Sometimes I hear myself say shit my abuser said and it makes me so scared
I dont wanna turn into him, i dont want to be that horrible towards people i care about??

It has me questioning and backtracking stuff, trying to make sure what i’m saying isnt thinly veiled manipulation. Trying to make sure i dont back anyone against a wall with my words or force them to say shit they dont mean

But also finding that balance between being honest about how i feel because i shouldnt have to hide what im feeling to spare someone else the knowledge that I feel uncomfortable or bad because of them.

I don’t want my personal relationships to mirror anything like the one i had and if something starts to feel reminiscent of that then something is surely wrong.

Abuse really, really fucks you up


same as it ever was. same as it ever, was. same as it ever was…same as it ever was ruhduhdureohnownuhSame as it ever was ayeeand the twister comes. here comes the twister. ssame as it ever was. Same as it ev/ER WAS. Same As It ever was…Same as it ever was! OUUUNCE IN A LIYEFETAIIEM...let the wuater hold me downLETTING THE DAYS GO BY wuater flwoing under-groundn


I made a Bismuth, Pearl, Amethyst and Lapis tribute video to Lindsey Stirling’s “shatter me”! Enjoy ❤


i did a cooperation with them for a one week trial based on notes. there was also the option to do pay per click. the trial ended 8/18. I emailed my contact on 8/19 saying that the trial had ended and sent a link to show all of my posts for their company. no response. i emailed them again on 8/23, a few days later. still, no response. i was starting to get worried because this has happened to me before where i would work with a company and then they would ignore my emails. i talked to some other people that i knew were working with them and they said they have heard back from them and that they got paid. so i emailed them again on 8/25. apparently they missed my email. i sent 2 previous ones so i’m not really sure how that happened, but whatever.

they said the ppc and notes based promotions did not work for them so they wanted to change the cooperation to a commission based program. that’s fine and all, but it seemed like they were unwilling to pay me. we went back and forth for over a day because they still seemed like they didn’t want to pay me. i also contacted them on facebook because they still seemed like they didn’t want to pay. i held up my end of the bargain by making the posts, and they should hold up theirs, that’s only good business right?

apparently my contact “forgot my case” because they didn’t give me a tracking code. if my cooperation is based on notes, why does it matter if i have a tracking code or not? they then wanted me to go back and add the tracking code to ALL OF THE POSTS I ALREADY MADE. like are you serious? i did my part. i’m not going back to add the code. i just want my money and be done. then they asked to see my posts, which i already provided for them when i first emailed them on 8/19. 

they finally paid me after going back and forth for 15 emails. it shouldn’t take that long to get paid. i never experienced anything like this in my life.

i told them i didn’t want to work with them anymore, but apparently they didn’t understand because they gave me the same offer they did when they first responded to me. i had to tell them again that i am not interested in working with them.

why would i want to work with a company that is so disorganized? maybe the rest of the company isn’t like this, but my contact was horrible. and i know i’m not the only one who has experienced trouble with them. i reached out to a lot of people to ask if they got paid or not and basically half said they did and half said they didn’t. how do you work like that? only paying half of your affiliates? how is that fair or good business?

tldr; omgnb sucks please don’t work with them. save your time and energy and work with a different company that you know is going to actually pay you and won’t give you a hard time about it.

if you could please reblog this so more people are aware to avoid working with this company that would be great.