recovery documentary

Rehab, Day 26, March 1, 2017

Leaving rehab to continue my grandmother’s recovery at home.

Louis Theroux’s: Talking with Anorexia

I have finally watched it (I was bored and thought ‘fuck it’) - I’d wanted to watch it when everybody was talking about it weeks ago, but I avoided doing so because of people getting triggered (I thought I might get triggered too).

MY REACTION: At points I hated myself watching it. For example, when it would show a new patient I found myself ‘sizing them up’ in comparison to me at my lowest (fucking awful thing to do, I know!! -I think it had to do with knowing they were sick and that horrible, unhealthy, irrational, competitive side that EDs bring out in us rearing it’s ugly head, in me). I listened intently to their responses to Louis’ questions in trying to find out what causes people to develop this illness, and it’s made me realise that (despite being able to relate to some of the things people said) everyone’s ED is completely driven by individual, very personal factors (as well as the common diagnostic criteria). The documentary didn’t make as strong a point as I though it would of it not being stereotypically due to the media’s persception of beauty, but it kind of didn’t have to spell that out, as it was clear that the women* featured in the film were not ‘doing this’ (it’s not a choice) to become more attractive. In fact, low self esteem and self worth in sufferers was highlighted.. if we are talking about it possibly being appearance based, could it be an attempt to be physically less sexually desirable, maybe?.. Control was a constant amongst the underlying drivers, so that was important and underlined as well.

*although men were mentioned, there was not one interview with a male sufferer in the whole documentary; so there was no representation of the thought processes that go on in the minds of men with the illness. It would’ve been interesting to compare.. are they/can they be exactly the same?? Do men and women have different factors that lead to developing the disorder? Or does gender have nothing to do with it?

Anyway, it made me think about what drives my ED. How I would answer if Louis Theroux was asking me those questions? I feel like I’m in recovery, but still watchful and controlling over food, weight (making sure I maintain), size. But why?? I will explore that in another post.. food for thought.

Rehab, Day 10, Feb. 13, 2017

Under normal circumstances, paying bills is a chore. In rehab, however, having the opportunity to “do something normal” helped my grandmother stay connected to the outside world, while offering some semblance of her usual routine – both of which contributed to her speedy recovery, following knee surgery. 

I just watched Civil war sickness by euo and its fucking amazing and the best recovery documentary I’ve watched because it is eerily accurate and accessible and is made by a young aspiring filmmaker and gay mentally ill WOC and just generally makes me happy

Watch on

Not Afraid: The Shady Records Story Ft. Eminem, 50 Cent, & Dr. Dre


Mount St. Helens: Road to Recovery

From the series:  Public Information and Training Motion Picture and Television Productions, 1990 - 1995. Records of the Office of the Secretary of Agriculture, 1794 - ca. 2003

Made following the volcanic eruption of Mount St. Helens on May 18, 1980, and recently digitized by our colleagues in the National Archives Motion Picture Preservation Lab, this U.S. Forest Service documentary catalogs the devastation caused by the eruption and the subsequent efforts to restore the environmental balance.

25411) I forget that not everyone knows as much about eating disorders as I do. If I spent half as much time studying for college classes as I do researching thinspo, ED documentaries and recovery websites, I’d have straight A’s. As it is I’m almost failing every class.