red-eyeshadow

i’m so scared to start my new job. excited but scared. it’s definitely the most professional job i’ve ever had and since i’ll be in the administration department i’ve gotta be tip-top. my boss is this older, very elegant, french canadian woman. she’s vegetarian and so polished that i felt kinda gross near her. she wears a dress every day so i think i probably should to (which isn’t a problem cos i hate pants). so I’m gonna try to get a haircut friday bc my hair is absolutely wild, and I’m getting a facial and a manicure on monday and i might get my brows tinted cos now that i don’t work in cosmetics anymore i don’t wanna have to do my whole face anymore in the mornings and now i need to get used to my regular face bc it’d be frowned upon at my new job to have like a cat eye and red eyeshadow on.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.