Types as Roommates (based on actual roommates I’ve had as an INTP)
ESFP: Rarely around, because they are always out with friends. When they are home they usually talk about how cool their lamp is. And you don’t disagree, because it’s a pretty cool lamp. “I really appreciate you, dude” they say everyday after their shift, until you hate them and their stinky socks all over the bathroom floor.
ENFP: They are SO! EXCITED! that you’re finally home to hang out with them even though they’ve been going and doing things all week. Dishes are everywhere. The rabbit is out of his cage and has chewed through the electrical wires. The fire alarm is going off again.
INFP: The best thing about living with them is their music taste. You keep asking yourself if they are really as laid back as they say they are? Their poster selection is haphazard, their trash can is filled to the brim, and they show everyone who comes through their dorm their collection of vinyl sex feet. However, one day you get a terrifying message via text. You drank from their cup. That was the special cup. You shouldn’t have drank from that cup.
ISFP: THC is more important to oxygen to them. They line their room with trippy tapestries, and a list of “cartoon conspiracies” is listed on their door. During that really promiscuous phase of yours, they didn’t say a thing every night you must have waken them up moaning. You couldn’t believe that anyone could be so laid back. Then, exams came. No one had ever been more vigilent, and more terrified than they are during exam week. “Aderall” your friends say, “They’re hyped up on amphetamines,” but you know what they’re like on amphetamines, and this is a step above.
INTP: You’ve watched the same anime from start to finish 3 times this week, but you don’t have the nerve to tell them that you’re tired of it. They’re taking up all of the couch space too. Because while they might have spent the first 2 weeks of being moved in creating the perfectly efficient and comfortable bedroom (complete with a pillow fort), they fall asleep in the living room most nights with their heated blanket and a wikipedia article up on their laptop. You peek at their laptop expecting to see something related to their favorite video game or the classes they are taking, but “substitutional insect genitalia” doesn’t fit either of those categories.
ENTP: When they have friends over, they don’t just have friends over. The banter is endless and it almost always lasts until 5 am. Their is only so much existential philosophy you can take, and that is literally none when it it is being shouted by drunken satanists during the golden hour.
ISTP: They really like sex. Sex is their favorite subject and they feel the need to tell you that frequently. If you don’t update them on your current sexual status, they might get a little bit grumpy. Their pet names for you include “slut” and “bitch”. They read trashy novels and their television choices are questionable to you, but it matters little because you have finally found a roommate that simultaneously respects your boundaries and recognizes you for the asshole you are.
ISFJ: Tea has suddenly become very important to you. You memorized your roommates favorite teas for every occasion, every ailment and every time of day, before you even realized it was happening. You wonder how you know this, without even knowing their last name or what they do for a living. What time do they come in at night? Do they have friends? What kind of music do they listen to? You imagine that they spend most of their time with their family, and at work, but it’s anybodies guess.
ENFJ: The greatest sin of yours, is the sink that you leave untouched. Once a week, they clean it begrudgingly. With passive-aggression with more fervor than all of the crusades. They are experimenting with brewing beer and cider. They are also studying seminary. They never sleep. You try to explain to friends of friends that your roommate is going to be in the ministry, but they never believe you, because they’ve only ever seen your roommate black-out wasted. “Before I was a Christian,” your roommate says drunkenly “I would have considered myself bisexual”. Your eyes have never rolled so far back into your head. You really wish you could light a joint about now.
ESTJ: Late night chats about the economy have never been so interesting, but really, they are not interesting enough. Why in the fuck are you living with a business major? You down another beer and go to bed with a nauseous feeling in your stomach.
INTJ: You constantly wonder to yourself if the moderately clean kitchen is worth your roommate’s “quirks”. They haven’t really done anything, but you’re afraid of them. You’re too afraid to tell them that they are listening to their audiobooks of The Foundation Trilogy too loud, and you’re too afraid to tell them that you don’t like how they’ve replaced all of the regular lightbulbs with red ones. Your sense of reality starts to disintegrate. Is that blood in the fridge? Are those dildos? Their is a stack of papers on the coffee table which, as far as you know, are comprised entirely with the digits of pi.
ESFJ: You still can’t get over the fact that your roommate has a sex schedule. And more importantly, no concept of respectful noise levels while they do it.
INFJ: You finally found that roommate that will just share quiet, peaceful company with you. You play Okami, and they work on their novel. You write your essays, and they put on Star Wars. No words, just good vibes. However, things have started to get weird since their SO broke up with them. They adopted a dog without your permission, and they’re taking it back to the shelter tomorrow because a two bedroom apartment isn’t big enough for a greyhound. They keep asking you to cuddle them, and you are running out of polite ways to say “fuck off”.
Sorry that I missed a few types ..