recovery-reminder

Daily reminder: 

  • Food is fuel
  • You cannot gain 10 pounds in one day
  • Weight fluctuates a lot naturally
  • A scale can’t measure your worth
  • If you’ve used behaviors, take a deep breath, this will pass
  • Please don’t take anything out on your body
  • You’re worthy of life
  • You’re worthy of energy
  • All you have is right now, and that’s okay
  • It’s important to take time to sit down
  • You’ve come so far!!!
  • Have a pup:

                      

Sometimes you need to be reminded that you and your feelings matter too.
—  Tenari Ioapo

Darling, when they left, they didn’t leave you with nothing
Even if they took a piece of your heart with them and you know it’s missing
What remains is so much bigger, so much more and it’s all yours
But it’s okay if it hurts, it’s okay if you let yourself feel it, it’s okay to cry

Honey, if your favorite song reminds you of them, just turn it off
And don’t worry, because there are so many songs just as beautiful
You will find them and you’ll listen to them on repeat
You’ll find new meaning in the lyrics and it will belong to you only, and your new memories will, too

Sweetie, it may not seem likely now but you will get over them
You’ll go back to your passions for drawing or running or cooking or anything really
Or you’ll pick up new ones and start writing poems or learning guitar chords
And you’ll just continue being you, whatever that means to you and it’s enough

Because my dear, for now your life seems to have all these person-shaped holes in it
But you are a person too, and so are your friends and family members
The holes can be filled, and you’ll pour love and happiness in until there’s not enough space
Until you’re overflowing with light, with softness, with warmth

And then you’ll start giving it away again
You’ll share your love with the world, little by little
You won’t be afraid, or you will be but you’ll decide to do it anyway
And yes you will be careful but still
You will be free.

Reminder: Recovery is different for everyone. Some people may benefit from DBT-based therapy, some people need medication, some people may work best with art therapy, and others may need a mix of everything. What’s important to remember is that recovery is personal and everyone and there is no standard way to heal. You are worth doing what if best for you.

Days like today remind me of how far I really have come in recovery. 

To start, I ate at two restaurants in one day without any anxiety. That alone is huge for me because three years ago, I would not have even stepped foot in a restaurant. Two years ago, I would have restricted all day before/after eating out despite ordering something super safe. A year ago, I would have gone to the restaurant but it would have been a stressful experience and a “chore” to go; I would have ordered a “normal” meal but it would have been on the safe-side and/or not something that I REALLY wanted.
Now, going out to eat is FUN. I love it. I love trying new foods, I love having someone else make me a good meal, and, most of all, I love the people that I get to share it with and the time well spent. It is a great way to connect, build relationships, and to use food as a way to become closer. 

At breakfast, there were PLENTY of safe options that I could have chosen but instead, I got exactly what I wanted and I ate until I was satisfied. When I look back at the meal now, I easily could have made “little” swaps to my meal to make it a “little” lower in calories but fuck, I deserve it all ;) Food is not in control of me anymore and I refuse to settle for anything less than the life I want to live. 

It was the same at dinner; plenty of safe options that I could have chosen but I got exactly what sounded good to me. I got an awesome crepe, my favorite cocktail (one with pop rocks!), and then shared a decadent dessert :)

I am so glad that food can be an awesome part of my life now. It does not have to be accompanied by fear, guilt, or anxiety anymore. It can just be food and that is so fucking cool. 

I hate how eating disorders can become such a strong and loud voice in your head that it can literally make you want to cry and curl up in bed and not want do anything on particularly bad days. Especially during the journey to recovery.

I left my lunch box at home and it has my breakfast and snacks for the day in it (because school lunch is gross and I get sick if I eat too much right away in the morning)

So today is gonna be kinda hellish and I gotta be really careful and aware of whatever my body says