reblarging

I cleaned the litterbox, my room [including vacuuming everything, scrubbing the stains on my dresser, and pulling my dirty blankets and clothes out], did the dishes, went to town and came back to do more dish work.
I even swept the floors.
I texted mom asking what she needed me to do re: laundry because i had like 4 blankets to do and i know there was a load in already. I related all the things i did to her and she told me to take a break after finishing up the dishes.
I say ok.
So i sit down to fix my mods on stardew. Cut to when mom gets home.

She told me i fucked up the vacuuming because i didn’t clean it out [i literally can’t bc asthma], she insisted i fucked up doing laundry because i didn’t already have things cleaning even though she told me not to, she got angry about the dishes because dad had stashed his dirty dishes and i couldn’t find them and she did, then she insisted she was just giving me crap even though i explained that there was a difference between ‘telling me what i missed’ and ‘telling me i fucked everything up when i literally told you i was proud of being able to physically clean today’’.

She literally then got pissed off when i kinda slumped, because like.. i wasn’t emotionally ok today, and cleaning helped, and then she goes off on me, then rants about how shit my dad was today and kept getting angry at me because my executive dysfunction kept making me skip shit.

I was just being ok for fucking once, but no fuck me and any productivity i can manage. what do my feelings matter when someone has ranting to do.

Duck Coven AU reblarg post

Reblog this post with your oc (if its alright with you for me to include them in this au) and/or headcanons for this au.

I’ll start since i’ll be busy for awhile so no major au drawing posts from me:


-Witches were and still are guardians of magic. They traditionally wore black to remind them of their creed of humility to serve people in need and guard the crossroads between worlds. Magic was just a bypodruct of that creed. Modern witches wear black in small amounts.


-There ARE witches that became corrupt or used magic to further their own goals. (I.e. Merlock and Circe). It’s up to witches to protect each other from going bad and stopping each other. There were magic wars.


-Hunters were once the protectors of witches. They wore white to represent purity of heart. Modern hunters who hunt everything magical, including witches, do not know this. Hunting IS a lucrative business.


-it’s telling that Goldie and Opal do NOT wear white.


-there are hybrids of course. Hunters that have magical abilties. Donna and Daisy Duck are two examples. (Musically inclined witches)


-Magic can either be inherited or learned. The De Spells are a coven of witches that learned all their magic. Gladstone is an example of someone inheriting his mom’s magic.


-Witches and old Hunters have an apprenticeship system. They don’t do schools. Modern Hunters on the other hand have modernized and act like companies. They’re dangerous.


-Eider, Quackmore, and Daphne were powerful witches, not because of their abilities, (which were all latent) but because they actually didn’t rely on their magic only to solve their problems. Elvira (she was a kitchen witch) taught her children to use their magic only in dire situations or when the situation calls for it. Magic can fail you anytime, so best be prepared. Don’t attract attention to yourself. The McDuck coven inherited this way of thinking.


-there are people who dabble in magic but aren’t witches or hunters necessarily. They archive or collect magic and preserve history.


- Gladstone accepted becoming a witch and joined a coven to better control his luck. And maybe help find Della.


-the remaining Duck children (and in turn their kids); Donald, Della, Fethry, Abner, and Gus may or may not have inherited their parents latent magic. At this point in the story none of them knew about their legacy


-Either Downy or Fergus were a witch. They mysteriously would smile if asked. But the Mcducks were a magical line (all latent of course)


-Scrooge technically had a witchlike upbringing and he STILL hilariously has no idea about them or hunters.

I have this recurring worry that I only actually have 3 followers that actually give a shit about me, and they just switch off on who sends me anons to make sure i don’t kill myself after being ignored for too long. 
So like whenever i have anon off, and i see exactly like 3 people leaving notes on my posts in a vaguely supportive manner, I have to tell myself that people are just anxious and are under the impression that speaking to me without anon on is some sort of Russian roulette. 
I mean that brings its own issues, but it’s slightly better than assuming only like 3-5 people in the world want you alive at any given moment.

How to Photograph Dolls with n00bish-ness & no experience

Let’s face it, this hobby is expensive, so if you can’t afford to throw another 1,000 monies at photo equipment, I’ve got some handy tips for you on how to make your dolls look fab on a budget.

TIP ONE:
Filters are your friends!

(Yea yea there’s that whole thing about how “I want my photos to be pure and unedited” but that’s if you’ve got a $500 lens doing all the sparkly filter work for you.) So go download a bunch of photo editing apps and go HAM.

I personally love using LINE CAMERA.
Works for iphone and android :)

EXAMPLE! look, a shitty blurry pic without a filter.

And now WITH a filter.

Gasp. It’s still a blurry piece of shit, but hey, it looks kindaaa okayyy…..y’know what im sayin…

TIP TWO:
Know your doll!
Lighting is always important for an eye-catching photo. Get to know your doll’s face/body/hands/hair whateverrr, and learn what DOESN’T look good. Some dolls have pointer noses that cast shadows across cheeks, some dolls have shallow noses that disappear in dark lighting..ET CETERAaaa. Take a million ugly photos until you know ALL the ugly angles.

TIP THRESZ:
Invest in some cheapy attach-on lenses for your phone.
They’re called telephoto lenses and you can stick them on any phone.
OMG here’s one for $1 + free shipping !! mmhm ur walcome <3
(I use this one and it gives great results.)

EXAMPLE - fisheye! Give your doll portraits an interesting twist.

Tip fourth, fifthes & sixeth:
Master the CORRECT filters
Just throwing on a filter won’t automatically solve everything. Some filters aren’t your friends. There are subtle differences between all the filters (deh) but here’s what you should avoid while filtering.

AVOID high contrast & vignettes. They cast a depressing shadow around your doll and the edge of the picture, giving off that depressing/creepy/satan-loves-me vibe.
(I mean, unless it’s the look you’re going for, then by all means~).

AVOID beauty/skin smoothers. They’ll take the detail right out of your doll’s face. Make it look like your hand was shaking the whole time.

AVOID color filters!
They paint the shadows an unnatural color.
It may even make your doll’s skin look more yellow! D:
It also makes the photo too saturated and hard to look at for an extended period of time. Someone trying to admire your sculpt for more than 5 seconds might just scroll by real fast to avoid the eye bleedings.
This photo below is a purple/pink toned shadow filter.
it hurts.

DO:
- look for light adjustment filters.
- look for filters that emphasize lines.
- look for filters that don’t change base colors
aaand TA-DAAAA!!

This photo most accurately displays skin color (white), wig color (pastel pink purple in white-blond), eye color (green), clothing color (red), and the nose is  visible!

You can see every strand of hair that is out of place (kms) and no detail is lost!

And yep!
Theese are basic-ass tips on how to make your dolly look naisu in your pics.
I have more tips….so hit the heart button, or reblarg/farllow to let me know if this was helpful and maybe you’d like to see part 2? :)

TYSM beautifuls,
Piko

“manpain should only be used when a female character suffers for a man’s pain, not to reinforce gender roles”

This would be great if I didn’t know it was said in response to someone using the term manpain when describing how a female character’s death and suffering is framed in a way a male character can feel maximum pain, conflict and guilt over it. 

i have really honestly always seen manpain used in this way. Criticism of the way female pain in framed vs male pain- given more emphasis, exploration and often having female characters suffer only to highlight a man’s pain or serve his narrative- it’s worth exploring and the term is useful for it. When a female character is held hostage solely to further a man’s suffering? When a female character’s grief is ultimately used to highlight the tragic nobility of a male character? Sorry, that’s the definition.

Female suffering is framed often as something that breaks female characters, something the narrative rarely allows them to confront or express real anger over. Male suffering is framed as a motivation, a strength and often expressed through anger, drive and stoicness in narratives. That is something worth criticizing. Being in pain brings a male character to the front and center. Female characters are shoved to the side.

Even my favorite narratives engage in these tropes! Trisha died to cause Hoho and her sons pain. This is a straight example of manpain. Female character sacrificed, pain as motivation. Just because I like the narrative adore these male characters and sympathize with them and think it’s not written terribly doesn’t mean it isn’t. Nina would probably qualify too, even though I think the aftermath and the impact her loss had on their narrative was written incredibly well.

Talking about how male and female pain is presented differently in fiction and feeling a general disgust for the greater focus on and glorification of male pain is not reinforcing gender roles. It’s picking apart how they are present in fiction.

A person I follow said something recently: when husbands die in fiction, women are more likely to become tragic widows who just can’t handle it all. When wives die, men are more likely to become the Punisher. 

My dad and most the department is wandering around insisting they have to go out and buy bump stocks before they’re outlawed. Then sat there making jokes about doing drive by shootings/shooting everyone in the store they were going to.

I’m not saying the new gun control should be literally taking the guns and melting them down, but it would make me feel better.If only from the immediate area around me.

i’m so fucking tired guys.

i just wanted to clean some and have a good day

i even bought the half and half we needed and then dad just came home and gave me shit becuase i said i wasn’t feeling good, then he yelled at me for buying food– which i literally have to to use my foodstamps and you know, get food i can eat.
He was pissed off i bought a lot of mac and cheese becuase he hates mac and cheese and gets really fucking beligerant about it being in the house. usually it doesn’t matter but he’s home more often now and it’s horrible

i’m so tired

Mom keeps saying that, since writing the statement made her review my whole life basically, she feels like she lost her daughter and best friend

and i cannot articulate to her in words that are not upset to an extreme, why i’m still her child even though i am disabled, queer, and can’t run around cleaning everything with her constantly.

I have words, just not calm ones.

I feel like shit now, tbh. I was pretty ok and then now no

I am done with court until i get a letter about the decision. 
It went really well, i thought, so i think i might get a decision that i can’t work in general regardless of what i applied for– the judge seemed to be trying really hard to find out if i could work or not, because i literally cannot be in a situation where i am around people and i can’t keep a consistent schedual because my headaches and anxiety attacks are random. 
He said that, not me. My record is literally “cannot work around the public” due to severe anxiety. 

The vocational expert could only find 3 jobs i could possibly work, and that’s if i was able to hold a 9-5, 40+ hour a week schedual. And the ones he did find were only a couple thousand over the whole of the country which comes out to “jack and shit” pretty much. Because the jobs he listed would mean travelling out of state. The expert even said that i wouldn’t be able to hold a job because of my issues, regardless of what the medical expert said. And she kept trying to blame my scores from the evals on “not trying hard enough” and i was just sitting there like 0-0
because i was terrified through most of those visits and that hasn’t changed tbh.

I spent most the time playing with my fidget ring and trying to not ramble, but i think i might get a good decision– if i don’t, i can appeal again but i am done for now and i am so happy

I was asking mom about the gameplan re: driving to the hearing and her response was to talk about how if i get my disability money she’s going to want me to IMMEDIATLY give her money so she can insist its for back rent and she started listening all this stuff off for why i should hand her money after i pay things off and when i said we’d talk about that later– because i am REALLY not in the physical or mental place to have that convo– she went off about how i’d owe the state and the attorney a bunch of money 

like, mom, i know. i know i need to pay my attorney and some things need paid off but ffs, when i say i feel like i’m sick and don’t wanna talk about money, the response should not be “i’m just thinking positive”
positive for fucking who
I already know some of it would be to her ass, let alone anything else. 

Her reasoning was that if i didn’t hand her the money when i got it, i’d just go spend all of it at once. 
Using my food stamps as a reference. Because i tend to buy lots of canned things that are on sale, then buy fresh stuff but since she’s not fucking home she never sees anything but cans taking up HEr cupboard room. 
She then said “no offense” like that helped. 

And she made a big show of taking herself off the roster for mobes for one single day so she could testify if needed, and insists i’m physically draining money from the family.

She also wants me to, the day of the hearing once its over, to take my brother driving and honestly? I’ll be happy if i’m not mentally out of it tomorrow that i can answer questions.

fuck her honestly. fuck her, fuck this family, and fuck this situation

Like i know i’m being kinda a dick tonight, and like generally i’m running a little tense to the point of growling, but i am trying really hard to be civil.

i am.

But my house is literally surrounded by smoke, my parents are a live feed on just how fucked Washington State is Fire wise, i can hear the scanner telling me how many people are going to the hospital today because of inhalation. I had to go outside to get my mother for something today and she’d moved my masks so i couldn’t filter the air, so i spent most of today with a burning nose and my lungs on fire while my sinuses stopped up with ash because i had to go looking for her. I am on a short temper. 
That’s on me, i know that.
But see, i’m also trying my hardest to go “so, hey, we’re suffocating” and nearly every post has been derailed to be about somewhere else– which, fine, they’re suffering too–derailed to make light of the situation, or made fun of because of how i wrote it. 
I’m tired and annoyed and i am sick of people treating a life of death situation like it doesn’t matter. And it pisses me off, so i’m getting mad.

I apologize if you find this upsetting, as most people seeing this are not who i am mad at. 
I just refuse to let this be an idle thing and can’t let it go

so can my mutuals do me a favor? Just a small one?

When those suburban mom memes are going around, if they contain the name Helen? Could you tag it #deadname?
Because that is my deadname and like, i have no problem seeing people named Helen etc, but like… Seeing that name constantly laughed at makes me feel kinda like y’all are making fun of me and calling me a woman when i’m not?
I know that’s not what they are but damn does it play hell when i am just trying to be a Simple Trans and i see things like insisting helen is the name of some transphobic woman, or someone who would yell at/abuse a child because they were annoyed or an alcoholic [wine mom] considering my family– the like 8 aunts i was named after– was not only violently alcoholic and also abusive as a rule.

tl;dr: Mutuals please tag the suburban mom memes with #deadname because i don’t enjoy seeing the name i’m forced to go by to avoid violence from my family being mocked because i feel it’s pointed at me/misgendering me in an indirectly. 

I just realized two things:

  1. Tomorrow is the new taz with pappy mcelroy
  2. I put off my “inner health studio” homework i was supposed to do because it says all over the site “DO NOT RECORD THIS EXCEPT FOR PRIVATE USE” and so i’m terrified of reading the things and posting them to find later. So i need to find fair use ones, but my anxiety is like “I KNOW MY THERAPIST GAVE THIS LINK TO ME, BUT HOLY FUCK IF I RECORD IT TO LISTEN TO MYSELF, WHAT IF THEY FIND OUT AND SUE ME AND I DIE IN A GUTTER”
    1. so my therapist is gonna be so fucking mad at me
    2. fuck

Back from the doctors!
My doc confirmed that the growth was benign and she says my stitches came out v well and that i was healing perfectly. 
The ‘cut’ under my belly was appearantly another thing that grew in and ruptured, and said i shouldn’t worry, it’s just not healing as fast as i expect because of where it is.

She said to eat a bigger variety so i went shopping and i’m currently resting and trying to keep pettybone from laying on my arm.