red vs blue funny

  • [playing a video game]
  • Capricorn: You know, I could’ve taken that alien out if I’d hit him just a few more times.
  • Aries: A few more times? How about one time?!
  • Capricorn: Well, I think I landed at least two or three shots.
  • Aries: Yeah right.
  • Sagittarius: You didn’t hit anything but the wall.
  • Aries: How would you know? You were running straight backwards.
  • Sagittarius: This is a long-range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively.
  • Gemini: Where were you planning on shooting him from, the moon? If you’d have backed up any further you’d have had to mail him the bullets!

Hey all! It’s your friendly neighborhood acheemient here! Letting you know some cool stuff about becoming a @roosterteeth FIRST member on!

It’s a pretty sweet deal they have going on right now. Not only do you get to watch every video a day early, you also get really great exclusive content (Whuuuaaat? No really, I know!).

Not only that, but right now, a year long membership only costs $35.99!! That’s like paying $2.99 per month!! That’s really pretty cheap compared to the old $4.99 a month! Our top mathematicians assure us that it’ half off or something! Pretty sweet, huh?

But, acheemient, you say, I don’t HAVE $34.99 right now! To that I say, No worries my broke friend! The first month is Absolutely FREE and you can cancel before you have to pay any munz!! It’s like stealing, but you can’t go to jail for it!

Still not sold? WELL FUCK YOU! Juuust kidding! There’s more!! With a FIRST membership you also get 5% off every purchase at the RT Store, as well as early access to tickets for events like RTX and Let’s Play Live! So you never have to worry about them being sold out by the time you want to purchase them!

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!! Crack your wallet! Steal your mom’s credit card*! Look for change under your couch! AND GET A FIRST MEMBERSHIP TODAAAAY!!!

*acheemient does not advocate stealing, especially from your own mother, Jesus Christ, she was in labor with you for HOURS and this is how you repay her?? You should be ashamed of yourself!

  • Cancer: Hey, Cap, we have a problem.
  • Capricorn: I am not your mother, so don't come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn't like.
  • Cancer: I'm telling you, he's /crazy/. He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice!
  • Scorpio: No, I /didn't/.
Cephalon Fragments
  • Equinox: Hello, this is Equinox, Ordis. Or should I call you Ordan Karris! Have you been lying to us?
  • Ordis: Lying is such a *betrayer conce-* Human concept.
  • Equinox: You're a Cephalon. I thought Cephalons couldn't lie.
  • Ordis: They can if they are programmed to lie.
  • Equinox: Were you programmed to lie?
  • Ordis: ...
  • Ordis: No

it’s rvb15. donut has omega n doc ofc has o'malley. o'malley is rambling abt rocket launchers n omegas yelling angrily, idk

then, in unison, donut n doc go “come on, omega/o'malley! stop being such a negative nancy!” 

everyone around them has a heart attack. theres two (four) of them now.


Roses are red
And violets are blue.
One day we’ll cruise down
Blood Gulch avenue
It’s red versus red
and blue versus blue
It’s I against I
and me against you

Violets are blue, roses are red
Living like this we were already dead

Hop in my car
It don’t have any doors
It’s built like a cat
It lands on all fours
My car’s like a puma
It drives on all fours

Red versus red
Blue versus blue