6 months ago, i was the girl that blasted death metal through her black earbuds, while examining her chipped black nails. the girl that cut her skin deep enough for blood to drip onto the tile bathroom floor vision to blur. i was the girl that saw no future for herself. the girl that saw no reason to keep pushing forward. Today, im not that girl. today, i see a future. i dont blast death metal. i appreciate the beauty of life. i paint my skin with watercolor as a reminder that its okay to be myself. i headbang to whatever the fuck kind of music i want to. i cover the tile floor with muddy footprints from my dancing in the rain. i sing my heart out, even if its not in key. i still hate every inch of my body. i still cry myself to sleep. sometimes, i still feel like dying. but i realize now that its okay not to be okay. i will forever be trying to change myself, but im not going to ever change whats inside. i will forever radiate rainbows. i will continue to paint my nails in the dark because im too lazy to turn on the lights. i realize now that its okay to be the girl with terrible vision, pink hair, braces, and acne. because no matter what you look like, if you can manage a smile, you are beautiful. if you can handle showing us even just a glimpse of your gorgeous smile, you are perfect.
i have learned these things:
you will be happier.
things will always get better.
you will recover
your scars will remain, but you will get better
you are worth more than a million bucks
and there is always a better tomorrow.
you have to survive the bitter cold of the uphill battle before you reach the top of the mountain.
if you’ve gotten this far. you will survive.
you cant have that rainbow without the rain
people do love and care about you, no matter what you believe.
you’re going to be somebody’s entire world. their reason to live.
but right now
you have to be your reason to live.
you have to keep fighting.
and just remember
I love you.