I don’t know what I want. I constantly contradict myself. I want everyone to know that I’m not okay, yet at the same time I’m terrified by the idea of anyone knowing that I’m suffering. I want to escape real life and take a break from living for a while, yet I don’t want to put school on hold. I feel guilty when I do eat, and I feel guilty when I don’t eat. I’ve involved myself in the “recovery community” and I’m always telling people how bad restricting is for your body and mind, but I can’t follow my own damn advice.