recovery warrior

An actual thing someone said to me a few years ago:

“I saw you eat yesterday, how can you have an eating disorder??”

An actual answer I have after a few years:

Eating disorders are more complex than “not eating”. In fact, there’s a whole spectrum of eating disorders where the issue is compulsive or binge eating.

The problem isn’t just “not eating”. That’s a symptom of the larger problem. The problem is having debilitating anxiety around food. The problem is being too scared to look into a mirror. The problem is feeling lightheaded whenever I stand up. 

Eating disorders destroy a person mentally and physically. Eating a meal does not make me recovered (though I wish it were so easy).

A person with an eating disorder knows exactly what they ate. A person with an eating disorder does not need you to enable negative thoughts about food and weight. 

 A person with an eating disorder does not need you to assess what their recovery means.

A person recovering from an eating disorder is too strong to put up with anymore ignorant bullshit.

May is mental health awareness month

Four years ago I decided the depression was too much and I tried to kill myself. Four years later I am on my way to recovery.

Four years ago I was diagnosed with a learning disability. I thought I wouldn’t be able to graduate or make it through school. Four years later I am about to graduate high school.

Four years ago I was officially diagnosed with trichotillomania. A year ago I had another major slip. But today I am learning how to cope with it.

A year ago I slept with my abuser and thought I would never be able to forgive myself or love again. Now I feel better, have forgiven myself, and found love in the most unexpected places.

Today depression and anxiety still have a hold of me but I know that I am strong enough and have a great support system to walk with me through this. I have gotten the help I needed and I hope you will find the courage to ask for help.

Today on why the BMI scale is pointless
So I’m officially weight restored y'all - I’ve maintained above my target weight since December and am officially overweight according to the BMI charts!! That caused me a ton of stress at first, and especially when I realized I weigh more than most of my guy friends. How about that ingrained misogyny, thinking it’s shameful for a woman to take up more space than a man?
Well, I’ve realized that I don’t really give a fuck anymore about my weight. I can do cool shit with my body like run three miles without stopping or haul tree limbs for 7 hours or hold a shoulder stand for five minutes. If it requires me to be “overweight” to do those things, so be it. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.

I was leaning over to reach into my backpack at the bus stop and when I stood back up, this sweet girl came up to me and said: “I’m sorry I don’t mean to bother you but I just had to tell you that you just made me feel so much better about my body. I saw you and I thought “wow she’s so beautiful and she seems so confident” and then I saw your stretch marks and thought “I didn’t realize that even someone as tiny as you can have stretch marks and that it’s normal and beautiful! Why don’t I have the same love for my body that has stretch marks too?” And she started to tear up and I just asked if I can hug her and we just sat there and I held her for a minute as she was fighting back tears. We exchanged numbers & IG’s and I just spoke from my heart and told her how important she is and body positive mantras and tips for self love that I live by that could maybe help her too.

even though she was telling me how much I was helping her, i don’t think she realizes just how much that meant to me too. I will remember this exchange/conection with that beautiful soul for the rest of my life