Last month I wrote breifly about my new found “loneliness” of living on my own. Which is what many would refer to me being alone day in and day out with no computer,television, or company. I of course don’t limit loneliness to those few fators. I am alone but not exactly lonely. It is in fact one of the most amazing things I have ever experienced. I have choices and the option to surround myself with people I enjoy. I am not in the company of most by default. I have the opportunity to breath and think within my own space, without the disruption of anothers presence. I was beginning to think I was anti-social and in denial. I was so easily annoyed with my family member’s presence and I was getting sick to my stomach of children running around.
But being alone has given me a clear persepctive on what I really needed. The idea of no one around to slice through my thought process before I even get a chance to complete one; is just…There are no words to describe how amazing I feel to be alone. I have a big family that I can not escape if I tried, they will always love and care for me through thick and thin. I have recognized that as a beautiful quality that I should appreciate. Its just I need my space. I have always made a point to seperate myself to my sanctuary; which was whatever space that I called my own at the time. I tried to do what I could to collect myself before I got short with the next person. But it never happened, I never got the time to myself to get a breather. It was family time all the time.
Luckily before I did explode I finally have that time and space I wanted. It gives me the opportunity to humble myself and think before I act. Its a blessing to have a family to call your own I’m aware of this. But Im glad I’m able to remove myself from whatever circumstance I can’t control when it comes to family. I now understand that I need to take control of my own life before I try to heed on the burdens of others.