when college senior Anastasia Steele steps in for her sick roommate to
interview prominent businessman Christian Grey for their campus paper, little
does she realize the path her life will take. Christian, as enigmatic as he is
rich and powerful, finds himself strangely drawn to Ana, and she to him. Though
sexually inexperienced, Ana plunges headlong into an affair – and learns that
Christian’s true sexual proclivities push the boundaries of pain and pleasure.
Four years ago today, I set up my workspace in our new apartment in Delaware and prepared to begin life as a graduate student. I had lofty dreams for my family and myself. We had plans to stay, thrive in our new community, live life together as a little family with our dog and our new friends; eventually, after completing my MA and continuing - I had planned and hoped - in the doctoral program, I was going to be Dr. Martin, a lifelong dream and an accomplishment that would open up a world of possibility.
Our family came all the way from California to help us move in. We explored my new academic home together and I was excited about the potential I saw around me and felt within myself. Here, the history of the world and its art were at my fingertips. I couldn’t wait to get started.
Two years later, I graduated with my MA. Life during school and after graduation didn’t go exactly as planned or as hoped. I will never be Dr. Martin. My breath caught in my chest as I wrote that, but it’s true, for reasons that are both personal and professional. With that realization came a shift in dreams and ambitions, as well as a shift in how I saw myself. We moved across the country to focus on life together. We’re homeowners now, something we never thought would happen so early in our lives. I set up my own office, a space I am proud of and that represents all facets of myself. We both work from home and get to spend our days together, something that may have happened in the alternate plan I foresaw for my life, but maybe not, and so I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.
Though I love my present life, I haven’t been in a place mentally or emotionally to help others lately. With the change in my academic plans and the move my mind and soul needed, and still need (though it has been quite a while), time to adjust. Old dreams die hard, and so do old perceptions of myself that may be less than self-caring. But I have little sparks of inspiration that are beginning to grow the flame of passion I used to feel, thanks to my family and my students. I wrote recently that I’ve been tired. Some of you were worried I’m depressed. I think I’m just waiting for renewed strength and a renewed sense of my own abilities to break through the complexities of my own thoughts.
I used to think that when I died, my obituary would include something about my contributions to the academy. Now I don’t expect that; I don’t have access to many resources in my current position. Whatever comes of my work and career, I want it to say that I am Amy Martin, who loves her family, who helps others, and who dedicated her life to the history of art, even in some small way.
If you’ve read this far, thanks for listening to this stream of consciousness. I hope to be back to my normal, helpful self soon.
hey mom welcome to my bedroom please ignore the pile of furry fanfiction in the corner. mom stop . mom i said ignore it mom stop looking at my furry fanfiction. mom please this is embarrassing mom stop mom im begging you. stop looking at my furry fanfiction stop looking at my furry fanfiction
Okay, I know it may not be A Big Thing in that it’s probably
not a thing to a lot of you because it’s been in my info for a while, but I
would just like to make an Official Post because it is a Big part of who I am (inspired by my love, the
sweetest @peachysherlock who I’m so proud of) …
I AM A LESBIAN !!!!!!!
I identified as bisexual for a while, but whilst it was a
great outlet for, and way for me to accept, my love for women and women-identifying people, I never felt …
myself. I’ve always been attracted to women, as long as I can remember, but as all of us have to deal with, I repressed it because of compulsory heterosexuality and understanding it to be Wrong, and not “normal”. And whilst bisexuality is a legitimate sexuality, it really helped me accept that I am in fact a lesbian. I love girls, always have. And I’ve never felt happier and more content within myself after acknowledging and accepting this.
It’s wonderful, it’s scary, but I have finally accepted myself for who I am. And I’d love and need to thank and make a shout out to my Media teacher, Dave, who is … the best person I know and has been key in helping me get to where I am. He was the first person I could tell because he is a star (the most beautiful human being, really) and he has been fundamental in helping me to accept who I am.