A needed mellow 13 miler, a tad shorter than it has been lately, a nice recovery run in the snow, the pretty kind. Practiced my running mantra during the laps around the park, I try to keep something in mind for an upcoming marathon, a kind of prayer to help get through the toughest parts, and, you know, no matter the faith, or non-faith, the best prayer is to simply say ‘thank you.’ When this phrase is said out loud, there is an effect; and so it will be my mantra (and prayer) during Boston. I know I’m going to need it at parts. ‘Thank you.’
There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way. It doesn’t need to be painful or empty, you need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write notes on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful I promise
I am not angry, although I have every right to be. I hold no grudges, for my life is to be lived positively and healthy. There is no use nor worth in thinking of those who have hurt me- they have moved on.
I have control over some things, and other things are out of my control-that is okay. I will let go of the things that I cannot control in my life, I will accept these facts. Having bad thoughts do not ruin my day, it’s just a sore moment. Flashbacks do not define me, they are not real, I do not have to relive what happened to me.
I am, and will be always be okay in the end. I am stronger than this. I am a Warrior. I am still healing and growing and learning. I will never be perfect, and that is okay. Perfection is unrealistic. I am human. I am valid. I am loved. I love the person I am, and the person I am to become.