red ryder air rifle

Fluffmas Day 26-Gift Exchange (Hamilsquad x Reader)

You and your boyfriends loved the gifts they received. Hercules was already setting up his new sewing machine to test out, Alexander was typing on his new tablet, Lafayette was going through his new beauty products, and John was cooing over his numerous turtle themed gifts. You were happily reading through the new books you wanted.

“Hold on!” yelled Hercules, causing you all to look up. “I forgot one of my gifts!”

He quickly ran upstairs, not to long he was back with a long square gift wrapped in green paper with a red bow.

He handed the gift to Alexander. “You’re always saying how you wanted one of these.”

It didn’t take long for Alexander to quickly shred the paper. He squealed at what he had gotten.

“AN OFFICIAL DAISY RED RYDER RANGE MODEL 1938 AIR RIFLE BB GUN IN EXCLUSIVE RETRO BOX FROM A CHRISTMAS STORY!”

“Hercules!” You yelled, grabbing the gentle giant as Alex showed the gun to John and Lafayette. “Why’d you give him that?!”

“What? It’s from his favorite movie. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Didn’t you watch the movie?!”

“No. Why? Did something happen?”

Alex took the gun out of the box and loaded it when you weren’t looking.You quickly released Hercules and ducked behind the couch.

“Take cover!”

Crash

“The TV!/La télévision!” cried John and Lafayette. Looks like Hercules and you were going to have to go after Christmas shopping.

A Christmas Story (1983) meme

Adjust to fit your muse!

  • ____ says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski’s candy store!
  • Hey ____! I bet you never guess what I got you for Christmas!
  • They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.
  • Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.
  • That son of a bitch would freeze up in the middle of summer on the equator!
  • Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That’s dumb!
  • NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a “triple dare you”? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
  • Mothers know nothing about creeping marauders burrowing through the snow toward the kitchen where only you and you alone stand between your tiny, huddled family and insensate evil.
  • Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!
  • It was… soap… POISONING.
  • Yes, truly, a little bribe never hurts.
  • He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!
  • Aaah! “Fra-GEE-leh!” It must be Italian!
  • A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch.
  • Tonight! Tonight! It’s coming Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Tonight! Hot Damn, Tonight!
  • Will you eat? There are starving people in China!
  • Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
  • All right, I’ll get that kid to eat. Where’s my screw driver and my plumber’s helper? I’ll open up his mouth and I’ll shove it in.
  • Tell mommy… how do the little piggies eat?
  • I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
  • You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.
  • Don’t want to waste electricity!
  • You used up all the glue on purpose!
  • Jealous of what? That is the ugliest lamp I have seen in my entire life!
  • The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher.
  • Naddafinga!
  • Now I could never be sure, but I thought that I heard the sound of “Taps” being played, gently.
  • I’m sure that the guilt you feel is far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don’t you feel terrible?
  • Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.
  • Darn thing looked like it was made of green pipe cleaners.
  • Listen jerk. When I tell you to come, you better come. 
  • What are you going to cry now? Come on crybaby. Cry for me, Crrrrryyyyyyyyy!
  • Something had happened, a fuse blew. And I had gone outta my skull.
  • Of course. Santa. The big man. The head honcho. The connection. Ha, my mother had slipped up this time.
  • The line ENDS here. It begins THERE.
  • Don’t bother me. I’m thinking.
  • If he thinks I’m working one minute past nine, he can kiss my foot.
  • My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium, a master.
  • Daddy’s gonna kill _____!
  • We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.
  • You’re lucky, those icicles have been known to kill people!
  • _____had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl.
  • He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny.
  • He looks like a pink nightmare!
  • SONSOFBITCHES, ________!!
  • The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey a la King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!
  • Yes. it’s a beautiful duck. It really is. But it’s… smiling at me.