As a victim of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse growing up.. I can say the verbal and emotional abuse hurt me more than the physical abuse. You see, bruises and scars fade.. But every time I look in the mirror my perception of myself is shattered because of words my mom hit me with. I could be the most beautiful girl in the world and I would still feel “ugly” “fat” “stupid” “a God d*** mother fucking fat ass piece of shit bitch”.
Every time I walk into a room this is what I think people are thinking about me all because the person who was supposed to love me the most told me these things every day.. And still does when she gets the chance. I was never shown the proper affection. And I don’t know how to properly love someone and I don’t know if I will ever be able to be with someone for the rest of my life.
Physical abuse may have hurt and left me with some painful memories, but I will forever walk with of all of the words she beat into my brain. It’s so hard learning to love yourself when you’ve been told you’re worthless but I’m trying. Oh God, I’m trying so hard. If they couldn’t love me, maybe I can love myself enough for the both of them. Because I deserve love. I deserve love.