I glance at the clock. It’s 11:13 p.m. I might as well try to sleep.

I change into some pajamas, fingers still trembling. I turn out the lights and climb into bed. The air is a bit too bitter, so I pull as much of the comforter around myself as possible. If I close my eyes and focus enough, I can imagine the weight of the blanket is my mom’s embrace. I wish I could call her. It’s not too late that she wouldn’t answer, but I’ve kept this Peter-crush a secret from everyone and it would be too obvious if I tried to explain what’s going on. Plus, I just don’t want her to worry about me - especially when I’m away from home.

Part of me wants to call May. That’s certainly off the table, too, and for the same reason. But man, I really, really want to.

A sheltered part of my brain nags me, whispers that I should reach out to Peter or Michelle or Ned. Again, off the table for obvious reasons. I can’t talk to anybody about this without making it complicated. Plus, I’ll start crying again and I don’t want to deal with that twice. The urge alone is driving me insane.

Why is Peter still the first person I wish I could talk to right now?

I need to stop thinking if I’m going to fall asleep.

I huddle deeper into the blanket and pick up my phone. I tap Instagram to numb my brain.

Dumb idea. Most of the team has already posted something from today and Peter and I are often in the backgrounds. We look miserable in the majority of them. There are a few that aren’t too awful. A handful are of the entire team and all of us look rather happy. (It’s impossible not to smile and laugh while Ned is being petty enough to put bunny ears on Flash.) Then there’s one from the pool, taken by Cindy. It was when Michelle first called Liz. Peter’s got this look, this expression, as he stares at the phone leaning against the wall. Some sort of longing. I know he must miss her. It’s been almost a year and he’s probably missed her every day since. I know it.

All of my insecure Reasons Not To Keep a Crush on Peter Parker are confirmed by this photo. Peter is still hung up on Liz. He likes Liz. He likes people like Liz. I’m not Liz. I’m not even like Liz.

I’m halfway in love with my best friend and he’s halfway in love with someone who isn’t anything like me. The little tiny piece of hope I’d kept hidden away like a lightning bug in a bottle is now extinguished. Or dead. Whichever makes metaphorical sense.

I zoom in on the picture and force myself to stare at it. This is reality. It’s time to let go and accept the fact that my friendship with Peter is nearly finished. Nothing will change as I blindly imagined; it will only get worse from here.

I exit the app and set my phone on the nightstand. Arms wound tight around a wet pillow, the night is swallowed up by black, heavy, deafening silence.

Part 11

Next Update: Maybe November 4, maybe November 10

As always, please let me know what you think! I haven’t gotten many responses the last couple weeks, so I have no idea how you guys feel about these updates. Yikes.

Thank you to my new followers and those who have commented, I really appreciate you guys! Also, if anyone ever just wants to talk - whether it’s about Then Again or anything else in the world - I’m always available!

Tag List: If you’d like to be tagged, you can reply to this post or send me a(n) message/ask!

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I’m working on designing my second tattoo at the moment, not sure about what it will be yet. This one is inspired by the lyrics ‘fused at the wrist’. The concept behind it is my interpretation of these lyrics. The red thread is a symbol of connection, it shows the bond between the mutant kids.

Then Again P12  Peter Parker x Reader

Author’s Note:

Hello, everyone! 

First: Thank you so much to everyone who’s reblogged this fic, commented on it, and sent me such lovely messages! It means so much more than I can ever say 🌷🌷🌷

Second: I’m almost at 300 followers! Thank you so much to everyone following this blog, whether you’ve been here since Part 1 or only yesterday :) You guys are wonderful and I love you 💞💞💞

Third: Enormous thank you to the absolutely wonderful people who helped me with this chapter! Of course, @fanboyswhereare-you, my incredible baeta who prevented this chapter from collapsing in on itself (and constantly puts up with me); @hi-mishamigos who listened to all of my rambling (which was a lot) and calmed me down; @beardedsteveslut who literally binged this entire series to help me with less than two pages and then gave me tons of pitch-perfect advice while I ran a thousand ideas past her; and @rainyreplays who, I believe is an actual angel, wrote out a full analysis of this fic and then explained how to balance everything I wanted this chapter to say with everything I had built up for the last 40 pages. Thank all of you to the moon and to the sun and back to earth again. You guys are the best. 💛💛💛

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 13

Without further ado, a testament to my favorite trope:

Then Again, Part 12:

(Word count: 1,439)

The whole idea of being honest seems like a bad one. I’ve been telling Aunt May and Ned this since they tried to push it on me. The thought of following their advice is uncomfortable enough that I want to resist it - and MJ’s idea - a smidge (minimum).

I’ll just wear one of Y/N’s shirts. She and MJ wear each other’s clothes all the time.

Back in the bathroom, I brush my teeth, pop in my retainers, and open her bag. Under a pair of jeans is a plain black t-shirt. Perfect. I have to yank the collar down to get my head through… and it is definitely tight… but it’s better than nothing.

What has my time in the suit trained me for, if I can’t wear a girl’s shirt?

I look in the mirror. Shit. The collar has turned my hair into a mess and underneath, it’s like I’ve tried on a child’s shirt. This is ridiculous.

As I attempt to maneuver my arm out of the left shoulder sleeve, I tug a bit too forcefully and hear a tear, suddenly losing balance and hitting the wall with the entire right side of my body. Shit. There’s a clear crack in the yellow paint. My head stings. I scramble to my feet and try again.

It takes what feels like ten minutes to get the shirt off without ripping it. I fold it and put it back. Never again.

I turn off the bathroom light and pad through the room as quietly as I can. I open the closet door near the window and reach for the blankets stored on the top shelf. Nothing. I check again with the light of my phone. Nothing at all. I’m going to strangle Ned and MJ tomorrow. What were they thinking? It’s way too cold for this.

I’ll still sleep on the floor, I decide. I’ll use my towel as a blanket… once it’s dry.

My heart is pounding. It’s chilly and the only blanket in the room is attached to Y/N, on the bed.

What would Aunt May say?

For once, I don’t know. I mean, Y/N and I just had a fight that I haven’t had the chance to make right yet. The competition is tomorrow. It’s late and she’s asleep. The situation between us is… stalled.

What’s the logical thing to do?

Get in the bed. Shift some of the blanket over. Get warm while the towel gets dry. Get out of the bed. Sleep on the floor with the towel.

It’s not the best plan, but I like it more than I need to.

Gingerly, I tiptoe to the bed and climb in. I stay as still as possible while I drag a corner of the comforter toward myself. It’s so warm. For the sake of body heat, I inch a smidge closer. I scrunch up part of the blanket to wrinkle a mini wall of fabric between us. That’s as much personal space as I can make, given the size of the bed. I’m so close that even if my senses weren’t hyped up, I’d be able to smell her hair across the pillow. God, I love her shampoo.

Dude, knock it off.

Like I’ve told myself a million times, I need to not make things so weird. At least she can’t hear my thoughts. Thank God.

I lie on my back and stare at the ceiling. Even though I wanted her to be awake when I got back, maybe this is better. There’s so much I have to say tomorrow, this extra time is probably for the best.

I turn my head toward her - or rather, the mountain of blanket with a face. I don’t come up with stupid scenarios about why we’re sleeping beside one another in a hotel bed or any other What If questions my brain is aching to invent. Instead, I go over all the shit she’s gone through this week because of me. I go over everything I need to own up to and everything I need to say to her in the morning. Maybe it’s selfish or pathetic, but I let myself hope that tonight was stupid and wrong and mostly my fault, but not irreparable. I imagine that forgiveness is on the table. That’s it. That’s all I have a right to consider anymore.

Maybe I can’t be with her the way I want to. Not now, maybe not ever. And yeah, it sucks. I mean, since the start, and I’m ready to admit now that it started way before October, it’s been so different with her. It’s almost terrifying. It’s not the same kind of crush I’ve had before, like with Liz or anybody else. I know her, I really know her and I care about her like crazy. And I think about her all the time, too.

But none of this matters. It’s not happening. I can’t be with her like that and it’s obvious now more than ever. The vital part is how I can be with her, and with Ned and MJ, almost every day for the foreseeable future. I can just enjoy her- their presence without any strings. If things only go back to normal, that’s enough. It has to be.

What if she really doesn’t forgive me, though? What if I’ve really crossed the last line this time?

The same heaviness is pressing into my chest like before, a pressure that reminds me of swimming too deep underwater.

I need to remember what Aunt May said. If anybody is willing to give second chances, it’s almost always her. Then again, which chance was I even on tonight? I’ve run through too many to count.

I close my eyes. God, I wish I could turn brain off.

Why didn’t I just talk to her when she came here earlier? It seems impossible that fewer than twelve hours ago she hugged me and I shrugged her off. I can’t believe I actually let myself think of her like I did, as if she would do any of those things or, more importantly, as if any of it was even my business to begin with.

I’m such an idiot. I should’ve -

A twisting sound snaps my eyes open.

Y/N starts moving beside me. She awkwardly shifts positions with slow and mechanical movements until she’s lying on her back, her arm thrown over her eyes.

The red light from the alarm clock allows me to just barely trace the faint outline of her hand a few inches from my face. It reminds me of the first time we met, a memory that would usually make me laugh, and of the fact that handshakes are our main form of physical contact. And that it’s not exactly as if we shake hands all that often. 

It suddenly reminds me of all the tiny distances and boundaries that exist within our friendship, the ones that keep us from being as close to each other as we are the Ned and MJ. Just the shadow of her hand reminds me of how badly I wish everything could be different.

None of this matters right now. Let it go.

I breathe out. Try to clear my head. I think of that counting exercise Mr. Stark told me about. One. Two. Three. Four. Four, three, two, one. One. Two. Three. Four. Four, three, two, one.

One thought refuses to stop though. The same one as all week.

Despite everything, Y/N is still the only person I want to be around right now, the only person I actually want to talk to about this stuff, the only person I know would listen and really, really understand it all. But then again, after everything, maybe not… even if I could tell her.

Fear and anxiety churn in my stomach.

For a split-second, I stop thinking and let myself do a stupid thing.

I reach out, slowly, and trace her fingers with my own. I’m about to take her hand in mine, just for a moment, before I think better of it. I draw my hand back to my chest, the sudden absence of her skin making my own fingers itch. 

God, why am I constantly so weird around her?

“I’m serious about what I said before,” I whisper, needing to confess one final time tonight. “I’m really, really sorry. Anything you decide is suitable, I’ll do whatever you want if it helps you forgive me. I swear, I never meant to be such a jerk and I’ll never act like that again. Please, just tell me what you want me to do.”

I exhale and push my palms into my eyes. I need to turn my brain off.

But then a warm hand touches my shoulder.

Y/N?

Part 13

Part 13 spoilers (since the next chapter isn’t for another week 😉)

Next Update: November 17

It will be a shorter chapter (only 2 pages), but I have a little guess that you guys may enjoy it anyway :)

Tag List: If you’d like to be tagged, reply to this post or send me a(n) ask/message! 

If you want to reblog this fic, but don’t want to reblog whole chapters (I know they’re rather long posts), you can find my short Then Again Masterlist in my bio 😉

As always, I apologize for the typos that are probably everywhere in this chapter.

Tagged: @jriles124 @avzuzu @5-seconds-of-sarcasmm @britdiandra @gotnotfeature @theconscientiouswriter @happysynonym @the-redthread @strangerwesley @i-love-superhero @livluvspiderboy @ohgloryy @nicunt @pxrrished @shugr12110629 @realitykilledtheteen @look-how-far-i-come @beardedsteveslut @abigail-1998 @thehanneloner @lionfart @tmrhollandkay @evanhansenisahufflepuff @tryn25 @slythergirlimagines @twentyjuanpancakes @peterparkerismybeing @littlekay15 @caitlyn-blackwell @hi-mishamigos @anxiousteengeek @twentychemicalpanics @profmmcgonagall @eversweet-imagines @tom-newsie-holland  @melonmochi

If I missed anyone, let me know! 

Fan Fiction Writers Appreciation Day

I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of my favorite authors, both past and present, for sharing your beautiful writing–and all the time, effort, and imagination that entails–with us. I cannot tell you how much some of your stories have meant to me, nor what joy they have brought me at times when real life has been a challenge. 

Thank you all! (in no order whatsoever)

bittie752, bluedawn0123, lastincurableromantic, kelkat9, whoinwhoville, bubblygal92, asthewheelwills, allegoricalrose, whatwecanfic, allrightfine, gallifreyburning, tenscupcake, kilodalton, gallifreyslostson, perfectlyrose, pir8grl, aeonish, justby-grace, laylacrimson, wholockgal, lauraxxtennant, rudennotgingr, chocolatequeennk, jellyneau-xo, tenroseforeverandever, stridingacrossparallels, rointheta, teawhovian, jaxin88, jaydelahaye, aimtoallonsy, fogsblue, doctorxdonna, isilienelenihin, dryadalis, helplesslynerdy, rishidiams, fadewithfury, kaynibbler16, wintermoth, wipedcleanbysummer, lunaseemoony, natural–blues, abadplanwellexecuted, emkaywho, greatbigouterspacedunce, hanluvr, redthreadslixabiz, dimensionhoppingrose, earlgreytea68

I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone! I wish I had the time to tell each of you what I love about your writing, but I don’t, so just know that it is awesome. : ) Hope you have a wonderful day!

2

Yay! I finished the prototype/sample for the new, adjusted, and improved Redthreaded Victorian standard corset! This corset is intended for reenactment, cosplay, living history, or theatre where a historical, period look is required. It is appropriate for crinoline through bustle era, and features steel boning, English coutil, and front busk with underlap.