The one thing I hate about hypersexuality for me is
Ok. Logically, I know that love =/= sex or being seen as sexually attractive or whatever, and that there can be love and relationships in general without sex, that sort of thing. I can acknowledge that and even respect that for others tbfh.
Unfortunately, in my case, my hypersexuality fucking makes it to where I HAVE to be seen as sexually attractive and desirable and so much more to my partner, I have to have that sexual validation and attention from my s/o and shit in order to feel like I have a sense of worth and feel loved and shit in general, and sex and all that other shit is something that is vital to me as well in feeling like I’m needed or wanted because of my own self belief that I’m only good for that and nothing more.
And if I don’t get that, I basically break down. I wind up feeling unloved, unwanted, worthless, hated, etc etc. And I know that I shouldn’t be like that over something like sex and being sexually desirable, but it doesn’t change the fact that if a partner were to not see me as sexually attractive in that way or want sexual stuff with me (or worse, see other things as sexually attractive but not me, thus making me feel like I’d have to fucking compete with whatever it is they find desirable and possibly never winning), it’d fucking hurt like hell for me.
And honestly? I hate being like this, tbh. I hate it so much. It makes me feel gross and disgusting and shit but I literally can’t help it because that’s just the mentality my hypersexuality gives me and shit…
My mom: Why do you never tell me stuff? I told you that I’m here for you!
Me: Maybe because the times when I actually tell you stuff that’s really fucking important to me and think you’ll “be there for me” you treat me like a fucking piece of shit and get mad at me so I now constantly keep to myself and never say anything.