So what you’re saying is you randomly go around asking people to park your car?
If I don’t consider you sufficiently famous, my go to introduction is to throw my keys and yell “Park my car!” It has gotten me into a lot of trouble with both professors and the cast of Nurse Jackie (come on now, you aren’t famous, no one watches your show).
Around the age of 13 I had a considerable amount of what you might call “baby fat”. I did my best to use my extra girth to become the funny chubby kid of the class. Since my audience was 12 year olds this was mostly just me doing Chris Farley doing the “Fat guy in a little coat” scene from Tommy Boy over and over. Not quite Shakespeare but it fooled the kids at my grade school into thinking I was cool. It didn’t however fool much of anyone else.
One fateful day I was walking through my neighborhood, a mostly upper middle class type of deal where kids are welcome to roam all over the place without much supervision, when I hear in the distance a group of kids. As I continued down the street and closer to them I see that they are pack of younger kids probably no older then 8. Now usually when a group of kids are up to something they aren’t very good at disguising it, this group was no different. Passing by their front yard their laughter turns to silence and a twinge of anxiety travels down my spine. I give them a casual “Hi” to try and break the tension but it’s met with nothing. Each step I take is accompanied by the silence and the piercing stares of 4 eight year olds. Here I am the ripe bold 13 years old, my first make out session already under my belt, and I'm intimidated by a gaggle of 4th graders. My mind starts to expect the worst, possibly a water balloon to the back of the head, maybe a firecracker thrown my way, or some sort of Goonies-esque booby trap that will send me flying into the trees at any moment. But I keep walking and nothing. Maybe I was freaking out over nothing? Maybe these kids aren’t so bad. The feeling of anxiety starts to pass when giggles break the silence. Oh shit. What are these little fuckers going to do. I’m practically around the corner when I hear in the distance “HEY KID YOU’RE FAT”. Ouch. Right in my sweet spot. They found my weakness. I’d have rather taken the waterballoon.