recovery is hard

Sending out many good vibes to all those who have to endure emotionally abusive families this Thanksgiving. If they try to hurt you or gaslight you, please tell yourself that it is not you. It is them and their own issues. No matter what they say or do, the abuse was and is not your fault. It will always be theirs. Please lay the fault where it belongs–with the abuser. Also remember to check in with yourself and how you are feeling throughout the day. Give yourself permission to set boundaries, to say no, to leave early or walk away if you get triggered, or to even choose not to spend time with them this Thanksgiving. Let them get angry–that’s their issue. Please take care of yourself and your mental health. You have a right to make yourself a priority. ❤️

This is so hard for us emotionally abused. But it is okay to say no. It’s okay to set boundaries. You are not being selfish nor awful!

Honestly shoutout to all the ppl who are trying hard to be more positive and make meaningful changes in their lives and work towards recovery because this shits hard and people definitely don’t say it enough, but focusing on recovery is very difficult and the progress you make is so valuable, just by choosing to work towards bettering yourself you have already come so far and that’s something to be really proud of

Sometimes you don’t start your day until 2pm. Sometimes you have to put on a pair of jeans and a nice shirt instead of sweatpants in order to feel good about yourself. Sometimes it’s really fucking hard to get up and take a shower or brush your teeth. Sometimes it’s really fucking hard to take care of yourself and it’s okay. That is okay. Simple things aren’t always easy and simple things being hard doesn’t make you weak, you are doing the best you can and some days there are things you just can’t do and that’s okay. You are healing. You are trying. Do what you need to do to feel good.

If it’s important to you, that is a good enough reason to pursue it. You do not need to justify why you fight for the things that you head towards. As long as you know why, that’s all that matters.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
If you ever feel like you should have your shit together and you don’t....
  • At age 15, Mark Wahlberg dropped out of school and lived on the streets after serving time. 
  • At age 18, Drew Carey attempted suicide after being expelled from college. 
  • At age 23, Tina Fey was working at her local YMCA. 
  • At age 23, Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first reporting job. 
  • At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer. 
  • At age 24, Jon Hamm was working as a waiter. 
  • At 25, Walt Disney was told that no one would ever like Mickey Mouse by MGM. 
  • At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and went to art school. 
  • At age 28, J.K Rowling was a suicidal parent living on welfare. 
  • At age 28, Tyler Perry was homeless on the streets of Atlanta. 
  • At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter. 
  • At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stock broker. 
  • At age 35, Ricky Gervais made it to TV after getting fired working on a radio show. 
  • At age 40, Vera Wang designed her first dress after failing to make the Olympic figure skating team and to make the editor-in-chief position at Vogue. 
  • At age 40, Stan Lee released his very first comic book. 
  • At age 40, Lucille Ball got her part in I Love Lucy. 
  • At age 42, Alan Rickman got his first major movie role. 
  • At age 44, Bryan Cranston got his first major TV role. 
  • At age 46, Samuel L. Jackson got his first major movie role. 
  • At age 52, Morgan Freeman got his first major movie role. 
  • The founder of Amazon.com, Jeff Bezos, was working at McDonald’s in his 20s. 
  • Billionaire Warren Buffet was a part-time salesman in his 20s. 
  • President Barack Obama was a community organizer in his 20s. 
  • Halle Berry stayed in homeless shelters often in her 20s. 

It is NEVER too late to achieve your dreams. Don’t stress about the future. Right here, right now, you’re doing the very best you can. 

Let’s hear it for the ones who are doing everything right, but still have symptoms.

The ones struggling to find the right treatment, putting up with side effects and still not getting any relief.

The ones who found something that worked… until it didn’t, and now have to start all over again.

I know it’s frustrating. But please, keep going. You’ll get there.

Aries: Sometimes you just have to let things go. Let places and people disappear from your memory. Let people walk away from you, as much as it feels like their ripping part of you out with them. You don’t need them to function. You don’t need them to make the sun rise and set. You don’t need them to see that the stars still shine in the night sky. You only need yourself and a pair of eyes. 

Taurus: You aren’t stuck forever. I know it feels that way. But you are not trapped in this hell. You will get out. Even if you have to claw yourself out with bloody fingernails and bruised skin. But you WILL get out. You will pull through to things much bigger then this. Every new step is terrifying, but you will get there. You will make something of yourself.

Gemini: Stop opening the door for ghosts that you aren’t even sure you want in your life. You can’t revive them just to force them back into a tomb. Make up your mind if you want to be friends with the past, or bury it forever. Either way is totally fine, but every time you half dig up skeleton, you just leave everyone with old wounds. Open up all the old scars and leave fresh blood on the floor. There’s no right or wrong choice, but there is a choice you have to make.

Cancer: It won’t be this hard forever. You won’t need that vice for all of eternity. It’s okay to need a crutch every once in awhile. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to be fucking desperate sometimes. You do not have to always be the strong one. Always be the brave one. Always be the fucking okay one. You can let yourself collapse under the weight of this world every once in awhile.

Leo:  Do not let them use you to bury their pain. You are not their whipping post. You are not their cemetery.  They can not use you when it is convenient for them to hide secrets and agony. You don’t owe them shit. They can not hold you down and force feed you every painful moment they can’t handle.  You are much better then everything their putting you through. 

Virgo : The future is never quite certain. It’s always a little bit terrifying. Always a little bit anxiety causing. You’re making the right steps. Stop doubting your footing. You’ve gotten through the worst of the storm. Time to celebrate, and move forward. Always keep moving forward. Always keep going on even when it feels like terror is around every corner.

Libra:  Set backs are temporary. Pain is temporary. Even baby steps are huge accomplishments. I know it feels like shit right now. Know it feels like the world is ending. But sweetie, you’ve survived the apocalypse before. You can do it again. And again. And then again. As many times as it takes. You are going to get through this rough patch too. Just like all the other times.

Scorpio:  Self hatred and self destruction will never get you where you need to go. You can’t run on spite forever. Eventually the candle of self anguish will burn itself out. You have to start healing. Have to start saying all of the hardest things in life, even though it hurts. Even though it makes you cry. Even if sometimes it feels like you’re going to die. Recovery is hard but dying is harder.

Sagittarius: If they don’t need you, you are so much better then them. The way they see you is not how you are. It is not your fault if they can’t figure out your worth. You don’t need them to thrive. Even if no one sees your beauty, you are still gorgeous. Still shining as bright as the stars. You don’t need anyone to recognize that. You don’t need them admit you shine to be brighter then all of them. 

Capricorn: Your past doesn’t define you, but it did make you who you are. You don’t have to live in it, but at least fucking acknowledge what happened. What brought you here. What gave you those scars, and what gave you those laugh lines. You can acknowledge your past and who you use to be, without becoming that person all over again. You are better then that now.

Aquarius: Coming home is not a defeat. You did something most people only dream of. Sometimes all you can do is grab on to plan B and make it work. Doesn’t mean that you are a failure because plan A failed. You tried your absolute hardest. You still won. So come back. Enjoy the sanctuary while we have it.

Pisces: If you’re going to cut people out, you can’t just be uncommitted. You can’t decide one minute you’re done only to open up the door the next. Make up your mind and stick to it. Bar the doors. Throw out the vodka. Turn off your phone. Wait this out. Take however long you need to break their spell over you.

—  This Weeks Horoscope
Don’t be so hard on yourself if you find that there’s too much on your plate, for one can only take on so many things at once.
One can only accept so many challenges to overcome at the same time.
So please, be patient with yourself.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
what people don't tell you

they don’t tell you that your illness will start to feel like home
they don’t tell you that the first time you go a day eating like you should, it won’t feel like winning, but instead like someone is wearing your skin and that you’ll feel suffocated by it
they don’t tell you there will be days, or weeks even, that you won’t be able to eat, because every bite will make you choke or sick to your stomach
they don’t tell you that the first bite after that will make your skin crawl and scream “you aren’t worth it”
they won’t tell you that knowing you’re gaining weight and knowing you’re healthier will feel so good
they won’t tell you that when someone comments on how “healthy” you look or when they comment on that weight, it’ll weigh on you, it’ll make you hate yourself
they won’t tell that each bite you take is dedicated to someone or something
they won’t tell you that you can’t just stop counting calories
they won’t tell you that you don’t stop stepping on the scale
they won’t tell you that you don’t stop checking the mirror, examining
they won’t tell you that your hands always find their way to your wrist or thighs or waist, measuring
they won’t tell you that recovering feels like sunday’s, so good at first, then full of regret or disappointment
they won’t tell you that the person who loves you has to suffer through it with you
recovery is a lot less of “i finally love this skin i’m in, it’s my home” and a lot more of “why is this so hard”
they’ll tell you recovery is beautiful
but it isn’t
it’s messy
it hurts
but it’s necessary

Self love can be getting rid of your smartphone if you notice the constant feeling of being digitally connected and always having to be available is what’s stressing you most. Self love can be quitting that course that is consuming all of your happiness, even though you really wanted to finish it this time. Self love can also be looking for help to actually be able to finish the course - a friend to talk to, a therapist, a tool to help you cope with stress better. Self love can be admitting you’re not doing well and you think you relapsed. Self love can be committing to handing in your tax report on time to reduce the anxiety it causes to finish it last minute, like you usually do. Self love can be getting out of this toxic relationship, finally saying no to your partner and yes to yourself and your wellbeing. Self love is learning to keep your own promises you have to yourself. Self love can be taking a bath and using this fancy bath bomb, yes, but more often it will be steps that are born based on insight, steps that will give you a peace of mind long term, even though in this very moment you don’t feel like taking them. The small steps of self love matter as much as the bigger ones. The bigger ones are in fact often many small steps added up.

Self love is not just temporarily doing what feels nice and what calms your nerves in a specific moment. Ask yourself this one very important question whenever you’re in doubt:

is this step that I’m about to take truly based on love for myself, or am I just temporarily trying to avoid pain/pressure/discomfort? Am I being aware of what I’m doing or am acting led by a pattern that I actually want to overcome? Is this truly good for me and my soul?

Allow yourself to take breaks. Allow yourself to reflect. To feel the emotions that want to be felt. Learn to read the signs and to listen to yourself. Rebuild the trust in your own decision making. It’s totally okay if you need help from someone to learn to listen to yourself again. It’s okay to ask for helping hands, open ears and shoulders to cry on. You got this. I believe in you 100%.