reblog dis ok

    DAN VS. SENTENCE STARTERS: EPISODE 1-3

  • “I can’t believe how much I hate everything.”
  • “If you kiss me, I’ll make you pancakes.”
  • “There’s only one possible culprit; WOLFMAN!”
  • “I told ___ I wouldn’t help you get revenge anymore.”
  • “You shouldn’t let ____ push you around.”
  • “He’s an evil beast with an unsavory bloodlust - of course he jogs!”
  • “STOP LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD!”
  • “You can’t go kidnapping children!”
  • This is much nicer than the last jail I was in.“
  • "There might be a soup-related emergency.”
  • “What I do in the privacy of my pockets is my business!”
  • “What about this situation would make me happy?!”
  • “All that anger’s not good for you, you know.”
  • “I’ve got better things to do than looking for mythical creatures!”
  • “Come back with as much silver as you can find. And a cupcake.”
  • “I still don’t feel right about this. I mean, I’ve done some questionable things before, but…”
  • “I’ve heard this place is haunted.”
  • “Oh no, I ran over another cyclist!”
  • “What maniac shoots a guy in the butt with an arrow?!”
  • “The guy scratches my car and you want to kill him?”
  • “You’ve got some serious anger issues.”
  • “What the heck would you make a swinging lamp for? It makes me want to burn down the 70′s.”
  • “What are it’s weaknesses? How do I hurt it?”
  • “Well, that’s the first time I’ve ever been thrown out of a library.”
  • “Is there a time limit on revenge?”
  • “Are you going to behave yourself this time?”
  • “I can help you, but I’m going to want something in return.”
  • “I’m not killing someone for the librarian.”
  • “You date a married woman, you get hit by a bus - karma.”
  • “It still counts as one thing if the cookies are inside the milkshake.”
  • “If ___ jumped off a cliff, would you?”
  • “Am I the only one who cares about getting revenge on New Mexico?”
  • “Some people are desert people.”
  • “Hydrogen. Shut up.”
  • “For once in your miserable life, you didn’t let me down.”
  • “What do you expect from hot air balloonists? They’re just bad people.”
  • “Oh, so YOU’RE the only one that gets to play with the death ray?”
  • “There’s nothing holy about Toledo.”
  • “Another horrible day made slightly better with cookies.”
  • “I was attacked by a ninja last night.”
  • “How do you know so much about this stuff?”
  • “I can carry a sword when I want to.”
  • “Wow. That is the most I’ve ever heard you say at one time.”
  • “You know I had a life before we met, right?”
  • “Kill me? Over my dead body!”
  • “Unfortunately for your friends, they know too much.”
  • “Be more handsome.”
  • “We can’t risk me, can we? I’m precious.”
  • “I keep coming back to the whole “not liking this plan at all” thing.”
  • “I am much more suave, debonair, and sophisticated than that!”
  • “I get mad at everything and I yell a lot.”
  • “Flying monkeys? This time of year?”
  • “Help! Someone! This is very confusing!”
  • “He exploded! We won!”
  • “It’s not gibberish. It’s Japanese.”
  • “I don’t understand what your blood feud has to do with my cookies.”
  • “If you die will they still come after me?”
  • “I would appreciate, as a favor to me, that you not die.”
  • “Great, rookie. Now he’s poisoned AND unconscious.”
  • “Are we going to kill him or what?”
  • “Bet you’re not so tough without that sword.”
  • “Ah, the sweet taste of revenge and chocolate chips.”
3:27 a.m; 
I lay awake in bed thinking of you, dreaming of you, wishing you were here with me.
5:30 a.m;
An alarm goes off, but I’m already awake. I couldn’t sleep with you in my head.
8:19 a.m;
The day has barely started. I’m already missing you. again.
12:42 p.m;
I want to hear your voice. I need to hear it.
3:54 p.m;
I’m sitting in my home alone. Always alone.
6:37 p.m;
I’ve had too much to drink. I can’t think straight. I miss you.
9:03 p.m;
I look for you in my drunken haze. I search every room. Twice. You’re not here. You left years ago.
12:23 p.m;
I can’t sleep again. It hurts more than usual.
2:54 a.m;
I’m standing at your grave. I couldn’t stop myself. I’ve missed you too much.
3:26 a.m.
Why did you have to die?
—  to the one that lays six feet under // h.l.
I’m so fucking selfish
I act like I want to love him
but all I really want is to ruin him

We haven’t even began yet and I’m already planning the funeral
The empty box of chocolates filled with letters he sent me is already in the back of my car
Waiting for me to drop it off at his doorstep
Just to shove the knife in his chest one last time

I am dreaming of years down the road
He’ll meet another girl who laughs like me and the stitches will come out and he’ll bleed again
Just like the first day I left
He’ll get mad and punch a hole in his wall
Because he doesn’t know how to cope with the fact that the only laugh that sounds as good as mine
Is mine

I only saw him cry twice and I held him and swore that I’d never hurt him
But the thought of him crying over my absence makes me want to kiss him a little longer before I go
Just so I’ll be harder to forget

I am so fucked up
I want to be the girl he thinks of sitting in bed next to his wife on a Sunday morning
The one he’ll tell his son about when he asks of his greatest regret
He’ll wonder how I am
Not enough to call, but enough to get in his car and drive two hours to the place we first kissed

I just want to be the god damn love of his life
But I am so fucking selfish
Because I don’t want him to be mine

—  for once, I want to be the brick instead of the windowpane