It’s at a comedy level of complete farce now and I’m pretty sure B/n will fail to sell Boe as badly as D sells M/arren (if Zoe’s recent party video is anything to measure their chemistry against), but I’m sure PR will force a double date pic on us within the month.
You know a simple low key explanation by D of why B/n lives in the pr house would have been more effective than what’s happening with B/n now, but then you have to factor in the unpredictable M/a. As it seems when D ignores M/a she pulls some stunt, like the recent valentine Snap-chat pics and D then goes thru silly staged photo ops to rectify her mess and now B/ns roped in too and we get this fiasco where no seems to have any self respect anymore.
Last night is another example of red carpet pictures where D looks miserable, whilst M Tries to sell her sinking ship desperately by smiling. Note the moment the photographers ask them to get closer. D doesn’t move - she does. Then look at the backstage pics with other people where D is laughing and joking. It’s obvious to those who look there is no chemistry and D shows this blatantly and consistently whenever he does these events with her.
I actually cringe for all parties involved in this, just stop!!
I don’t know what stops D running from this mess, but I wish he would.
So if you know me, you know I absolutely love my Kim Kardashian-West iPhone app. Everyday the app gets updated with one or two different posts that Kim creates personally herself. Today she shared one of her secrets on getting Red Carpet cleavage.
I wear a size A bra so I don’t need this. However, I know many ladies who would actually benefit from this tape trick. Stop letting your saggy breasts ruin your already cheap forever 21 body con dress. Lmao! Just kidding. *flips hair*
So here’s a tip if you’re afraid that your nipples will be pulled off with the tape, take a thin piece of toilet tissue and place them over your nipples before you tape your breasts down.
Use this technique for all your deep plunging cleavage needs.
Welcome to a very special edition of Bad Boy Band Fashion! Tonight, we have a special guest review from our new hero, Dalton Rapattoni! Take it away, Dalton!
Upon reading this, you may say “Hey Dalton, you’ve worn some of the things you’re making fun of these guys for wearing! What’s up with that?”. If this is you, please consider that this is all in good fun, and yes there will be a couple of hypocritical statements made by me, I’m horrible at dressing myself.
Further I’d like to say that I admire One Direction and adore their work.
Now let’s get down to business…
You poor, misguided boy. You see Niall, you are a victim of the modern phenomena that I like to call “torso/sleeve dissociation syndrome”. Now, I do understand that you may not be able to use a brand name, or a logo to spice up your hideously dull ill-fitting crew neck, but turning two poor, defenseless shirts into that disgusting cotton Frankenstein is not the answer. TSDS must be stopped. Together we can find a cure.
Other than that I think the jeans are fine, you just need to find your fit.
Now, I will take an unpopular stance here- I am okay with camouflage. This pattern, however, is reminiscent of a jacket that a great aunt from Alabama would purchase at Walmart three days before Christmas for her 5 year old nephew. Camouflage, if used sparingly, can and nice texture to an outfit, but you Zayn, have drastically over salted the proverbial soup on this one.
Also, learn how to smile, people who don’t smile in pictures are scum and should be disposed of.
Now, I’m not even going to acknowledge the jacket for a second, but don’t you worry, we’ll get back to it.
One Direction has committed that needs to be brought to light. How in the fuCK CAN YOU HAVE FOUR OF YOUR MEMBERS BE IN BLACK FUCKING PANTS AND ONLY ONE IN BLUE JEANS AND PUT THE ONE IN THE GOD DAMN BLUE JEANS AT THE FUCKING END?! AS I’M WRITING THIS REVIEW I’M LEANING OVER MY TOILET, VOMITING OVER THEIR APPARENT LACK OF CONCERN FOR SYMMETRY. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU THEY TEACH YOU THAT SHIT DAY ONE AT BOY BAND SCHOOL.
Now, onto the jacket.
Do you know where denim belongs, Louis? Huh? No? IT BELONGS ON PANTS. THAT’S IT. Not to mention the style of that jacket makes you look like a bad sketch of concept art that the art director of Resident Evil 4 crumpled up and threw in the garbage. Your outfit makes you look like the protagonist of a straight to DVD SciFi channel original movie.
I want to begin this by saying, Liam you’re my favorite. But holy shit that outfit literally puts me in a boredom induced coma. I get it, white shirt, black pants, it’s simple, it’s easy. But god damn dude you’re in the most popular boy band in the world! Dress like it!! Plus you’re in New York, it must be fucking freezing!!
Also, I’m seeing a pattern with pants that boy bands wear. They all seem to be slim in the legs with the crotch dropped a couple of inches. Let’s try to make an effort to stop this trend from continuing, yeah?
The colors of your plaid shirt clashing with that newborn shit brown jacket remind me of the vomit still in my toilet from your pants.
Also, here’s a red carpet tip for ya: Don’t bring your phone with you, it makes you look like you have a short, flat, square dick. (If that is your dick I apologize).
Dalton, thank you so much for doing this guest review for us! We really appreciate it!