anonymous asked:

My question of the day is why don't cait and mm follow each other on sm? Well, I can prob guess why cait doesn't follow her, but I think you get my question.

Cait follow the true love of her best friend?  You’d think,  after almost a year, that she’d be friendly with Sam’s gf, just like she’s friends with Steven Cree’s wife, wouldn’t you.   This one has always been a red flag for me, in my ever lovin’ sea of red flags.

I’m disappointed that Sam wasn’t at the OW event with Cait tonight, disappointed in Starz.  There will be an explanation for this that doesn’t involve him not supporting her and not wishing her well.   I was expecting Tony to be there and she’s had her picture taken with him before.  I know they’re friends.  There’s no more chemistry between them tonight than there ever was and my ship won’t be sunk because this picture happened to be labeled with his name.  That’s an acknowledgement of who she’s standing beside, not who she’s in a relationship with.   I’m more saddened by the Sam hate that’s crossing my dash and the number of posts I see again about trickery and devious behavior.   It’s so, so sad to me every time something happens, to watch the ship get lighter.  

Process as you must of course.  No rules.  I will be on deck dreaming of smoother sailing for those of us who stay.

Ladies are these red flags to y'all???

Ok so I’m talking to this new guy, verified and known throughout SoCal and my current state and is very wealthy like top 1 percent but I think he thinks idk WELL he keeps making jokes about me buying him shit and then had the nerve to offer me vans for my birthday….. fucking vans okay wait so back track earlier this week he asked if I had a bike and I said no this mf says well you should buy one and I’ll take you to places you can find one?????? Like what.

I don’t know if he thinks I don’t know what google is or he’s trying to get me to like him for him without money but no regular man I’m fucking with would ever say that like WHAT. & he keeps making these jokes like he wants me to take care of him oh and he’s never dated a black woman. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

So are these red flags or what ????

Our culture really romanticises the idea of a (usually male) brooding misunderstood loner who’s an asshole to everyone but secretly has a heart of gold, so it’s frighteningly easy to meet a guy who treats everyone around him badly and believe without evidence that he has a heart of gold. 

Don’t fall for it.

And a lapse in cruelty is not evidence of kindness.

“My boyfriend isn’t allowed to talk to other girls,” is just as unhealthy as “My girlfriend isn’t allowed to talk to other guys.”

“You can’t hang out with [boyfriend’s female friend] anymore,” is just as abusive as “You can’t hang out with [girlfriend’s male friend] anymore.”

“My man isn’t allowed to go out with his guys unless I’m with him,” is just as creepy and possessive as “My girl isn’t allowed to go out with her friends unless I’m with her.”

A woman who controls and manipulates her boyfriend is just as abusive as a man who controls and manipulates his girlfriend, pass it on.

Never trust a man that doesn’t value your time. 

Never trust a man who makes you feel like you are crazy 

Never trust a man that makes you question yourself 

Never trust a man who plays the pop up game(they leave and few months later saying sorry about what they did and want you back. It’s just a cycle don’t fall into it) 

Never trust a man who always has an excuse for everything and never apologizes. 

Never trust a man who exhibits even one of these behaviors. Run as fast as you can. You won’t be able to earn his kindness once he starts being cruel to you after has you hooked. It’s not you, it’s not that you’re not doing enough for him, it’s not that you’re not good enough, it’s that he is a bad person and isn’t capable of love, empathy, or compassion. You are worth more than enough and worthy of love, and he will never provide that. Leave him, you deserve better.

Relationship Red Flags:

Silent Treatment

When after a fight or argument, your partner refuses to talk to you or say more than one word at a time, this is the silent treatment. This is a sign of emotional/mental abuse. It can be highly damaging to someone’s confidence and over all mental health.

In a normal relationship, there are arguments and fights, maybe followed by moments of silence. But the two involved in the relationship still talk. They still try to resolve the conflict.

With a partner to utilizes the silent treatment, their end goal is to make you apologize, make you step down, and make them the victim. The goal is to get you to be groveling for forgiveness.

Compromise is Impossible

In any relationship, there has to be compromise in order for it to be healthy. If your partner is unwilling to meet you in the middle most of the time, this should be a huge red flag. If there isn’t compromise, then one person is going to feel like they don’t matter, or that they should just give up on their own thoughts and feelings.

Makes you Feel Worse

If you and your partner are at a party and you are feeling insecure about yourself, your partner should try to help make you feel better. If they tell you to get over it, or that it’s not that big of a deal, then they are not behaving properly for a healthy relationship. It can even be construed as emotional abuse, just as damaging as physical abuse.

In any relationship. the two people should try to build each other up, not break them down. But, it is important to keep in mind that you shouldn’t be putting them up on a pedestal, telling them they can do no wrong.

No Support

Like I said before, your partner is supposed to build you up, and supporting you in your life is a major piece of that. They might not agree with your choices or decisions, but they will still support you - though expect some expression of their thoughts on your choice/decision.

Every healthy relationship is like a dance, you both have to work at it for it to work, and there needs to be a push and a pull.

Dismisses Your Thoughts/Feelings

I feel like this one is pretty self explanatory. I also covered this on the “Makes You Feel Worse” section.

Cannot Have Calm Conversations on “Touchy” Subjects

First, by touchy subjects, I mean anything that would go against their thoughts or actions. So, if you’re upset because your husband just charged $500 on the credit card that you pay for, and you’re struggling financially as it is, then when you try to confront this issue they are just going to find a way not to talk about it.

Emotional abuse can be hard to recognize. Victims are confused and unsure of themselves. They wonder if they’re just overreacting and making a big deal out of something small. The abuser reinforces these feelings and blames their actions on anger, or blame the victim for making them act that way; or worse they say it’s okay when they do it because they’re not trying to be abusive. All of these are excuses. It’s never okay to abuse another person. Yes people can have toxic behaviors they aren’t aware of but they’ll change those behaviors when they’re pointed out. Not say they can’t control themselves when they’re angry. That’s nothing more than a cop out to avoid responsibility for one’s actions.
—  Anonymous

I feel like almost all of the guys who’ve had an unreciprocated thing for me developed it because I listened to them and was emotionally supportive, etc., but they themselves never thought to do the same for me. Which ended up with this weird situation where I knew them super well but they literally had zero idea about who I was as a person other than “listens really well and is emotionally supportive.”

Like, they didn’t know the first thing about what was important to me, my beliefs, my family, my work, how I spent my time when I wasn’t with them. Because not a single one of them wanted  to know. They would just… never ask, or they’d ask politely and when I started to answer they’d show extreme disinterest and change the subject back to themselves.

But they still thought they loved me, because to them that’s all love is - being emotionally supported by someone. It did not even occur to them that the support could ever go both ways, and they were always bewildered about why I never loved them “back” - even though all they gave me to love was a person so self-obsessed that he couldn’t see me at all.

Emotional labour is so, so important to be aware of in relationships. It has to have some kind of balance, or the person performing it will just burn out. And a relationship consisting only of one person demanding and demanding and never giving back is not love. Love is not a demand. It can accept, and it can ask, but love listens, love cares about how its requests affect the beloved. Love wants to give back.