The Bananas, Witty Nitty-gritty


  • 1 pound of bananas (for flavor and folly)
  • 1 ounce of wit (even though it and some of the other ingredients are abstract things that cannot be measured)
  • 1 original piece (or more if desired)
  • 1 block of cleverly written text (if and when needed)
  • 1 cup of love (providing you have any to spare)
  • ½ cup of simplicity (It’s really sugar, but let’s just pretend it’s simplicity)
  • ½ cup of complexity (It’s really flour, but let’s just–well, you get the idea)
  • Everything and everything else in the kitchen (including the kitchen sink, of course)


  1. Combine the bananas and wit (The wit may be a little bit, but it’s just enough for the wisdom to balance out the foolishness).
  2. Pour the simplicity into the mixture, and when no one is looking, deceptively add the complexity (Make sure the opposite qualities are equal so that one does not overpower the other).
  3. Liberally ladle the luscious love all over your labor. Hold and hoard the love; save it for when you’re working on commission. Why waste it on something you’re not getting paid to make?
  4. Add a pinch of crack to the piece to make it extra addictive. What?! NO! I don’t need crack for that! Come to think of it, how’d I even get hold of this stuff? Sh*t! I gotta get rid of it!
  5. Upload the piece and paste the block as a caption. Throw everything and everything else into the post and stir yourself thoroughly before publishing.
  6. Insert up to 20–19 if it’s a submission–systematized tags into the post, and make sure that they are relevant to it.
  7. Grab some pickles and a pound of cheese; get some burgers and mayoneese. Eat ‘em all up and don’t forget to chew, and you’re finished! So toodleeoo (Hey)!