me: 13 reasons why is triggering and i don’t agree with a lot of things in it
everyone who doesn’t experience triggers: YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT 13 REASONS WHY IS A BEAUTIFUL AND REALISTIC GREAT SHOW LOVED IT 10/10 IT WAS SO EYE OPENING PEOPLE JUST GOTTA BE OFFENDED BY EVERYTHING THESE DAYS EXCEPT HANNAH SHE’S ALLOWED TO BE OFFENDED LOVE HER
I have 1.5 more epsidodes of Thirteen Reasons Why to watch and I don’t know how I feel about it.
When I read the book 4 years ago, I thought that the concept was SUPER INTERESTING but I was highly disappointed by the reasons.
I know you can’t deny someone their pain and I am not trying to do that but I’ve been through a lot more and so have most other people who didn’t fit in well in high school which is like most people.
But now that I’m watching the TV series I think I get it.
One bad thing after the other kept happening to her and she didn’t have a single support system.
Through out the 4 years of high school no matter what happened to me, I always had at least one person who had if not my back but my hand.
They weren’t a 100% support system but they were one with their own flaws because we aren’t talking about computer programs but human beings and there’s never a 100% with us.
My support system wasn’t consistent throughout.
It kept changing because some of them hurt me, some of them changed, some of them stopped caring and some of them had their own hell to deal with.
But Irrespective, I always had someone.
I was the new girl.
I got bullied.
Locked in rooms.
My diary stolen and taken to the boys bathroom to be read by half the batch.
Got called names and thrown things at.
Was sexually abused.
Got diagnosed with a fatal disease.
Was on medication for almost a year.
Got cyber bullied as well.
Had poem parodies written about me.
Every single god damn time I opened my mouth, even if to answer in class, I had at least 3-4 guys to say something horribly mean and hurtful.
But I could cry to someone.
I could rant to someone.
I could hug someone.
I could trust someone.
When I was bullied and cyber bullied none of my friends stood up for me. Either because they were too selfish or too scared themselves.
But I survived.
And college is if not what I imagined, it’s still better.
People mind their own business and you can do whatever you want and no one will give a fuck.
Most days I walk in wearing track pants and faded t-shirts. The only person commenting on that is a friend and that too only because she is still amused by my lack of interest or effort in anything related to college.
I don’t know how I feel right now.
I just feel.
And I know I’m going to feel a lot more once I’m done with this series.
All I can say right now is don’t end your life because of high school. Oh god don’t.
Killing yourself will not end the shit people say about you.
Such people really don’t care about your life or if you end it.
So just live it without bothering about them.
This doesn’t go on forever.
Nothing ever does.
You will get through this and 4 years later you will be telling someone in high school the same.
(Alexander Hamilton x Reader)
Summary: The Reynolds Pamphlet is his ugliest master pieces.
Warning: cheating, angst??, tired writes, cursing!
A woman and a man. The woman and the man. A man, she had known for years, has sunk a blade in between her shoulder blades and the dead center of her back. The once bursting organ that had sang for him, croaked and shriveled up it’s once love-filled tune into a ugly screech as the blade had punctured it. A women, who had been victimized by this murderous-like betrayal, sobbed in silence. The children already asleep as the tears fell on the letters. The disgusting pamphlet poured dread and anger in her. Letters filled with a honeymoon faze passion she had experienced before the birth of Phillip. The literatures filled with lust and the desire to see each other. She was mistaken how her husband can only write the most wittiest yet the most curved and passionate pieces of art. A fury that had balled up in hot angry tears. Her tongue barely able to materialize any kinds of words. A year. A year of kissing another, sleeping with another, and spending time with another! She was there in front of him, but he turned and rolled into the arms of another. She was his wife! His God damn wife! Do the vows she wrote to him mean paper and ink to him? Was she just a disposable mistake? She is supposed to take care of him. In sickness and in health! The man she had love has gone rouge. Alexander Hamilton has gone rouge! She wish to scream and yell. He could have came up state with his children and wife! He could have spend time under the stars with her, and under the love of his children and his wife! She always thought her husband was filled with knowledge and pride. He and her had mistaken his sharpness with his pride. A dull man with the pride of a thousand..
The children play outside as she stares at the sky. The sky seemed so low and so limited. Her oldest boy in hand with hers.
“Ma, are you okay?” He murmurs as his sister and brother scamper around the beautiful (but now so ugly in her eyes) field.
Her baby boy, her oldest baby boy had caught sight of such pamphlet-or
so she theorized. She was positive that her baby had read such a hideous thing. Phillip worshipped his father’s ground like the loyalist to the king. He would read anything his father composed. Her conscious’s fingers yanked her strings. Lie, it says. Phillip clenched onto his mother’s hand tighter.
“I’m doing just alright, Pippa.” She murmured. Her eyes grey and dead as she etched the details of the field. He noticed the pitch fall of her voice.
“Is this about Pa, Ma? Is this about-about what he did?” Phillip tone was soft and frightened to open up as if his siblings could hear him like a canine. She kept silent. Her saliva sat on the bottom side of her tongue. Her dry lips kept kept them selves shut.
“Ma, please answer me.” The teen begged as he took his other hand to cover the other side of her sweaty hands.
“Ma, please talk. Is this about what Pa did?” Phillip shook her arm. She reminisced a memory of her older son. His eyes were big with innocence, widen by a light that he see’s in everyone. His cheeks chubby with babbling curiosity.
She cooked a meal from a book of ingredients. Phillip shook her arm frantically,“When’s dinner ready, mama?” He questioned. His voice was high pitched and were filled with excitement.
“In a minute,” She would say to shoo him off, but that never worked.
“Daddy said that ‘two heads are better than one’!” He squeaks as he scampers over to the seasonings. His small arms belting the containers; Phillip waddled over to the table, and unleash them. “I think that pr-o-verb is from John Hey-wad?” He mumbles as his pinched onto his chin. The women chuckled at his expression.
“Yeah that guy!” Phillip cheered as he jumped,“Mama, you are so smart! No wonder daddy loves you!”
That made his mother smile.
Tears began to rush down. Gravity pulling them down, but for her it felt like it was dragging her down. Her heart began to eat the insides of her The older women’s stomach, heavy. Planting her on the damp grass.
“Ma, please.” He croaked as both of your intertwined hands were near his heart. “Please answer..” As he placed your hand on his forehead. He whimpered as she hadn’t materialized any words. Her eyes still in the sky. She thought it was the lowest thing that she could compare her love towards Alexander Hamilton. Now the sky seem so high compare to her feelings towards the bastard of a husband.
“I’m fine.” She says. The crack of her voice were heard.
Her son quietly grew more tears. The feeling of moistures builds up on the back of her hand. Hiccups were erupted from him. Phillip’s body shook in emotions making her sank deeper in the black hole.
“Ma, you are not fine!” He retorted. The boy was frightened. His father took their name and broke it. A name that was the next shelf for him to reach when it was time to carry on the legacy of a Hamilton.
“I’m fine, Phillip.” (Y/N) Hamilton said sternly. Her brows tightened together while the tears still fell on to her lap.
This was not what she had dreamt of when she married Alexander. Phillip sobbed right next his mother. The water falls of feelings pounded against your back.
“Pop, broke you, mama.”
Mrs. Hamilton, slouched on the edge of the bed. Her sleeping gown held no warmth. The candle next you flickered. It had waved at her as she read the first sent letter. She tried to look in between the lines, but they were tightly locked with lies
“I thought I had you for a second…” She rasped with a quiet tone. “But, you never latched on with me.”
My Dear Ms. Schuyler,
It has been a few days since the ball ended. The sunset creates a beautiful array of purples, oranges, and blues. The lilac section of the sky has gripped onto my brain. It reminds me of something, but I can not remember at this moment.
Perhaps, I’ll remeber at the end of the letter. When you receive this letter it has been a week or so since I have sent out my pool of emotions that I have been swimming in for days on end. Excitement has sprung in me every time I hear your name- sadly, it wasn’t you nor was the subject. Despite how popular you are Ms. Schuyler, you never had popped up in the fields of conversations I had been strangled with.
I have sculpted this letter with a pen that I wish would never run short with ink, so I could plant words that will grow in your head; every curve in each 'R’ is cupid’s arrow twisting it’s way into my heart. It plunges so deep that I could feel the feathers tickle me with bliss. Is this how affection towards a (Y/N) Schuyler feels like? A feeling of Shakespeare’s world feelings. So deep and so confusing, but so elegant? Knowing that Cupid is behind you and me, I hope it has pierced you with a pleasurable and joyous flame in your heart as soon you get this letter. For as I, the feeling has only blossomed even more the first time I had laid my eyes on you. This burning feeling will never happen with another, but only with you. As I write this letter, the stars seem to climb through heavens window. They are bright and filled with dancing energy that keep themselves up at night. The energy that the stars contain, consume me and my being as you talked to me that night. Though this letter has been etched with needle-fine details of my emotions towards you, my hand and brain could never write out my desire and interest towards you, Ms. Schuyler. So, I would like to show you on the 17th of this month in the evening where the sun climbs down and the stars awake. I heard the stars are bright that night if not I heard the lake is beautiful. If not, I know if I look at you, every star and lake would be jealous of your beauty and graces. In addition,
the reason why I stared at the sun like a chest full of gold is because the dress you had elegantly fitted reminisced the color of the ball of flame.
She has repeatedly read the letter over and over again. He had only gripped onto her and called her his. His poetry only tripped Mrs. Hamilton into a pit of his mockery. Her family rooted with money, money he desires to have ever since he was a child. She had fell into his sad stories and his charms. She provided children and her love towards a man who she thought gave back that love! Mrs. Hamilton growled as she yanked the candle holder from the table while she slammed the now crumpled paper on the night stand.
She stomped over to the miniature chest of (suppose) love letters. The stacks of papers were barely wrinkles. They now held tears as she stared down at them. She used to delicately touch these letters from her husband. But now, all she cares about is his faux love towards her, that was once contained with care and secrecy from the children, to become obliterated from this sheet of reality she drowned in.
Mrs. Hamilton frantically clenched all of the letter with her hands. She crumpled and teared them apart. The sounds of angry tears from her old letters has satisfied her.
The wife of Alexander Hamilton had frantically thrown the articles of letters into the fire pit. Her arms growing sore as she threw the papers aggressively.
Mrs. Hamilton yelled out in frustration as she did the deed. Her anger and sadness only growing more. Some of the papers missing the target. Plucking the papers off of the floor, she angrily threw them where they belonged. The silver candle holder shined brighter than usual. The fire still waved at her as she glared at it. The candle holder was a gift from her mother as a wedding gift. She dumped the candle on top of the pile of now useless letters.
She could hear the door knob rattle, and the floor boards creak. The tired woman clenched tighter on the handle of candle holder.
“My love, I’m home–”
She catapulted the holder at the door with anger and sadness fueling her strength. The woman had noticed the air around her felt swollen as she tried to breath. She huffed with anger. The sierra burn door was now chipped.
She roared in frustration as the hot tears burned down her face. Her bastard of a husband peaked and sneaked his way through the door.
“You bastard! You fucking bastard of a husband!” She screamed.
“I loved you with all of my being! I had made vows! I had created our children!” The wife screeched. She could see the small tears reflecting the light from the fire.
“I was patient with you and you decided to bring a woman in our bed!” She huffed and puffed angrily. Her face was masked in warmth. “I told you to take a break and spend time with me! With your children for god sake!” She ranted. “I have married a foolish boy!” The woman spat. “You have cheated on me. We have children, Alexander. Children!” She snapped. She balled up her fist. The woman shook with rage. “Do you want to know what happened when Phillip had found out?” She questioned. “Our first born! Our first son!” Mrs. Hamilton screeched.
“He cried! He was frightened!” The women exasperated. He said,'Pop broke you, mama.’ and you did Alexander Hamilton.“ She growled. "You god damn did.”
“Don’t!” She barked. “You have made me miserable! You have made one of your children miserable!” Alexander winced. “But, the worst thing you did.. do you know what the worst thing you did?”
He kept silent. The Hamilton boy had stared at the ground. His silver tongue has been cut off. His witty mouth has been tamed by her rage and sorrow.
“You had publicly humiliated me and our children! You publicly punished me and our children! Having a year affair with another women was already horrid enough! But to knock on the door of the whole city and to scream your affair! You despise me, Hamilton!” Mrs. Hamilton barked at him. “You have changed your legacy into a shit hole for horses.” She growled. “Do you have anything to say to yourself, Alexander?”
“It was an act of political sacrifice.” He murmurs like a child in scolding.
She scoffed, “Sacrifice? Are you ignorant? Are you stupid?” She asked harshly. “You already had wrecked your reputation towards your oldest son, towards the government, which you stand for as the first sex scandal- I think one of your best achievements, and finally you have made a reputation for me. You are just a pathetic man.” She ranted. Her palms felt sweaty as she glared at her husband. “What kind of man would say that to his wife? Am I your second choice with your legacy? Do your children go after our legacy?” You screamed. The quiet sat in between them and around their room they shared. “Say nothing to your wife.” She mutters under her breath. Mrs. Hamilton swiftly yanked the ring off of her finger.
“Take this damn ring.” She hissed as she threw at the man. The jet black haired man snatched the ring from the air as she stomped over to the closet- his hands frantically trying not to drop it.
“(Y/N), Wait. Love!” Alexander croaked after her. He finally says something, (Y/N) thought to herself. She plucked her suit case from the shelf above.
The wife heard scampering,“W-where are you going, (Y/N)?”
“I’m leaving. I’m getting away from this damn house.”
“I thought I made it clear, so you didn’t have to say 'what?’.” She spat as she walked over to the bed, and slammed the case on the mattress. Alexander figure was shrunken as he watch her snatch her clothing.
“P-please don’t leave me, (Y/N). I-I can fix this! Please give me another chance!” He begged. (Y/N) ignored his pleads as she stuffed the clothing in her suit case. The fire reflects its colors on the walls of the master bedroom. “(Y/N), please, love. D-don’t leave me.” He whimpers as he pins her still. His hands cupped with her smaller hands. “I love you! I didn’t mean for this to happen!”
“If you didn’t mean it. It wouldn’t happen.” She answered as (Y/N) stared down at him.
“Please!” He finally sobs. Alexander Hamilton was down on his knees. He looked vulnerable, it had broken her heart.
“Don’t leave me!” He begs as he bury his face into her hands. “Please.” He whispered while pecked the back of her hand- just like he did when they had first met. “Please, I beg of you.” He murmurs. Alexander hiccups as he continues to nuzzle with your hand. Pain had stirred and scrapped in your gut as you watched him sob and beg. The feeling made you weak, and it stung while he had pecked kisses on the back of your hand. You stared at him with a blank expression as he glanced up. Hope shined in his eyes as he did, but soon was dulled out by your expression. Alexander sighed.
“I’m leaving, Alexander.” She states stoically. (Y/N) strolls back to her suit case. She shuts it and pull it down from the bed.
(Y/N) lugs the suit case and swings the door open.
“Where are you going?” He asked once more.
“To my parents.” She answers quietly.
“What about the kids?”
“Haven’t you noticed? It’s quiet..” She murmurs. “ I wouldn’t torture them with out arguments.” You finally say as you began to walk out of the room.
“(Y/N), I’m sorry.”
“I can’t forgive you, Alex. I need time.”
“I know, but just please keep your ring.”
“No,” You began. “I’m no longer a Hamilton, but a Schuyler. If I ever do forgive you, it would be a gift from the heavens for you. I’m the closest perfect you will ever get. I love you, but it’s with less meaning now, Alexander…” She shared with him. “I will drop the kids off every Saturday and Sunday, knowing how busy you are.” She added.
“I will see you later, my love.” She farewelled. Ms. Schuyler had left her husband with a dreadful feeling. Sobs escaped from him as she had left the building. They were silent most of the time, but sometimes he would scream in pain. He felt like crumpled paper. Sorrow hitting him where the Cupid arrow had once shot him. The bed felt cold and he hated it. The fire that burned in his room never helped. Funny how he’s the one hurting as well. He is a ignorant and pathetic man. Back when he lived in his home town, he wrote about two women. A women that was sweet and purified and another that was rogue and dirty. Did he really fall into a trap that had its own warning? Was he really that stupid? He, of course, had mistaken the women,
who had purities, and took advantage. A two rings in one hand and on the other was on his heart.
He was mistaken.
Shit I’m on mobile again
Hello everyone, Defender Of Justice speaking here! I got some free time for once (well I don’t actually, I’m just proastinating. Let’s see how long it takes for Vanderwood to notice.)
ANYWAYS… reblog this post and leave in the tags what kind of letter you would like to recive! A love letter, or a friendship letter, or a letter telling you all the reasons as to why you’re beautiful? I’ll do it!
How would Murdoc and 2D react to a tall s/o insecure about their height? (my legs are too long please save me)
(Don’t worry I love you and your long leggies)
[I’m like 80% leg]
2D: 2D’s almost all legs, so he doesn’t see the issue; you think he’s attractive, right? He tries to tell you that there’s nothing to worry about when it comes to your looks because he’d love you no matter what, but personally, he quite likes long legs.
Murdoc Niccals: Murdoc is a fan of long legs, always has been. He’ll probably get lost in kissing up and down them, often times stroking them without even noticing while the two of you casually lay together. He sees no reason why you should be ashamed of your beautiful long legs.
Again, I’ve had this idea for a while and finally it’s written! My blog is steadily growing and I hope it continues to do so! Thank you to my followers. Thank you to those who like and reblog. If you have any request or ideas, please send them in!
It was heartbreaking to see him like this. There was your professor sitting at his desk with his head down. Class had ended and you waited for the lecture hall to empty before approaching him. He was a new professor at your college and this was his first time teaching. It was the beginning of the year but he could tell it was going to be rough. The students in his class didn’t take him seriously, let alone pay attention to his lessons. It was evident in their grades and he was already getting blamed for it. Rumors circulated around campus about how he was “inept” and “unqualified”. He was about to have a nervous breakdown until he heard your voice.
He raised his head to see his favorite student and instantly smiled.
“Yes, Miss Y/N.”
Sungyeol sat up straight and frowned.
“Our terrible class, the rumors spreading around, you getting blamed for the low scores. Everything.”
He lets out a forced laugh and stood up.
“Thank you for the apology, Miss Y/N even though none of it is your fault. I’m fine, really. It’s the price I have to pay for being a teacher.”, he shrugs off.
“But you don’t deserve any of this! You’re an amazing professor and people are stupid if they can’t see that!”
Sungyeol chuckles at your passionate statement. That’s one of the reasons you were his favorite student. Your hunger to learn and to expand your knowledge encouraged him to keep teaching.
“I hate to see suffer like this. I wish I could do something to make you feel better.”, you said irritated at the situation.
Once you said that last sentence dirty thoughts filled Sungyeol’s mind. The other reasons why you were his favorite was because of your beauty and charms. You wore outfits that perfectly accentuated your assets and he definitely noticed. He could always count on you to laugh at jokes he made during lectures or ask stimulating questions to move the class forward. Now you two were alone and all he could think about was you bent over his desk.
“Sir? Are you okay? Your face is getting red!”
Your voice snapped him out of his sexual fantasy. He felt his burning cheeks and gasped in shock. You laughed at his cute expression. He was older than you but he had a baby face. Unlike most girls you found that to be attractive. He was so different from the other professors you had. He treated you like a colleague and was interested in what you had to say. You dreamt of what it would be like to be his girlfriend but you knew you could never know due to school policy.
“They must have turned on the heat in this building.”, Sungyeol lied. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall.
“Don’t you have a class to get to?”
“Professor Kim is sick and he couldn’t find a substitute so class is canceled for today.”, you answered cheerfully.
“How lucky for you! Meanwhile, I’m stuck here sorting papers.”, Sungyeol pouts.
“I can help if you like!”
You run to him and trip over your own two feet. Fortunately, he catches you in his arms before you could hit the floor. He’s still holding you even though you’ve regained balance. You stare at each other’s eyes and he moves in closer. You close your eyes as his soft lips meet yours. Both of your lips move in harmony. Without breaking the kiss he sat you down on his desk. His hand rubbed up and down your thigh eventually pulling up the hem of your skirt. You wrapped your arms around him, drawing him towards you. You drag your tongue down his neck causing him to groan. His voice sends a chill through your body reaching your sex. You place love bites on his neck earning more noises from him. His finger starts playing with your soaked, clothed core as his other fingers draw patterns on your inner thigh. You jerk your hips to feel more pressure from his finger and he gets the message. In one swift motion, your underwear comes off and Sungyeol pushes two fingers inside you. He builds a steady rhythm pumping in and out of you. You throw your head back and your eyes flutter shut. He increases his pace and his member hardens at the sound of your moans. Just as you’re about to reach your peak, his fingers are replaced with his mouth. He gently kisses your clit then he starts licking your folds. You roll your hips against his face trying to get the satisfaction you needed. His tongue starts darting into your folds and shortly after a wave of ecstasy comes over you. His name rings throughout the hall as you orgasm. Sungyeol sucks up all your juices and licks his lips. You jump off the desk and push him into his chair. Confusion reads on his face until you get on your knees and undo his belt. Pulling down his pants and boxers his length springs free. You wrap your lips around it and swirl your tongue. He hisses and begs you to keep going. You start bobbing your head up and down as he grips onto the chair’s arm. Staggering breaths fill the room signaling you to hollow out your cheeks. Trying to cum, he thrusts into your mouth. His thrust forces you to take him all in and the sight makes his seed pour out. You swallow the warm, salty substance and release him with a pop sound. Sungyeol puts back on his boxers and pants as you search for your panties. Once you find them you slide it into his back pocket.
“You’re letting me keep this?”
“Yeah, for whenever you feel stressed.”, you wink.
I’m going to start writing imagines for 13 Reasons Why, so send in your requests!
I write about
-Alex (my beautiful husband)
-Ryan (because why not)
And Tyler if you want. If I get enough requests for anyone else I will do them.
You guys asked for it and here it is. I would love to hear what you all think about this series so far, it’s my first Derek series and I want to do it justice. Also a special thanks to everyone who reads, comments, and likes/reblogs it, it means so much to me and makes me want to write more.
Description: It was Will and JJ’s wedding. You had been working with the B.A.U for a couple years now slowly developing a crush on the one and only Derek Morgan. But despite your flirting he never showed any interest. At least he hadn’t before tonight. But devastation strikes the very heart of the B.A.U making everything stop before it ever really begins.
WARNINGS: Cursing, talk about death, and kidnapping
After you and Derek got the phone call about Jack you headed
straight to the office your previous moment forgotten. The B.A.U was completely
deserted except for the chaos that was happening in the conference room. In the
midst of it all sat Hotch with a lost look on his face.
“Okay what happened?” Derek said when you both entered the
room still in your formal clothes just like everyone else. Even JJ was there
still in her wedding dress.
It was Spencer who answered. Well from the little bits and
pieces we’ve gathered from Hotch, Jack was on the dance floor dancing with everyone.
He looked away for a second to congratulate JJ but when he looked back Jack was
gone. But that’s not the reason we know someone took him. There was a note left
at the bar for Hotch.” Spencer said looking worriedly at Hotch as he handed
Derek the letter.
You read over his shoulder
Hello Agent Hotchner. I know you’ll remember me. I was the
one that killed your ex-wife. I took Jack as some leverage. I need him so you’ll
do what I say if you don’t comply I will be forced to kill him just like I
killed her. This is what you’ll half to do. Bring me a gun, you know my type,
file number R11516, 50,000 dollars cash, and last but not least a car. Of
course you’ll half to come alone. I’ll know if you don’t. You wouldn’t risk the
life of your son would you? Yeah I don’t think so either. Meet me in 36 hours
at these coordinates. 40N 77W. Make sure you follow the rules. Nothing good
will happen if you don’t.
Sincerely The Reaper.
“What the hell is this? George Foyet is dead. Hotch killed
him.” You said taking the letter from Derek’s hands and reading the page over
again in disbelief.
“How is this even possible?” Morgan asked moving to sit next
to Hotch at the table.
Spencer spoke up. I don’t know. My best guess is that he was
dead until he was in the ambulance and they resuscitated him. After he was alive he was somehow able to slow
down his heartbeat until they were done with him and he was sent to morgue.
After that he maybe broke out and found a body to put in his place. I honestly
You listened to him all the while your eyes flickering to
Hotch. He looked so scared and confused and lost. You had never seen him look
like that before. Your once proud strong leader was barely hanging on which
made you angry.
You began to pace. “What’s in file R11516?” You asked.
“Nothing really, It just has a list of names. Apparently the
people died in some kind of fire 20 years ago.” Penelope answered hitting the
keys on her laptop.
You scrunched your eyebrows thinking. “This doesn’t make any
sense. Why would he want a list of people that died 20 years ago? What could he
possibly gain?” You asked quietly to yourself still pacing the conference room
Hotch must have heard you because his head snapped up to you
and he immediately stood up from his chair. “It doesn’t matter why he wants it,
we half to give it to him. We half to give him everything he wants. This is
Jack we’re talking about, the main focus should be about getting Jack back. No
price is too high. I’ll give him the damn money, and the gun, and the file.
Anything he wants so I can get my son back. Do you understand that y/n?” He
asked walking over and yelling in your face.
You cringed away scared. Hotch had never yelled at you like
this before. You kept your head down while your eyes filled with tears “Yes sir”
You managed to say and then ran from the room.
Derek’s immediate response was to run after you and make
sure you were okay but there were things that needed to be said.
Morgan stood up and faced Hotch. “I know that you’re angry.
I’m angry to. We all love Jack and we don’t anything bad to happen to him. That
being said you can’t take your anger out on her. She loves jack just like
everyone else. She was trying to work the case. Figure out if there was
anything else that could be done like we always do. She was just the first one
to say anything. If there was no other option of course she would have gone
along with the letter.”
He walked closer and then reached out and squeezed Hotch’s
shoulder. I know you want to hit something and I know you want to break down
and get angry but you can’t because that’s what he wants. He wants you mad at
us and vulnerable so you’ll make mistakes. He’s counting on that. So you half
to be strong, you half to keep the team unified like you always do. You half to
stay strong for us and you need to be strong for Jack. And I know that’s not
fair. But it’s what needs to be done to bring Jack home.
And with that Morgan left the room in search for you. After
a while he found you in the bathroom huddled in a corner with your head in your
hands. As he got closer he saw your shaking shoulders and heard your soft sobs.
They broke his heart. He immediately sank to his knees and pulled you into his
You froze for a second and then buried your head in his
shoulder weeping openly accepting the comfort his strong arms provided.
Once your tears dried you sat up and wiped at your eyes
suddenly self-conscious knowing that your make up was smudged. “I’m sorry. I
don’t what happened to me. I don’t usually act like this. I’m not the emotional
type, especially for something as stupid as being yelled at by Hotch.” You said standing up from the floor and away
from his arms that were still holding you.
You looked into the mirror and harshly started to wipe away
the rest of your eyeliner that made you look like a raccoon. You hated when
people saw you cry. It made you feel weak and exposed. You want to be the
strong woman that everyone goes to when they need help, not this unkempt
fragile girl that cry’s when being yelled at.
Derek stood up and watched you as you finished up. When you
were done you turned and looked at him. You tried to move towards the exit but
he was blocking the way out. You tried to go around him but he moved and
blocked that way. You tried again to no prevail.
You let out a frustrated grunt “What are you doing Derek we
need to get back to work.” You said looking up into his dark brown eyes for the
first time since the moment you shared on the dance floor.
What you saw made you pause and take a step back. You couldn’t
read it but it was intense, a mixture of so many emotions that his eyes appeared
too blazed like a fire.
“I’m going to let you go this time y/n. But remember this.
You don’t half to be strong for me, or with me for that matter. I can see how
much of what Hotch said hurt you and I know you’re bottling it up inside of you
trying to appear strong but I can see right through it. I can see all that
sadness and fear and self-doubt built up from years and years of keeping it in.
Its one of the reasons why you’re so beautiful on the inside, but it’s also
your greatest weakness.” He said walking towards you.
You walked backwards scared of the intensity in his eyes
until your back hit a wall. He leaned forward and bent down continuing on
whispering in your ear “I can see through those walls you have in place but I
can’t break them if you insist on adding more pain to fortify them. I know you
y/n. And I know by that defiant gleam in your eyes that you’re not going to change
this pattern anytime soon. and that’s okay. I’ve gone through this too. We will
deal with it when you’re ready. And when I say we, I do mean we, because when
that damn breaks, and it will break, you’re not going to go through it alone. I
promise. Now I’m going to kiss you and then we are going to find Jack and bring
your walls down together okay?”
You stood there in complete wonder of his words while his
hands ran up your arms tangled in your hair and then cupped your face between his
hands angling your head to kiss you. Your eyes drifted close and you tilted
your head back waiting for that first brush of his lips against yours.
He leaned down and his lips ghosted over yours when there
was a loud knock at the door followed by the squeaky sound of it opening and
Spencer walking into the room. You jumped and pushed Derek’s chest hard. He reluctantly
pulled away from you and spun to face Spencer.
“You guys half to come quick we found something” He said
obviously not noticing he was interrupting something.
You quickly made your way towards the door following Spencer
as he walked back to the conference room leaving Morgan and that weird energy
between the two of you behind. It was time to focus on Jack and making sure he
made it home.
Derek watched you leave with a mixture of confusion, sadness,
and regret. He was confused by what had caused him to act that way, almost like
the way you two were at the wedding. He was sad because He saw how deep your
sorrow ran for the first time tonight. And finally he regretted not kissing you
when he had the chance. But he pushed it all to the back of his mind focusing
on the important thing which was getting Jack back.
Open When You Want to Know 100 Reasons why I love you
Your mind is beautiful.
Your eyes - God, your brown eyes are stunning. I get lost in them.
Your voice - not only when you talk, although when you speak it’s just gorgeous. I love to listen to you talk. I like to listen to your voi e when I’m falling asleep. But I also love listening to you sing. You say you suck, but I think you’re pretty good. But even your goofy singing, I just love it. You’re so stinking cute.
You’re so stinking cute!
I love how after a fight we can pretend it never happened. Like at prom, we were screaming at each other over the phone but then when I saw you and said “That never happened,” and you said “What never happened? Nothing happened.”
You deal with me when I’m on my period
You deal with me when I’m not on my period
You love me almost as much as I love you
you can make me smile
you like cats
You accept my coke addiction
You aren’t perfect. I’m not going to lie and say you are perfect because that’s lying. Sometimes you infuriate me. But even though you’re not perfect, you’re perfect for me. We’re perfect together.
You hold the door open for me.
you call me dear, darling, love, princess, dork, etc.
Your hands fit pretty perfectly in mine.
You(sometimes) have good music taste
You shake my dad’s hand
You hold me.
You forgive me
You give me chance after chance when I really don’t deserve it.
Your smile melts my heart.
You’re not just my boyfriend. You’re my best friend too.
I can trust you, even when I don’t act like it. You’ve done nothing to deplete my trust.
Our late night kiks and texts when we’re both barely keeping our eyes open
You’ll always be there for me
I love that when I think about my future you’re always in it.
I love hearing you say you love me and me saying I love you.
I love how when I’m at my roughest looking moments you still think I’m the most beautiful thing in the world.
Although you don’t love your body, I do. I love every inch of it.
How much you care about me and how much I care about you.
The way I feel safe having you in my life. Nothing could ever hurt me with you around(unless you hit me)
How kind and gentle you are with me
How you’ve let me into your life so easily.
How you’ve taught me so much about yourself.
You know whenever I’m upset, even if I don’t tell you.
I love you because even when we’re annoyed and irritated with each other, we still strive to end the day on a better note. No going to bed until we’ve worked this out.
Even though you deserve so much better, for some crazy and insane reason, you choose me.
When you tell me I’m beautiful, somehow I can just tell that you mean it, even though I might not believe you.
You’re my prince in shining armor. You’re my Noah. You’re my everything.
You make beautiful music
Because you tell me stupid jokes from your popsicle stick.
You smell sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good. And I tell you every time I see you.
Because I never thought I’d be in love like this and I know I don’t deserve it.
From the moment I met you, I knew we’d spend a long long time together. I felt like I had known you for forever.
I love you because I love my eyes when you look into them; I love my name when you say it; I love my heart when you love it; I love my life when you are in it.
You give me the feels
You think I’m pretty without makeup
Your “Good morning, beautiful” texts make my day worth getting up.
You hold my hand in the car.
You give me the best hugs in the whole wide world.
You pop my thumbs
You’re one of a kind
You not only tell me you love me, you show it too.
You put up with my nerdy tendencies
You’re the cutest monkey I’ve ever seen when you puff out your lips and pull out your ears
Because we have inside jokes
I can tell you anything and you’ll listen
You’re just plain sexy
You hold me while we watch scary movies
You make fun of me when I scream at scary movies
You make silly faces on facetime
You pick at blankets and I pick at my stuffed animal.
You’re so ticklish
You try so hard to tickle me
You let me poke Abigale
You paid for my dinner that one time
We’re a tumblr couple
You don’t get mad at me for falling asleep on facetime
You let me read to you
When we broke up for like a week, the first time we saw each other afterwards, I felt like I was at our first date again, waiting for you to hold my hand, and when you did, I got butterflies.
You tell me my boobs are bigger than that Kardashian girl’s
You’ll always be taller than me.
You notice when I change my makeup
Because your facial hair.
You put everything into playing the guitar. When you play it, you have this sense of loving what you’re doing radiation off of you.
You come to see every show or scene day I’m in… even if I am only French Girl Number One.
You think I am the best French Girl Number One there has ever been.
You had too many fingers and toes.
We can talk for hours without running out of things to talk about.. Even if it is our first time meeting.
When I want to stop getting frisky, you don’t complain, you just hold me.
You’ve been through a lot, and I’ve watched you grow as a person
Your tumblr is quite lovely.
You have very cute style
You rock beanies and hats. It’s seriously the cutest thing ever.
I love your face when you’re really intent on a movie or tv show
How well you get along with my parents
You have the cutest nose in the whole wide world
According to Zach and Rachel and me you are THEmost attractive person any of us have ever dated.
You put your arm around me when I’m sad because we have to let my ducks go.
You let me watch Hannah Montana at your house one time
You aren’t fat
You’ve got good music on your spotify
You introduced me to breaking bad
You don’t judge me when I’m holding my boobs and don’t even realize it
You let me pet your kitties
You have the prettiest teeth in the world
Just because I really really really love you. I don’t know, I just do. We were meant to be.
“Jagi, I really don’t have time for this,” He mumbled through gritted teeth.
He had just returned from another long day of practice.
I rolled my eyes and put down my spoon. “Well, don’t you think if you had done anything about it before, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now?”
Baekhyun, although he was a very busy idol, was even busier these days apparently. I rarely see him at all. Usually, he comes home long after I’ve went to sleep and he leaves before I awake. Not only does this make me sad because I don’t even see my own husband anymore, but it isn’t healthy for him either. I’m always wondering if he’s eaten, if he’s tired, if he’s overworking himself…he no doubt sleeps less than the average man his age should be sleeping due to his hectic schedule.
“Um, no I don’t, actually,” He told me, I could tell his patience truly was running thin. He stuffed some noodles into his taut lips.
“We’re going nowhere with this.” I commented in disappointment.
“You’re telling me,” He mumbled before taking another bite.
I bit my lip. “What’s the point of marrying me if you’re only going to leave me alone all the time?” I told him, this time my voice much quieter. I wouldn’t look at him. My plate remained as it was, untouched.
He groaned. “You think this is my fault? You know I try my best to see you! You knew it’d be like this when you agreed to marry me, didn’t you?”
I ran a hand through my hair. “No, I didn’t. I understand that as an idol, you have obligations you must attend to, but if this was how it’s going to be like for me as your wife, then why marry me? That’s what I don’t get. It’s not like I’m asking you for money, gifts, or anything like that, all I’m asking for is your time, Baek,” I pleaded with him.
“Yeah, well the others are much easier to give you,” He scoffed. “Management’s watching me 24/7 now, Jagiya! They know I’m not like I used to be! They know that this marriage is affecting my idol schedule, that’s why they never approved of our relationship to begin with! Our marriage is destroying my career! You keep asking for my time, but that’s the one thing I have no control over!”
There was silence. Both of us stood there, our eyes widening instantaneously.
“Don’t you think your words are a little harsh?”
I felt my lip quiver, and I turned around before he could see me cry.
He didn’t stop me.
As soon as I’d said the words, I instantly wished I could take them back.
That’s not what I meant.
That’s not what I wanted it to sound like at all.
I gulped and looked at her, scared.
“Don’t you think you words are a little harsh?” She squeaked before running into our bedroom and shutting the door.
I dropped my fork and held my head in my hands.
“Stupid,” I muttered angrily. “Stupid, stupid!” I slammed my fists onto the dinner table. I could feel the anger, guilt, and the smell of abandoned food in the air.
“What’s gotten into you, Baek?” I thought in frustration. “Why the hell did you get so angry at her? It’s your Managers that you should be mad at! They’re the ones trying to keep you away from her all costs! They’re the ones that make you go back home so late every night! They’re the reason for everything! Why did you let your anger out at her?”
Her beautiful face quivered in fear. Her long, slender fingers shook in disbelief. I was disgusted with myself.
I pulled at my hair in frustration as I thought about what the manager hyung told me the other day.
“If I find that you’re not as attentive as you used to during practice, I think we’ll have to do something about that…” He mused. “Don’t you think?”
There was no mention of the possible consequences but I knew exactly how he planned to punish me.
By taking me away from her.
I felt scared. It was very rare for me and (Y/N) to have such heated arguments. We usually argued over something for a few minutes and then we’d just laugh it off and everything would be fine.
I hated this. I absolutely hated it.
I wanted to go back to her. To hug her. To kiss her. To apologize. To show her that I’d never think like that. That I love her.
She was all that mattered to me. I mean, sure I was born into a loving family and brought into another one when I started EXO, but I never really knew what home was until I found her. She was everything.
That’s when I remembered something else.
‘What’s the point of marrying me if I’m going to be alone 90 percent of the time?’ Her small voice echoed in my head.
I groaned. She’s probably regretting she’s ever said I do to an asshole like me.
Jagiya, I’m so freaking sorry…
——later that night——
I waited. For three hours, I waited. And while I waited I tried to think of every possible way I could apologize in a manner in which she’d forgive me. But…what right did I have to seek her forgiveness after what I’ve done to her? After how I’ve made her feel with my consistent absence, neglecting my duties as her husband?
But I couldn’t wait any longer. God knows what she could be thinking or doing at the moment because of me.
With a face covered in guilt, I gathered up my courage to walk up to our door and knock.
I frowned and knocked again.
Silence answered back.
She still wouldn’t reply.
My hand wrapped around the door-knob.
I took in a sharp breath and pushed against the door with all my weight. It wouldn’t budge. I swore under my breath.
“Yeobo! Yeobo, answer me!”
My breathing became more hurried.
‘God, please help me open this door’. I muttered. 'Please. I’ll make things right with (Y/N). I won’t hurt her anymore. Give me one more chance. Please,” I begged.
With a final, pain-staking shove, the door slammed open. I barged in and looked around but she was nowhere to be found.
My heart hitched in my throat when I noticed the open balcony doors and her shoes that were scattered within.
The corners of my eyes began to burn.
“Oh, please no,” I whispered. “Please let her be safe,”
I was terrified beyond my wildest dreams. I swallowed hard as I slowly approached the balcony.
The cold air whistled around me, making the aura much more ominous. The soles of my feet were howling as they stepped onto the frozen balcony tiles.
My eyes widened as I heard (Y/N)’s voice the first time since our fight. It sounded so weak and frail…
I hurried to look over the ledge.
“Jagiya!” I shouted. “Jagiya, where are you?”
When I heard no reply, I practically lost it. I threw one leg over the rail and was about to jump and find her when I felt someone’s hand grab onto my arm.
“Don’t you leave me alone enough? You want me to be alone for the rest of my life?” I froze. Her voice was so faint. I felt her delicate fingertips lightly send jolts through my body- she was so, so cold.
“J-jagi…” I stuttered with disbelief as I turned around to look at her.
She was wearing my jacket to shield herself from the wind, the sleeves way too big for her. Her eyes were bloodshot- wide with fright, the tears fresh. A pang went through my heart as I looked upon the small frame of my wife, so terrified of- of…me.
I roughly pulled her into my arms, the apology speech I had prepared long forgotten.
“You idiot,” I muttered into her hair as I kissed every inch of her face, jaw, and shoulders I had access to desperately. “You idiot, I thought you- I thought you were…”
She slowly took her arms higher and hugged me back, just as I felt my shirt start to get wet.
I cupped her cheeks and forced her to look up at me, but she wouldn’t open her eyes.
“No, don’t cry, yeobo,” I told her quickly as I wiped away her tears as best as I could. “You don’t deserve to cry over a guy like me. Stop. I can’t bear to see you like this. You’re beautiful. You don’t deserve this, jagi. You don’t deserve to cry because of someone like me…”
My chest got so much heavier when I felt her arms gently wrap around me, her head leaning against the crook of my neck. She was trembling.
“I’m so sorry, (Y/N),” I muttered hungrily as I planted more kisses on her. “I’m so damn sorry for hurting you,”
I felt her shift in arms, then in a single warm and tender move, she gently pressed her moist lips against my jaw line.
“I know,” she whispered, her voice still low. “Baek, I know. I just…really miss you sometimes. I-I know I shouldn’t ask for you so much, but I can’t help it. I don’t feel like myself except when I’m with you,”
I held her tighter. She was supposed to be angry at me. She was supposed to shout, yell, do something- but she didn’t. She was patient. She was kind.
She was still as loving as she’s always been.
“I’m sorry for lashing out at you.” I told her sincerely. “It’s just that, SM is driving me insane these days…They’re really, really not that proud of our relationship.”
She swallowed but waited.
“It’s only because they think it’s affecting the amount of cash that goes into their wallets. A bunch of greedy bastards, I swear. I-I’m telling them off as much as I could. But, there are some things that I have to sacrifice at times or else they’ll make things even harder for us in the long run.”
She looked up at my with understanding, her eyes still bloodshot. But she didn’t say anything.
I sighed with regret before taking her hand into mines.
“Jagiya, they want to take you away from me and I can’t let them do that. It’s their way of punishing me,” I whispered.
Her eyes widened in guilt and she stared down at her toes.
“To punish me for marrying you despite their disapproval of me being in a relationship, they’re making me come home late and they’re sending me on all these long-distance trips- to China, Japan, and all those other places I’ve been going recently.”
I saw her bite her lip, as if a lot of things suddenly made sense.
“It’s annoying as hell and I’m so sorry you have such bad luck. I mean, out of all the guys on the planet, you’re married to a selfish bastard like me. I should’ve known they’d do this to us, but-but I was too selfish, I wanted you for my own as soon as I could. I’m sorry,”
She listened intently, her eyes brimming with tears, but she just didn’t have the energy to say anything. Her face was covered in bright shades of pink and red.
I touched her cheek with the back of my hand. I swore. She’s been out here for two long. At this rate, she’ll come down with something…
“Jagiya, you’re gonna get sick,” I told her anxiously.
She weakly shook her head. “I’m fine, Baek,”
Her voice definitely worried me.
I put her down on the ground and began buttoning up my jacket that she was wearing. I tucked her hair into a ponytail using a spare rubber-band and covered her head with the hoodie. As I tried to make her feel warmer using any means, I tried lightening the mood so she doesn’t feel as bad.
“Hey, jagi, why’re you wearing my jacket, huh?” I faked a smug grin. “Can’t get enough of me?”
She coughed and rubbed her eyes. I tried not to frown at the thought of her already encountering some lung problems due to the high air pressure.
“B-because it’s the only way to feel close to you when you’re away from me,” she whispered, her gaze drifting to the ground and her voice soft and quiet.
I leaned down and pressed her against my chest.
“How did I ever get lucky enough to have someone like you?” I mumbled as took in her own heavenly scent.
I picked her up and took her to our bed bridal-style, kicking the balcony doors closed behind me.
She was shivering.
I took off the hoodie I was wearing and put it around her, easing her arms into the big sleeves.
“Baek,” She suddenly called out quietly.
I stopped what I was doing long enough to look at her and give her an encouraging smile. “Yes, love?”
She gulped- and still wouldn’t look up at me. “Baek, I-I’m sorry our marriage is ruining your career,” She mumbled apologetically.
I swore under my breath. “No, Jagiya, don’t you ever think that; that’s not true,”
“If you want, we could-”
I suddenly leaned in and kissed her to cut her off.
“I want to give you the world, Jagiya.” I whispered to her. “I want you to feel like me and you are the only people alive, in our own little heaven. I want to give you everything you deserve, love you the way someone like you deserves to be loved, treat you the way an angel is supposed to be treated.”
Her eyes widened.
“You’re so perfect. You’re what matters most to me. If it was in my hands, I would stay by your side day and night, I swear, so please don’t think like that again. After the hell SM makes us go through, I swear-“ I give her a light kiss on her forehead. ”-coming back home to you is the only thing that keeps me sane.”
I felt her body twitch again as she wrapped her arms around my neck, her thumbs caressing my cheek in a manner that made me want to punch myself for raising my voice to her earlier. When she softly pressed her lips against mines, I just about lost all sense of control.
“I love you, Baek,” she whispered. “I really do love you,”
“I’m so damn sorry, Jagiya,” I told her. “I love you too- and I promise I’ll never let this happen again as long as I’m alive. You’re mine and I’m yours. Don’t you ever forget that.”
She shot me the most beautiful eye-smile I’ve ever seen.
I’ll keep fighting for us, (Y/N). No matter what they throw at me, I’ll stay strong for the both of us. They can’t keep us apart any longer, I promised her and myself.
can you do an exo gif reaction to them finding out that you were once abused (by ex or family)?
Hi hi, sorry for the delay. I hope you like this. If any of you are in an abusive situation, please please try to get out as soon as possible. If you find that you cannot, and you need someone to vent to who understands, you can always talk to me. Additionally, there is a website called blahtherapy that lets you vent to a stranger. Remember, “It’ll all be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
Xiumin would be angry, so so angry. He’d be livid as soon as he found out. He’d probably stand up angrily, his body tense, his fists clenched. There would be a muscle ticking in his jaw, and he’d just look at you in silence, his eyes heated. Suddenly he’d curse out, kicking the table or couch or whatever’s near, startling you. He’d kick it a few times, letting his anger out. You’d just sit there, looking at him a bit scared. He’d finally notice your look and this is when he would break down. He’d slump down, his fingers in his hair, his breathing uneven. He’d look up at you with wet eyes and say, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” He’d sniff, wiping his eyes, and then he’d just sit with you holding his hand. On the inside though, he’s refraining himself from going out and killing whoever hurt you.
Luhan would be one who would get incredibly sad at this. You are starting to get intimate when Luhan sees the marks on your body. His fingers trail over them softly and his voice is quiet as he asks what happened. You get uncomfortable, trying to cover the marks on your body, but Luhan grabs your hands in his, looking you in the eyes. His eyes are hard, but his voice is still quiet. “Baobei, look at me.” He ducks down to meet your eyes. “Tell me,” he whispers softly and you do so. He listens quietly, his thumb rubbing your skin softly. As you finish, telling him that you’re okay now, you notice the look on his face. It’s a mixture of anger and sadness. He tells you that despite the fact that he didn’t know you back then, he wishes he could have been able to protect you. He quickly gathers something for you to cover your body with, and then he just holds you in his arms. He drops a kiss onto your bare shoulder, stating that he wishes you didn’t have to go through all that. He would just hold you in his arms delicately, and it might take a while before he decides to do anything with you. He’d be too scared of hurting you. When he finally comes around though, he’d be the perfect gentleman. He’d sweep your hair off your neck, wrapping one arm around you from behind and pressing an open-mouthed kiss on your neck. He’d turn you over in his arms, kissing every inch of your face. After every kiss, he’d whisper reasons why he loves you. “You’re beautiful,” he kisses your eyelids. “You’re so strong,” he kisses the corner of your lips. When he softly kisses your lips, he’d say, “You’re completely perfect and I love you.” He’d take your hand and lead you to the room, and then he’d show you how much he loves you.
I feel like Kris would be one to find out through someone else. It’s not that you don’t trust him, you just never thought of bringing it up and frankly, you were ashamed. You’ve been to enough therapy sessions to know that the feeling of guilt is normal, just like you also know that what happened wasn’t your fault, but you can’t help it. As soon as Kris hears about what happened, he’d corner you. “Is it true?” He’d demand and you’d ask him what he’s talking about, your heart beating loudly in your chest. He’d look at you angrily, his jaw clenched. “You know what I’m talking about.” You’d be silent but then ask how he knew, and he’d curse loudly. “So it’s true then. Your aunt was talking about it. Why did you never feel the need to tell me about this?” You’d just be quiet, hearing him curse loudly. He’d angrily demand. “Tell me where that bastard is, I’ll fucking kill him.” You’d laugh a bit awkwardly, telling him to calm down. He’d completely lose it at this, slamming his hands on the wall behind you. “Calm down?! How am I supposed to calm down?” He’d curse angrily some more and then ask, “Why didn’t you tell me?!” You’d scream out that you didn’t want him to avoid you. “I didn’t want you to not want me anymore,” you’d whisper and Kris would sigh, his shoulders sagging. He’d be quick to grab you in his arms, wiping away the few stray tears that escaped your eyes. He’d kiss your temple, apologizing for his temper. He’d say, “How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you?” he’d kiss the top of your head. “I’ll want you for the rest of my life.”
I feel like with Suho, your past would just naturally come up. You’d both be in bed reading, and maybe the book that you’re reading has a character that resembles you. You’d think this is ironically funny, so you’d mention it to him, He’d look over at you confused, looking over your shoulder to look at the book in your hands. “What? That character? Do you know what happened to them?” You’d say that yes and, feeling open, you’d start telling him about your past. Suho would sit and listen in silence, his own book forgotten in his hands. You don’t cry talking about your past anymore, so your eyes are dry when you look back at him. His eyes are blank, a thoughtful look on his face, and you’re sad to see that he has tears in his eyes. You sigh, cursing yourself, moving everything so that you could grab Suho into your arms. He wraps his arms around your waist, burying his head into your chest, sobbing. You brush his hair, telling him that you’re okay now and that you’ve dealt with it. Suho looks up, brushing his tears away. “But have you really dealt with it? Did you talk to a therapist? Anyone? Or did you just tell yourself to get over it?” You hesitate to answer him, and that’s all the answer he needs. His eyes water again, and then you’re in his arms, your face pressed against his chest. He runs his fingers through your hair. “You can’t keep things bottled up forever jagi. Please let me help.” You sit in silence, contemplating what he said and to your dismay, tears start to fall form your eyes. Suho lets you cry into his chest, humming softly so that it vibrates against your body. You fall asleep like this and the next day, you shyly tell Suho that you’ll talk about it when you feel ready. He smiles at you, pulling you into his arms and kissing your temple. “I’m so proud of you jagi,” he says as he leans back to look at your eyes, lightly squeezing your shoulder.
I can see a vivid scenario for this… Maybe your parents are selling your old house, and you’re told to get what you want before the sell is final. Yixing goes with you, all bubbly and happy to see the place you grew up in. You’re less than excited. As soon as you step in, all the memories come back and suddenly you’re a little girl again, walking down these big halls with a broken and sad heart. Your fingers trail on the furniture and walls, and despite everything that happened, you find yourself smiling. Once you reach what was your old room, you let yourself sit on the floor, your hands running on the floor beside you. Yixing stands in the doorway of the room, his arms crossed across his chest, his ankles hooked together. He asks what’s on your mind, and you look at him with a bitter smile, tears in your eyes as you say that you had horrible memories in that place. Yixing comes to sit next to you. “What do you mean?” His head tilts in confusion, his eyes wide and curious, innocent, and you can’t help but to open your heart to him. By the end of it, Yixing is crying, pulling you into his chest and apologizing profusely. He kisses the tears off your face and lays you down on the floor, hovering over you. His hand grips onto your hip, his eyes wet as he looks down at you. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” he kisses you softly. “I don’t want you to have bad memories, let’s make some good memories here baobei.” His kisses are sweet and gentle and he touches you like you’re a porcelain doll. Afterwards, he grabs you in his arms, his breathing laboured, and he presses a kiss on your bare back, whispering over and over that he loves you so much.
Baekhyun would be in disbelief. You’d always been so bright and happy, so the fact that you went through something so horrible would shock him. I feel like this is not something that you would tell him, he’d have to find out on his own, or maybe you’d be forced to tell him. Maybe you were watching something on TV and it triggers you, and all of a sudden you’re thrown back and you feel small and you remember the feel of hands on you hurting and hurting and hurting you and you can’t help it. Arms wrap around you and you struggle to get loose, only to calm down when you hear Baekhyun’s panicked voice yell out, “Jagi! Jagi, calm down, it’s me!” He’d be scared as hell, and extremely worried. You’d basically be forced to tell him. After this, he’d be extra careful around you, making sure to not touch you unless you tell him to and not raising his voice. On some days, he’d just stop what he’s doing and look at you, a heartbroken expression on his face. He’d be one who be super cuddly afterwards, but he’d hesitate. He’d come up behind you and hover his arms over you, hesitatingly asking you, “Can I hug you?”
Most victims of abuse flinch at sudden movements or loud noises, and Chen is very loud and very animated so I feel like this is how he’d find out. He’d laugh loudly at something you said, quickly raising a hand to his chest. You flinch at the sudden movements, and Chen would stop laughing, his brows furrowing. You’d internally curse when he says, “Wae? Are you okay jagi? What was that?” You’d try to laugh it off, turning around and saying that it’s nothing, but Chen would grab your shoulder softly, turning you to face him. His face would be scrunched in concentration, and you’d be avoiding his eyes. Finally, he’d lower his voice, making sure to make it soft just how you like, and say, “Come on jagi, you know you can tell me anything…” You sigh, looking at him in the eyes and deciding to tell him. Chen doesn’t cry, just looks at you intently. His face drops when you tell him and you wait for him to say something. He leans back, blinking rapidly and clearing his throat. He hugs you tightly, leaning his body into yours, his arms wrapped tightly around your neck. You’re a bit surprised at this, and you’re even more so taken aback by the fact that Chen’s voice sounds like he’s about to cry as he says, “You’re so brave… please don’t ever forget that I love you so much.”
You would just be lounging with Chanyeol, watching a movie, your legs thrown over his lap, resting against his chest. He’s looking at the screen intently and something flashes on the screen that you can’t bear. You quickly twist your body, hiding your face into his chest, memories flooding back to you. Chanyeol looks down at you a bit confused, his hand slowly rubbing your back as you try to calm your breathing. After your episode, Chanyeol pulls you back, his eyes scanning your face. “Jagi, what happened? Are you okay?” He’d be extremely worried and you’d find yourself telling him what happened, avoiding his eyes, your fingers playing with the collar of his shirt. He’d freeze as soon as you got the words out, but then he’d quickly wrap his arms around you, crushing you to his chest. He’d pat your hair, kissing your temple, and not saying anything. He’d be the type who would do anything to make sure that there’s a smile on your face all the time afterwards. Whenever he sees something that he thinks might trigger you, he’d quickly pull you into his chest, his fingers playing in your hair as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear.
Kyungsoo would be one to avoid it. I feel like something like this would make him uncomfortable, as in he wouldn’t know how to act afterwards. You know how people get when they’re sleepy, lips start to get loose and secrets spill out. Maybe this is how it’s brought up. You’re both cuddling, his arm around your shoulder, his fingers lazily drawing on your skin as he talks about his childhood. You can hear the smile on his face and then he asks you about your life before him. You’re almost asleep and you don’t know why you say it but you do, your words slurred together by sleep. He’d tense up and ask you to repeat what you said but by then you’re already asleep. He’d probably avoid touching you for days, not wanting to make you uncomfortable. He wouldn’t mention it unless you brought it up again. He’d get tense again, maybe looking a bit angry. He’d be hesitant to talk about it. “What could I ever possibly say to make things better? Nothing I can ever say will fix this. I’m sorry.” He’d be more angry at the fact that he has no idea how to help you. He’s one who would let you set your own pace with it, sitting in silence as you vent to him whatever you want.
It’d be at that point in your relationship where you would feel comfortable telling Tao about your past. Maybe you’d be walking around the park, holding hands. Tao is smiling, looking happily at the world around him, pointing things out to you. As soon as you decide to mention it, Tao would stop in his tracks. His hand would tense in yours, and he’d look at you with wide and confused eyes. “What? What did you just say?” You’d repeat yourself slowly, and Tao just shakes his head, a frown on his face. “What? No… why didn’t you ever tell me?” His voice drops, his eyes wet. He sniffs and tries to turn away, trying to hide his tears. You call his name out softly, your fingers touching his jaw and turning him to face you. There’s tears in his eyes, a few of them managing to slip out and you softly explain that you’re okay now, what happened is in the past. Tao would let out a small grumble, reaching one hand to wipe the tears away. His hand would squeeze yours, and he’d smile at you softly, but his eyes are still sad. He’d walk the rest of the night quietly, and afterwards he’d treat you like you’re a delicate doll. He wouldn’t want to do anything that upsets you, he’d be really careful not to make sudden movements as to not startle you. You appreciate the gesture but you explain that really, you’re okay, you’ve dealt with it and talked about it. I feel like despite your words, Tao would always handle you gently afterwards.
Nightmares are bound to happen when you’ve been through something traumatic. You feel small and helpless and the voices are loud, but the screams are louder. You’ve never heard a scream as loud as this, you think, an then you realize it’s you. Hands grip onto your shoulders and your eyes flash open, meeting Kai’s wide eyes. His eyes are worried, and as soon as you get a feel on your surrounding, you try to catch your breath. Kai’s fingers brush hair away from your face while he also wipes tears from your face. “Jagi? Jagi, are you okay?” His brow is wrinkled with worry. You casually mention that you had a nightmare, trying to brush it off. Kai would grab you in his arms, saying that it is a big deal is it bothered you this much. “Tell me what it was about, maybe you won’t be scared anymore.” He’d sit back comfortably and you’d lean against him, sighing as you start to explain your nightmare, which is really just a memory. Kai would sit in silence a bit afterwards, and you’d already be dozing back to sleep when he speaks. “That wasn’t just a nightmare, was it?” You’d understands what he means and, still sleepy, you’d mumble out a no. I can see Kai being a member who’s extremely saddened by this. He’d be extra careful around you afterwards, and he’d want you to talk to him more and more about it every night. It’d become a ritual, he’d sit in bed, opening his arms for you to lean against him, and he’d softly play with your fingers while you spoke.
Sehun can be seen as indifferent at times, as in he rarely shows his emotions at times. As soon as he finds out, he’d probably just stand in silence and he might pull you in for a quick hug. You’d be surprised, barely starting to wrap your arms around him when he pulls back and goes back to whatever he was doing, ignoring you. He wouldn’t act too different towards you, but maybe you’d notice that he starts being gentler towards you. He barely brushes your skin, holding you softly to him all the time, except at night. At night, he pulls your entire back against him, making sure one arm is secure around your waist. He nuzzles his head into you, his nose softly brushing your skin. He places a soft kiss on your skin, whispering, “I love you so much.” This is something that he makes sure to do everyday. If you ask him about it, he’ll just smile softly, ignoring your question, his heart silently breaking at the thought of what you had to go through.
Basically i do like you, i do got feelings for you but its more complex… I want you, but im not sure if i need you… And that sounds so rude and greedy of me.. I dont wanna hurt you and i dont want to push you away but i know its gonna hurt because you feel so much for me, and i hate knowing that im the reason youre such a beautiful disaster… I dont understand why i feel this way and i wish i could change it because you know i wouldnt let you go, you wouldnt be the girl i left in my bed at 5am..
I wouldn’t be the girl you left in your bed at 5am…