I apologise for the rubbish picture but here is my first inpatient breakfast! I CAN DO THIS I WILL GET BETTER! God-Willing!

I’m on half portions at the moment as I’m at risk of refeeding but they’re going to up the meals gradually!

I had to have 1 Weetabix, 200ml hot WHOLE milk (!), half a mug of tea, a glass of orange juice (!) and a slice of WHITE toast (!) with lots of butter (!) 😭😭😭

This meal was beyond challenging. It had so many fears but I ate it! 🎉 I fought the fears! I feel myself progressing already and I’ve only been here a short while! I’m still incredibly bloated from yesterday’s eats but it’s okay…this feeling WILL subside! I just have to bear with it for now! And soon…I’ll be FREE God-Willing! 👊

BUT GUYS I STILL CAN’T GET OVER THIS…I ATE WHITE BREAD?! Whaaaaaat?! I’m so proud! ☺️ 😄😄😄 I just hope I can do the same thing at home, this environment feels so safe and away from my triggers, ahhh well I’ll get to that when I get to it! 😊😊😊

#feelthefearanddoitanyway #anawho #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #edfam #edfamily #edfighter #edsoldier #edwarrior #anawarrior #anasoldier #recovery #balancednotclean #eatittobeatit #foodisfuel #prorecovery #realrecovery #2fab4ana #nourishnotpunish #strongnotskinny #edarmy
#inpatientrecovery #recoverywin #recoverychallenge #fearfood #fearfoodchallenge

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This actually happened this morning… it’s legit been OVER A DECADE since I’ve had pancakes. I think it’s been like 15 years or something… which is so weird because how many of my followers are 15 or younger?!?

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For RecoveryKitty’s 2014 Recovery Challenge - Day 1

I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety for a year and a half, and anorexia for a year and a half. I say I’ve been in recovery for that long as well, because seriously, I hate it. It’s frustrating when I can’t feel happy. It’s frustrating when I feel like no one cares. And I don’t really know when I started to recover. (I don’t keep track of things like that, I guess.)

MY FEAR FOOD LIST! 😲😱 I swear to this (you guys are my witnesses!) I will beat these fears, food should NOT have control over me! 😤 I’m going to get through this and beat it. I am I am I am. I will do it. I will beat it. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. 💪

#anawho #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #edfam #edfamily #edfighter #edsoldier #edwarrior #anawarrior #anasoldier #recovery #balancednotclean #eatittobeatit #foodisfuel #prorecovery #realrecovery #2fab4ana #nourishnotpunish #strongnotskinny #edarmy #recoverychallenge #fearfoodchallenge #fearfood

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30 day recovery challenge

Day 15: Post a picture of you from before you ever developed an eating disorder. What emotions were you feeling in this picture? Describe your picture.

This is a picture of me with my puppy, Jessi. I was 7 in this photo and Jessi had snuck into my room to snuggle with me before I had to get up for school. This is the last time I actually remember feeling genuine happiness.

🎉 Starting Sunday with a challenge! AN OMELETTE cooked in butter (!) with chopped bell peppers, onions and tomatoes + a dash of chilli powder served with ww toast and sliced tomatoes. And a mug of sweet tea to complete the meal. 😉😏

My first omelette in recovery…YAY! I did blot off some butter after but still! I love omelettes, my mum makes the most delicious ones! Granted this didn’t taste as great as I thought it would, I’m definitely still making it again (or ask mama to), God-Willing next time I’ll be able to use TWO EGGS! 👍

Ahhhh feeling thankful to the Almighty for granting me the strength to do this challenge. A prayer makes ALL the difference! Recovery wins feel awesome! 😆

#anawho #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #edfam #edfamily #edfighter #edsoldier #edwarrior #anasoldier #anawarrior #beated #beatingana #beatanorexia #eatittobeatit #foodisfuel #nourishnotpunish #balancednotclean #fearfood #fearfoodchallenge #recoverychallenge

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NEDA Week Challenge: Day 3

Today’s challenge: Find Your Identity

I am bulimic

I am a 17 year old girl.
I love languages, I love to read. It gives me a special high, the rushes you feel during the tense moments and how close you get to characters allows me to run away from reality just for a bit.
I love to write.
I don’t do it as often anymore because my thoughts are literally plagued by this, everything I do revolves around food and losing weight and how I look and what will it be like and it’s just confusing and actually the only thing I am able to write about, therefore I don’t show anything to anyone anymore.
I am a good friend.
That is what they say at least. I love loving people, I love making them feel better, I love helping them with any problem they have. I love being loved and taken care of. I have always tried to cut myself off from people as much as possible, but that cut me off from reality too and that just grows your ed and it just takes over even more.
I love socialising. I am loud. I love people paying attention to me. I love when they find me interesting and attention-worthy.
I am too ashamed to show that because I feel like I’m not good enough. That part of me is buried deep inside, where absolutely no one can find it.

I love music.
I get really emotional over small things.
I love cooking.
I love watching tv shows and movies, especially now.
I love drawing and I’m kinda good at it, used to be much better.
I love all kinds of art, it just makes me feel better.
I make bracelets.
I have my best friends.
I have so many plans for the future and in order for that future to come I need to get rid of this, I need to come out of my shell and finally be who I truly am.
I am a person. A real person. I am a person with an eating disorder, but it doesn’t define who I am. I am much more and that is what people see.